[ hijack ]

hi, im jack.

I’m remaking this porn blog as a main blog because apparently this is who I have become. i’m a 22y/o australian trans man. 

i’m bisexual & poly, i have a fiance who is nonbinary, a boyfriend, and a girlfriend. however this blog will mostly focus on my gay attraction so don’t expect much solo female or lesbian content. 

there will be :

cnc/rape fantasy | misgendering | incest (mainly sibs) | degradation | corrective rape | impregnation | free use/casual | age play 

there won’t be :

scat or vomit | race play | feet or shoes | “material” fetishises like rubber, leather, etc.

I’ve seen a couple trans men in the last few weeks speak positively about bathhouse experiences & basically getting a train run on them by strangers. & they both seem to actually feel good abt it / somehow found it ‘liberating’ and I… can’t fathom.

It’s not judging them for being ‘slutty’. I promise . it’s primal sympathetic and desperate concern for them . because I think about the reality of actually doing that and my stomach drops and something so bleak descends. Just immense and sad as hell. So I worry. I know it must be different for them. It has to be. But I don’t understand how it doesn’t hurt them.

There’s a part of my city I can’t enter because it’s within blocks of the sex on premises men’s club where everything happened. And even tho it closed years ago I’m still scared of seeing the building or even where the building was. Whenever I think about it I keep coming back to the word ‘desolation’. Stupid things made my body tense like the specific blue shade I kept seeing there. Innocuous. But feels like a CCTV screenshot of a factory floor from a video I recognise, where I know a man is about to be caught on a lathe and spinned around over and over until first his feet then hands break off. Once I was out with friends (gay guys), who wanted to go into what I realised was a sexualised gay venue. I remember realising what it was and breaking out of the queue & looking at the door & thinking “THIS IS WHERE I DIED.” Unbidden and fully formed like someone else said it to me. I left Ofcourse. One of the many places that I cannot do , things I cannot do.

I don’t know how to reconcile that with the reported experience of other trans guys who actually, some fucking how, seem to be okay with/ even enjoy things that I would commit suicide over. & I think this stresses me because I feel like I should be able to understand them. We should be more the same. But I just cannot ever fucking get there from here

For a good while now, our main dynamic has been dad/his trans son, doing forced breeding and corrective rape scenes in particular. He’s not much older than me so I’d assumed we’d gravitate towards brothers but he seems very into being my dad, and he’s so good at it.

Recently these was a moment that was so… degenerate, that it remembered I had this blog. It had started as just ‘normal’ sex, where I’m just me and he’s just him, but even if it’s not planned before hand, recently even just spontaneous sex always seems to end with me calling him dad and begging him to pull out so he can ignore me.

He was getting close, and I begged him to pull out. And he fucking…. he said no, he was gonna rape a baby into me and make me carry my own siblings.

Being queer and attracted to cis men can be so hard to navigate, because a lot of cis men (both str8 and otherwise) have interanlised so much toxic gender stuff, and don't work to unpack that. I'm sure it's part of the reason that the mlm community is obsessed with top/bottom labels.

idk I don't have advice or anything profound to say, just that, I'm sorry it sucks sometimes, and I wish that our attraction to men didnt feel unsafe so often.

anyway, I stay fuckin' nasty with the trans and nonbinary peeps until the cis fix their issues

hey mate , I appreciate it 😊 yeah look, I don’t think it’s that uncommon for people to have weird or conflicting feelings about their sexual interests. I think for a lot of people their feelings about sex can be a nexus for a lot of issues, I think it’s probably rare that someone manages to make it to adulthood in A Society with complete clarity in only their native sexual orientation, uninfluenced and entirely unscathed by cultural attitudes about sex and gender and wotever. Just wish I knew how to kind of work through it, or where to start, or if it is something I can ever work thru at all ya know.

I feel like a lot of people are atleast somewhat aware in the background of what they’re suppressing or kind of know at some level what The Terrible Truth they’re avoiding is, but I legit … don’t. I can kinda convince myself either way within a couple minutes. I can make the argument that I am genuinely attracted to men & that I have some issue (fear or internalised homophobia or dysphoria or jealousy or whatever) that’s blocking me from actually being able to enjoy having sex with guys. I can also make the argument that im not legitimately attracted to men (at least not in the way that straight women and gay men and bi people who don’t have this issue are), and that because of that there is something just about the way I am that can’t engage with men like that. Like I said earlier, my attraction to men does *feel* vaguely pathological to me, and I do kinda think there’s something straight women and gay men have that allows them to generally feel okay or good about sex with men, and I just don’t have it.

Basically, I know that I obviously have An Issue. But I legitimately don’t know if The Issue is 1) a compulsion to sleep with men against my native orientation, or if The Issue is 2) obscuring my native orientation through ‘corrupting’ my experience with men. It literally could be either, both make sense to me in various ways and I basically just end up leaning towards whichever one I thought about last. Problem is that the ‘treatments’ would be opposite - abstaining from sex with men would be the better choice if it’s option 1, but would reinforce the problem if it’s option 2.

Heyo 👋

I did ID as a lesbian pretty young (11-12?) & then as a straight trans man (13 until relatively recently). I never read it, no. Don’t think it was around when I IDed as a lesbian. Not sure when it was published, but I don’t remember hearing about it until that contrapoints vid mentioned it & I was already transitioned by then. I basically only know the bits she showed. So I’ve got no opinion on it really.

I’m curious if you know what triggered that hunch/what the potential connection you sensed was? Or is it like, simply vibes based and you can’t really say.

Also, yeah, I mean it wouldn’t be a shock lol. I’m autistic and have ADHD and those comorbidities do be stackin sometimes. I don’t have that super typical in media like, surface level tendency to clean shit, but Ive gathered through the Discourse that that’s often not what it’s really about. I do have some obsessive compulsive tendencies atleast I think, like even since I was a kid I would drive my family crazy with needing to repeat or ‘mimic’ lines from movies a bunch of times, and general stuff like repeating actions until it ‘clicks’ in right before I can move on. It’s not debilitating or constant though.

ugh I’m just writing this to get my thoughts out because there’s really nowhere else I can. So I’ve been thinking a lot about my attraction to men, and whether what I have is even a legitimate attraction or more… a ‘compulsion’. Something definitely does feel pathological about it & I know I act like a rampant man whore 4 men on here but… the actual truth is that it’s actually very weird and very hard for me to have sex with men. My boyfriend isn’t even actually man, he’s nonbinary but uses he/they and is okay being called my bf & likes playing a man for kink reasons, but he’s not actually.

When it comes to cis men (& I don’t know how I’d feel about another trans guy, because I’ve never knowing met another trans guy irl, let alone had sex with one) it’s… a really complicated thing, and I’m very conflicted about it. I really don’t feel okay about having sex with men. I’ve *never* had sex with a man sober - literally not a single time. I know a lot of people have drunk hookups and that might make it easier, but for me it’s a hard line thing. I can’t have sex with men sober. I wouldn’t. To my sober mind, the idea of actually like, finding a Grindr or tinder date and going through with having sex with a man is just… like, no, lmao. No way. It’s always been impulsive, I’ve never been sober, and I’ve always felt absolutely god awful afterwards. Like, compulsive scalding hot showers (but wearing my boardies because I can’t stand to be naked), social isolation, not eating, just like this weird altered state of near catatonia for like three days until I can return to normal. Ever single time I have sex with a guy. It’s always like this. It’s never not been like this.