Do I continue being a lonely wreck or do I try to be normal? Try to integrate into society? Should I betray my beliefs and bring a baby into this world just so I can continue feeling loved and cared for? Take the risk so that maybe it could possibly result in a happy fulfilling life? No. I'm probably going to make a bedsheet necktie like my dear sis 👍🏻

i wish so much that my sister had tried to get better. That she'd asked for or accepted our help. I'd give anything to see her alive and happy. I'm sure that's what she'd want for me. Not for me to follow her out. It's just so hard. The heartache is unbearable. I don't know what to do.

I'm so angry I'm actually warm in my freezing cold home.

Last night the only person I've ever been honest with and admitted having an ed to just happened to point out some woman and say "she's skinnier than you" 😐 and uhhhh folks I consider myself an expert and can say without a doubt she was a healthy weight. Shapely even. Meanwhile I'm sitting there underweight and hating myself.

"but why are you depressed?" well bruh IF I KNEW

I'm literally only trying to meet this guy to fuck for a tiny self esteem and mood boost and he keeps cancelling. So exact same issue as last guy I was attempting to actually date. Thought this time it being no pressure fun I'd have more luck. Ha.

Can we just be done with everything now? So tired

Just think it's funny the main stress therefore main cause of my unalivey thoughts is dealing with someone else's unaliving themself like I hate dealing with it so much I want to sign out myself but then it would be leaving others to deal with this same shit but worse bc it'd actually be unexpected?

Still fuming about how at my sister's funeral some bitch from high school (who was neither friends with me nor my sis, idk why she was there) started asking how I was doing and what I'd been up to, "other than this, obviously" - literal fucking quote. The service wasn't even over at this point. Ayy cool let me satiate your nosiness while my sister's decomposing body is like 6ft away ya fucking squat cunt. Could not have been more transparent that she was just there to get some gossip. What a sad little life, Jane.

Highlights of the funeral included being accused of "cutting out" someone, despite the photo being sent to me already cropped and it being the main fucking photo for the order of service, i.e., supposed to be a photo of the deceased only. Then she bitched about how nobody ever calls her (in an attempt to make me feel guilty??) to a man shaking with grief who just lost the love of his life. The ol' narcissist genes are strong in that one and I hope to never see her again.