ocharovatelnyy:
Yuuri is beautiful like this. Breathtakingly so, which is all the more fitting since Viktor just stole his breath away. Thatās part of whatās so beautiful about him, about this entire situation: that Viktor is capable of making Yuuri come so completely undone. Itās the entire scale, with this, of the things Viktor can do to Yuuri, the other end being that hyperfocused precision they managed to achieve in tandem on the ice. That, too, was almost stunning (good thing it wasnāt literally, the last thing they would have needed is Viktor freezing up on the ice just to stare at his fiancĆ©).
His expression softens when Yuuri presses his cheek against his palm, a thumb automatically moving to caress the soft skin. Heās not truly upset with him anymore; theyāve worked through it, cleared up the misunderstandings, thatās good enough. Except, maybe Viktor felt⦠well, heās not completely sure, since the feeling came completely instinctively, but now in hindsight, while Yuuri is catching his breath, Viktor reflects that perhaps there is one last layer of dishonesty that they needed to scrape away ā Viktor had to admit he was scared, even if he did so in a somewhat roundabout way, and Yuuri, he needs to respond in his own right.
And heās doing exactly that, and when he does, Viktor relaxes even more, even going as far as letting a genuinely sheepish smile curl onto his lips, his hand sliding a little lower so he could brush his thumb against Yuuriās bottom lip. āYou donāt have to apologize.ā What Viktor asked for was a promise, not an apology. Whatās past is past ā resolved, put away to be learnt from, they ought to look ahead, right? āYou thought if you didnāt let me go, Iād leave on my own terms.ā It hurts to say it, a little bit ā but, then again, neither of them are mind readers. āIt just comes down to the fact that we need to talk more openly.ā
As for what that means exactly⦠āI was testing you, sort of.ā It means itās Viktorās turn again. To come clean, so that the two of them can really start anew. āYou kept talking about retiring ā you wouldnāt even answer me when I flat out said you shouldnāt. And when you bought those rings ā but then you said they were a thank you, and a lucky charm, and, you know, that was really confusing.ā Viktor lets out a short laugh, but he doesnāt let go of Yuuri ā he wants him to feel that this isnāt about Viktor being upset with him, not anymore. āSo I said that thing about us being engaged at the restaurant to see how youāll react, not the others. And,ā he huffs another small laugh, āI guess I was also hoping itād motivate you, if I said if you win gold, and you took me seriously. But, Yuuriā¦ā
Itās ā a stupid scene, really. Theyāre in the goddamned locker room. Thereās nobody else around, and theyāre both exhausted and sweaty and Viktor is starting to feel how cold the stone floor is under his socks-covered feet. But there is this impulse, and Viktor has never said no to his impulses, because they were what drove his inspiration, his art, his life ā his love.
Thatās what now drives him to pull away, far enough, actually, that he has space to lower a knee onto the ground, hand sliding down from Yuuriās face to take his other hand. There are so many things he could say; Viktor has never had a problem to be eloquent. Iāve already gotten something gold from you, it doesnāt get any better, he thinks, and what we have isnāt contingent upon our scores, and several other well-phrased monologues that he then all lets fade away. Because ā this isnāt an eloquent moment. His feelings arenāt ā theyāre a complete mess, and itās Yuuriās fault, itās all Yuuri ā because what they have is not something Viktor has ever experienced before, so how could anything he says do it justice? In the end, there is just his raw, naked heart, taken out of its coral shell and placed gently, pounding and shivering, into this incredible, talented, gentle manās hand.
āMarry me.ā
The conversation rouses old thoughts Yuuri had mulled over in over the course of the past month. The rings hadnāt exactly been premeditatedāthoughts of engagement hadnāt exactly been on his mind as heād purchased them. But when heād spotted the jewelry store that day, and this particular set, he knew, then, that he wanted, selfishly, more ways to bind Viktor to him than through skating alone. It had felt fitting to call them good luckāomamoriāand his mind had skirted over the implications, that this was something couples did as well, for love. But that kind of cultural intimation isnāt likely to be something Viktor would know without explanation. One day heāll explain, but now isnāt the time, not with this current turn of conversation.
Thereād been safety in ambiguity, in calling the rings good luck; by avoiding explicitly saying anything more, he could let Viktor interpret as he wished. His surprise during the dinner when Viktor called them engagement rings bordered on outright shock, but not in an unpleasant way. After heād had time to process what was happening, heād been happy. If all of this has been love, he doesnāt think anything else can compare.
Yuuri lets out a soft noise as he skims his hand up the front of Viktorās shirt, fingers grazing the skin of the manās neck before he reciprocates a gesture, touching a thumb against Viktorās lower lip as well.Ā āHow could you test me like that?ā he says teasingly, with absolutely no bite in his voice, the words familiar on his tongue. Except this time he isnāt mad at all, not like he was in China, and even that is practically a fond memory at this point, an assertion that Viktor isnāt perfect. It makes him all the more real. That everything here, the pair skate theyād performed together, really happened.
He lets out a breath before he replies, the words coming more easily to him. Itās warm here, speaking openly to each other like this, reaching new levels of communication.
āI guess that... Some part of me thought I was keeping you trapped, away from something you loved. At the time I could only think of how much you belonged on the ice, and that I was keeping you from it. I donāt mind the world hating me for taking you away, but I... I minded the idea that I was still holding you back. It sounds stupid, doesnāt it? Youāve told me so many times that youāve been doing what youāve chosen to do. That itās your choice. But even then, I thought, maybe I was tricking you somehow, or influencing you in such a way you didnāt even realizeĀ how much you wanted back on the ice.ā
He fits the words into a space in the conversation when Viktor pauses, the thoughts nearly tripping over themselves. It feelsāgood, getting that off his chest, and in hindsight maybe it was some of his anxiety speaking when heād contemplated such things initially.
For a moment thereās a split-second wave of panic as Viktor pulls away, and Yuuri wonders if heās said something wrong, if maybe heās said too much, but the feeling tumbles sidelong and morphs into something else entirely as Viktor kneels before him. Yuuri stands there staring, breath hitching, and thenā
Marry me.
Is he hearing this correctly? Did Viktor reallyādid he seriously justā
Yuuri doesnāt realize heās crying until heās already ten seconds into his tears, the moment stretching before him like a reversal of when heād made Viktor cry. But it would be wrong to compare this to then, not when the overwhelming feeling in his chest is something he can only call joy. There are tears clinging to his eyelashes, rolling down his cheeks, and if he tries to say anything now heās positive heāll break down into an ugly mess. Even so, his heart is swelling; itās all so incomparable Yuuri can barely process it all.
āYes,ā he catches himself saying, voice choking, his lips curving into his most brilliant smile to date,Ā āyes, yesāI canātāI couldnāt imagine wanting anyone elseāViktorāā
His words break off into a sob as his legs give out, and then heās on his knees with Viktor, throwing his arms around the man, burying his face into his shoulder as the tears well and truly begin falling.









