virtue

#LOG 3 and a half

Here's my external support haha

Yes, that's an infus liquid. For outer use only. Like for 15 minutes compress every few hours. The cotton for this purpose.

And a doctor-recipe cream. And a commercial cream.

#LOG 3

Supposed to eat the medicine again at 2 pm. Ended up ate it past an hour bcs i took a nap.

Of course i have a speed lunch (?) with 2 bananas and then gulping down the medicine.

Again, supposedly, i shouldn't eat inflammatory food for like at least a week. But i found myself eat a bite of my guilty treats here and there. And it's really timid lol it's like a half of a nugget, a gulp of milk, two piece of pisang godok (alright it's too much), crackers (it's too much too). I just couldn't stop myself :')

#LOG 2

Actually, i did have 2 bananas and 3 dates for a quick breakfast to eat my medicine at 6 am.

Now, before 10 am, i cook a supposedly ginger & mushroom soup, one of a recipe i got from DeepSeek after i gave a list of my ingredients at home for my current condition. Also to eat another medicine. The ingredients i could use are limited and the seasoning i used are minimalist so..

Was it appealing? Nope.

Was it delicious? Absolutely not.

Was it healthy? Supposedly yes.

#LOG 1

Just came from dermatology specialist. I've got bunch of medicines, literally. I know my skin at my worst condition so far but i didn't know even the doctor will be shocked. This sebhorroic condition really got me.

Soo here i am, tonight, just bought the least anti inflamation ingridient i can think of since appearently i cannot eat chicken or egg unless it's 'ayam kampung' this time arounf until healed. No seafood either, 'ikan air tawar' is okay, meat i have to see if i react negatively, definitely no dairy product which means no milk. That's why i choose tahu and bayam with corn. I hope it's enough nutrition.

Currently, i almost certain that i've made outsider haters of me. Probably even bigger haters of me than me. And it's.. scary.

I hate this position i have right now. It feels like it forces me to show the worst of me and hurts many. I want to come down but the fate doesn't let me yet. I want to be grateful, but how?

Opportunites ahead of me, in front of my eyes, in my grasps, still can't make the most of it.

The problems, often run from it.

Not even immature. More of foolish. Stupid maybe.

Can't even dare to dream big. Mostly try to live this life better than yesterday. Being a better me.

Why so hard when others seems to progress much? They feel this hard too? I know the are, more even. It's just me being weak and searching for excuses.

Though the resolution is lowk i still fond of the vibe in this photo. Well, maybe not exactly the vibe but the memory behind.

I was suppressing my feelings TOO MUCH that i rarely cry. Only things i cried if i watched a very sad movie which i rarely do (i mean i rarely watched sad movies. I loved comedy or action). I had my flaws but overall i likeable, people almost only say good things about me including my family whom i didn't feel close to. I was often avoiding coming home.

I guess i did that until my college years over. Then i back to my hometown, Medan. Well.. i barely see my old self now, and that's not something i feel proud or think good of. I feel terrible about myself. I let all my feelings out including the negative ones, well mostly. I feel like i'm being the worst version of me ever. The good thing is it means that i will only get better, but why i seem to can't see it anytime soon. My changes. To a better me. Hhhh..

Werk, werk, werk, werk, werk, werk~

Supervising, templating, inputing, revising, editing, finishing, pushing my self to do managerial and administration things when i'm not exactly shine in it.

1. Banana

2. Steamed sweet potato

3. Apple and almond

4. Melon

Post-workout alternatives food (45 mins to 2 hrs after WO):

1. Scramble egg with chicken or tuna (tongkol), carbs, and cucumber