*wakes up* i wanna die *falls back asleep*

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@avalynn-blog1
*wakes up* i wanna die *falls back asleep*

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“Can you tell me a bit about yourself?” is the most daunting question for a borderline.
Honestly, today I could tell you I prefer dark colours, I’m quiet and I don’t have a lot of friends but tomorrow I could literally walk in wearing all white and pastel colours, be chatty enough for you to tell me to keep it down while also texting away in my 3 group chats.
I don’t know how to answer that question and I probably never will because I have no idea who I am and there are so many versions of me, I just can’t keep up.
got a masters degree in being ignored

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you should never see yourself as your own enemy in regards to depression and suicidality because you are ultimately always the one who saves yourself. you’re the one that pulls yourself out, you’re the one that tries and tries and tries to keep going and ends up doing it! it’s you! support is the backbone which helps us, yeah, but it’s always you, primarily
no one else has ever ‘saved’ me. i’ve been helped, yes, and i have profound appreciation for it. but in the end, i had to do it all myself. i had to survive for myself and by myself. i’m choosing to be persistent. i’m choosing to be alive! doesn’t that feel so powerful when all you ever think about is dying?
not to be fake deep or anything but as much as we like to believe that we are good people…we all have the capacity to be toxic and draining to someone else and may have actually been without realizing
Isn’t it weird how we basically have an endless mental conversation with ourselves?
Ya she needs to shut up
me irl
me: alright, i've got a few hours to myself. should i read, write, draw, play some video games...
executive dysfunction: you're going to scroll through tumblr until you have to go to sleep
executive dysfunction: you're not even going to like it.

Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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wish it were that easy
my heart is guarded but like … very poorly. the kind of guards that would let 3 kids in a trench coat into an r rated movie.
do you ever like… split on everyone all at once?
Why does being in your early 20s feel so much like only having 5 years of your life left in which you need to achieve as much as possible? why do I feel like I have an approaching deadline for success?
it’s so disturbing to think back and realize the stuff you allowed people to do to you simply because you didn’t respect yourself enough to not let it happen

Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
Free to watch • No registration required • HD streaming
hey its me, your local burden,
It’s kinda sickening that the person who mentally abused me will never know how much damage he’s caused because i’ll never have the guts to confront him about it