Once the words had been spoken, he felt spent. As though every sleepless hour was now closing in on him, making him unsteady on his feet. It only got more real the more people he uttered those words to. He had been trying his best to hide behind every shadowed outlier, like a roach escaping the light, but it was catching up to him all the same.
He shook his head at Auroraâs words, his sentiments mirrored exactly. On paper, though, he supposed he could understand. If they pushed the post-partum narrative and leaned heavily on the kind of company Ravi kept without understanding the souls that loved Stella just as much as he did, then theyâd see felonies and questionable life choices, friends as babysitters, a home he couldnât technically afford.
It all stacked up against him like jenga blocks. Each one more precarious than the last. He wondered when it would all finally topple.
âI donât know whatâs going to happen,â he said honestly, tiredly. âThe court doesnât care about details, they only care about facts. And right now, the facts are that one of my best friends has a record, I live in a house I shouldnât technically be able to afford, and I rely on friends rather than steady daycare. They can afford the kind of lawyer I canât, so I just⌠I donât know.â
It occurred to him again, that he was walloping her with this. Aurora who had been there, probably would have always been there, the very same whom heâd left without a word. She was too good. Too good for him, too good for this town, just⌠too good.
And then she spoke and what little fractured pieces remained of his heart shattered. âAuroraââ He shook his head, brows furrowing. Had he made her feel like that? The thought felt like raking himself over hot coals and he made to reach for her before he stopped himself. âItâs worth everything,â he said, voice nearly a whisper. âJust because⌠things happened the way they did, doesnât mean Iââ Jesus, this felt like another one of those wrong-time moments. He was in a spiral, in such a precarious position with Stella and her future. He didnât want to react out of emotional exhaustion even as he knew in his bones he meant every word. âI never stopped caring. Iâll never stop caring.â Or wanting.
When Ravi had said her name again, all she could do was look at him, heart drumming against her chest from how familiar and safe it sounded coming from his voice, his inflections. One that visited her in her dreams the first couple of weeks when things had gone radio silent. All the pep talks sheâd received from Nadia swiftly went out the window, the juxtaposition from Lily that rang in her ears to let the past be the past had been thrown down somewhere Aurora didnât want to reach, not anymore.Â
She wondered if he could read her thoughts, and if he could she wondered or more so hoped heâd say something to assuage all of the unpleasant feelings sheâd been tasked to endure for the very first time. It would have been easier to steer away from Ravi if heâd had less than admirable intentions. She could have cursed his name months ago, just boiled down to a bad match, but the thing was, that just wasnât the case.Â
What made everything hurt worse now was how well things had been going, how she didnât have an inkling of a warning of just how south things were going to go, but the world Ravi had been thrust into? Her sympathy was vast, it poured out of her and all she could do was offer a silent comfort until sheâd foolishly opened her mouth to say that she was still available to him because how couldnât she be? He was so worn down, much more tired than the standard that sheâd seen when he was pulling open to closings at Mikeâs.Â
She realized then the vision of him in front of her was getting glassy. Was it tears? She took in a breath and nodded, just trying to nip the conversation down because this still wasnât the time or place to have it. She thought sheâd wanted all of the answers but now that heâd said what he did, she wasnât sure she could handle it at this moment. Another server popped up behind Ravi, she thought sheâd recognized them, or at least it seemed they had recognized her at the very least. The plastic bag with her lunch was clutched in her hand in an instant, Raviâs words that he still cared echoing. Every fiber in her being wanted to ask him, how could that be true? Instead, she gave him a tearful smile, âI hope it all works out soon.âÂ