Audrey Andromeda

I hope nothing more but endless days with no idea of you.

Admittedly, I still think about you.

I hope to still be your favorite page in your book of life, bookmarked with a string of heart that’s used to be mine.

I still think about you, but without the nightly routine of wanting you back or missing the sound of your voice. I still think about you like it’s my sole purpose, as if you never left. I still think about you, with traces of wonder if I ever cross your mind. I still think about you, I’ll forever do.

Sometimes I wish we were together, other times I am happy we are not.

Despite all, you are still my favorite regret.

Memories of us flash before my eyes as I walk out the door, glued to my right hand is the letter I made for you on your birthday and the left hand is holding a lighter. I ran past all the memories I had with you and told myself to just burn it. I sure did, I watched as the fire lick the corner of the letter and slowly devoured the entirety of it without holding back, without hesitation, in such vigor, the letter turned into ashes. I gave it one last look before it started to rain and take you completely away from me.

Today, your favorite song feels nothing of you.

It felt good not to think about you, at last.

You’ll never know how much I begged the universe that night to make you stay, to make you stop me from letting you go. It was a plan, not my end goal. Believe me, I want you every single time.

I’m starting to hate myself for keeping my hopes up. For still staying, for still hoping. The absence of your love is simply excruciating. I loved you, and I think I should just leave it at that.

The chaos reminded me of how intense the love that ran through my veins. I keep thinking of those nights we shared, the secrets we kept, the promises, everything. I kept existing to the past "us" that my heart still yearns to how it beats for you yesterday. I want you, still that every cell in my body screams your name.

I can’t sleep yet, my mind lingers to the thoughts of you. Suddenly, your imperfections started to creep my mind. The future I built for us is now covered with doubts, I can’t help but to question things, what if’s appeared too. What if love isn’t enough, what if we didn’t last? What if you start looking for someone else, what if we aren’t really that compatible enough to stay for each other? I am not perfect, neither are you. I still look at the stars, and wish for you. But I’ll accept my fate, and be okay with it.

I dreamt about you today and woke up missing you.

I did not wish to leave you, nor to keep you hanging. It was my fault, I called it quits first. Yet in the back of my head, I sometimes wish you stopped me from walking away.

And knowing you didn’t care, breaks me.