Author Tahel Malka

Story:

The atmosphere in the bullpen had completely shifted from covert espionage to full-on birthday celebration. Once the cat was out of the bag, the team wasted no time demanding a proper introduction. Spencer, still sporting a lingering pink tint on his cheeks, had dialed Elizabeth right there in the tech cave. To everyone's absolute delight, she had been ecstatic.

"I would love nothing more!" her bright, melodic voice had bounced through Spencer's speakerphone. "Spence talks about you guys constantly. I feel like I already know my favorite profilers. Let's do dinner tonight!"

By 7:30 PM, the team was gathered around a large, rustic wooden table at a cozy, upscale bistro downtown. Spencer sat near the end, looking uncharacteristically restless, fidgeting with his cloth napkin and checking the door every thirty seconds.

"Reid, relax, man," Morgan chuckled, reaching over to nudge his arm. "You're going to wear a hole in the floor. We're not going to interrogate her."

"I'm not worried about an interrogation, Morgan," Spencer mumbled, adjusting his collar. "I'm just... theoretically aware that when coworkers and a significant other merge social circles for the first time, the probability of embarrassing anecdotes being shared increases exponentially. Given that I have a literal lifetime of socially awkward data points for you to choose from, the statistical threat to my dignity is roughly eighty-four percent."

"Oh, count on it, kid," Emily grinned, raising her wine glass.

Before Spencer could calculate a counter-argument, the restaurant's front door swung open, and the entire table seemed to brighten.

Elizabeth walked in, and she was an absolute vision of pure sunshine. True to Penelope's analysis, she looked like a modern fairytale princess, wearing a beautifully tailored, flowing pastel dress that moved elegantly as she walked. Her dark hair was perfectly styled, and she carried herself with an effortless, radiant confidence that drew eyes from around the room. The moment her gaze landed on Spencer, her face lit up with a breathtaking, dimpled smile that rivaled his own.

Spencer was out of his chair in a flash, meeting her halfway. The team watched with collective, silent awe as he caught her in a warm, enveloping hug, burying his face in her hair just like in the video they had seen. When they pulled apart, she kissed his cheek right over one of his dimples.

"Happy birthday, my prince," she murmured softly, before turning her brilliant smile toward the table. "And you must be the famous BAU."

"Elizabeth!" Penelope squealed, immediately jumping up from her seat to pull her into an enthusiastic hug, her colorful bracelets clattering. "Oh, you are even more magnificent in person! Welcome to our crazy family!"

"Thank you, Penelope! I love your style, by the way—the rhinestones are everything," Elizabeth laughed genuinely, immediately winning over the tech analyst.

Spencer proudly led her to the table, introducing everyone one by one. As she sat down next to him, Elizabeth seamlessly slid into the group dynamic. She was incredibly warm, asking JJ about her boys with genuine interest and laughing heartily at Morgan's teasing stories about Spencer's early days at the academy.

But as the evening progressed and the conversation shifted toward their respective lines of work, the team quickly realized that underneath Elizabeth’s bubbly, fairytale exterior lay a razor-sharp, formidable intellect. She was pure sunshine, but she was absolutely no one's fool.

"Spence mentioned you just finished a massive brief for the advocacy network," Emily noted, leaning forward with professional interest. "That’s a heavy undertaking alongside your platform."

"It is, but it's entirely necessary," Elizabeth said, her posture shifting into something fiercely commanding, her eyes flashing with the unmistakable authority of a trained legal mind. "People often look at my social media and think it’s just pretty gowns and makeup tutorials. And I love that side of it—I think women should fully embrace their joy, color, and femininity. But I also hold a law degree, and I refuse to let my platform go to waste when there are serious legal vacuums putting women in danger."

The entire table went quiet, listening intently. The profilers in them couldn't help but admire the effortless way she commanded the room.

"Right now, my main focus is drafting legislation against AI-generated sexual abuse," Elizabeth continued, her voice steady, articulate, and passionate. "The legal system is moving at a snail's pace compared to the technology. When perpetrators use AI to generate non-consensual deepfakes or weaponized explicit images to humiliate, silence, or extort women, prosecutors often struggle to find a statute that fits. They try to shoehorn it into traditional harassment or copyright laws, which completely minimizes the profound psychological trauma inflicted on the victims."

Morgan let out a low, deeply impressed whistle. "So you're trying to create a specific federal statute."

"Exactly," Elizabeth nodded sharply. "We need explicit, ironclad criminal laws that address digital sexual violence directly. We need severe penalties for creation and distribution, and we need to hold platforms accountable for hosting it. If your technology can map a woman's face onto an explicit image without her consent, your technology is a weapon of digital intimidation. I’m currently working with a congressional committee to push a bipartisan bill forward next month."

JJ smiled warmly, her eyes filled with immense respect. "That is incredible, Elizabeth. Seriously. It takes a lot of courage to stand on the front lines of a fight that digital trolls target so viciously."

"Let them try," Elizabeth said with a soft, dangerous little smile that made Morgan grin. "I spent three years mooting in law school and dealing with stubborn judges. A few anonymous cowards in a comment section aren't going to stop me from protecting women's autonomy."

Spencer sat right beside her, utterly silent, but his expression spoke volumes. He was looking at her with a look of such profound, intense adoration that it was almost overwhelming. His chest was puffed out slightly with pride, a soft, goofy smile on his face as he reached under the table to tightly hold her hand. He was completely, beautifully, hopelessly whipped by a woman who could effortlessly switch from singing Disney songs to rewriting the federal penal code.

"See?" Morgan teased softly, breaking the serious moment with a grin as he pointed at Spencer. "Look at the kid. He hasn't taken his eyes off you all night. I think his brain has completely short-circuited from pride."

Elizabeth laughed, the fierce advocate instantly melting back into the radiant, bubbly sunshine girl. She leaned over, bumping her shoulder against Spencer's. "Oh, don't worry, I keep him grounded. Besides, someone has to calculate the exact legal precedents for my briefs while I pick out the perfect outfit for the hearing."

"I told her that the 1993 privacy act revisions offer a compelling framework for digital likeness protection," Spencer eagerly chimed in, his vocabulary instantly accelerating to its usual two hundred and fifty words per minute. "If you cross-reference that with the evolution of the Lanham Act regarding commercial misrepresentation, you can actually build a solid foundation for digital bodily autonomy—"

Elizabeth placed a gentle, loving hand over his mouth, chuckling as Spencer instantly went quiet, his eyes wide and adoring behind his curls.

Story:

A week had passed since the team first noticed the shift in Spencer’s behavior, and the transformation had only deepened. On this particular Thursday morning, Spencer didn't just walk into the Behavioral Analysis Unit bullpen early—he practically floated. He was wearing a soft lavender sweater under his usual blazer, and as he sat down to organize a massive stack of geographic profiles, he was softly, beautifully humming "I See the Light" from *Tangled*. He was completely in his own world, his thumbs dancing across his touchscreen phone with the fluid, effortless speed of a seasoned texter, a goofy, love-struck grin plastered across his face.

The exact second Emily, Morgan, and JJ stepped off the elevator with their morning coffees, Penelope Garcia materialized from the shadows of the corridor. She didn't say a single word. She simply snagged Morgan by the sleeve of his jacket and threw a frantic, wide-eyed look at the two women, gesturing wildly toward her tech sanctum. The three profilers allowed themselves to be hurriedly marched down the hall, the heavy security door clicking shut behind them to seal out the rest of the office.

"Okay, my beautiful defenders of the innocent, prepare to have your minds completely shattered into a million tiny pieces of glitter," Penelope breathed, rubbing her hands together before slamming her palms onto her desk. "I have spent the last seven days practicing extreme, superhuman restraint, but I have finally cracked the digital vault of our boy Wonder's heart. And let me tell you, they are not a new thing. Based on the digital breadcrumbs, the timeline, and the sheer volume of hidden affection, Spencer and his mystery girl have been together for at least six months!"

"Six months?" JJ gasped, nearly spilling her tea. "How did he keep a secret that huge from us for half a year?"

"Because he is a genius who knows exactly how to mask his digital footprint when he wants to," Penelope squealed, hitting a button to wake up her massive center monitors. "But he forgot that his girlfriend is a literal internet deity! Guys, she is a massive influencer with a staggering follower count. Brands are throwing themselves at her feet! She does major deals with high-end makeup companies and clothing lines, but here is the absolute best part: her entire aesthetic is basically a modern-day Disney princess. Clothing lines literally send her custom, colorful fabrics and the most breathtaking, ethereal gowns you have ever seen in your life. I am obsessed with her. I want to be her. I want to borrow her entire closet!"

Emily leaned in closer to the screen, her professional curiosity piqued. "An influencer who specializes in princess aesthetics but also commands a room talking about systemic digital harassment and women's rights? That’s an incredibly unique juxtaposition."

"It's brilliant is what it is," Morgan chuckled, crossing his arms as he stared at the initial profile overview. "The kid didn't just find a girl. He found a powerhouse who completely embraces her soft side and her fierce side all at once."

"Look at her page," Penelope whispered excitedly, her fingers hovering over her mouse. "It’s a mix of her advocacy work, her incredible fashion, and hidden right there in plain sight... our precious Spencer. I have the top posts pulled up right now."

Penelope clicked her mouse with a flourish, shaking her head in pure awe as a multi-photo carousel post filled the center screen.

​"Oh my god," JJ whispered, a hand flying to her mouth as she stared at the screen. "Garcia, is that... did he take her to a lantern festival?"

​"He didn't just take her, Jennifer," Penelope squealed, tapping the screen excitedly. "Read the caption! Our resident genius orchestrated this entire thing as a total surprise because he knows she is completely, utterly addicted to Tangled!"

​Emily leaned in closer, reading the text Elizabeth had written under the post out loud

"I told him once that my absolute dream was to see the glowing lanterns rise like they do in Rapunzel's kingdom. I thought it was just a silly, passing comment. But he calculated the dates, tracked down a festival location, booked a surprise weekend trip, and stood there giving me a detailed historical lecture on the cultural origins of sky lanterns while holding my hand. I have spent my whole life waiting for the lights to appear, and he gave them to me. I'm completely ruined for any other man. I love you, my real-life Eugene.

#bestbf #myman #reallifefairytale

​"Shut up," Morgan laughed, a massive grin breaking across his face as he stared at the kissing photo. "Look at the kid! He’s leaning into that kiss like a seasoned romantic lead. No awkward posture, no hesitating. Our boy is completely and utterly whipped. He is in deep, deep love."

​"It's like a literal fairytale," Penelope gasped, fanning herself with a colorful folder. "He literally recreated a Disney movie for her! The man who complains about the structural integrity of modern amusement parks went out of his way to find thousands of floating lanterns just to see her smile like that. I am a puddle of emotional mush on the floor right now."

​"It's incredibly sweet," Emily agreed, a soft, genuinely touched expression replacing her usual sharp, profiler glare. "He remembered a passing detail about her favorite movie and turned it into an entire weekend. Look at how she's looking at him in that second photo. She is just as crazy about him as he is about her."

​"Six months of this," JJ murmured, shaking her head with a happy sigh. "No wonder he's been walking around the office humming 'I See the Light' all morning. He’s completely living in his own personal happily ever after."

"Anddd look at this!" Penelope squealed, her mouse clicking aggressively as she moved to another post from four months ago.

JJ leaned in immediately, reading the caption out loud with a soft grin,

“Visiting my family's farm, first time of him meeting my fam, needless to say they absolutely loved him. Dont worry, face reveal soon, i know my girls are curious about my man”

​"Oh, look at them," JJ cooed, her heart completely melting at the images. "He went all the way out to a farm to meet her parents? Spencer must have been terrifyingly out of his comfort zone around all that nature, but he did it for her."

​"Are you kidding? Look at him in that horse photo." Morgan laughed, shaking his head in pure amusement. "The kid is actually holding her hand while riding. He's acting like he's a natural-born cowboy just to impress her. I never thought I'd see the day Reid willingly got on an animal."

​"And the piggyback ride in the top left," Emily added, a genuine smile breaking across her face as she pointed at the monitor. "He's hiding his face, but you can tell from the posture how happy they are. It’s so smart how she’s keeping his identity a secret from her millions of followers to protect him. She really respects his privacy."

​"It's the reading on the blanket for me," Penelope sighed dreamily, clutching her hands over her heart as she stared at the picture. "Side by side, out in the grass, just lost in their own little books. It is so unbelievably domestic. Our boy is completely gone, guys. He met the parents four months ago and they loved him! We are officially on wedding watch, I’m calling it right now!"

Suddenly, she caught another sweet picture and furiously scrolled to open it, "Oh, look, look, look! You have to see this one from their trip to Paris!" Penelope gasped, her mouse clicking wildly

​Emily stepped up to read the caption out loud, an amused grin already forming on her face;

“Get yourself a man who picks you up when your feet hurt. (Even when he told you to bring flats in your bag) 🥰”

​"Oh, that is classic Spencer," JJ laughed, looking at the pictures. "You know he absolutely gave her a full lecture on the podiatric dangers of walking on European cobblestones in high heels before they even left the hotel room."

​"Oh, one hundred percent," Morgan agreed, chuckling as he stared at the first picture, "He definitely hit her with the exact statistical probability of rolling an ankle. But look at him, he’s carrying her bridal-style down the street in a leather jacket like it's absolutely nothing. Who knew the kid had that kind of upper body strength hidden under those cardigans?"

​"It’s because he’s completely under her spell, Derek," Emily chuckled, pointing at the other pictures where Spencer was carrying Elizabeth down different streets at night. "He can complain all he wants about her not bringing flats, but he’ll still carry her for blocks through the city just to keep her comfortable. He is so hopelessly in love with her."

​"He really is a real-life prince," Penelope sighed, leaning her chin in her hands as she stared dreamily at the monitor. "He doesn't care that her shoes are dangerous, he just wants to save the day. My heart is completely melting, guys. I can't take this much romance before lunch."

Penelope shrieked, her mouse clicking with absolute frenzy as she brought up the updated grid layout of the Instagram post on her center monitor. "Oh my gosh, oh my gosh, brace yourselves because she literally just posted this an hour ago! It's the grand finale, the holy grail, the actual face reveal!"

Penelope clicked on the most recent post, a collage of Elizabeth and Spencer.

JJ squeezed Morgan’s shoulder, leaning in so close her nose almost touched the monitor as she read the brand-new caption out loud, her voice dropping into a deep, emotional melting sigh:

“Face reveal pictures!!! After you guys kept asking me how he looks. Spence and i decided it was finally time. And just in time for his birthday too!!! So, happy birthday, my love! You are the man of my dreams. The Eugene to my Rapunzel. I couldn't have asked for a better man in my life. Keep giving me the best hugs, dancing with me in the living room with no music on, and saying the most random facts, I can just listen to you talk nerdy to me for hours. I'll keep driving you crazy and do random things to make you laugh until you get sick of me 😂 I love you so much and can't wait to continue and see what life together has for us. ❤️”

"Look at the picture on the bottom left!" Morgan hollered, throwing his head back with a massive roar of laughter. "The kid is covered in lipstick marks! His neck, his cheek, his collarbone—Elizabeth completely tagged him up! Look at that grin on his face, he looks like he won the lottery!"

"And look at the one right in the middle," JJ gasped, pointing right at the center of the collage where the two of them were buried in a massive, crushing hug inside an elevator. "That fits the caption perfectly about giving the best hugs. He’s practically burying his face in her hair. It looks like he never wants to let her go."

"Look at the bottom right," Emily laughed, pointing to the corner of the collage where Elizabeth was mid-dance on the sidewalk while Spencer watched with wide eyes pretending to be shocked. "She's out there doing something entirely random and goofy in a parking lot, and he just looks delightfully overwhelmed and charmed. She really does drive him crazy in the best way possible."

"They're a coffee shop aesthetic dream in the top left, though," JJ cooed, staring at the warm, cozy panel where Elizabeth was smiling down at her tea cup and Spencer was staring at her with absolute adoration. "The way he looks at her when she isn't looking... that is the definition of being utterly whipped. He's totally captivated by her."

"The top middle one by the movie poster is so fun, look how he smiles at her," Penelope squealed, fanning herself. "And the top right one... look at how he's holding her from behind. It’s so quiet and intimate. Our boy is completely, beautifully, deeply in love."

"We're going to tease him so mercilessly about the 'talk nerdy to me' part," Morgan grinned, rubbing his hands together. "The kid has a gorgeous, internet-famous girlfriend who actively requests his statistics lectures. He officially has zero room to ever be shy again."

"Oh, wait, wait, the comment section is already exploding!" Penelope gasped, scrolling down the screen with a massive smile. "Her followers are absolutely losing their minds over our boy Wonder."

"Read them!" JJ laughed, leaning over her shoulder.

"Okay, look at this one from a user named ChasingFairytales," Penelope read out loud. "It says: 'Oh my gosh, Liz! He is absolutely gorgeous! The cheekbones? The curls? You won the fictional prince lottery in real life!' And then another one right below it says: 'The way he looks at you in that coffee shop picture makes me want to cry. Get you a man who looks at you like you’re the only person in a crowded room.'"

Emily chuckled, pointing to a verified account's comment. "Look at this one from one of her fellow advocates: 'He’s a literal genius, and he lets you cover him in lipstick stamps? Yeah, he is completely wrapped around your finger, Liz. Happy birthday to your prince!' And Elizabeth replied with a bunch of crying-laughing emojis saying, 'He was blushing for three hours after! And you bet it's my screen saver 🥰'"

"He is never going to live this down," Morgan chuckled, shaking his head. "But you gotta give it to him, the kid's got a fan club now."

"Oh, but wait, there's more! She just updated her story!" Penelope squealed, clicking on the glowing pink ring around Elizabeth’s profile picture.

The first video clip loaded instantly. Elizabeth was standing in a beautifully lit, colorful kitchen, wearing a pastel purple sundress that swished around her knees. She was holding a wooden spoon like a microphone, belted out into the room with a massive, brilliant smile as she sang along to "When Will My Life Begin" from Tangled. She danced around the kitchen island, completely full of energy and theatrical joy, laughing mid-lyric when she almost tripped over a rug.

"She is an absolute delight," JJ laughed, her eyes crinkling. "She’s so full of life."

Penelope clicked to the next story, and the entire tech lab went completely, softly quiet.

The video was taken later in the evening, the lighting low and warm inside a cozy, book-lined living room. There was no movie playing, just the soft, orchestral melody of "I See the Light" playing gently from a speaker. Spencer and Elizabeth were in the center of the room. He had his arms securely wrapped around her waist, his chin resting gently on top of her head, while her arms were looped around his neck. They were swaying slowly, completely out of rhythm with anything but each other, entirely lost in their own world. Halfway through the clip, Spencer murmured something into her hair, making Elizabeth look up with a soft, breathless laugh before she buried her face right back into his chest.

There was a writing on the top: 'it's from last night, but I can't help myself. If I could scream from every rooftop how much I love you, I would've. Happy birthday, baby ❤️'

"Oh, my heart," Penelope whispered, completely melting into her chair. "That is the sweetest thing I have ever seen."

Before anyone could respond, the heavy glass door of the tech lab slid open with a soft hiss.

The entire team jumped, freezing mid-sigh as Spencer walked right into the room, holding a freshly printed file. He took one look at Morgan’s giant grin, Penelope’s frozen hands on the keyboard, and then his eyes traveled slowly up to the massive center screen—which was currently broadcasting the loop of him slow-dancing in the living room, alongside the grid of his lipstick-covered face, his elevator embrace, and Elizabeth’s public declaration of love in glorious high-definition.

Spencer stopped dead in his tracks. His eyes blinked rapidly as a bright, aggressive crimson flush crawled up his neck, completely overtaking his cheeks. He opened his mouth, closed it, and looked down at his bright blue Disney socks before looking back up at the monitor.

"You guys," Spencer muttered, his voice cracking slightly as a shy, incredibly proud, and dimpled smile broke through his embarrassment. "You're... you're looking at Elizabeth's profile?"

Story:

The Behavioral Analysis Unit was trained to notice things that normal people missed. They could catch the microscopic twitch of a killer’s jaw, the slight change in cadence when a suspect started lying, and the specific geographic patterns of human malice. But lately, the most fascinating anomaly in the office wasn't on a map or a mugshot. It was sitting at a cluttered desk in the center of the bullpen, softly humming.

Dr. Spencer Reid didn't hum. Spencer talked at a rate of two hundred and fifty words per minute, corrected people on historical inaccuracies regarding the Gregorian calendar, and drank coffee that looked and tasted like liquid asphalt. He did not, under any normal circumstances, rhythmically tap his foot to a song no one else could hear while carefully organizing his pens by the frequency of their ink color.

From across the room, leaning against the edge of her desk with a stack of paperwork in her hands, Emily Prentiss kept her eyes locked on the resident genius. She didn't move her lips much, keeping her voice low as she caught Derek Morgan's eye when he walked past her.

"Look at him," she whispered, pretending to read a file. "He’s been doing that for twenty minutes. And yesterday, I swear to God, I saw him check his reflection in the vending machine glass and fix his hair. Plus, the kid bought new shoes. They're leather, and they don't have ink stains on them."

Morgan slowed his pace, pausing by Emily's desk to look over his shoulder at Spencer. "It’s not just the shoes, Prentiss. Look at his ankles." He chuckled quietly, leaning down slightly as if pointing out something in her file. "He’s wearing bright blue socks with the Genie from Aladdin on them. The kid is currently humming 'Friend Like Me.' He thinks he's being subtle."

JJ stepped up next to them, holding a fresh mug of tea and keeping her gaze fixed firmly on her own desk to avoid looking suspicious. "He's definitely humming Disney," she murmured into the rim of her mug. "I asked him about it in the breakroom, and he completely panicked. He rambled for four minutes about the acoustic properties of animated musical arrangements in the early nineties, but then he slipped up. He admitted he watched it last night. Someone made him watch it, guys. Spencer Reid had a movie night."

"And look at his hands," Emily added, her eyebrows arching. "He’s texting. Look at how fast his thumbs are moving."

"Wait a minute," Morgan said, his eyes narrowing as he watched Spencer’s hands dance across the screen. "This is the same guy who proudly carries a flip phone, hates touchscreens, and claims that computers are eroding the human capacity for deep thought. He usually types a text like an old man inspecting a strange insect. Now he’s got a rhythm? He’s text-blitzing."

"He’s typing like a teenager, Derek," JJ whispered, a soft, knowing smile crossing her face. "Every time his phone vibrates, he looks like a golden retriever seeing a tennis ball. It’s a complete behavioral shift. The man who treats modern technology like a personal insult is suddenly a master of the keyboard."

"Oh, it is bad," Morgan chuckled, shaking his head and returning to his own desk, speaking just loud enough for the two women to hear him across the narrow walkway. "The kid is gone. He’s completely compromised. He’s got a pep in his step that only comes when you’re trying to impress someone new."

Down below, as if sensing the weight of their collective scrutiny, Spencer suddenly perked up. A soft, rhythmic ding echoed from his pocket. The transformation was instantaneous. His entire face lit up, a brilliant, dimpled smile breaking across his features that made him look about five years younger. He pulled out his phone, his thumbs flying across the screen with a speed that defied his usual anti-technology rhetoric, before tucking it back away and returning to his files with a renewed, frantic energy.

Before anyone could say another word, the black phone on Morgan's desk rang once. He picked it up, expecting a call from Hotch, but Penelope Garcia’s frantic voice exploded through the line instead. "My beautiful, brilliant profilers, abandon your posts immediately and march your fine selves down to my tech sanctum. Do not pass go, do not collect two hundred dollars. Emergency meeting of the highest romantic order!"

Morgan hung up and looked at Emily and JJ, giving them a sharp nod. The three of them slipped away from their desks one by one, leaving Spencer completely absorbed in his paperwork and his Disney tunes, entirely oblivious to the conspiracy forming around him.

They crowded into Garcia's dimly lit office, the door clicking shut behind them. Penelope’s face was practically glowing in the light of her multiple monitors, her colorful bracelets clattering against her desk as she rubbed her hands together. "Okay, I know we are a vault of discretion, and I would never spy on our precious boy Wonder without a very compelling reason, but my algorithms are screaming romance! Did he finally get a girlfriend? Please tell me he got a girlfriend."

"We think so," JJ said, leaning against the back of Garcia's chair. "He’s hiding something, Garcia. He’s leaving exactly at 5:01 PM every day. He’s wearing cologne—something subtle, like sandalwood and cedar. And he's text-blitzing. This is the kid who hates touchscreens and thinks emojis are a regression to hieroglyphics, but he is flying on that phone."

"Aha! A beautiful justification for sheer, unadulterated curiosity," Penelope gloated, her fingers already hovering over her keyboards like a concert pianist preparing for a symphony. "And you know what? I am entirely on board. If this mystery woman exists—if she breathes the same oxygen, walks this mortal earth, or has ever so much as glanced at a digital device—I am going to find her."

"Whoa, whoa, baby girl, hold on," Morgan interjected, his playful tone suddenly dropping into something much more grounded. He stepped forward, pointing a strict finger at the screen. "Let's think about this for a second. The kid is incredibly private. If he’s keeping this a secret, he has a reason. Maybe he’s nervous, maybe he’s just trying to protect whatever they have before we all swoop in and start over-analyzing her like a suspect file."

JJ sighed, looking a little guilty. "Morgan’s right. Spencer’s sensitive about this stuff. Remember what happened the last time we tried to ask him about his personal life? He clammed up for a month. Spencer isn't going to like it if he finds out you're digging into his personal life, Garcia. He trusts us. If he catches you running unauthorized background checks on his girl, it’s gonna break his heart."

Penelope’s eager smile faltered slightly, her fingers freezing over the keys. She looked torn, her deep, maternal protective instincts wrestling violently with her insatiable need to know every piece of gossip within a fifty-mile radius. "I know, I know. The trust of the innocent is a fragile glass ornament, and I would hate myself forever if I shattered it. But Morgan, look at the alternative! What if she’s a black widow? What if she’s a cult leader who targets hyper-intelligent men?"

"Garcia," Emily said with a low laugh, crossing her arms. "I think he can handle himself."

"You don't know that, Emily! The emotional stakes are astronomical!" Penelope's face hardened with a sudden, fierce determination, her eyes lighting up behind her rhinestone-rimmed glasses. "Look, I won't do a full deep-dive into her federal tax returns or anything illegal. But I am a digital detective. If there is a digital footprint of our boy out there in the wild, it is my cosmic duty to locate it. I'll be gentle. A soft, gentle, loving internet cuddle. Just enough to find a name."

Morgan looked at Emily, then at JJ, a defeated sigh escaping his lips. He knew there was no stopping Penelope once the wheels were in motion. "Alright," Morgan warned. "But you keep it surface-level, Garcia. No hacking her childhood medical records. And the second you find a name, we talk to him together. No ambushes. Understand?"