do you think he'd bore us ?

“sort of,” lola replied with a shrug, trying to downplay it as more than what it was. truth be told, she was tired. and she was sure she was gonna smell like popcorn and corn dogs for a whole month after this. but one great thing about lola was that she managed to somehow make everything fun. growing up, she’d even make doing chores fun. so this was far from a challenge for her. she was close with gabriel, due to her parents really. so naturally, she was close with autumn and lola definitely appreciated that the woman was concerned about her. “don’t get me started on how pissed people can get when they don’t get their corn dogs on time. it’s insane. but i’ll be fine honestly,” lola assured.

lana looked up when the woman referenced her job. she hesitated slightly - being caught behind a truck smoking during a family event was not exactly the image she was attempting to uphold, but she couldn’t exactly lie and make up a new identity on the spot. “yes - i am. and i’d really appreciate it if you didn’t tell any of my students about this.” she sounded blunt, but she was far too tired to rectify her tone.

autumn hadn’t even made the connection – the connection that smoking probably wasn’t how to set an example for the children of the school you teach, but christ crackers, she couldn’t care less. “ as long as you don’t tell that bitch carol that i ducked out, your secret’s safe, ” she replied, lifting an eyebrow. she was pretty sure carol’s kids went to the high school, but she tuned that bitch out so often... guess what, carol ?? climate change is real !! it’s been scientifically proven !! “ no, i was just gonna ask what that’s like. i can’t imagine... ” she only had three kids to take care of and she was always one second away from snapping.

lola had hoped to have a little fun at the rodeo, away from her job. but it appeared as though her responsibilities as a waitress had yet to disappear. one of the food trucks needed a little help passing out food to the long line of customers and being the kind person she was, she immediately offered to volunteer. i already have experience, she had jokingly replied when asked if she was able to do it. surprisingly, it was a lot more fun than it usually was at work. maybe it was due to the cheery atmosphere that came with the rodeo. or lola was probably just overall in a great mood. she was currently holding two orders at once, lola already forgetting which one belonged to who. she smiled when she saw one of the people who had already ordered, making her way towards them. “here’s your funnel cake,” lola replied, “or were you the basket of fries?” she furrowed her brows in confusion, mentally cursing at herself for messing up.

lana had always enjoyed the rodeo - the bright lights, the sense of the whole town coming together as a community for a shared experience. she didn’t like the relentless advertising of food, or the frequent run-ins with tipsy students, but all in all it allowed her to forget about the stresses of her life for a few hours at a time - and the days of work helped with that.

she had ducked behind one of the trucks for a cigarette, having staved off the urge for hours. but just as she lit it, she heard footsteps, and sighing, she turned to face the person. “can i help you?” it came out slightly ruder than intended, but all she had wanted was a few minutes of peace.

overall, autumn’s feelings towards the rodeo were mixed. she was sure she would enjoy it completely if it weren’t for all of the planning involved ( not that she was part of it – she just heard so much about it ). it was cute, though. kids ran around, teens got angry at games they rightfully knew were rigged, adults relived their youths – yes, cute. 

but there came a time during every social gathering where autumn just... had had enough. she wasn’t the extraverted one, now was she ?? yet she was meant to stay... she found the best solution would be briefly ducking behind one of the trucks, catching up on emails or something of the sort, but this time, she found she wasn’t alone. woe was her !! if certain duties didn’t come with being a mother, perhaps she would’ve asked the woman if she had an extra cigarette... but she felt she recognized her... “ you’re the principal of the high school, right ?? ”

Eloise fell from her momentary lapse, meeting the other voice that addressed her. “Oh– um-” She stumbled, not only over her words but over her feet, dropping her car keys on the ground. “Oh god– I mean Gosh.” Sinking to the floor, Elle reached for her keys with one hand, her other holding her coat around her stomach. Even such small activities induced a nausea within her, and the waitress knew it was something she would have to get used to—- and for a little while longer, get used to hiding.  

“I’m okay. Yeah, this isn’t the best street to be standing on this late at night. I had to take a trip out of town and, yeah.” Eloise said, almost out of breath by the end of her statement, unsure as to why she was explaining herself to someone she barely knew. “I’ve seen you at church, right?”

the girl’s reaction to her own saying of ‘god,’ changing it to ‘gosh,’ humored autumn to no end. “ you can say ‘god’ in front of me, it’s alright, ” she reassured. she was the pastor’s wife, not the pastor – there were some exceptions. furthermore, i feel as though i always forget she has a career of her own and it’s worth breaking the fourth wall to bring up the fact that she’d never heard people utter ‘oh god’ more than she had at the funeral home.

“ there are worse streets to be on, ” autumn joked... although she wasn’t actually sure if she could call that a joke – really, it was more of a deflection. “ how’d your trip go ?? ” – she wanted to ask if her car had burned down. oh – when the girl brought up church... it took everything in herself not to audibly ‘huff,’ as her mun so often does. instead, she put on a signature stepford smile and replied, “ yeah !! every sunday – or, at least, most every sunday, ” – sometimes there were funerals on sunday, ok. “ do you go a lot ?? – i won’t judge you if you don’t. ” jesus, she wouldn’t judge her if she didn’t go at all.

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it wasn’t worth hitting the boot hill lanes until the babysitters club hit their curfews and went on home, but after a few beers and a long walk from yote’s on main street and down bucking horse she wouldn’t have cared if the place had been crawling in rugrats anyway. far from her apartments on the outskirts, kim wasn’t ready to go home just yet and that street fighter arcade game had been calling her fuckin’ name since some idiot with the initials DMK had knocked her out of first place. 

quarters were sparse, since she hadn’t planned on hitting the arcade or doing laundry, but she had a fair few in her leather jacket just in case–though the supply was running low. last play and she was on the last battle with sagat–who looked like a muscle bound idiot in muay thai fight shorts–when he killed her. scavenging in her pockets, she almost knocked over her drink. “fuck, fuck …” the breathy and distracted words punctuated the countdown as she came up fifty cents short of claiming her title. 

turning her head, she caught a glimpse of another boot hill lanes patron. “hey!” she called, looking anxiously to the countdown as it descended in sadistic mockery. “yeah, you–starry eyes.” she snapped to catch their attention. “you have a quarter or change for a uhh–” digging through her pocket, the cigarette fell from her ear and hit the ground before she brandished a wrinkled five dollar bill. “change for a five? i’m hanging on to life here, hero. you wanna fuckin’ help a girl out?”

IN THE BRIEF, fleeting days of their engagement, Gabriel had asked God many times why he was doing this. He wanted a sign that this wasn’t just some spontaneous attempt to repress his sexuality, or conform to the societal expectations of being a ‘pastor’. He certainly hadn’t done it for the kids. Gabriel hardly remembered that faithful night on their honeymoon, needing the assistance of more than a few spirits to consummate the marriage. In the end they’d gotten Jonah out of it. Bless, because that only left two other instances of their horrendous union. Still, despite the stress it had brought him over the years, their children were worth it. How could they ever break this family up? They were charged with building a safe and stable environment for their kids, not ripping their lives apart because of their own selfish desires. Gabriel knew he’d never have the heart to do it, but then again he’d always been the soft one.

“just like Marie Antoinette !” Gabriel said with a resounding nod. Of course, Abby would grow up to be a leader — he could see that even now. And he’d be proud of her, no matter what. “gosh I sure hope not, we’ll be so sad if we’re stuck in little old Boot Hill without you three,” Abby was so bubbily, it warmed his heart. She gave each of them a little pat on the arm — the gesture reminded him of a frazzled mother trying to calm her upset children: ‘I won’t, I won’t!’ she urged & Gabriel believed her. He couldn’t say as much for Jonah — out of all of them, he was the most distant, but he had a mathematical mind. The issue came from his temper and his inability to express himself. Half the time Gabriel thought all their problems could be solved if Jonah would just explain himself better but instead they were forced to do guess work. Still, it was normal for kids to act up when there was a new baby in the household, right? To resort to baby-talk and mimic their tantrums. But these issues had been present long before Matthew came along…

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she wasn’t completely sure why she’d jumped in with gabriel so quickly – they didn’t know each other very well, and they certainly didn’t know how incompatible they were. perhaps she was desperate to prove her dead mother wrong – a man ( or woman !! ) could love her, even if it wasn’t charlie. then again... her mother did prove that charlie was willing to cheat... and she and gabriel were certainly willing, too... and they didn’t actually love each other. she had to wonder if they’d even get along under different circumstances. had they never married, would they be friends ?? acquaintances ?? enemies ?? ( of course, she was sure gabriel would never admit he had any enemies ). for as opposite as they were, they were not balanced like the yin-yang sign. 

“ you will be so accomplished in whatever you do !! ” she said to the only daughter, going off of gabriel’s tone. the good thing was that she believed it. she also knew that she couldn’t actually believe it, as abby’s personality had yet to fully develop. but she liked to pretend she was sure of it. oh god, then gabriel spoke of her worst nightmare – being stuck in boot hill, some many odd years from then, still married to him. of course, she had to ignore it, though !! “ why, i don’t know how we’d ever deal without you guys !! ” – which was true. if the kids weren’t there, and if she was still married to the damn pastor, why, she just might try to see how many times it would take her to attempt to leave boot hill until her car caught on fire !! even eighteen more years, up until matthew would likely go to college, seemed horrifying. it seemed it bordered on eternity. gabriel was autumn’s jessica. 

“ no – i actually wonder if a pastor deserves to be married to a girl like me. ”

“ well, amazon and big chain bookstores like barnes and noble are the most obvious candidates, of course. they’re also in some local stores and libraries, though !! ” pimp my ride book. “ as my late, great, momma hen would say: ‘i’ll sign anything, but that doesn’t mean it’ll always be my signature.’ ” 

Weak hands gripped the steering wheel, a constant disruptive tremor threatening her posture as her nerves took over inch by inch, second by second. When people said Boot Hill was in the middle of nowhere, they weren’t wrong. With the next town over a few hours drive, Eloise felt the exhaustion get the better of her. A quick glance at her watch confirmed her lack of punctuality, but still the brunette held onto the steering wheel, beyond terrified to get out of the car. The truth was hospitals had always held negative denotations for Eloise; her mother’s death, the endless broken arms and stitches she had endured as a child. But this visit, a visit so secret and frightening the waitress had booked an appointment in the next town over—- this visit was by far the most heart racing, anxiety inducing appointment of her life.

It was dark by the time Eloise returned to Boot Hill, the day fading behind her with all hopes that this journey would be easy. Streetlamps illuminated the street as best they could, though the complex was still truly in clandestine. The night atmosphere hit Eloise like the cold hands of death, though she did not flinch. The last few hours had forced the brunette to take a dramatic change. It was something she was completely aware of, the tiny plus sign that stared back up at her all those weeks ago had warned her of its impending arrival—- but seeing the sonogram had rendered her speechless, for never had she thought herself capable of so much love. 

Footsteps in the night forced her from her daze, and almost instantaneously Eloise wrapped her jacket around her frame, crossing her arms over her stomach. “You– frightened me.” She murmured to the approaching figure, still somewhat hypnotised by the recent events.

even though it was well-known to the both of them that their relationship was ‘open,’ given that they never spoke of it, it just seemed disrespectful to take one of the cars to see the man or woman or person of the night. that being said, after finally getting her fix, autumn began making her way downtown walking fast faces past and [she’s] homebound home. they definitely never spent the night with the other person – at least, not unless their work began early the next morning.

all of that being said, she still wasn’t accustomed to running into other people on the night roads. this – this running into someone on a night road – was brand new !! fortunately, the other seemed to be in a more frantic state than herself ( damn gabriel’s job !! ). “ i’m sorry – are you alright ?? ” ‘why are you out so late?’ would’ve prompted a reciprocated question, she could assume.

GABRIEL WAS PUSHING Autumn away — he knew that. It was just so hard to lie next to her every night & to think that he had no desire to give her what any other man could. He’d prayed a thousand times to find the strength to be a good husband — to love her as a man should — but that well was dried up, it seemed. Still, he needed her around. He simply couldn’t do it alone. The kids were hard enough to handle as it was. The only reason he could smile so often, was because he knew Autumn was there to take on some of the burden. Perhaps burden wasn’t the right word. The children weren’t a burden, they were a complication to an otherwise simple divorce.

“oh of course a scientist !” Gabriel parroted. How could he forget his daughter’s dream of only a fortnight ago. “my, you’re going to be very busy with all those jobs, sweetheart. Will you still remember to come visit with mommy and daddy and come to church on Sundays?” Gabriel feigned a little pout, which earned him an enthusiastic response from Abby. Mathew was standing on his own now. He could do it, so long as he put most of his weight on his father’s chest. Gabriel’s hands hovered close behind, ready to provide support as he cooed encouragement at the little boy.

Gabriel would never admit it but he thought Matthew was going to grow up to be most like him. Sure, he was only one but he was gaining personality rapidly by the day. And there was something about that smile. He had a fundamental love of life, Gabriel thought. And he hoped his son wouldn’t loose it because of the ever-pressing weight of a judgmental society, as he had. Gabriel shot Autumn a look that said: do you really want to explain what alcoholism is to a five year old? but didn’t pursue it. “strongly dislike? I can work with that,” He  grinned, but it soon gave way to a sigh. Gabriel had never been one for gossip, but he could hardly say as much for his wife. He had a hard time keeping straight the rumors she told him — more often than not, he forgot about them entirely. To make matters worse she always tried to pressure Gabriel into divulging the town’s secrets. Jokingly but still, there were some secrets he was required to keep by law. “give Helen a break she’s going through a lot — self inflicted, but still. and why do we hate Mallory again? I seem to remember her being quite sweet, and I think they’d love dance,”

if all truth was told, autumn didn’t know if she’d ever loved gabriel – love loved. she didn’t know why they got married and she certainly didn’t know why they had children. she was on the side of ‘divorcing is better for the kids,’ but they had put up such an amazing front... would it be better for the kids ?? she loved them, but they’d ultimately set up a trap... and, god, she hated when she thought like that – when she thought of her children as a trap. they were her children. there was jonah and his deep, passionate interests; there was abby and her outgoing personality; there was matthew and his future developments. they weren’t traps – jesus. sure, she had to be the stern parent, but she didn’t have to think like it – jesus !! 

“ just like marie antoinette, right ?? ” when abby had brought up her interest, autumn had made sure to bring up marie antoinette – she made sure to point out that one of the most successful scientists was a woman and that, no matter what boys might say, they couldn’t take that away. “ i sure hope you don’t forget about us when you’re busy winning all sorts of medals and awards !! ” she continued, humoring both her daughter and... ‘husband.’ she would always say that she loved her children equally, and she would always believe that on the surface... but it was almost the equivalent of always telling carol that she and gabriel shared the same beliefs when she really just didn’t know. so, you see, she may have had a slight inclination towards jonah – he was so much quieter ( on average, that is – there was certainly the occasional fit ), yet he had so much more passion. of course, that didn’t mean she and gabriel had recognized his behavioral difficulties – that didn’t mean she realized that his occasional ‘fits’ were actually meltdowns. but what kind of mother had a favorite child, hm ??

“ well, apparently whatever helen’s doesn’t mean. ”

autumn had always lied when she was asked questions such as these. when everyone knows everyone, everyone has to pretend to be their best selves, but... “ i’m not sure. i don’t know if i believe in a god – not fully. i also don’t know if i believe there’s nothing. ” of course, she’d always just say ‘yes!’ when asked by others. “ well, last i checked, god didn’t have to do with the weather. ”

GABRIEL COULDN’T HELP adapt a chipper tone and cheery expression around the kids with more so than his usual standard of peppiness. This was partially because he wanted to give them an optimistic role model, and partially because being around them just made him so darn proud he could hardly contain it. “I absolutely do,” He called, shooting his daughter an award-winning smile. “that is, if she wants too, of course, wouldn’t want to ruin her dream of being a police officer either,” Jonah really only glanced up at them, but the Pastor was quick to jump in no less than five different reasons why he’d make an excellent architect. Though the eldest Lockhart managed only a shy shrug before going back to his creation. Abby loved their praise, she was content to prattle on about the ten-thousand and one jobs that she wanted to have when she grew up, all the time acting out the occupations in a mimed fashion. 

When her mind finally wandered onto something else and their child was distracted once more, Gabriel turned back to the conversation at hand. “yeah, but if we take them there too often they might get bored of it, and there’s no other parks in Boot Hill,” He didn’t want to ruin the sense of adventure for them. “what about…soccer or dance? I know they only take kids three and up, but the rec center has that daycare and it might be good for Matthew to be around some other kids his age,” That weren’t part of Carol’s home-daycare roster, at least.

Gabriel slid onto the floor with the grace of a clumsy child. The motion caught Matthew’s attention, and the baby proceeded to crawl — on determined limbs — over to his father. The pastor was all too happy to hoist the little guy up and allow him to march on still-shaking legs. “besides, we wouldn’t mind having some guy-time. You haven't learned how to tucker daddy out yet, have you buddy?” Gabriel poked the infant’s cheek with his nose and he was rewarded with a spit-covered hand on his chin. three kids in, he hardly noticed it anymore. He was just living for that little smile.

autumn hadn’t an ounce of love – that kind of love love – for gabriel, but, i will reiterate, she truly admired his fathering. for as strained as their relationship was ( if you could even call it that by now ), she knew that, if ever they were to split ( like they really should ), he’d make a fine single father... which makes it sound like autumn wouldn’t want partial custody, but you understand what i’m getting at, thatch. if she’d had to do it all by herself – every single aspect of it from beginning to end – she didn’t think she would be able to have the pep that he did. they needed a role model like that. 

“ hm, don’t forget scientist, right ?? ” she replied, partially to gabriel, partially to abby. she recalled that being the career of the week last week. abby working as an olympic athlete, as a police officer, as a scientist, as... essentially anything she liked – that was a happy ending; the children living lives they liked – that was the ultimate happy ending. it was their happy ending and it would be her happy ending. of course, matthew wasn’t exactly... showing passion for anything other than his safe-for-babies toys yet.

Nate’s grin only grows followed by a chuckle. He’d be lying if he said he wasn’t immediately intrigued by this woman’s take no bullshit attitude. He drops the wrench he had been holding before making his way over to her. It was clear she wasn’t the least bit fazed by his charm but that didn’t mean he couldn’t have a little fun messing with her. Boredom made Nate do dumb things sometimes. “Not until I came along,” Nate remarked, “What seems to be the problem anyways? With the car, I mean?”