i am ashes, where once i was fire

“Yes.”

Keeping herself pressed firmly against him, she does as he says. Aurora shuts up because there’s nothing left for her to say. If anything, she’ll end up rambling still until he gets tired of her. The only thing for her to say was those three words, and she couldn’t say them again, despite their desire to come out of her mouth. It was unfair to say them to him, to expect anything from him.

He doesn’t say anything, and she isn’t surprised. Why would he? But she means it, even if she shouldn’t. They work best when they’re not together, but Aurora can’t help but love him. Maybe it’s because he was her first love, the only person she’s ever truly been in love with. She’s still crying, and it almost gets worse as he starts to press kisses to her skin. “I’m sorry,” she cries, holding onto him tighter than before. "But even after everything, I mean it. And I understand if you don't believe me or if you don't feel te same, I get it."

He agrees with her but he doesn’t let her go or push her away. He just keeps holding her, and she’s grateful. He kisses her forehead and she can’t help but actually start to cry. “I don’t understand that,” she says through quiet tears, her voice soft, but anything but steady. “I don’t understand how you can still feel that way towards me, but I’m glad you do. Because I love you.” 

Aurora took her cup with a thank you, making a face as she took a sip. But she knew the drink would come in handy, and she was grateful that Kaylee had thought of it in the first place. “I couldn’t agree more.” If they were on the same page, it would make the whole situation just that much easier. “I completely understand that. I know what I did wasn’t fair to you, but I didn’t know what else to do. I was scared, and I panicked, and I hurt you in the process.”

“Don’t underestimate the Herondale’s need for you.” She wasn’t even sure how she meant the words, but she said them before she could stop herself. When Kaylee told Aurora to make herself comfortable she nodded, rather awkwardly at first, then moving over to sit on the other girls couch. She looked around Kaylee’s place curiously as she waited for her.

She hates to admit that Darcen has been the only thing in her life that has felt right since day one, but it’s true. And even when they fight and scream or just don’t talk at all she loves him, and she needs him. Aurora knows that she doesn’t deserve him, not after everything they’ve been through, but now that she’s clinging to him once more she refuses to let go. “I don’t deserve anything from you,” she mumbled back, a dry laugh leaving her lips and the feeling that she’s about to cry coming back once more.