Rb

PRESENT. 

Everything hurt. His ribs ached, his lungs burned, he could barely think straight and he couldn’t wipe away the blood dripping into his eyes, blocking his vision. His arms were tied tightly and painfully behind his back; his shoulders were forced into an uncomfortable position and each breath he took caused pain to shoot up his side to his chest.

He felt like he was dying. He could be dying, honestly, he didn’t know. He was sure that he had never been in so much pain before

Maybe dying would be easier. 

The thought rang bitter in his head, his jaw clenched tight and he tried to ignore the sharp, numbing pain that pushed up through his skull, piercing his brain. 

No, he thought to himself, he shouldn’t think like that. He had to get back to Rindou and he needed to-

He needed to find you.

And for a second, he hated himself. His eyes stung and he felt nauseous--he didn’t know what was wrong with him, why he was still clinging to you when you had made your feelings explicitly clear. A part of him held out hope that this was just one of your elaborate schemes, like the time you had Mister Ayato convinced for two weeks that you were dying from some infectious disease so you didn’t have to go to school while Miss Yua was away visiting her cousin abroad.

A dry laugh ripped from his lips as he remembered the way that Mister Ayato was frantically calling Miss Yua, stress lines marring his forehead, arms waving around in frustration when Miss Yua told him that you were probably just faking it, all the while you laid in bed trying to hide your giggles, tossing them a wink as soon as Mister Ayato turned his back to you.

He winced as another wave of pain wracked his body. This wasn’t the same as back then, he knew it, he really, really did. You weren’t the same girl that he had known all those years back, he was clinging to a ghost of his past and it was going to get him killed but…

How was he supposed to give up on you when you had never given up on them?

How many times had you chased him down whenever he was being stupid and stubborn? How many times had you struggled to carry him back to the penthouse because he had gone out alone and ended up getting overwhelmed? How many times had you bailed them out of trouble? How many times had you fought for them tooth and nail even when any other person would have given up? When any other person would have left them to fend for themselves?

How many times had you saved them? From the authorities? From other delinquents? From the rich elites that they had managed to piss off? From themselves?

Ran couldn’t even hope to try to pinpoint the number--all he knew was that it was too many times, they had put you through so much shit over the years that looking back on it was almost sickening.

“The fuck you laughing at?” a low voice spit out and Ran heaved, blood splattering from his lips as another heavy boot drove into his side; his shoulders screamed in protest as he doubled over in pain, forcing them into an even more uncomfortable position. His vision went spotty, his mind felt fuzzy, he felt like he was dying. 

But he couldn’t die here. He couldn’t. He had to get back to Rindou. He had to get to you. 

He was sure that you weren’t doing this willingly. You couldn’t be, he thought to himself, but he knew he was only trying to convince himself. The cold look in your eyes haunted him every time he closed his eyes and the even colder words you spoke rang true in every silence. 

“I said ‘was’, didn’t I?”

It didn’t matter, he tried to force himself to believe it. You could’ve been lying.

“They don’t mean anything to me anymore.”

But that couldn’t be true, he stared at the bloody floor in front of him, eyelids heavy. He was falling in and out of consciousness, his vision was blurred and half obscured by the blood dripping down his forehead. He remembered the way you had clung to him that night at the club, the way you could barely look away from him, the way your lips had moved against his just as desperately as his had. 

“I want to be done with this shit so I can go back to handling business overseas.”

His chest squeezed so tight that he swore he was about to have a heart attack.

And even if it was true, he still had to get to you--even if you had willingly chosen this path, Ran refused to give up.

You weren’t happy. Your eyes were dull, empty and he couldn’t stand to see you like this. Even if this really was what you chose, Ran would drag you out of there by the hair if he had to. You had saved him from himself countless times before--forcing him to see reason when he was blinded by stubbornness even when he shouted and got nasty and said awful things that he didn’t mean. 

You had never given up on him, he refused to give up on you—it didn’t matter what it cost him.

—

THIRTEEN YEARS EARLIER.

They ignored the looks they received as they walked through the halls of your school—glares from some of the older boys, captivated stares from the girls. Ran was uninterested—he had one destination, and that was your classroom so he could free you from the shackles of mathematics.

102, 104, 106…

118.

He peeked into the class through the window and he couldn’t help the way his lips turned up at the sight of you sitting at your desk in the far corner, elbow resting on the desk, chin resting on your hand, tapping your pen against your lips as your teacher droned on.

Rindou shoved him, destroying the brief sense of peace he had been able to experience while watching you. Ran scowled at his brother as he watched Rindou’s eyes light up as he caught sight of you. A heavy feeling tugged at his chest when he noticed the bright, genuine smile on Rindou’s face but he forced himself to push it away.

He knocked Rindou out of the way, ignoring the irritated expression directed his way but Ran only moved forward, swinging open the door to your classroom, interrupting your teacher mid-lecture. 

“Y/n, come on,” Ran called for you, ignoring another annoyed glare, this time from your teacher. And Ran hated the way his heart skipped a beat when your eyes widened in delight at the sight of him, as you hopped to your feet without a second to waste, picking up your bag and darting toward them.

“L/n-san! Please return to your seat,” your teacher said furiously. 

“Sorry, Mister! But I’ll pass!” you grinned widely as you ducked under Ran’s arm into the hallway, and he snorted lightly, letting the door shut on your teacher’s threats to tell your uncle about your disobedience. 

As soon as the door shut behind him, you were locking arms with him and Rindou, pulling them close and leaning into them, dragging them down the hallway, “You guys totally saved my ass,” you said, “We were supposed to have a quiz at the end of class and I would’ve bombed it.”

Rindou rolled his eyes, shoulder bumping you into Ran, who shoulder bumped you right back into Rindou. You scowled at the two of them before slipping free, “Stop that! I’m not one of those…” your voice trailed off, your eyes narrowed, “one of the… I can’t remember what they’re called. Um, those things…”

You waved your finger back and forth as an explanation.

Ran’s brow furrowed, he shared a look with Rindou, not entirely sure what you meant.

“Those little swingy things, with the little balls that swing back and forth, they smack into each other.”

The little…

Ran burst into laughter immediately, Rindou followed soon behind, and he only laughed harder once realization hit you, hands flying to cover your face in embarrassment, “You guys are the worst, literally children. You’re so embarrassing.”

Rindou grinned, flinging an arm around your shoulder and Ran nudged you as they shared an amused look over your head, “You’re too easy to tease,” Ran said, nudging you gently.

“‘You’re too easy to tease,’” you mocked right back in a nasally tone as the three of you left the school, the cool air hitting him hard. Ran rolled his eyes, opening his mouth to shoot back a retort but you were speaking again before he could, “What’d you guys drag me outta there for anyway? Can we stop and get pizza?”

“Yeah,” Rindou agreed, “that’s a good idea actually, we’ll probably be stuck at the parlor for a bit.” 

And Ran watched as your eyes lit up as you leaned into Rindou, “Parlor?” you questioned and Ran’s throat felt tight as Rindou smiled down at you. He forced himself to look away.

“Remember those designs we were working on a couple months ago?” Rindou asked and you nodded, “We’re finally getting them done.”

You stopped dead in your tracks, eyes wide, “Really?” you looked between the both of them, excited, “You guys are actually getting it done!”

“Mhm,” Ran nudged you, “We wanted you to come with us. You can hold Rindou’s hand when he cries.”

Rindou gaped at him, Ran cackled at his expression, “Don’t worry Rin,” you grinned, “I’ll hold your hand all you want, Ran can suffer alone. We both know he has the lower pain tolerance of the two of you anyway.”

Now Rindou was laughing and Ran was gaping, “That is so not true,” he said loudly, “Not at all.”

“You cried when a bee stung you,” Rindou pointed out.

“Every time I brush your hair you bitch and complain,” you added and Ran stared at you.

“Because you’re not delicate with my hair at all! You rip the brush through it!” Ran accused. “You’re way more gentle when you brush Rindou’s hair.”

“No, I’m not,” you argued back immediately, “Rin just isn’t a wimp.”

Ran’s jaw dropped, “I am not a wimp,” he cried out, thoroughly offended, “We should have left you to suffer at school.”

“That’s so rude!” you shot at him immediately, “I should’ve left you to get scolded by Miss Yua when she found out about you running around with those friends of yours.”

Ran’s eyes narrowed on you, lips parting to speak but you continued before he could, “Speaking of school though, can you guys stop coming by it?” you asked and Ran visibly faltered, lips pressing together tight as he watched you kick at a pebble mindlessly. Hurt spread through him like a wildfire, mind racing trying to figure out why you would ask that and he could see Rindou looked just as distressed.

The fuck? Were you embarrassed of them?

“Why?” Ran finally asked, and he was grateful that his voice was steadier than he expected it to be.

“Cause every time you come by I have to listen to the girls in my year and the years above me go on and on and on about you guys and it’s annoying,” you said, glancing up at him, “They always try to ask me to introduce them to you.”

Relief hit him like a truck, he could breathe again, a light grin pulled at his lips as he looked down at you, “You jealous?” he teased and you wrinkled your nose.

“Huh? Why would I be jealous?” you asked, genuinely confused and somewhat disgusted at the prospect. Rindou scowled at you.

“Why’d you have to say it like that?” Rindou muttered.

And you bristled, “Cause I have no idea why I’d be jealous!” you said, hands on your hips as you paused mid-step to glare at them, “I have no reason to be, you guys are mine. It’s just annoying that they’re trying to use me to get close to you.”

Mine, the word rang through Ran’s head on repeat, his mouth dried as he stared at you, but you didn’t even look half-perturbed, and you didn’t seem to notice how much your words had affected him. 

“Yours?” Rindou’s voice was as hoarse as Ran would have expected his to have been had he spoken up.

“Yes, mine,” you said so matter-of-factly that there really was no arguing against it. Your brows furrowed, sensing something was wrong, “Aren’t you?”

“Yeah,” Ran said after a moment of silence, eyes meeting yours, “Yours.”

---

PRESENT DAY. 

Yours.

Ran choked on blood as another heavy boot drove into his side, your words from all of those years ago ringing through his head on repeat. Yours, yours, yours, they were yours, weren’t they?

So then why-

Ran’s mind went blank as knuckles cracked against his jaw, vision flashing dark, white-hot pain sinking through every inch of his body. Ran couldn’t breathe. Everything hurt. He felt like he was dying.

-why were you letting this happen?

The physical pain was incomparable to the agony he felt as he tried to justify what was happening, making frantic attempts to make sense of what had happened the past few hours because he couldn’t accept the apparent truth.

Sugawara had given you a chance, a chance to make an arrangement about him and you-

He spit up another glob of blood as the boot made contact with his chest, snapping his body back, the back of his head slamming into the pole he was leaning on so hard that he swore it might have cracked his skull. He couldn’t see and he wasn’t sure if it was because of blood running into his vision or because of how hard he hit his head.

-you had blown it off. You had chosen to let this happen when there was another option. 

Maybe there wasn’t another option? he thought desperately, maybe it was just a trick?

But it hadn’t seemed to have been a trick? Ran couldn’t tell. He couldn’t tell. He had already been hit over the head too many times before you had arrived. He wasn’t sure if he had been understanding it all correctly. All he knew was that Sugawara had given you an option to make an arrangement about him, and you had said no.

You wouldn’t have said no if you had another choice, he wanted to scream at himself, carve the words into his skin and bones until he believed it himself because you had promised. You had promised him so many times that you were theirs, and they were yours, and you’d never put anything above them.

But you had, he couldn’t help but remind himself, head hanging limp in front of him as another slew of questions were thrown at him--too quickly for him to even hope to understand what they were saying. You’d put school and work over them for eight years now, you’d abandoned them, left them behind and-

The sound of knuckles hitting his cheek registered before the pain did, his head snapped to the side, his spotty vision finally started going out.

“... ‘nna fuckin’ kill him.”

-and there wasn’t really any arguing against that.

---

ELEVEN YEARS EARLIER. 

“Miss Yua is gonna be so mad!” you were giggling like a fool, skipping ahead of them in the direction of the tattoo parlor, “I can’t wait to tell her this was all your guys’ idea.”

Ran gaped, “You’re such a little shit,” he accused, throwing a water bottle at you only for you to dance out of the way, letting it hit the ground far past where you were standing, “Here we are trying to do something nice for your birthday and you’re here plotting to get us in trouble.”

“It’s so funny though!” you complained, tossing a wide smile over your shoulder toward him that his heart stuttering in his chest, “You ‘n Rin always get so red whenever Miss Yua starts yelling at you. You guys barely get embarrassed over anything, it’s fun to watch.”

Ran bit back the sharp comment that nearly escaped his lips because you were right, but it was hard not to get embarrassed when Miss Yua was railing on him for every less than desirable aspect of his life from his dye job and hairstyle to his sleeping schedule and extra-curricular activities, or lack thereof, that is. 

“And we’re supposed to be the cruel ones,” Rindou muttered to himself, “You find joy in our misery.”

Your smile widened. Ran’s heart sank in his chest, “I can’t help it.”

This should have passed by now. The silly crush he had developed on you when you were kids had yet to disappear after all of these years and he wasn’t sure why. He had been certain that over time it would fade but if anything, it had only gotten more intense and he hated himself for it because he knew damn well that his brother was in the same boat, he could see it in every longing stare that Rindou failed to hide whenever you turned away from him, he could hear it in every wistful word he spoke about you and he could feel it in the way Rindou’s body trembled whenever someone made a threat to you as a means to get to them, regardless of how likely they were going to follow through with said threat.

Rindou loved you, even if he didn’t realize it himself yet. And Ran supposed that he might love you too but he refused to get in the way of Rindou’s shot at happiness--not when it was Ran’s fault that the two of them had been suffering and struggling to survive their entire lives before they met you.

And Ran tried to distance himself from you--not just so it was easier for Rindou to realize his feelings, but also because it was easier for Ran. It was hard being around you all the time and constantly trying to shove away the feelings that only grew stronger. But he couldn’t keep up with it--not when he knew it was upsetting both you and Rindou. It tore him up every time he came home to you on the couch, having tried to wait up for him but ended up passing out; every time he had to pull you into his arms to carry you back into your room, desperately trying to ignore how even in your sleep you curled into his chest, letting out a content breath; every time he walked back into his room and saw Rindou fast asleep in Ran’s bed instead of his own, PC still on and running a game--a game that Ran recognized as the one that Rindou had been telling him about the day before, asking to play it with him.

“What should I get?” your voice knocked him out of his spiraling thoughts, eyes flashing over to Rindou, who suddenly looked nervous as he gripped the piece of paper behind his back tighter. 

Go on, he urged Rindou silently but Rindou only shifted on his feet anxiously, eyes darting between you and Ran. 

“Why’re you looking at me like that?” you accused sharply, looking between them before relaxing, “What about a penguin? I love penguins.”

Ran nearly rolled his eyes as you looked down at your wrists curiously. Of course, you would jump right to penguins, Ran tried to push away the fondness that tugged at his heart. He swallowed thickly. 

“We actually-” Rindou’s voice cracked, his face flushed in embarrassment. You looked up at him curiously, “We actually had an idea.”

“Hm?” you noticed he was holding something behind his back, and your interest was piqued. Ran could see it in how your eyes lit up and how you slowly started to shift closer to Rindou, “What’s that? Lemme see, Rin.”

And Ran bit his tongue as he watched Rindou step closer to you, pulling the paper from behind his back and pressing it against your solar plexus. 

The combined design of their tattoo stared back at them. Ran shoved his hands in his pockets to hide the way his fingers shook, nerves eating at his stomach. He had been sure, earlier, that you wouldn’t say no but now he was starting to question it because of course, you would want something cute as your first tattoo not-

You craned your neck down to see what Rindou was holding up against you and Ran’s breath caught. Your brows furrowed for a second before your eyes widened, “Is that-?” 

You cut yourself off, eyes darting between the right side of Rindou’s and the left side of Ran’s body. 

“Yeah,” Rindou said after a moment, shifting on his feet, “Smaller… obviously. You don’t have to get it, it was just an id-”

You started crying. 

Ran’s lips parted in shock, Rindou’s voice faltered. Ran took half a step forward, arm reaching out toward you but before he could get close enough, you threw yourself forward into Rindou’s arms.

His hand withdrew, his chest ached. He forced himself to turn his gaze away as Rindou’s shaky arms slid around your waist to hold you.

“You guys really mean it?” your voice was muffled against Rindou. Ran felt sick. He reminded himself that this was what he wanted.

Wasn’t it?

“‘course we mean it,” Ran murmured, and he was grateful for the fact that his voice was not as shaky as his hands. You looked up at him, face still half buried in Rindou’s shoulder, and Ran’s stomach churned uncomfortably at the wide, glassy-eyed look you were giving him.

“Tattoos are permanent, y’know?” your nails were digging into Rindou’s clothes, clutching him tight. Ran couldn’t meet your gaze anymore. “N-n-n this was a you n Rin thing, I don’t wanna-”

“Thought you were the one that said that we’re stuck with you,” Rindou’s voice was teasing, his hand was rubbing gentle circles on your back. Ran hated it. “How’s there gonna be a me and Ran thing without you?” 

“But-”

“We got the tattoos split on purpose,” Ran said quietly and he swore all time stopped as your gaze met his again. Keep talking, he told himself. “We could’ve just got matching designs but I got half, and he got half, so you could get the whole one because…”

His voice trailed off, he couldn’t finish the sentence but from the way your lips wobbled as you looked up at him you knew exactly what he was getting it. Ran’s mouth went dry as you pulled yourself from Rindou’s arms, moving toward him, and Ran barely had time to react before your arms flung around his shoulders.

He swallowed thickly as his arms wrapped around your waist, holding you close to him, and Ran felt ill as the familiar scent of your shampoo and body wash flooded his nostrils, as your body pressed flush against his and as you buried your face into his neck. His head felt light and dizzy and he wasn’t sure if he wanted to push you away or hold you closer

But then he caught sight of Rindou, and the strange expression that crossed over his face as he watched you and Ran, and Ran forced himself to settle down, hands grabbing your waist gently and tugging you off of him, setting you down on the ground in front of him.

And maybe that wasn’t the best idea because you did not back away like he had expected. Instead, you only leaned in again, face tilted up toward him and Ran’s throat was swollen as he looked down at you.

“You’re sure?” you asked again, eyes wide and searching his for an answer and Ran could barely bring himself to speak, and he genuinely wasn’t sure how he managed to get out the soft ‘yes’ as a response to you. Your eyes were brighter than he had ever seen them before and you reached out, grabbing one of his hands and one of Rindou’s.

“There’s no take-backs, y’know?” you said, still waiting for one of them to back out but Ran only squeezed your hand gently and Rindou nudged you with his shoulder. A brilliant smile split open your face and Ran’s chest felt lighter than it had in years, “You’ll be stuck with me for real, this time, y’know?”

Rindou flung an arm over your shoulder and you burst into giggles as he tugged you close, “We’ve been stuck with you, dumbass, you’re like a little leech.”

“You love it,” you shoved at Rindou, who only snorted at your failed effort. 

“Yeah, we do,” Rindou agreed, letting you go and you scowled as you stepped away from him but there was a bounce in your step that hadn’t quite been there before as you looked down at the design that Rindou was still holding.

You looked up at Ran, waiting for his response when he didn’t immediately agree with Rindou, and Ran couldn’t stop the small smile from tugging at his lips as he squeezed your hand again before letting go, “‘course we do,” he said easily, “We’re stuck with you, you’re stuck with us.”

Your smile widened as you nodded, voice quiet as you agreed, “Forever.”

---

PRESENT.

It had to have been a lie, he tried to convince himself, one of your outrageous little schemes that always somehow turned out in your favor no matter how far the odds were out of your favor. 

You had promised them forever, hadn’t you? And you had never been one to go back on your promises before. You were planning something, you had to be planning something. 

“He don’t look too good,” an unfamiliar voice murmured but his voice sounded garbled to Ran’s ears and Ran tried to look in the direction that the voice had come from but his vision was too blurred and dark to make anything out, “Higher up’s will kill us if he dies under our watch.”

Dies? 

Was he really dying?

He supposed his body answered the question for him as a shudder wracked his chest, as his abdomen spasmed in pain, as he choked up another puddle of blood.

He didn’t want to die here, his vision swam--his eyes felt wet but he wasn’t sure if it was from blood or tears. He wanted to get to you, he needed to get to Rindou. 

Rindou, Ran felt sick. Rindou would never forgive him. Rindou had told him not to leave the auction hall alone but Ran had been insistent on getting out of there--unable to stand being in the same room as you even if the room was as massive as the one the auction was being held in. 

“Maybe we should call someone,” Ran felt like he was underwater, their voices sounded far away even though he knew they couldn’t have been too far.

“Hanma’ll fuck us up for going against his orders.”

“Well, maybe we shouldn’t have, Akio, and Hanma’ll fuck us up more if this fucker dies here ‘cause of us.”

“He fuckin’ deserved it, Bonten got Hiro killed, and Asuka, and Asahi, all of our fuckin’ friends. He’s lucky we don’t kill him here, we should kill him here.”

His chest sunk, and his body was in so much pain that it was starting to feel numb but the pain was nothing in comparison to the sinking realization that he was going to die there, away from his brother, away from you--the only two people in the world that mattered to him.

--

SIX YEARS EARLIER. 

“Where’s Rin?” your voice was soft on the other side of the line and Ran’s lips tugged up into a smile at the familiar sound. Your calls were becoming far and few between, and he knew it was because you were exhausted with classes and setting up your new business but he couldn’t help the awful, sinking feeling that swarmed his chest when you went days without talking to them.

“Pretty sure he went out somewhere with Shion,” Ran told you quietly, “He’ll be upset he missed you.”

And he would, Ran was not looking forward to seeing the crestfallen expression on Rindou’s face when Ran told him that you had called while he wasn’t around, knowing damn well that your next call wouldn’t be for at least a few days, maybe more.

“‘m sorry I don’t call as much anymore,” he could hear the frown in your voice and Ran let his eyes slide shut, rolling over onto his back on his bed as he held the phone to his ear. “I promise I try, it’s just-”

“I know,” Ran said, “You’re busy, I get it.”

Too busy for us, the thought rang bitter in his head but he didn’t dare say it out loud, knowing that it would only upset you more. 

You sighed and Ran felt guilt claw at his chest. You had understood the unspoken words. 

“I’m sorry,” you repeated, voice lower this time. The smile in your voice was gone, and so was his. 

“I know,” he said again, and you both were quiet for a moment. The silence was loud, awkward, Ran could hear his own heart thudding in his chest. Finally, he sighed, breaking the quiet, “How was your day?” 

“It was good,” you said, “We’re starting to enter talks with a company in Munich. It’ll probably be a while before anything comes from it but it’s a good look for now. I’m excited to see how it turns out, think this’ll be big for us if it works out how I hope it does.”

You sounded excited, Ran could picture the way your eyes lit up behind his eyelids, and once again, he couldn’t stop the smile that was rising to his lips, “That’s good,” he murmured, “I’m sure it’ll work out how you want, things always do.”

“I hope so,” your voice was hesitant, as if you wanted to add something, and Ran hummed, waiting for you to continue. Whatever you were going to say, you didn’t, instead you switched to another subject, “What’re you doing up so late anyway? Honestly, I was worried I was gonna miss out on talking to you not Rin, ‘cause I know how you get about your ‘beauty sleep.’”

Your voice was teasing but Ran couldn’t bring himself to smile as he tried to figure out how to answer the question because there was no way he was going to admit that he stopped leaving his phone on silent at night because he was worried he was going to miss a call from you. 

“I slept all day yesterday,” he lied, and he knew it was the wrong thing to say as soon as you giggled.

“Since when has that ever stopped you? I remember that time you nearly slept a full ass day and a half, me and Rin genuinely thought you were dead,” his lips pulled up, if only a little, at your words.

“Miss Yua had a fit when you guys called her in a panic and she had to grab the quickest train back to Roppongi,” he said quietly, and you burst into laughter.

“She forced us to scrub the lobby floors for a week so Miss Sara didn’t have to,” you complained, “I’m sure I still have bruises on my knees from that. It was terrible.”

Ran snorted as he rolled back onto his side, “Yeah, you guys kept asking me for help to get it done faster.”

“Yeah!” you cried out, “and you kept walking past us! You were so mean!” 

Ran’s chest felt light as a genuine laugh spilled from his lips before he could contain, “Your face whenever I would walk by-”

“It’s not funny!” you said loudly, and he could practically picture the way you’d be shouldering into him, trying to get him to shut up if you had been there to do it.

If you had been there to do it. 

His smile fell, reality came crashing down again.

If you had been there.

You could sense the change in mood from how he quieted down, and you let out a soft sigh. It was silent for a moment--this time you were the one that decided to break it. 

“Once I finish business in Munich, and after my classes finish for the semester, ‘m gonna be heading to Venice for a few months. Do you and Rin wanna meet me there?”

Ran’s world stilled, his eyes shot back open and he sat up in bed, fingers curled around the blankets, mind running a million miles a minute as he processed your words, “You-”

“I miss you guys so much,” your voice cracked over your words and Ran’s grip on the blankets tightened, a wave of helplessness sweeping over him when he heard you take in a shuddered breath, “so fucking much. Everywhere I go, all I think of is you guys.”

Ran’s lips trembled, he pressed them together tight, trying to get control over himself. “We miss you too,” he hated how his voice wavered, “I miss you. I miss you a lot.”

“You’ll meet me there?” he hated how your voice broke. 

“Is that even a question?” for the first time in two years, he felt hope blossom in his chest, “Of course, we’ll be there. Wouldn’t miss it for the world.”

---

PRESENT. 

You had never shown up.

Ran felt sick at the memory, this time he couldn’t hold back the tears that spilled down his cheeks. You had never fucking shown up. And maybe he had been dumb to think you would have--he had heard on the news what had happened at Munich, and you hadn’t reached out to them in nearly a month, but Miss Yua had already bought them the tickets to Venice and they couldn’t bring themselves to give up hope that maybe, just maybe you would meet them there.

So they went. And they waited. They waited, and they waited, and they waited. They waited for a message, a call, for any sign of you. Rindou was turning his head, eyes wide whenever he caught sight of someone with your hair color and Ran’s heart had been in his throat every time he had heard a laugh even remotely similar to yours. 

You never showed. You never even texted them to say you weren’t gonna show, you kept them in limbo and it was unfair. It was so so so fucking unfair. And a part of him hated you for it--or tried to, at least. He tried so fucking hard because you deserved it. You could have at least told them that you wouldn’t make it, you could have at least given them some half-assed bullshit excuse, because at least they wouldn’t have wasted their fucking time. 

A wave of anger hit him so suddenly that it had him physically reeling, his spotty vision darkening dangerously.

And here he was, making the same mistake all over again. 

Ran felt sick, no, he tried to convince himself, that’s not true.

But wasn’t it? Was he not sitting there holding out hope that you would show up again? Just like he was all of those years ago while sitting with Rindou at a restaurant on the Grand Canal? 

He was going to throw up. He couldn’t breathe. Everything hurt. He felt like he was dying and the only thing he could think of was you, and it was unfair.  

Because it was true--it was history repeating itself, him holding out hope for you even though you had given him no reason to believe otherwise and no matter how hard he fucking tried, he couldn’t push it away.

But how could he not hold out hope for you? How could he just give up? You had nev-

You abandoned them. You abandoned them after you had promised-

There’s more to the story, he wanted to scream but he barely had the energy to breathe. He was dying, he could feel it, every second that passed, his body grew weaker and weaker but he knew there had to be more to it. You wouldn’t have abandoned them, left them behind like you had unless there was something else at play, and you wouldn’t have left Ran to die unless you had no other choice, unless you had a plan. 

But what if you had, the darker part of his mind wouldn’t shut up, screaming the insecurities that had been haunting him for years on end, that had been eating him from the inside out. He remembered the cold look in your eyes, your harsh words--you had never looked at him like that before, you had never spoken to him like that before and Ran just didn’t know.

A shudder wracked his body as another wave of pain ricocheted through him. He could barely think straight--he wanted to see Rindou, he wanted answers from you, his blood felt cold and his bones felt hot, everything hurt and Ran knew that he was going to die before getting what he wanted, and for a moment, just a moment, Ran truly and genuinely hated you.

---

FIVE YEARS EARLIER.

Ran’s lips were pressed into a thin line as he stared at the screen, watching as you spoke in front of a massive crowd announcing most recent Izanami’s breakthrough with invariant representation… or something like that, at least, half of what you were saying was flying right over Ran’s head, just like it had when you would drone on and on about stuff like that when you were home still. It wasn’t like he really cared about what you were saying, he was only watching to see you.

“She looks happy,” Rindou murmured, and a sick feeling built in Ran’s stomach as he watched a smile spread across your face as you announced the expansion of Izanami and what this new breakthrough could lead to in regards to future research. 

You did. You really fucking did. Your eyes were shining, your smile was wide, you were fucking glowing--you looked a lot happier than you ever did back in Tokyo, back with them. And you really didn’t have any reason not to be--you were successful, free, making a name for yourself without the shadow of your uncle hanging over you and Ran knew damn well that was all you had ever wanted in life.

“You think she forgot about us?” Ran barely heard Rindou’s quiet words.

Barely.

“No,” Ran shook his head—but he hated how hoarse his voice sounded and he hated how Rindou’s words sent an ice-cold feeling through his body. “No, of course, she didn’t. She’s just busy.”

Rindou didn’t respond for a minute. Ran didn’t have to look at him to know that the expression on his face was nothing short of dejected and Ran couldn’t exactly blame him. His jaw clenched tight as he looked down at his phone briefly, knowing that if he unlocked it, he’d be faced with the hundreds of ignored calls and texts he had sent to you over the past few months.

“She didn’t show up to Venice,” Rindou finally said and Ran bit his tongue, barely stopping himself from snapping out a harsh ‘I know’ that he knew would lead to yet another fight.

Venice. The topic of all of the most recent arguments between Rindou and Ran--and Ran knew it was mostly his fault. He knew it. Ever since you never showed up to Venice like you had promised, he had become way more volatile, even with Rindou, and even though he was aware of it, he still couldn’t control it. 

And a part of him hated you, or tried to, because this was your fault because you could have at least told them what was going on but instead you had left them in limbo and Ran’s relationship with his brother was now becoming collateral damage.

His gaze darkened as he looked back at the television, a familiar fury beginning to build as vivid memories of nights sitting alone at restaurants on the Grand Canal with Rindou, hoping and praying that you would show up, flowed through his head. Your voice rang loud in his ears through the speakers on the television, and as your bright eyes looked directly at the camera, at him, Ran snapped, hand curling around the television remote and shutting off the screen before he lost his mind for real.

The silence following was suffocating, Ran stared ahead at his reflection through the now dark screen, lips twisting down at the sight of the dark bags beneath his eyes. His gaze darted around the penthouse, catching sight of the framed pictures of the three of you littered on the walls and an odd, uncomfortable feeling began to stir in his stomach.

Odd, uncomfortable and unwelcome. 

He had never felt that way in the penthouse before. It had always felt like home.

Anxiety began to build in his gut as his gaze landed on one of the last pictures that the three of you had taken together before you had left--he and Rindou still decked out in their Kanto Manji Gang uniform and you were wearing some ridiculous glasses that Rindou had bought for you at a store the day before and Ran could still practically feel your arms interlocked with his, he could still feel the way you leaned into him and-

“Ran, do you wanna go grab something to eat?” Rindou asked but Ran barely even recognized what his brother had said, instead rising to his feet so suddenly that Rindou jumped, eyes wide as he looked up at Ran.

Ran’s throat felt swollen and he felt distinctly like a cornered animal and he didn’t even know why. He just knew he had to get out of the apartment, away from any reminder of you. 

“No,” Ran said, and he missed the hurt look that spread across Rindou’s face at the abrupt rejection and he missed the longing look that Rindou had sent to the very same picture that had sent Ran spiraling, “I’m gonna…”

He didn’t even know what he was going to do and his mind raced for an answer. His gaze darted back to the picture propped up on the wall--the Kanto Manji uniforms.

Oh.

“I’m gonna message Kakucho and Mochi, hit them up and try to meet them at one of the clubs,” Ran said.

“Kakucho and Mochi?” Rindou sounded confused, “Aren’t they in-?” 

“Yeah,” Ran grinned at Rindou over his shoulder, “Gonna see if Mikey still has that spot open for us.”

---

PRESENT.

He felt someone tapping his cheeks frantically, shaking his body as gently as they could and Ran let out a low groan as he forced his eyes open, trying to figure out what had happened.

He had passed out?

He had to have. His gaze was lidded as he looked around, noticing that the men that had been in the room with him were gone and-

The pain, he gasped as it returned with a vengeance, his head felt like it was being split open and his bones felt like they were being ripped out one by one. 

Whoever had been tapping his cheeks turned his face in their direction and Ran was too weak to try to protest the disarmingly soft touch, but he wasn’t even sure if he would’ve protested it if he could--the tenderness was welcoming considering the brutal treatment he had been subjected to over the last… well, he wasn’t sure how long he’d been there.

Unless it’s another form of interrogation, his mind spun, unfocused eyes trying to figure out who exactly was kneeling in front of him so he could understand what was happening. His eyes narrowed and-

“Y/n?” Ran couldn’t tell if he was hallucinating—but he couldn’t be. He could feel your hands cupping his cheeks, and he could feel your fingers running along his face—trembling over the blood and bruises—he could feel the way your hands shook against his skin, and he could see the tears streaming down your face and he could see your lips moving even if he couldn’t quite make out what you were saying.

The relief that hit him was debilitating, he couldn’t find the strength to hold his body up as you cut through the thick ropes with a pocket knife, falling limp into you. His breath was sharp, ragged as his face dropped to the crook of your neck. Everything hurt. He could barely hold his eyes open but it was okay. It was okay because-

“I knew-“ Ran’s tongue felt heavy as he tried to speak, to tell you that he knew you would come, that he hadn’t given up but his vision was going dark and it felt like pins and needles were being stuck in his skin all over his body.

“Shhh,” you said softly, lips next to his ear, and even though your voice shook, Ran couldn’t help but relax further into your arms, letting the exhaustion and pain take hold as his body began to give out, “It’s okay, I’ve got you now. Rest.”

---

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