I am Autissimo

I am hard to eat with a knife and fork, I am usually served with a side of fries, I am a hamburger. What am I?

are you a hamburger

Yeah man

every child should have a specific stuffed animal/toy that they develop an antagonistic relationship with

some of my most significant core memories involved getting into heated arguments with the furby who lived in my closet. essential component of my pre-teen character development. necessary anguish

big fan of whatever the youth is doing to torment scientology buildings

i tried explaining to this girl at a party once how i could be gay and asexual at the same time and it basically boils down to never being into anyone but like once a year i’ll find a man attractive. and she was like “so what am i if i only like girls, and i’ve never found any of my boyfriends attractive and and i just wanna do cocaine all the time?” i was like “you’re a lesbian with a coke addiction?” and she was like “woooooah”. she broke up with her boyfriend that night and had a threesome with two girls in the bathtub. rebecca if you’re out there, i hope you’re going places. well, not far, since you’re electronically tagged. but spiritually.

when i was a kid i decided that killing people was bad therefore war was bad therefore the military was evil. and adults would tell me it's more nuanced than that and i would understand when i grew up. well i'm a grown up now and idk i still think that killing people is bad and war is bad and the military is evil

The real horseshoe theory.

don't listen to them babe just keep opening more tabs in your browser

what if we meet intelligent alien life out there but the novelty eventually wears off and we’re back to “i wonder if we’re alone in the universe or if there’s more than just humans and galorphasians”

It’s iced coffee and it’s correct

It's a chair. Not even a good chair, it's a STOOL. That is either greatly depressing or insanely funny

It's my vibrator and the only reason I got out of bed to make breakfast.