Prima Ballerina

But did they care about it in the way Shiba wanted them to? Probably… not. There were so many feelings swirling around in them. “H- How could you understand..?” their voice was soft but incredibly bitter. “Azusa Doigawa… t- that’s you’re real name, right? You n- never lied about who you were, huh…?” This wasn’t how they wanted to say something like this. Something as precious as their own name, how could they say it like this. They bit their bottom lip and held back the venom they could feel bubbling up in their chest. It wasn’t fair to spew all this bitterness at Azusa. It’d be even less fair when all she was trying to do was help them.

Shiba looked up at Azusa, tears still falling unacknowledged but the way their face twisted in pain was undeniable. “I- Identity…? All a- any outside o- of here will know me f- f- for is my music… I- It’s like I–” their body trembles and they choke back a sob. They didn’t like this side of them. The gloomy, awkward crybaby who barely anyone knew. Azusa wouldn’t comfort them like Ayumu did. But in all fairness, Shiba told Ayumu by choice. They felt comfortable enough to open up and let Ayumu see them for how they truly were. Maybe it didn’t mean anything to him. Maybe he didn’t realize what they had done. Maybe he’d never know the importance of that moment in the kitchen to them. But it was there. Those feeling were real and dug like a knife in their small chest. 

Ayumu knew and would take that comfortable moment they shared together with him. Because as far she they could tell, this wasn’t comforting at all. To no fault of Azusa’s, this was just a very internal and private struggle that displayed by how rapidly they cried and how violently they shook.

“Ko… Kousuke… W- Watanabe…. t- that’s who I am… N- Not the b- brave rapper… n- not the smiling idol… I- I’m…” 

What were they? Who were they? Who could they be?

“L- Lonely… I- I want–” another tremor coursed through them. “I- I want Ayumuuuu…!” a pathetic whine finally broke through. The weight of the speaker easily brought them to their knees on the sand. They clung, trying to seek any semblance of warmth from the speaker. Kousuke wouldn’t blame Azusa if she just left them.

Azusa just narrowed her eyes. The bitterness in them wasn’t directed at Shiba, but it was still there. “You don’t know that. Just because that’s my real name doesn’t mean I never had to hide who I am or what I wanted. Everyone’s somebody’s property, or,” She winced. God that really did just come out without her even thinking about it. No matter how far she came, those thoughts were still automatic. “No, I don’t mean that. But everybody has to hide things from a lot of people, don’t they? Not that I’m trying to play miser poker. From the sounds of it, we’ve both come in for our fair share.” She was trying hard to keep her tone neutral, but the distant look in her eyes made it clear that it was hurting just to think about.

But then Shiba was crying, and spilling out their real name, and Azusa couldn’t help but look with pity. Some part wished it could come out like that, but another part just knew they had to do what they had to do. Azusa used to look at people like Fum-like Kousuke with such disdain. But now this was just...it was normal, wasn’t it? She had learned these feelings were okay. 

Azusa gently set the bag down, careful to make sure it wouldn’t get all sandy, before hesitantly reaching a hand onto Kousuke’s back. She sighed, hesitantly shifting just a bit closer. Bro we are This Close to hugging but she was too nervous to actually close the gap. She was just quiet for a moment as she listened to Shiba sobbing. She couldn’t bring Ayumu back so...what could she even do?

“...Kousuke-san.” Was that too casual?....it just felt natural, at this point. If they were baring their hearts like this she wasn’t sure she could just keep using ‘Minami-san’. She waited for them to react to that, and then when it seemed alright she continued, “I think you don’t have to be brave or smiling all the time. It’s okay to miss him, nobody can take that grief from you if you’re not ready. But it doesn’t change the fact that you still have people that are here for you, that care about you. You’re never going to be really alone.”

“It might require skill, maybe it’s a bow, or a sword or… well who knows.  Wish I could tell you but I only know so much from what I’ve asked around.  But the information is out there, so it wouldn’t be hard to figure that out.”

Ugh he didn’t want to grow and learn how to do magic.  He wanted to swing aloud a giant magical axe, or precisely strike with a sword.

“Well, I guess it’s too late to ask to trade weapons huh?”

They really were both ‘Go-Big’ types weren’t they.  Though Shu was probably more experienced as a warrior due to all her training and practice but maybe Jito just had a warriors heart… and a bit of muscle.

“I’ll be sure to ask her, I’m sure she’d be willing to help a fellow warrior in training out.  Maybe even a few bits of martial arts!”

Not that he’d expect to use it much outside of like… karate-chopping a paint can in half.  He could do that right?

“Well then, we’ll both just have to keep on going at our work until our body can’t handle it anymore.  But that’s a ways away, and I’m sure that even when you get old you’ll be the most graceful grandma out there.  And I’ll do finger painting if I have to in my old age, I’ll keep making art no matter what my body thinks!  We gotta live our lives without regrets anyway so let’s give it our all!”  

He seemed pretty confident about that fact.

“Some people like a height difference, it’s kind of cute… but I can see how it might be embarrassing or feel like someone’s looking down on you.”  

He says as he literally looks down at Azusa.  

“We’ll find a way to keep in touch, even if it’s just like meeting up every few months.  Though hopefully it will never be that long.  But we’ll find a way, the hard part will be having to juggle our lives and meeting everyone else.  But we’ll find a way, maybe I’ll stop by one of Shiba’s concerts before I get too old to see those cool concerts.”  

By that time though Shiba would also be a more mature artist by then likely.

“I look forward to seeing how we all improve and grow!  Think about it!  We’re talented now but once we get like money and stuff we can just become our best selves.”

Oh there was a documentary?  That was…

“Huh… that’s pretty cool.  What’s it about?  Like family history and the legacy of your family?  Also I think that if two famous Hope’s Peaks students got together and influenced each other… and the world, they’d probably be worth a documentary.  Even if it’ just a small film or something.  Like… like…”

He had been so lost in their various conversations that he had nearly forgotten about how angry and frustrated he had been before and as his voice trails off a soft laughter bubbles out of his mouth.

“Sorry …It’s so funny.  I just can’t seem to stay angry whenever you or Shiba-chan take the time to talk to me.  I don’t know if it’s just because you two are great at talking he me down, or because we’re great friends, or because you just… know how to connect with me or what.  It’s sort of like a super power almost!” 

The smile on his face softens as he lets out a small sigh.  

“I’ve said this to Shiba-chan before, but you give me the resolve to go on sometimes when it seems hopeless!  I hope I’m not laying the praise on too thick, but… you’re just a really cool and nice person to be around.”

“Hehe, a sword might be fun. I think there’s an elegance to it...A bow can also be kind of dependent on luck, or at least calculations, so I’m sure there might be some interpretation? If there was a way to swap weapons, you know I’d do it. Magic is something I’d love to do.”

Let’s be real: she just wants something cool. And maybe some weapons are cool, maybe she is starting to appreciate it as its own art. Gee I wonder why....

“I’m sure she will! She’s a nice girl, and I’m sure learning martial arts will always have its uses. Especially here, self-defense will be....Well, I can’t quite picture needing it either, but I’m very eager to learn.”

Azusa giggles, nodding. The image of being about her grandmother’s age and still dancing is a really fun one. So is the idea of Jito, at any age besides ‘a literal toddler’, finger-painting. 

“You can still be a graceful old lady even if you can’t dance. My grandmother is still the very image of elegance and grace...and of being a sweet old lady. I’m sure I’ll grow up to be so much like her. And I’m sure your art will always be beautiful, no matter what happens...natural talent like that only goes away if you let it! As long as you nurture it, it’ll be fine.”

The idea of all of them still hanging out and doing what they love even as grey-haired folks was actually something she’d really love...She wasn’t sure if it was realistic! But she did want it!

“Well...yes some people do think it’s cute. It does have its advantages outside of my career. I know you’re not looking down on me, though! So I don’t mind you and I having this difference.“

No hetero bro....okay a little hetero.

“Can you imagine Fumiko-san still rapping like she does, but as an old person? Hehe, I’d certainly pay to see that. I’m sure some people, like you, I’ll try to at least see once a month, if not more often! If...if that’s alright, hehe. I have to admit I don’t really know what counts as “too often and clingy”.

But, uh, let’s not focus on that! That’s going to get really awkward, and she’s just enjoying being able to talk to him and smile again!

“Aw, you know. About our legacy as one of the biggest dance companies in Japan, and how I was due to be attending Hope’s Peak, just like three generations before me. We even had a family viewing party! It was actually pretty well-made. But...yes, it’d be nice to get even something small that’s just me and her, and not about “legacy”.”

She’s starting to sound a little bitter, but thankfully Jito’s words knock all of that energy out of her, and she just flushes.

 “It is a strange set of circumstances, but what can you do?  It’s not like we know exactly how this whole world works.  As for your weapon… I’m not sure.  Maybe it’s based on luck or has random effects?  That’s just a guess though.”  

He doubted that her weapon would be an actual wheel… a boomerang or maybe a weaponized hoola hoop would be fitting.

“Might as well go big or go home with first impressions right?  It makes it memorable.  Sadly I am not a samurai warrior, though Chiu-chan might be able to give me some pointers on that sooner or later I bet.”  

He’s more happy that he’s done nothing to make Azusa doubt their friendship but if he spoke it they’d end up on that circling conversation on how much they trusted each other again.

“Azusa-chan if you did somehow end up mastering the arts of being a ballerina at a new age do you think you’d dedicate yourself to teaching?  Or would you try and explore other avenues?  For me my work would always give me something new and I’d imagine I’d gt fun projects to work on.  Even if I became an old coot and still kept at it I’d probably be happy to try some experimental stuff.”

She always did talk about how much she enjoyed teaching, and how her mother also continued dancing well past her prime.  He could see her doing both honestly, maybe using her dances as lessons for her students.

“Oh for sure, for sure, she’d probably be so embarrassed to hear me talking so nice about her but also just hug the life out of me once we were alone.  But don’t worry Azusa, being short isn’t that bad either.  Heels are pretty handy for a few inches after all.”  

Darn, he didn’t get to suggest his moon shoes solution yet.

“Awesome!  I mean you’ll be the big boss Doigawa someday, I’m sure that you’ll be able to make time if need be.  And hopefully by then I’ll also have a nice place to show off myself.  I just don’t want us to drift too far apart y’know?”  

But he doesn’t really think that would be possible at this point.

Interesting to describe Shiba was like calling the tip of an iceberg cold.  There were so many interesting bits about her.  

“Hmhmhmh… Chiu-chan is a lucky girl to have you in her heart.  You two will probably support each other so much you could build a mansion over your hearts.”  

Strange metaphor but he was a construction painter, buildings were romantic to him.  

“When they do the documentary on your life and your fight inspired dances I look forward to you looking at Chiu and just giggling.  Or maybe I’m getting ahead of myself… not to say you won’t work out, it’s just quite a ways away before you probably get a documentary.”  

Never mind getting married and living a full eventful life.

“It’s as good a guess as any other. I definitely don’t know enough about everything to say...I’d really like something that would require skill. I’m not exactly big on relying on luck. But if you have to use magic, I guess using something we’re not entirely comfortable with might be the whole point. That’s how you grow or something...

She isn’t sure what she’s expecting him to help her with...neither of them has answers, but Azusa needs answers for everything.

“She was a little more on the “go big” side for that spectrum. I’m sure she’d be willing to help you out though, if you really wanted pointers! Not that you don’t already have some warrior qualities.”

How weird that all her close friends were pretty ‘go big’...Azusa was pretty sure she’s more of a ‘go home’ girl, theater kid or not.

“Even if I master it, as long as I’m still enjoying myself and my body can handle it, I don’t see a reason to just completely stop. I do love teaching, but I’d have a hard time just sitting completely on the sidelines. With your kind of art, though, a lot of people do end up working until they just can’t anymore...it’s a little sad when you see unfinished works, but I think wanting to keep working even as an old man, and wanting to keep learning, is a very beautiful thing.”

Unfortunately, even if you do want to keep dancing, eventually your body is just going to disagree with the notion. That’s still a few decades away, at least, but it’s not fun to think about.

“It definitely has advantages. Even here, it’s been a little helpful for reaching and crawling through things. Still, so many people here are already taller than me, I’m not sure how embarrassed I’d be to have that distance widen.”

Jito’s already looking down, right? Imagine having to look down even further!

“After everything we’ve been through, it’s going to be weird to not see you as often. Ballet is such a drain on your time, but being the boss definitely will allow me some wiggle room. I can’t wait to see how your work continues!”

He’s already so talented...all of them are! They can only get better!

“There’s actually a documentary about my family, just not a big one. But, um, to get a whole documentary about the two of us would certainly be something. I’m thankful for your confidence, at least! Even if we’re a ways off...it’s nice to think about!”

“Wait, wait, it’s not like we have them.  Monokuma has ‘em and he wasn’t wiling to give em up cause I think he knows we can’t use them properly.  Sorry to get your hopes up but it’s not like we have magical weapons just ready to use whenever.  Sorry I… well I guess it just seemed useless as information went since we can’t just get the weapons.  I guess it’s true that they don’t matter but I guess you’re right.  Maybe I ought to go find some robes to wear if I ever become a mage.  Maybe Tsukiko can help me with that.”  

If anyone is going to know how to be a good mage they’d know.

“If you want more info on it without asking the monokids you can probably ask Mimi-chan or Tsukiko-chan.  One of them might have the book of arcana which talks about this kind of stuff.”

Jito laughs as Azusa admits that he found him off putting.  

“That’s fair, if I were you I’d think I was a little odd doing all that right after waking up in a strange place. Glad that you took that chance to show off my very amicable and friendly personality.  Even us off-putting strange guys have good intention’s y’know!”  

He seemed to beam with pride with Azusa finding his words to be beautiful.  And he puffed out his chest with confidence.  

“Well my mentor said that I sometimes don’t even know how cool the things I’m saying are.  I might not be super book smart, but I can make even the dullest things sound interesting, or just put a nice spin on it right?  Still you’re right, at some point I think perfection or some level of mastery makes way in art.  That sort of beauty in the eye of the beholder thing, but it’s kind of nice that there’s no limit on perfection.  In the sense that there are always branches or ways to improve.  Otherwise things would get boring real quick once we perfected everything… then again perfection takes a lifetime of practice so maybe not.”  

Sometimes Jito even surprises himself with what he says.  

“She’s a lovely woman, course I’m obliged to say that because she’s my mom and has been loving and disciplining me since I could walk so… y’know.  She deserves the love.  But if heels don’t work… if you throw out all shame you can totally just got for stilts.”  

He’s sure that the world would have to freeze over before Azusa would walk around in stilts.  

“That’s right, that’s right, though that’s not really the same obligation as just going to hang out with some of us.  I’ll just have to stop by every so often myself, oh yeah… the wedding.” 

For a moment he looks a little pained but manages to smile all the same.  

“Shiba-chan is super fun to talk to… she’s pretty complex too.  And of course you’ll have a great adventure with Chiu-chan, she’s an fight director, that means she’s probably like… travelling to sets and stuff.  Maybe she’ll teach you how to do some kind of cool fighting style.  Ballerina fighting style, something new passed down the Doigawa family line… now THAT sounds pretty cool.”

“Well no, I don’t think he’d just hand them over if we asked nicely. But that’s still...I mean, that’s just not the kind of information you hear every day. Ancestral powers and such. We may not be able to use them, but it’s still good to know. I wonder what mine would be...”The Wheel of Fortune” doesn’t inspire any super obvious imagery. I’ll definitely talk to them when I get the chance! Hehe, a robe might be kind of freeing, you know? Very comfy.

She’s very excited to have this information on hand! Even if he’s right about it not exactly being useful right now, it could be useful later. And it’s just not the kind of thing you hear every day!

“I don’t think my first meeting with anyone has ever involved them declaring themselves a “samurai warrior”. But you’ve always had good intentions, so there was no point in worrying about you! I’ve never had a reason to regret that handshake.”

Azusa’s feeling like a big ol’ softy, but at least she’s a genuine softy. 

“He’s right! Being booksmart has nothing to do with being artistic, and having deep beliefs about that art. You work as hard as you can, and give it your all, and you can keep getting better at your craft. There’s something more satisfying in that than in something like school for me. Like because it came from my heart and not just my brain, it feels more important.The sky’s the limit, and there’s always new dances and arts being invented. What’s not to love about it?

Hearing Jito talk about his mom does make her just a bit homesick...It shouldn’t, all things considered, but don’t we all miss our moms at one point?

“Like the very model of a mother! Even if you had to say that, I’m sure she would still appreciate you talking about her in such a warm way. And I don’t want to be tall that badly. I’ll stick with my heels.”

If she did use stilts, she’d probably be okay from a ‘not falling flat on her face’ view point. It’s just a matter of wanting to keep her dignity intact.

“You’re welcome to come by whenever you want! As busy as I’m sure I’ll be, there’s always going to be time to spend with my friends. Or I’ll make it, if need be.”

With what they saw in the tent...she and Arisa still have to get coins, but she’ll figure it out eventually. And if they don’t get them in time, then hopefully that just means she can see with her own two eyes.

“I never knew what to make of her at first but she’s a very interesting person! Hehe, we’ve got slightly bigger ideas than just sets, but wherever I go with her, I’ll be having a fun adventure. I’m definitely interested in lessons from her, though! She says ballerinas are like little warriors...that we’ve got a lot of strengths to help us learn. I’m sure it’d be fun to bring some of that into my dancing career.”

“Hmm… never really thought about that.  I think when I asked Monokuma about it some time ago he said that we couldn’t use our brand specific weapons since we don’t have brands.  Oh uh… brands are like… birthmarks I think?  You know the little arcana things we all have right?  You’re the Wheel of Fortune, I’m Judgement, and I think the little symbol associated with them are our brands.  So like my weapon is some dark tome thing… not that I can use it because of the lack of a brand thing but like… can you even imagine me using a spell book?”  

Really, him flipping through pages of bookmarks just to find the right spell?  He’d be more likely to simply chop someone with the book than read it.

“Well you did shake the hand of a guy that proclaimed himself the lord of the foam lands and had dried paint over his palm.  I think that you were just really wiling to open up, or at least entertain the idea that I had a few quirks of my own that were okay.”

He waggles a finger Azusa’s direction.  

“Ah but there is room nonetheless for a mistake.  Not only is there room for mistakes, there’s room for changes, different styles, interpretations, a dance done in one style can be done in another across the world, and neither are incorrect.  A painting may use cool colors for one work, and warm ones in another and your view and feeling of it changes dramatically.  That fluidity is what makes it so great I think!  Not that math and science aren’t beautiful in their own way but… art is like… a human creation.  We discover things in science, but we make art.  In art it is humans that make the fluid rules, science and math is sort of set in stone.  The universe determines its rules, but we have power to say what is art, what it changes into, what it forms into.”

Who knew that Jito had such philosophical takes on what art was and it’s connection to human nature.  Though to him it seems like common sense. 

“I sort of took you for a cherry blossom girl.  I can see it now, in a kimono with an umbrella as the cherry blossoms blow gracefully in the wind.  Yes… yes it’s so clear I could paint a picture of it right now!”  

He had his paint, he had his idea, all he’d need is a good canvas.

“If it’s a rare sensation, that means it’s all the more special when it happens right?  My mom… I suppose if she really tried, squatted down and used her legs, she might be able to hold me for like… two seconds before falling down.  I’m still her precious little baby, she’d jump at the chance to pick me up if she could.”

He looked at Azusa, she was short but it’s not like that couldn’t be fixed.  

“You could wear super heels like Ari-chan does.  Sure it’s not natural height, but it does help you get taller.”  

Plus she was a dancer, she could probably balance on them super well.

“Oh you’ve got plans with others.. I’m guessing one is Ari-chan, and maybe me if I’m not too presumptuous.  If anyone else… who?  Chiu-chan?  Shiba-chan?”

“W..............What???????????????? We’ve had ancestral weapons this whole time and nobody’s ever brought it up? I mean sure, we can’t use them so it’s not really a big issue but that’s. Jito-san! That’s information I’d have love to known more about! ...It’s not the type of weapon I’d have associated you with, but crests don’t really care about personality, right? Or that’s how it would be in a legend? I’m sorry I just...I don’t even know what to say.

If all the Monopeople weren’t being so quiet all of a sudden, and if she didn’t care about Jito as much as she does, she would have bolted out of the room to go ask more questions. As is she just stands there, deep in thought before finally responding to him completely.

“You know how I feel now, so I feel comfortable confessing this: I thought you were absolutely off-putting and strange guy. But you were a nice off-putting and strange guy, so I was willing to at least give you a chance! And now here we are.”

It was true that she was probably just...wanting to make friends that badly, but there was no denying that she’d have never have seen herself becoming friends with him! 

“That’s...very beautiful, Jito-san. A very wonderful and true way of looking at it. It’s...different styles are certainly acceptable in different parts of the world, but there’s no denying that you have to perfect it eventually. Different flavors of a meal, different techniques in art, different keys in music. You may change things and leave room, but all of these lead to perfection in their own way. It all depends on what people want, what people see as perfect. “Beauty is in the eye of the beholder”, as they say. Science can lead to beauty, and I can see why people might love math, but there’s no room for those different styles.

We be philosophizing....It’s not really what she’d think she’d get from him, but it’s a welcome surprise!

“Everything you say about her just makes me love her, you know? She sounds amazing. I’d support her in that goal! Sigh, Arisa-chan...she can get away with those heels because she’s already tall. But some people might notice that I’m compensating if I wear a higher heel than I already am.

The curse of being too tiny...She’d steel some inches from her sis if she could.

“I don’t think that’s presumptuous at all! If nothing else, I did promise you a job. And you and I are the people of honor at a certain wedding...which I fully intend to plan. It’d be nice to spend time with Fumiko-san too...we’re not super close, but she’s been really interesting to talk to! Shu-chan’s an easy one! I hope to have a real adventure with her when this is over.”

“I guess the easy explanation would be… magic.  Right?  I’d need to ask Tsukiko or Mimi since they have info about like… our brands and our supposed ancestors but maybe Monokumi fits into it somehow themselves.”  

He shrugs, he liked action games more so than fantasy.  

“Indeed we are quite lovely.”  

Even if he thought that some people somewhere decided to stab him in the back, they probably didn’t meant o do it completely because they hated him or anything.  

“You’d have been won over by some of us no matter ho hard you tried, it’s just natural right?  If not me, then Arisa, or Kai, or just any of the other super nice people here.”  

The not nice ones?  Well they had their own groups to think about.

“Hehe, I knew that you’d be an ace at school.  Even if mat isn’t your strong suit, you can probably pass as a mathlete if you tried hard enough I bet.”  

And he could too if he just had the motivation to do it. 

 “But I get you, it’s all rules and if yo make one mistakes you’re wrong.  I might not be much of a dancer, but a lot of fun in art is that you can make mistakes and still make something wonderful right?  Like in pottery, or painting, or singing, or just anything.”  

These were the art jocks, of course they’d love creative expression.  

“Spring itself might as well be a season, you get to come out of the cold and just do things and have fun again.  I guess school and work doesn’t stop but nothing like enjoying cherry blossoms or just going for a spring swim.  It’s like… a celebration of life after the cold winter!”  

When would they get a spring themed lab with pretty imagery like that?

Jito nods, impressed by the nod noddle arm of Azusa.  

“If you’re not doing most of the throwing, then that means you’re the one getting thrown and lifted.  Now THAT sounds like fun, even if it’s only a few inches off the ground and you have to land delicately on your feet.”

He tries to leap into the air and land gracefully on his toes, but he loses his balance and has to take a few steps to catch himself.  

“I only got to be lifted up until I was like… six?  Then I probably was too much of a handful for my mom.  Alas… the pains of being tall.”  

Not that he wanted to necessarily be picked up by his mom again but it was the concept that was important.  He wanted to soar through the sky like a bird!

“Yeah, we do deserve it.  I don’t think anyone would say that we didn’t.  What would you like to do to relieve some stress and get some happiness once you got out?  I know that I’d probably spend a few days just relaxing with my mom.  She’s probably worried sick about me judging from my video, so I ought to comfort her and… she’ll probably want to pamper and comfort me a lot too.”

“It pretty much has to be the only real explanation...can a person learn magic? Become someone capable of all of this? And what’s this about our “brands”?”

She racks her brain for a bit but...no she definitely doesn’t remember anyone mentioning a brand. Or what their ancestors have to do with anything!

“It’s really hard not to see everyone constantly and get used to them! Even if there are little quirks that confused me at first...eventually I just understood everyone, and I think that’s what happened before. Or I like to think so.”

She knows there’s definitely not nice people here, but she doesn’t want to think about that. They’re vastly outweighed, after all!

“There’s not too much room for mistakes in dancing either but it’s certainly easier. You can express yourself, and that’s what makes something interesting to me. Math is just a straight path with only one right answer. There’s no beauty to it. I knew you’d understand, though.”

She’s so thankful for another art jock....

“I love the cherry blossoms, and how crisp and clean it all feels. There’s truly nothing like it. I just wish we didn’t have to spend so much of it really working, but I guess Hope’s Peak’s non-mandatory attendance would have meant we would have gotten to enjoy our youth.”

She’d still have work to do for performances and recitals, but hopefully there’d be time left over to goof off with her friends!!

“A few inches...a few feet. It’s certainly powerful either way. I’m sure the lifters feel very big and strong, but flying is such a rare sensation for any of us. Hehe, I’m sure she’d try and pick you up if she could! Besides, being tall has always sounded nice. There are so many advantages!”

Granted, for the sake of her career, Azusa’s height was perfect! But in day-to-day life? She could take a few more inches. Azusa takes a step once Jito loses his balance, but he’s good! He’s got this.

“…Yeah, I don’t really get it myself.  She looks human and sometimes she talks like an old lady that’s trying to be cool and stuff.  So if she’s from her fantasy world she knows enough about our usual lingo.  But we don’t really know much about her at all.  Maybe the kids know or something?  Or there’s a book?  It’s hard to say.  Either way though, whatever her upbringing was doesn’t give her the right to treat us like this or put us into this situation.”

Despite Azusa claiming that she didn’t want to care he couldn’t help but smile that as painful as it was, she as connecting well with her other classmates.  

“I’m kind of glad that you’ve gotten along well with some of us.  As painful as it is, I think I’d be more hurt to see you avoiding everyone and not being there for us either.”

She was right, he was quite a few decades off.  Well what was the difference in the long run, she knew hat she was talking about.

“I never would’ve taken you for the type that was bad at math.  You always seem so composed and coordinated… I figured that stuff like math and school work would come easy to you.  But I guess I’m just putting you up on a pedestal then huh?  Ha… I’m more of a summer and spring kind of guy myself, but I do think I like the winter celebrations and holidays the most.  It’s festive, and maybe it’s because it’s cold that’s hat brings people together.  And that in turn makes it easy to give gifts and things of that nature.”  

Wait didn’t ballerinas throw every once and awhile? Or were they the ones that got thrown?

“I guess you’re the kind of ballerina that gets caught as opposed to the one that does the lifting and throwing then?”  

He raised an eyebrow a little interesting in whether his thoughts were correct or not.

“…I guess I’ll do what I can to honor their lives, to ensure that they’re not forgotten and then try to live my own life.  I can’t live it for others after all… murals would be nice and totally in my area in expertise!”

“She can just...do things people shouldn’t be able to do. Is it possible you can just observe human culture without being human? We can certainly try and do some research from the library but I don’t know if she’d keep a history book on herself. Or if she’d let the children say anything. It seems...risky. I wouldn’t want to unveil any potential weaknesses in her position. Not that I think we could overpower her with a bit of light reading, since she’s still magical, but better safe than sorry, right? Better not give anything away?

But that means they’re stuck there, with no way to beat an evil sorceress, or whatever she is. And that’s not exactly an option she’s fond of. Better to at least try and start digging around for clues.

“You’re mostly very lovely people. I don’t know how I could have gotten away with avoiding everyone, but I really thought it was an option. Yeah, right. It lasted about a few hours.”

And now it had only been two weeks and she already made lifelong friends. What sense was that? She was usually so good at sticking to her guns....but it was a happy failure.

“I’m not bad at math, but it’s certainly my least favorite subject. All schoolwork comes easy to me, but it’s just...boring. I’m a very artistic person, you know? There’s room for interpretation and mistakes in art but math is so straight and narrow. Spring is my favorite season, personally. I love the colors and the life. It’s just lacking in holiday celebrations, hm?

It was nice to celebrate with her whole family, but it would have been even better to party with all of her classmates. More entertaining and lively, certainly.

Azusa chuckles, flexing her arms and showing off...well, they’re not completely noodle-like. But they’re not as buff as someone like Arisa.

“I can pick up my students and I can pick up someone around my weight, but...no I usually do not do the lifting myself.”

It’s good to hear him making some plans for the future...that’s the kinda hope she was hoping to hear from him.

The conversation could go in circles so he just leaves it at that with a simple smile.  They were friends, partners, supporters of one another, and sometimes it was just nice to hear it in words.

“Freakin’ sadist… but I guess if you’re an evil god lord whatever the heck she is she’d be happy for anything upsetting and allergic to any happiness.  I bet her parents probably gave her sticks and stones for Christmas.”  

And she probably threw them at other peoples houses too.

“The curse of being human, we can’t stand being alone.  It hurts to be alone and perhaps it’s worth a bit of sadness and feeling betrayed as long as you can find one or two people you can implicitly trust.  I wouldn’t trade them either… sometimes it hurts to suffer from a lapse in trust but I’m happy to have met everyone here.  Even the ones that… well have made me lose a little faith in them.”  

He can’t deny that his initial interactions with Haruto were fun and enlightening.  The same with Tsukiko, she was great… and he doesn’t believe that she was doing what she did out of some selfish or sadistic reason either.

Dreaming about what could’ve been was a bit therapeutic.  He could get lost in alternate universes and ‘what could have beens’ for ages.  

“Exams… oh boy that would be scary. I’m sure that I could pass but to do well and keep my mom happy would mean a bit of effort on my part.  Math ain’t really my strong suit… but we’ve got a lot of smart people, there’d be a lot of bonding I bet.  Class of… what was our class number again?  54?  64?  I can’t remember… but we were the winter class so we’d no doubt be an eccentric one!”  

Though every Hopes Peak class probably had some eccentric folks just by the nature of being the heads of their field.

“Hmm… you’re probably going to need Ari-chan’s help to pull me out.  I’m pretty heavy!”  

He playfully pokes Azusa’s arm.  

“I guess you could drag me out if you mostly used your legs though.”  

The light hearted nature of his tone at least made it clear that he wasn’t too worried about losing himself.  Not right now at least.  

“Hmm… she’d have to stop once you got to like… two people left alive right?  Because you can’t have a majority if there are only two people in a trial.  If I had to go through all this and live though it… I don’t know hat I’d do as the sole survivor.  Should I live for their sakes?  Would I be just be going around apologizing for everyone of their families?  Even if we all get out now… what would we do for those that lost their lives?”

“...I know you’re not being literal, but the idea of her being someone’s child and growing into that is kind of scary. I wish we knew more about her, to be honest. Just to know where she came from, why she’s like that. If she’s even human.”

Human beings couldn’t do all of the stuff she did, right? So she kinda looked human but she had to be...something. A demon? That was her running belief.

“I wanted to not care, truly. I knew someone would let me down or hurt me, and it’s happened, but what can you do? Just isolate yourself and be alone forever? I’ve had more ups and downs with our class these past couple of weeks than I’ve had in quite a long time.”

Sometimes people you think are pretty cool kill! Or they get killed! And it’s not great! That’s just how this game is played, apparently. 

She knew what-ifs weren’t exactly healthy to spend all their time on. It was just going to make it harder to come back to the real world. But it was so fun! 

“You’re missing several decades, hm? Hehe, we’re in the 92nd winter class! Math isn’t my strong suit, either, though. I’ve never failed my exams, but that doesn’t make it entertaining. Still...just picture the winter celebrations we’d have! Christmas, New Year’s, Valentine’s....I don’t like the cold, but it’d be a lot of fun, I’m sure.”

It would have been so romantic to spend time with A Certain Someone for all of that. Shame they were missing it, had missed quite a lot of it if their two-year gap was to be believed.

“Well, I can’t argue with that, hehe. I’m certainly not trained in lifting anyone up. But I’d still try my best!”

The tone is starting to go up....and now it goes back down. She doesn’t love this train of thought, mostly because it’s something they’re going to need answers to eventually. But there’s no hint of how this all ends.

“True… it’s not like I don’t know your attitude by now.  I’m glad that we can both support each other like this.  I sometimes worry that I’m a burden, and I’m sure that yo’ll say I’m not.  But knowing that you can lean on me makes me feel a little less than that.  Anyway… I can’t wait to see the end of the tunnel, I just hope that whatever is beyond the tunnel is going to be of some relief.”

Maybe some cheering crowd or his family, anything really would be nice.

“Right, right, I guess I was just trying to show that there’s no easy target.  Even if we all hate Haruto and chose to kill him someone would die if the killer got away.  Resentment for them builds and then the cycle continues.  I guess in that way, forming relationships is both a blessing and a curse, and probably makes Monokumi happy knowing that we can’t progress without betraying one another at some point.”  

He had to give the lady that, she was certainly cunning.  Or maybe she wasn’t and this format just brought about painful situations.

“Something tells me that if we were in class together you’d end up having to tutor some of us.  Arisa for sure, not to insult her intelligence but she’s a pro in some things and not so much in other things.  And since we’ve all got special talents there wouldn’t be day that goes by were something fun wouldn’t happen.  At least I think so, maybe just some fun shenanigans… or maybe we’d have a simple mundane day.  I think we’d al be friends, maybe not all super close with everyone but… at least we could smile at one another and think good things right?”

As of now, even the good intentions that some people around sometimes had dark thoughts and connections to them.  Each of them weren’t necessarily normal after all, some had harsh childhoods and upbringings… if those cards and stories were to be believed.

“Guess there’s nothing to it is there?  I just have to steel myself for the worst, accept that bad things are to come and try to just not lose myself in everything.”

He could do it, he was sure that if he had his friends support he could do it.  But that didn’t mean he was going to like it.  

“Eventually this has to come to an end right…?  Like even in the worst case scenario where we have to keep going and going with this… eventually someone’s going to get out right?  I wonder… what would that person have to deal with… that guilt, that burden of survival… I don’t know if it’s worse to have to live with those horrors than to succumb to them.”

“Well, if you already know what I’m going to say....hehe. Honestly, you’ve always been very reliable, even if there hasn’t been some big moment where I’ve needed some kind of lifting up. You’re not a burden in any sense of the word, but I’m glad you can understand that a little more. Just hold on, alright? I’m sure some kind of relief will be coming soon.”

Although, that relief had to be brief, considering even if Jito didn’t die, they’d still have many problems to come...but eventually! Eventually after that, they’d be able to live a good life not trapped in this messed up place.

“I’m sure every day that we get hurt, she’s enjoying herself more and more. If there was no room for “the drama” of betrayal and loss, she’d be bored out of her mind. Still, it’s not like any of us had any real choice in the matter. Put a bunch of people in close proximity and force them to work together, and bonds are inevitable. I wouldn’t trade those bonds for anything but...I know it just makes the pain worse.”

Was the mastermind, if they were truly not the same person as Monokumi, feeling the same joy? Was watching a bunch of children kill each other a good time for them? She still couldn’t understand why this was happening.

“I wouldn’t mind! It’d be nice to just spend time with you. Whether we were just having a mundane class day or getting into some kind of adventure, and I’m sure with this group there’d be plenty of those, it would have been so lovely to get to bond with everyone. The biggest stress just being exams...we’d be able to get a long a lot better, I’m sure.”

She knew the chances of all of that might have been nothing more than a daydream. Considering who she was and that all of them had a lot on their plate. She wanted to believe so badly, though.

“Steel for the worst, but hold out hope for the best. I know there’s no perfect way out of this, but...it’s all we have. If you do lose yourself, you have us to pull you out.”

At least he was steeling himself...It’s still a little hard to accept that they’re just going to have grin and bear it, but that’s her specialty, right?

“I keep thinking about what it would be like if I lost the people I care about here...at that point, I’d rather be gone. Count me out on being a sole survivor. Still, there can’t really be anymore trials if there’s only one survivor left. I’d imagine that’s when it stops. But to have to live through everything like that...there’s still fourteen of us. You’d have had to witness so much. How can you go back to a normal life?”

“Heh… I’ve always liked that about you Azusa-chan, that unrelenting confidence that we can get through the worst.  Even if it’s not going to be a happy ending… an ending is better than a game-over right?  Maybe that’s another reason we get along, I’m an optimist, you’re a realist, but to me you seem to be able to twist a real situation into some good… somehow.”  

And not having to come up with happy-go-lucky solutions was a relief on his psyche for awhile.

“Yeah… that’d be the tricky part here right?  We’re like a big web of relationships.  I mean I guess that’s normal, but just killing one person is going to get someone else mad at you, and then they drag their friends.  We all turned on Haruto pretty quickly, I wasn’t really that close to Lucky or Ayumu, but because Shiba-chan was upset I got upset, and well that’s just a domino effect at that point right?  It… would be hard to live through that.”  

Both physically in the sense that he’d have to avoid getting killed off or emotionally after being isolated from his classmates.  Which he would not appreciate in the lightest.

At least the idea of going back home is a pleasant thought.  

“I mean we saw a glimpse of that back at the beach right?  Just having fun, playing around, doing fun and dumb teenage things.  Of course… it wouldn’t be like that all the time.  We’d just be students, we’d probably be studying for classes, going to sporting events or festivals!  I bet Ari-chan would advertise all the events she’d be cheering at, maybe Wakana, Shiba-chan, and Hiroyuki would get into a singing club.  And of course we’d just… have fun and struggle though hard classes or maybe talk about our dreams and goals…”  

Aww he’s getting misty eyed that this wasn’t the reality that they were living in.

“…Yeah, something like that would be wonderful I bet.”

There’s some relief that despite having two rather dark thoughts that Azusa isn’t rebuking him yet.  But she has a point, there’s no real ‘fair’ way to go about this.  Even if it was truly random, someone would feel wronged, someone would get angry, or sad, or vengeful.

“…I know.  But the thought that as we run out of more time that people might try and scheme something makes me wish that we could’ve done something as simple as that to make it quick and painless.  Not that poison is painless but… it would at least be over quick and we wouldn’t have to worry about searching for clues.  There’s no winning, this I guess.  Even a good intention plan wouldn’t go over well if someone lost a loved one.”  

The amount of things that could go horribly wrong actually was off the charts.  

“That’s just the lessons I’ve learned in life: never give up, and always look for the light at the end of the tunnel. Even if it’s a long tunnel. It’s good to have you there to be the little boost of positivity I need, but when there’s the kind of situation with no obvious light...well! I’m here for that! But it’s not like that’s any kind of new information for you, right?”

If there's anything either of them know for certain: they can rely on each other! Well, there were other things they can know for certain but that’s the one that’s relevant to this conversation.

“To be fair, I think being angry at him would have been justified either way. I like Fumiko-san, and I’d definitely be upset at someone hurting her or her friends, but I think “I killed two people and got away with it” is a pretty good motivator for that. I know that’s not the point, though. You’re right, there’s nobody here that no-one cares about.

Even Haruto probably....Kioku may have been mad, but surely she didn’t want him dead? Or maybe she did? Who’s to say? Murder is complicated and probably wrong. That’s the point they’re both getting at.

“We’d have so much fun...I’d still go to all those classes even if we don’t have to. But I’d like to think we’d have more events like beach parties. Maybe without the constant pressure of death we could all actually be friends as a class. Festivals and clubs...getting to have cram sessions together and support each other. Just getting to live. 

It almost makes her want to be misty-eyed, but not. Quite. She just really wishes she could have seen all of that...

“It’s a simple process in theory, but murder is always going to be complicated. No way around that. It’d be an easy trial, sure, but the results end up the same: someone’s dead, and whoever poured that poison is executed. Clearly there are people here who are that sacrificial, but then everyone is going to be upset about whoever got sacrificed....I suppose at least you’d know it might be coming.”

Hiding bundled in a bunch of blankets with music playing in the background was cool and all until you realize you need to eat. Especially if you have a rumbling tummy. So when he finally gave into his loud stomach, he tried to get to the kitchen as steathily as possible as he could in nothing but his hatsune miku pajams. Thankfully he had been able to avoid people alrightly, until he reached the final stretch.

He pushed the door open slowly and carefully, hoping to not try and attract to much attention. He thought the coast was clear at first as he took calm and relieved steps in, thankful no one saw him. The only thing off was the smell of the room. He wasn’t a chef or anything, he’d set something on fire before he could make food, but it sounded like someone made food here. 

Someone…

Would someone even want his presence? Or would they just leave him behind? Why try talking to him when he going to be a dead body anyway? That would have been his philosophy before he came here. 

He stretched his arms out and sighed, ready to sneak a few snacks and go back to his lil hidey hole. He turned, ready to be met with a face and he turned pale and his eyes widened.

Azusa was here.

“I- I uh…”

He looked to the side, he wasn’t too sure how to answer Azusa’s question. Should he be honest? Should he be distrust worthy? Did she even care? Probably not.

“Y… Yeah I’m hungry.”

He says quietly, yet still audible enough for Azusa to hear a bit, still refusing to make eye contact.

Well...good! He was talking to her, at least. She wouldn’t have blamed him if he had made her leave, or just made himself scarce. Azusa grabs a plate, scooping the still Pretty Warm rice into a bowl and handing him some chopsticks. 

“It’s good to see you up and around. Not that...well, not that I blame you for not wanting to come outside.”

Any other day and she probably would have made fun of him for wearing Miku pajamas, but that just wasn’t an option. Although, to be honest, she wasn’t sure if just sitting in your room and waiting was really an option either. Azusa eats her own food quietly, taking a second to try and figure out what to say. 

....She’s gonna have to say it, huh?

It was probably for the best that Azusa didn’t comment on either things. They would’ve just denied and ran if she did. Part of them was so focused on not crying despite how much they obviously wanted to, that they didn’t notice Azusa approaching. 

Wow it really sucked to have her words thrown back at her in such a way. “Tch,” they turned in annoyance, trying to stay mad while they searched for holes in Azusa’s logic. “I- I want people to care about my music! I want people to only care about me as a id– rapper– a musician!” A half truth but at least there was truth to it. “I- I don’t…” their expression softened and even if they tried, they couldn’t pull off an angry face anymore. All Shiba could do was suffer through her face betraying her to show just how heartbroken she felt over this entire ordeal. “I… I- It just hurts a lot o- okay?” 

She felt the tears on her cheeks but wasn’t going to acknowledge them so long as Azusa wouldn’t. She puffs her cheeks up a bit while Azusa reminds her of their situation and… well, she didn’t like being left behind back then, why force people to do the same now?

Shiba shifts and hands over the bag with her laptop and the microphones, “Y- You can carry this…” They pause before turning away, trying to at least not look like such a crybaby. “Th- Thank you…”

Shiba....Shiba your emotions. Open up to her! Azusa was just thankful she was letting them talk to each other. “People do care about your music!” She had definitely noticed that slipping and half-truth, but as long as Shiba was at least willing to say ‘a musician’ and not ‘a rapper’, it’s certainly something. “Even if there’s something you’re really passionate about, even if it’s such a huge part of your identity, it’s never going to be all of who you are.” Speaking from experience! “You friends are going to care about every part of you.” She gives Shiba a sad smile, nodding. “I understand.” What else can you add to that? It Hurts!

Azusa is smart enough to not bring it up when Shiba is very clearly trying to hide it, but she can’t not say anything at all, right? “You’re really strong, you know? Don’t think I ever said that. But you have people to rely on. And it’s okay to let them see you hurting.” This isn’t about the crying she swears.

True enough Azusa, Jito was living proof of that… for now at least he was.  

His anger was validated?  Fair enough, and he did think he should’ve been ranked lower but he did feel a little less… wrathful knowing that some people probably didn’t want to rank him high or just didn’t have any ill intentions with their rankings.  Now he felt a little bit like a jerk.  Just a little bit but it was something. 

“Ugh… I know I shouldn’t be feeling like I did something wrong and I have a right to be angry.  But… ugh, never mind.  We both know that this is a messed up situation that we can only try and gt through.”  

He lets out a heavy sigh, cruel options leaving only killing or dying left as options.

“Yeah… even someone like me that’s sworn off of violence might even be forced to act.  I don’t… I don’t know how I’d be able to face my mentor again if I did something like killing even if it was to survive.  He’d probably understand but… I don’t know if anyone would be able to look at me the same.  They’d probably always ask how it went, or how I felt and I’d… just have to come up with some answer to please them.”

And as each day passes by there were no doubt going to be more and more tense.  Even for those safely at the bottom they have to consider that they might become victims.

“Yeah, we gotta try even if it’s hard or awkward or… even if it hurts to get along for awhile.  I hate Monokumi more than I hate Haruto, if she wasn’t here we could’ve just left and had a good time back home… maybe.”

He looks down at his feet, another dark thought rolling around in his head again.

“Hey… this is another really messed up sick thought.  But… if it really came down to it, do you think people would accept something like a random drawing?  Like, if we all had one cup of water, but one of them was randomly poisoned do you think we’d agree that’s the most fair way to do it?”  

Yes it was sick, was it going to even be fair?  They’d still need to vote for the murderer in the end, it wasn’t perfect but it was a solution right?

“Can and will get through. It’s...impossible for this to be a happy ending for everyone, but we’ll be fine. I have to believe that. You can’t call me an optimist, but I’m not going to let realism get in the way of things.”

She isn’t particularly worried about herself but it’s not like there isn’t a chance that death would come for her either. At that rate, it might even be better than walking around with so many people already gone.

“It’s good that he’d still care about you, and I’m sure the ones who really love you would still love you even as a killer. But...this is of course assuming nobody tries to get revenge for you killing their friend. Or that you wouldn’t face some kind of retribution once we escape. I’m happy that you’re willing to admit it’d be hard to carry that guilt, but the guilt wouldn’t even be the only thing you’d have to live with.”

But, again, what choice is there except for him to kill or to sit and wait for someone else to do it?

“A fun time back home...do you ever think about what it would be like? All of us just getting to hang out together? Not having to get torn up because or death and fighting and such?”

She doesn’t seem particularly bothered when he pitches that cup idea. She even seems to...take a second to consider it, before shaking her head.

“Have some confidence in yourself… or maybe we’re hard at being able to look at ourselves and figure out where we stand.  Still… it feels nice to hear you say that.”

Sure he had heard it before but that doesn’t mean that it wasn’t any less heart warming to hear the words coming from Azusa’s mouth.

“I think I had Wasure-chan somewhere in the middle, but I know I didn’t put her at the top.  I… hmm, when you put it that way maybe I’m a little too high strung.  I’m not sure where I rank for everyone, maybe they just had to put me where they had space?  I had a hard time ranking people after I got the obvious ones out of the way… if it’s like that than can I gt mad at people if they just put me in the middle?  I… I guess it’s not like it’s their fault.”

If he could grill people on their choices it would probably just be them saying that they weren’t sure and weren’t confident in where to put who.  Can he really b mad about that?  Some part of him would always be angry but… was it justified?

“Good, wouldn’t do us any good if our local ballerina ended up getting hurt.  I… guess it’s just conflicting.  We want to be together, we want to try and stand up against Mnokumi, and yet within that solidarity there are small cliques.  I can’t deny that I’ve got people I trust and care for more than others, and I don’t think anyone would say they care of everyone equally. If you look at it that way… it makes you think that someone will kill when one of their friends is threatened.  Hiroyuki has Shiba-chan mostly, will she kill for someone?  I’ve got friends in you, Wakana, and others… will they kill for me?  Arisa’s got her group…”

It almost seems like friend groups are being pit against one another more so than the individuals themselves.

“Maybe so… I guess we’ll have to see what happens when the trial comes by.  And… I wonder what the fallout will be?”

He looks to Azusa a little more worn than usual.

“Do you think that we can even work together after all this?  It’s torn us apart so badly, and it’s not like we can just go and pretend that some of us weren’t hurt, or betrayed, or feel wronged.  Even if somehow most of us get saved from death will we be able to band together again?”

“I’m plenty confident. But you can be confident in yourself and still end up being wrong in your assumptions...”

Like Jito? She wouldn’t say that but. Like Jito, yeah.

“In a situation like this, I don’t think anyone can blame you for being a little high strung. Still, someone’s always going to have to be ranked high to mid-high. I just wish it wasn’t my friends. I think your anger at your situation is completely justified, especially after everything you did. But I think...I think, realistically, not everyone had such awful intentions. I’m starting to get that now, myself.

She had been so angry but...it just wasn’t fair to rage at everyone when they had no choice but to rank, huh? They had to do what they had to do. She wasn’t proud of her higher rankings either.

“I said I’d do it for you, didn’t I? And Fumiko-san has never given me the impression that she wouldn’t fight for her loved ones. We all have our morals and we all might say “I won’t take a life” but at the end of the day nobody wants to lose someone so dear to them. Not that I’m accusing her of murder. I’m just saying that the cliques are going to have to fight now. ...If you were smart, you’d kill before the time limit was up. It’d take the pressure off of your friend group.”

Again! Again, nobody is killing yet. It’s just all Fun Hypotheticals.

“Well Azusa I think it’s obvious why people would put you down low.  You’re reliable, kind, smart, cool headed… and for people like me and Arisa you offer the kind of relief that keeps us grounded.  Not to say that Wakana doesn’t help with that too but… she’s more of a recent sort of addition to that.  I’ve been able to rely on you for a bit longer.”  

Maybe she’s trying to be modest but to Jito it’s clear as day why she’s so respected.

“Yeah… I can’t say that I put Shiba or Kioku at the top of the list for me either.  I can get voting for some people higher or lower for what you wanted but… ranking me that high just seems… I don’t know.  I just don’t know if it’s because of something I did or if they just preferred someone better.”

There as the kissing incident but he thought he worked that out with most people.

“I know it’s not I just… I guess I’m just trying to figure out how this happened.  Just thinking of how I could’ve done somethings makes me feel like I might’ve had some control over something even if I didn’t…”

But he thought the same way as her, that’s why he was so confident and it came as such a shock.  Maybe if he had been rude or mean then he’d understand but that doesn’t make much sense considering that Haruto was still somewhere in the middle.

He’d love to imagine that there was some kind of conspiracy against him.  But considering how abrupt and sudden the motive came it wasn’t as if people could plan ahead what they wanted to bring him down.

“I don’t know… I knew Ari-chan was mad at me for that whole kiss after the trial thing but I can’t think of anyone else that might put me high aside from Haruto.  Even Ari-chan probably wouldn’t put me in the line of fire, maybe like… in the middle or something?  I don’t know… I thought I was getting along well with everyone.”

He can’t help but feel a little shame after speaking of his unlikely murder plan.  He didn’t want Azusa to think any less of him, but being honest was better than hiding it out right now.  

“And this is just…what we have to deal with right?  I… I’m going to hate the trial.  I don’t even want to imagine what I’ll have to say or feel…”

Condeming the next killer… what would he have to say to them?  ‘How dare they kill for their friend?  Their lover?  Their companion?  The rest of us were willing to wait and die why couldn’t you?’

“I appreciate the sentiment, I really do… but uh… don’t do it.  I’m sure you’d say the same for me if I offered to do the same right? Does that make us good people?  Or evil people?  Condemning someone who was trying to save their friend?  Or do we just… accept that we’re in a terrible situation, and that it’s faultless?”

“And you both always can rely on me, of course. I just...didn’t think that’s how people saw me. You’re the kind of person I think of when I think of kind and reliable. I really did think I’d make into the top half.”

But while she appreciates the compliments, Azusa can’t help but feel bad for making it all about her. She’s supposed to be here to help him! Azusa’s smile quickly drops, replaced with an ‘I’m being serious’ kind of look.

“Wasure-san ended up in fifth for me, but it wasn’t because she asked. And it wasn’t really out malevolence either. Once I put down the obvious choices it just...ended up being semi-petty or illogical reasons. And that’s another issue with this: we had to come with some kinds of reasons to justify ranking how we did, but there’s not really any good reasons. Most of us aren’t murderers. It really could have been something super small, or you simply lost out when people put their higher-ranked loved ones. Either way, it’s not the kind of logic that should get a man sent to his death.”

She despises the fact that she has to say ‘most’ and not all, and she hates even more that so many good people would have to go before Haruto. 

“I’m so excited! You’re going to do awesome.”

And Shu could give her encouragement while swinging around nunchaku, which would make the whole experience twice as awesome. She’ll just have to try not to distract Azusa from her record breaking attempts too much.

“That’d be the best ever. I know you can do it.”

Her list of things to look forward to keeps growing. Ballet. Pirouettes. Showing off her bajiquan skills. Perfecting that eventual lift. Their beach date! In all honesty, though, Shu should probably throw out the list, because all she’s really looking forward to is the person she’s doing these things with.

“You’re brave, beautiful, smart, strong, and a million other things I could say. You’re so amazing.”

Oh no. She’s getting overly mushy again. Someone stop her before the compliment loop restarts.

“Mm, I guess another one of me would be cool. The choreography we could come up with each other… Oh yeah, I’m definitely glad this worked out, too.”

She catches herself before she gets lost imagining life with her alt. A nice and friendly alt, not her murderous Mokujin.

Shu makes a mental note to tease Azusa about being a polite young lady later. Right now, she’s too busy fully agreeing that ‘forward’ is freaking awesome(!!!). She pours her excitement and happiness into her kisses, keeping Azusa close but wanting her even closer. By the time she stops to break away, she’s feeling dizzy.

“Azu-chan… You should probably get going or I really will keep you in my evil lair forever. I kind of have a first date to plan for me and my…girlfriend.”

She pauses to gauge her reaction. They were ready for the G word, right? That’s okay? With a small giggle, she turns her maybe-G-word towards the door. She’s going to need a lot of time to figure out and perfect that pastry surprise. Maybe days. A week or two. Man, it’d suck if a motive drop happened to interrupt all of that planning!

“We both are! It’ll be a sight to see!”

And it’s a private event! Just for the two of them to hang around and have some fun together and show what they’re capable of. Azusa would have to dazzle her, even just beyond some pirouetting.

“So are you..I really do think you’re the most amazing person I’ve met. I’m so lucky I get to be with you like this.”

We could start the loop again. If Azusa wasn’t busing being kissed there would be so many constant compliments. She really doesn’t want to pull away, but she eventually relents. She takes a second to just take Shu in...good thing she’s got that memory of hers so she can remember everything about how this feels.

“Fair enough. I’m sure your girlfriend is looking forward to it!”

He never doubted that Azusa put her in the bottom three.  Bottom five at most, so when she spoke he simply smiled feeling the assurance that he was correct in his assumptions.  

“Same for you… I actually put you down as second from last right after me.  Then Wakana, don’t tell her I said that.  I mean… in the end I’m sure that second and third place for the bottom doesn’t matter that much but… well I have my reasons.”  

He cherished them both, in different ways, as easy as it was to put them both low he was agonizing over what place to put each of them.

“It’s like no one’s happy… I don’t understand.  Do we not really know each other enough to know what we all want?  The people who wanted to be low are high, those of us that are high wanted to be low and feel betrayed.  I almost want to say that the votes don’t matter and that Monokumi scrambled them but I just don’t know.”  

He takes a deep breath, managing to put on at least a small smile for Azusa.

“Really… you don’t know how much it means to hear that right now.  Just knowing that at least one person… at least one person and probably more are out there for me.”  

A little hope, a little appreciation, is not without merit.

“That’s my fault, I got overconfident and just assumed that people would know better.  I should’ve spoken up, let people know what I was feeling and what I wanted instead of just assuming.  That’s… that’s just a painful lesson that I’m going to have to learn. Sometimes being good, isn’t just good enough.  You have to let others know sometimes hat you want even if it’s rude, or selfish, or whatever.” 

And that’s what confused him the most.  There was bound to be some deviation here and there, some people ranked a little higher or lower than expected.  But he thought Haruto would be in the top there at the very least. 

“I just… why wouldn’t people put him in the top?  There’s no one else that best fits the bill.  Even if you’re self-sacrificing and wanted to put yourself at the top, why wasn’t he second?  Or third or… it just doesn’t make sense to me.”  

He slumps his shoulders over, were people forgiving him?  Or taking pity on him?  Maybe they thought that he’d need to live through his guilt. 

He appreciates the physical comfort, the little shoulder squeeze makes him take pause for a moment as he takes a deep breath and then another.  He has to take a few deep breath just to slow his heart and the pace of his thinking down just a little. But even so his heart still feels heavy.

“…Azusa-chan if I’m honest… I…. I thought of something.  It wasn’t a full plan or anything, but it was an idea.  I honestly thought… I thought that if I was going to kill anyone it would be Wasure-chan, she as willing to die before.  I thought that if I killed her and then tried to blame Haruto on it I could get away with it.  And… and even if I got found out it wasn’t like she was super close to anyone I think?  And I’d try and convince everyone and guilt them into voting for him. Because… that’s the only way I’d get away.  Isn’t that screwed up?  Isn’t that sick?  That’d I’d try and manipulate people’s hearts like that…?”

He holds his face in his hand, shaking his head as if he were disappointed in himself for thinking of such a cruel scheme.  

“But I don’t think I could do it… I don’t think I’d be able to lie in front of you, or Wakana, or Shiba, or… any of you.  I’m always wearing my heart on my sleeve, and it would be as obvious as a carpet stain.” 

He bites his lip, is it really okay to wish for someone else to kill?  Or someone else to die just so that he can live?  It’s conflicting with everything else he’s thinking.  He wants to live, but he doesn’t want to die or kill. Technically, wanting someone else to do the dirty work doesn’t conflict with either of those other ideas.  But it still feels… just wrong to admit.  Even to someone like Azusa who’s advocating for it.

“…Maybe this is the real point of the motive.  Not that we’re ranking each other and seeing who likes who or who hates who.  But who’s going to actually do something to save their loved ones. It’s like Monokumi said, we like to think that we’re all innocent and morally just, because we haven’t been forced to act.  Well… now we have a choice.  We can try and keep that moral high ground and die or kill someone, become the monster that we always point others to be and then try to validate it with the situation. None of us want to kill, but the minute someone does we’ll all breath a sigh of relief and pretend that we didn’t have those same urges or thoughts… or that we were somehow better because we didn’t act on them.”

 In a way it was a cruelly effective motive.

“Of course I’ll forgive you for not wanting us both to die.  If our positions were swapped you’d be hearing the same thing out of me for sure. But that doesn’t make any of this easier…”  

“You...I mean, of course I won’t tell her but...You did? It would have seemed so obvious to me that she should be ranked higher but...Thank you, that means a lot. I don’t understand why so many people clearly put me so low...I’m not you. We should have been swapped, at least.

Maybe 12th and 13th didn’t matter so much but...it mattered a little. Jito had been her 12th and now he was in second place. If he had been lower...not that she was regretting where she had ranked people, but they had all contributed to varying degrees to get him where he was now.

“Even if we do know what we want, I think we’re all a little selfish deep down. Minami-san wanted us to put them high and...I just couldn’t do it. We all just did what we wanted to do to try and keep the people we care about safe. But that’s why I thought...everyone cared about you, I thought.”

She frowns, sighing.

“It’s not exactly something you can blame yourself for! Why would anyone think they’d be put first, especially if they’re nice? Last time I checked, being nice didn’t equal consent to be put to death. Maybe speaking up might have been nice, but people should have just assumed unless you said otherwise that nobody here wants to die.”

That was part of what made the motive so hard. None of the people in her 2nd to 7th did anything to deserve being killed. But she had to rank them. Just like people had to rank Jito...still! How could that many people drop him on the higher side?

“He might have fooled with the results a bit, but there’s no way he’d have been able to shoot himself down that low without assistance. It’s baffling. Do we all just have some kind of secret grudges?”

They’d probably never know. The anonymity is what made it so hard and so effective as a motive. Azusa watches him, quietly letting him calm down and breathe. Even as he details a murder outline, she doesn’t do anything but nod along. It’s not great to hear, and surprising coming from him, but she had said before: he could do it if he was really that pressed. She was just glad to hear that he wasn’t going to go through on it.

“Of course it’s...a little sick. But considering the situation we’re in, it’s hard to blame you. Because you’re right: this is pretty much the ultimate moral test. Even more than the sickness. At least with that, you could say ‘I’m doing it for all of us.’. With this...whoever kills is going to do it because they want to keep themselves or a specific friend safe. Just like with the rankings, you’re specifically saying which lives you value over the others. This whole thing has been sick from the start.”

She plays around with her bracelet. It’s hard to look him in the eye for a second, but she eventually manages.