avoxo

i hope you win every battle you don’t talk about.

awhile back ago, living through my 20s i thought many things in my life were gone. i have lived life on a day to day basis, not expecting many things to happen. so much uncertainty as of how my life would play out. waking up each day just trying to get through it wether whatever life decides to throw at me.

i’ve thought many things in my life were gone tbh.. joy, freedom, simplicity, love, and the list goes on. after going through what i have there just wasn’t much to be excited for. I have lived in constant pain and misery each day, trying to tough things out with a smile on my face only to fool those around me.

something i thought i’ve never go through, depression/anxiety. it was hard. I can’t really explain what it was like but the thought of many things had put me through it. keeping things in between myself made it somewhat worse, not knowing where to go with it made it insufferable. bottling up my emotions, thoughts and feelings led me to places where i’d hope NO ONE would ever go. though, I went I also came back.

never in my wildest dreams i thought i would ever be in love ever again. a little dramatic you might seem but to me love was dead, it was gone. not a single ounce of love brewed within me whatsoever. i have told myself that if the opportunity ever showed itself i would take it and run. run, as far as i can. it took awhile, probably around a decade. until, i met her. her, that took me to higher heights. her, that told me everything is okay and that whatever i went through is fine. her, that took me and loved me for who i am and to love me unconditionally wether how flawed i am inside and out. its by far the best feeling in the world, knowing someone accepts you for who you truly are. and for me, it’s more than what i can ask for, ever.

throughout this summer, i found myself in some of the most beautiful places. some of the things i’ve truly missed in my life. being able to be myself truly. learning to love again. learning to coexist, understanding each other and to cherish whatever life gave us at the moment.

the feeling of being wanted and to be loved is truly undefeated. having someone there who wants to listen to you as you yap away is so underrated. learning to build with your partner and so much more truly excites me.

i can’t wait, thank you. thank you for being there for me, molding me, listening to me, understanding me and most importantly thank you for accepting me for who i am. i can’t wait to see what our journey is like and what the future holds for us.

2022, thank you.

Thank you for all that you’ve given me. The lessons & hardships that I’ve endured this year where truly some of the toughest ones ever. Though some of these lessons have been challenging, it also made me grow. Growth, today is probably by far one of the most important things in life.

Thank you for teaching me about closure. The older we get, the more tougher it’ll get. Setting up standards for ourselves, setting up goals, preparing ourselves to be the finest versions of ourselves that we can be..etc. These things aren’t just naturally going to happen. Along the way you’ll stumble, you’ll fall, you’ll cry & and you’ll face disappointment. Heading into this year, I had goals for myself. I didn’t achieve most of them, but then I remembered.. who am I doing this for ? For friends? Family? No, these things are meant to be achieved for yourself. Though I did not achieve these goals it doesn’t meant I’ll never achieve them. Time isn’t ticking, stop scaring yourself. These are not excuses, just do so at your own pace. Cancel out whoever it may be if it interrupts you. Just do it.

Thank you for teaching me about being comfortable even though when things are uncomfortable. 2022, I had multiple unpleasant & uncomfortable conversations with friends. Disagreements that led to broken friendships, broken relationships, broken memories. Thanks, I know now that heading into 2023 I am not fearful of these conversations anymore. I spoke from the heart this year, angering people but I didn’t care. A wise man once told me that if having an uncomfortable conversation leads to broken friendships, you just saved yourself time. I am not afraid. Everyone has their own opinions and I will ALWAYS respect that. In the end, if this doesn’t better us as an unit, then we can part. No hard feelings, no grudge will be held and life will go on just as it’s suppose to.

Thank you for teaching me about the beauty of life. Not everyday will be great but not everyday will be bad. You get your in between’s. Opportunities will always be there in the chasing, memories will always be there for you to make, love will always find its way to you. You can take each day as a canvas and you can be your own artist to paint what today would be like. Life is truly a blessing, appreciate those who try and give them their flowers. We may all not be great artists in the end of the day, but we are artists of ourselves. Do what you need to better yourself, love those around you who mean the world to you, guide those who are in need of help.

as if we haven’t lost enough people already.