I wonder how much longer my heart will hurt like this

I've tried every rationalization intellectualization feeling my feelings talking it out so much that my friends are sick of hearing about it my therapist is sick of hearing about it my heart is just as broken as it was a year ago and a year before that. How can someone seemingly love you so much and then one day just decide you're not worth it anymore

I wish I could call her and talk to her. But it's already hard enough to heal, I need to cling to the one self-imposed rule I've actually stuck to.

When does it stop hurting? I feel pathetic that I'm still so heartbroken.

I wish I could hug her one more time and the most pathetic part is I could because she’ll be 1.5 hours away from me in the near future but I will only restart my healing

So I did go see her and it’s weird because did I reset my healing? Yes. Did it pull me out of a deep depression? Also yes. Life is complicated

the commodification of friendship is the most annoying thing to come out of the internet in ages. like actually i love to break this to you but you're supposed to help your friends move even if it's hard work. or stay up with them when they're sad even if you're gonna lose sleep. you're supposed to listen to their fears and sorrows even if it means your own mind takes on a little bit of that weight. that's how you know that you care. they will drive you to the airport and then you will make them soup when they're sick. you're supposed to make small sacrifices for them and they are supposed to do that for you. and there's actually gonna be rough patches for both of you where the balance will be uneven and you will still be friends and it will not be unhealthy and they will not be abusive. life is not meant to be an endless prioritization of our own comfort if it was we would literally never get anywhere ever. jesus.