this song:

"

I've got bi-polar disorder My shit's not in order I'm overweight I'm always late I've got too many things to say I rock mom jeans, cat earrings Extrapolate my feelings My family is dysfunctional But we have a good time killing each other [Pre-Chorus:] They tell us from the time we're young To hide the things that we don't like about ourselves Inside ourselves I know I'm not the only one who spent so long attempting to be someone else Well I'm over it [Chorus:] I don't care if the world knows what my secrets are (secrets are) I don't care if the world knows what my secrets are (secrets are) So-o-o-o-o what So what So what So what I can't think straight, I'm so gay Sometimes I cry a whole day I care a lot, use an analog clock And never know when to stop And I'm passive, aggressive I'm scared of the dark and the dentist I love my butt and won't shut up And I never really grew up [Pre-Chorus] They tell us from the time we're young To hide the things that we don't like about ourselves Inside ourselves I know I'm not the only one who spent so long attempting to be someone else Well I'm over it [Chorus:] I don't care if the world knows what my secrets are (secrets are) I don't care if the world knows what my secrets are (secrets are) So what So what So what So what I don't care if the world knows what my secrets are (secrets are) I don't care if the world knows what my secrets are (secrets are) So what So what So what So what (I don't care if the world knows what my secrets are) So what So what So what So what"

This song makes me smile for so many reasons. It's just a silly song but is so congruous with everything I've been feeling lately. It is SO freeing to be able to just be yourself and let your heavy secrets go. When you are able to talk about it, it takes the heavy away.

So here are a few of my demons that I have finally learned to dance with: 

1. I have huge fears of commitment because I am deathly afraid of any more abusive relationships in my life and I hate failing.

2. My mom is a bipolar alcoholic but I take care of her anyways because I need to.

3. I need recoup days where I dont talk to anyone after ive had a particularly emotionally draining day.

4. I have an addictive personality. I used to be addicted to drugs alcohol and self injuring, now it is caffeine, books and making cupcakes (life could be worse)

5. I don't say the word love very often, but if you look close, you can see it. 

6. I am afraid of yelling and acts of anger like slamming doors or throwing things.

7. I still fight depression daily, but hate medicating. Sometimes keeping my happy face on all day just completely wipes me out, but I will never stop trying. ever.