Emotionally Stable? No. Consistent? Also No.

I have osteosarcoma, a type of bone cancer.

It hurts. I'm constantly vomiting (prolly cause of the pain). I'm always exhausted.

But there's no other way through this than to keep moving. So....

I have cancer.

Don't know which one yet, tho.

I want a Charger Chum.

A stuffed animal that can hold and charge your phone.

I sent him a voice clip demanding he buys me the robot one or I'm telling everyone he hit me.

I wanted to use the restroom.

Instead of asking a nurse to be less of a burden, I asked my sister.

The second I managed to sit up with my legs hanging over the side of the bed, the bed started screaming.

It alerted the nurses.

Unmovable.

A little extreme.

I can break.

I can be tired.

I saw the hurt in her eyes but never regret.

Cause regret would mean realizing what she done.

She'll wrap her arms around me to shield me from threats,

No emotions guide this heart,

Nothing but wit and sarcasm

To tear the world apart.

I am my mother’s daughter—

Softness comes for me,

I try to use reason,

Not a soul to be found.

That's because every single one of us-

lives on the ground.

Yet they claim to reach for the stars.

But if you're heads in the clouds,

You'll eventually come down.

Because that's not where you belong.

So the sky is vast and empty.

Not a soul to be found.

They drag every single one of us,

I thought that I was in the light.

The shadows knew me by name.

They claim they knew my pain.

They reached for me-

But I turned away.

I thought I was in the light.

I thought this way was right.

The drinking, violence, and lights.

The anxiety, depression that bite.

Then I turned away.

I tried to find another place.

Somewhere that I belong.

I knew I wasn't in the light.

I thought I was in the light.

I thought I was in the light.

But the more pages I turned,

The more that I learned,

That this faith that burns,

In me is the light.

Not the world.

Not that person.

Under the stars that shine so bright

I reach out to take

But it slipped through my fingers

I feel like I could cry

I just want to

I just want to

I just want to

I just want to

When I'm old and grey

I hope I'm not alone

I hope I'm not in pain

I hope I have a home

I hope I'm not the same

I turned to face her,

But all I see is red.

Red on my hands.

Taken from me,

How could I forget?

Forget what I said.

No one else is left,

Then these pieces that shattered on the floor,

Are all that I can afford.

Call it karma; call it fate.

Because I had learned too late.

But, at least, this feeling wasn't fake.

These pieces are sharp to the touch.

They dig through flesh and strike the bones,

Reminding me that I lost too much.

Not until I'm underground.

This is the life worth living.

C'mon, let's play a round.

It's the same ol' game

Aren't you ready to play?

This same old game.

Yeah, I'm ready to play.

This ride does make me dizzy,

But I'm still on my feet.

Cause there's no rest for the wicked,

Opening old scars.

Can you see what I see?

A sky without stars.

I'm running on empty.

The colors had faded.

There's nothing left of me,

This hole left me jaded.

I'm running on empty.

Can no one tell?

All that was apart of me,

They crumbled and fell.

I'm running on empty.

My story comes to an end.

Just lay me down gently.

I promise to be still.

I'm running on empty.

The light is all gone.

There's nothing left to take from me.

But it's all I can see.

Searching for relief,

With no one to help me.

Oh, I done it again.

The other day, I was trying to make my bed during an active flare.

My doctor said I should do gentle movements or stretches in moments like those, and I figured… making my bed wasn’t too hard.

I was wrong.

Terribly, terribly wrong.

But that’s okay.

Do I still make my bed during active flares?

Yes.

Why?