I’ve been having a blast writing these and love, love, love all the positive comments! It truly has been incredible. I hope that Part 3 meets all your expectations with the past two. Thank you again!
Background Soundtrack: “The Stranger” by Lord Huron (but honestly the whole album, “Lonesome Dreams”.
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I don’t know how long I sat there staring at her. All I knew is that I couldn’t look away.
Her eyes.
Her lips.
Her hair.
I forced myself to look away. Staring down at my notebook, I started drawing random spirals all over the page. Looking up every so often to look at the professor. Pretending like I was processing anything he was saying. He might as well be the teacher from Charlie Brown because I couldn’t tell you a word that was coming out of his mouth. All I knew was there was a blonde devil sitting in the same room as me. I managed to keep looking everywhere, but to my right.
God, why I couldn’t I just fall in love with someone stable. Someone low key and, you know, doesn’t have the reputation of being an alpha bitch… and apparently living up to that title.
I heard rustling around me and realized that class was over. I avoided any eye contact as I went to put my stuff back into my backpack. Focused on the zipper like I’ve never focused on it before. I did a glance to see if she was gone. I slightly choked on my spit… nope. Then it dawned on me…
Exhaling, I muttered, “well shit,” it was at the moment I realized if she didn’t move, I would have to walk past her to get to the stairs to leave. Shit, shit, shit, shit. All of a sudden I felt a sense of panic. I was the mouse in the maze, looking for the cheese. Except the cheese is exactly what I don’t want to find. I looked around, coming up with some sort of game plan. Whatever happened to fire safety? Shouldn’t there be more than ONE set of stairs? I could just picture her self- satisfied smirk when she sees that I have to walk past her. That thought made my face feel hot when I realized that that actually pissed me off. So I did what every rational person would do… I climbed and clambered over the chairs. Carefully, making my way down a couple of rows. Finally, feeling satisfied with the distance, I walked down the row and down the stairs.
Ha. Becca. You didn’t win and you certainly didn’t get what you want. I furrowed my brow, what did she want and why does it feel like I’ll never win?
Readjusting the straps on my backpack and wiping the unattractive sweat on my face from my hurdle excursion, I let my eyes readjust to my surroundings. The campus was now full on busy. People laughing with each other, talking on their phones or just briskly walking to their next destination. I could hear the wheels of skateboards, heels clicking, gum popping and the small dings from people on their bikes weaving through. It was a nice day out, it really was, and the campus looked beautiful. As I took a moment to take it all in, letting my mind wander and relax. I felt a tap on my shoulder. My body went rigid.
Happy moment over. Groaning under my breath and trying to ease the pace of my heart rate, I reluctantly looked over my shoulder. I let out the biggest breath with complete relief. It was just Zig. I looked around quickly to make note of anyone else… let’s be real, we all know, a certain somebody else. I felt a hand waving in front me, “yo, MC, you in there?” I shook the thoughts in my head away and looked back at him. “Sorry, just lost in thought.” He had a slight frown as he studied me, and then draped his arm over my shoulders, “walk with me.” With that, he started walking, and that meant apparently so was I.
He ended up leading us to a picnic table that set slightly away from the rest. We sat across from each other. There was silence… more silence… and even more. I started tapping my fingers on the table, glancing at him every so often and then looking around. This was getting incredibly awkward and my butt was starting to go numb from sitting on the bench.
I cleared my throat, and readjusted in my seat to try and get it to wake up, “so… what’s up?” I tried to be as nonchalant as possible. He laughed slightly, but looked right at me, “you know we’re all worried about you. Talking to the group, they told me that they rarely see you. Of course, I never get to see you. I know you don’t want to tell anyone what’s wrong, but, MC, you’re my bud. You’ve helped me deal with shit, even though they were things I am definitely not proud of.” He reached out and put a hand gently over my fidgety one. “Please, let me just be there for you. I get not wanting to share, but it’s me we’re talking about. Hell knows, I am definitely not one to judge.”
I looked at him, looked straight into his eyes. They were kind, but firm. His jaw was set as he looked at me. Well hell… I took a deep breath, as if I were going to be diving into water and blew it all out through my lips up to where my hair slightly moved from the disturbance.
“Okay, okay, but this stays between you and me. I mean it, it does not leave this table.” He laughed a little and zipped his lips shut and for emphasis, threw away the key. One last deep breath, I unraveled everything. Where it all started with Becca, a single night, that turned into another night, into another. Eventually, it became more than something physical. I told him how she opened up to me, how Becca would actually talk and laugh with me.
I dropped my head onto the table. “Zig, she was so different when it was just us. Then she has to go pull all this shit,” I waved my hand in the air, gesturing to whatever was around me. My head still facedown on the table. I dropped my hand, head down on the table and waited for a response.
I looked up, not sure if I’d actually see anyone sitting across from me. To my disbelief I was greeted with a funny smirk on Zig’s lips. Lifting my head fully, “what? Why are you looking at me like that?” I started to pick at the wood slivers of the picnic table. Then, without warning, a burst of laughter came out of his mouth. I stared at him, my mouth hanging open. “Seriously, what is so funny?”
After taking a couple of breaths to stop his laughter, he looked at me amused, “MC, it’s been obvious for some time that you two have had some sort of connection. I just didn’t know that this whole time, you’ve well… that you’ve actually have acted on it.” I looked at him wide eyed, trying to process what he just told me. I felt the blood drain from my face, “if you know, d-do you think the others do to?” I swallowed hard as he thought about it. “Mm, I don’t think so.” Putting both elbows on the table, I rested my chin in my hands. “What do I do? I am so upset with her, but, god, every time I think about her… I can’t shake all the other feelings inside of me. I just get frustrated with myself.”
He looked at me somberly, “you have every right to be upset, but it’s okay to still love her. You can’t just forget all those feelings and act like nothing ever happened.” I sighed loudly, more frustrated, but feeling a slight relief to be able to talk with someone. “Look, I’m far from an expert in the love department, but I do know that you are an incredible person. You’ve been an amazing friend and far more supportive than any of my other friends have ever been. I can’t make the decisions for you, as to what you want to do with this secret relationship, but I can be there for you.” I felt my eyes start to well up as his words sunk in. “Whoa, whoa, MC, I didn’t mean to make you cry,” Zig looked mortified. Shaking my head, “no, it’s okay, these tears are actually happy tears.” I wiped the stray tears that fell down my cheeks.
Zig looked down at his phone, “oh shit, I’ve got class in ten minutes and can’t miss it. I’m so sorry to leave you like this.” I held my hand up to stop him from talking, “stop, go to class, you are not leaving me like anything. In fact, I actually feel slightly better. Now that someone knows, it’s taken a bit of weight off my shoulders.” We both stood up and he came around the table and gave me a hug. It was a hug that I absolutely needed and in that moment, could feel myself genuinely smile. “Now go, have fun in class… learn something and try to make some friends, will you.” He grabbed his backpack and laughed, “yes mom, I’ll make sure to find some kids to play with at recess.” With that he laughed and hurriedly walked away.
I sat at the edge of the bench, reveling in the moment of peace I had in my heart. I felt a slight bound of confidence. I grabbed my backpack, squared my shoulders, and headed to the one place I knew I needed to be. I kept repeating the conversation I had with Zig, trying to keep my confidence up and keep my tears in check. With a brisk pace, I headed to the sorority house. It was time to talk with one heartbroken blonde.