i am happy and grateful

I've been manifesting left and right - jobs, love... But I haven't really manifested kindness and respect yet from the person I truly care about. I know she cares for me too and loves me, but the constant nagging and lost of faith in me from her is just exhausting.

Worst, I give all my pay to our finances but not once was I told, "thank you, you provided good for us" instead, I only get "you didn't contribute anything to this fancy meal we're eating" or "you didn't contribute to this laptop you are using, you didn't pay for it".

I'm just tired of not amounting to anything. Of not being given the chance to breathe for all my efforts. Sometimes, the voices in my head just tells me to "die, motherfucker, nobody cares about you. Die motherfucker coz nobody thinks you're worth any."

I am happy and grateful for all the blessings that I have received. I am happy and grateful to have been welcomed in the Constantino family's home. I am happy and grateful that I feel that I have a new family. I am happy and grateful for all the joy, love and happiness I have been experiencing the past couple of days. I am happy and grateful to be in love with a brilliant, smart, patient, loving, sweet and understanding woman who never fails to show me she loves me and cares for me.

I am happy and grateful that I am in a loving, respectful, understanding, communicative and agreeable relationship, and that we take our differences as positive reinforcement to strengthen our relationship.

I am happy and grateful that someone sees a future with me. I am even more happy and grateful that she's the woman of my dreams come true.

I am happy and grateful that I am in love with this woman. I am happy and grateful that I know I deserve her love and she deserves mine. I am happy and grateful to give my whole heart and being to her. I am happy and grateful that I see her as the woman that I will marry, wherever it may be. I am happy and grateful to see her in my future.

Dear U,

I am happy and grateful for all the blessings that I have received. I am happy and grateful for the life that I choose to live. I am happy and grateful that I am alive today. I am happy and grateful for all the happiness that I have everyday. I am happy and grateful that I am loved, cared for, respected and supported by the people I spend my days with.

I am happy and grateful that I am in a happy and healthy relationship with K. I am happy and grateful that I am in a loving and respectful relationship with her. I am happy and grateful that we are always in commune with each other. I am happy and grateful that we talk, address and discuss our problems and issues. I am happy and grateful that we are able to spend our days together in a positive, loving and respectful way.

I am truly happy and grateful I am finally with the girl I have dreamed of for so many years.

I am loved, I am cared for, I am respected, I am adored and I am living in happiness.

I am happy and grateful for my capacity and capability to love. I am happy and grateful for my life. I am happy and grateful for my choice to live. I am happy and grateful that I am alive today. I am happy and grateful for the love, care, sweetness, and appreciation that I experience everyday.

I am happy and grateful for the happiness I experience everyday with K. I am happy and grateful for her heart, her brilliance, her patience, her kindness, her niceness and her willingness to communicate. I am happy and grateful that I have her time and her presence with me.

I am happy and grateful that I am loved by this beautiful human being. I am so happy and grateful to be waking up next to her everyday. I am happy and grateful that she takes care of me. I am happy and grateful for her existence.

I am happy and grateful to be in this romantic partnership.

I am happy and grateful for all the love.

I am happy and grateful that I finally have finished my project and new opportunities are lining up for me to choose from. I am happy and grateful for the beautiful doors opening so that I can reach my dreams.

I am happy and grateful that I have one dream come true - I have my dream girl.

There are so many things that I am grateful for, so many things that I truly appreciate... But sometimes, I am unable to say my gratitude and appreciation out loud.

Today, I am happy and grateful for the jobs that I have. Having an avenue to earn money gives me great joy, living in abundance and comfortability allows me to become a better provider for my family and the people I truly care about. I am happy and grateful for the love that I experience on a daily basis - the care, respect, understanding, acceptance, sweetness, communication and willingness to meet in the middle - with the people that I live with, interact with, and work with just makes me appreciate life even more. I am happy and grateful that despite problems and challenges, I choose to be strong and I choose life. I always want to choose life now.

I am happy and grateful that I get to learn and discover new things about myself everyday. I truly appreciate the people that are willing to show me sides of me I didn't know or has never ever explored before. I am happy and grateful that I am worthy of love and a relationship. I am happy and grateful that I am in a healthy and happy relationship with a brilliant, talented, patient, understanding and fun to be with woman. I appreciate her presence, time, care and willingness to be with me. I appreciate K so much, I am happy and grateful for her kindness, patience and understanding.

There are so many beautiful things in this world that I truly appreciate and I am grateful for - my friends - Cheryl, Kace, Jake, Debbie, Lah, Ankri, Santos Family, Belle, Ian, Trish, Wacky, Mai, Lean, and all the people that are just truly supportive and appreciative of what I can do and can accomplish.

I am happy and grateful for all the opportunities that are lining up for me everyday that are giving me options to choose what new path I would take in order to go to where my dreams are.

I am happy and grateful that I am just an inch closer to my dreams. I am happy and grateful that I am living my life as a writer, content creator and artist. I am happy and grateful that I always have the Universe by my side. I am happy and grateful that I have within me the power of the Universe - I am supported, I am loved, I have knowledge, I have understanding, I have patience, I have wisdom, I am accepted, I am trusted, I am partnered, I am believed and I am embraced.

I am happy and grateful that I am a better version of myself everyday. I am happy and grateful that I am relaxed. I am happy and grateful that I let go. Thank you.

Namaste.

- Sanche (Character), Cooking Master Boy /  Chūka Ichiban! Series (1997)

Read this story of the King and his 4 Wives

"One day, the king fell ill and the truth dawned that his life was soon to end. He thought of the luxurious life he had led and feared being alone when he died.

He asked his fourth wife, “I have loved you the most, endowed you with the finest clothing, showered gifts upon you and taken great care over you. Now that I’m dying, will you follow me and keep me company?” “No way!” she replied and walked away without another word.

The sad king then asked the third wife, “I have loved you all my life. Now that I’m dying, will you follow me and keep me company? ” “No!” she replied. “Life is too good! When you die, I’m going to remarry!”

He then asked the second wife, “I have always turned to you for help and you’ve always been there for me. When I die, will you follow me and keep me company?” “I’m sorry, I can’t help you out this time!” she replied. “At the very most, I can help with your funeral.”

Then a voice called out to the king in his sadness: “I’ll leave with you and follow you no matter where you go.” The king looked up and there was his first wife. She was so skinny and undernourished. Greatly grieved, the king said, “I should have taken much better care of you when I had the chance!”

For the whole duration of 2017, I allowed my soul - my mind, to fall ill. I was depressed and frustrated. I wanted to do things but did not allow myself.

At the start of 2018, I almost got out of depression, but my mind was at its weakest, just pushing itself to the limit, to its edge in order to keep me going. And one grand storm struck me with lightning and my mind almost lost it. It was dying. It took me a while to realize that my mind was the only thing that was keeping me alive and I was taking it for granted.

So, I had to take a step back. Made sure that this time it was my body who was going to do the work and help me fix my mind:

SOLITUDE - I decided to stay away from crowds. I wanted my mind to breathe. People are not bad, but people who don't have control of their own minds are terrible to be around with. Specially, the negative ones. They will suffocate you. So, I allowed myself to enter solitude and speak with my mind.

REST - I told my body to relax and chill, so that my mind would relax as well. I slept when my mind told me to sleep.

EXERCISE - telling my body to keep healthy. So that my mind would be fed HEALTH.

GRATITUDE - Gratitude is a great food for the soul. Finding things that you are grateful for in what you already have is telling your mind that you guys are okay. That you are living in abundance and that will make your mind at ease.

HAPPINESS - doing things that I only want to do that make me happy. I watched funny movies, inspirational films and videos, I cooked for myself, I shared my food to selected friends (giving to others is giving love to yourself).

DECLUTTER - I cleaned my house, so that when my eyes see clean space, my mind would sense clarity. No visual noise to clutter my mind.

STAY STILL - I meditate 15 minutes a day. To align my body and my mind and enjoy the art of doing nothing.

SEEK CLARITY - I wrote down everything that I want. I allowed myself to receive everything and allowed myself to experience what I want one by one to see if it is exactly what I want to do.

In a month's time since that disastrous struck of lightning in my life, I was able to pick myself up. My mind is clearer on what I want to do. I was able to choose clearly which it is I want to focus on.

My mind is stronger than ever. My mind is happier now. My mind is calm.

I am receiving miracles everyday. My dreams are manifesting and unfolding before my very eyes one day at a time. I feel love within me. I don't need to feel love from other people. I am happy.

So, it is very important to take care of ourselves first, starting from the mind. Our body will not be with us when we die. But our mind will be our greatest companion in all of our adventures. We will never be alone when we have our mind. It is better than having a lover. Love your mind, no matter what.

I am happy and grateful.

Okay, so you’re sure that there is that one person who is meant for you. Youngin’, that may be true, and that is really possible. But it doesn’t mean you’re gonna be lazy about it. In the Philippines, there’s a folklore that’s been told so many times known as Ang Kuwento ni Juan Tamad (The Story of Lazy John). In the story, Juan Tamad wants to eat a guava because he loves it so much, so he lays under the tree with his mouth open and waited for the guava fruit to drop in his mouth, which never happened. The fruit dropped somewhere else and he never got to catch it.

In relationships and love-life, it’s pretty much the same.

1. You need to seek out that person you will fall in love with.But be relaxed about it.

2. You need to remove all negative thoughts, like “I don’t deserve love”, “I will not be made a fool of”, or “He/She is not coming”.

3. Drop the Destiny Mindset -  * Assessing if the person you met is the right person for you - YOU NEED TO LOOK INSIDE YOU IF YOU ARE THE RIGHT PERSON TO BE IN A RELATIONSHIP. KNOW EXACTLY WHAT YOU WANT FROM A RELATIONSHIP AND STICK WITH IT. IT IS ALL ABOUT THE INTENTIONS AND ACTIONS.  * Is this person “the one”? - You are creating resistance when you keep on asking that question. How can the person be “the one” when you keep being on and off on the negative/judgmental mind with them?

4. You need to have a Growth Mindset  * Accept that people change  * Know that you can grow together  * Accept that relationships can change

5. Put more energy into building the relationship

6. Communicate with your partner and decide that you will do whatever to make it work. Set up a connection.

7.  RELATIONSHIP IS NOT ONLY A SEXUAL THING. IT IS EMOTIONAL, MENTAL AND PHYSICAL. 

8. Don’t dwell on their favorites - SURPRISE THEM

9.UNDERSTAND, BELIEVE AND KNOW THESE THINGS   * Growth is not a weakness  * Compromise is not a bad sign

10. “COMPROMISE IS THE GREATEST GIFT YOU CAN GIVE TO SOMEONE” - Vanessa Van Edwards, scienceofpeople.com

Basically, this is a note to myself. I’m really learning how to be a better partner and a better person to myself. I want to settle down and have a better relationship with the next woman I date - hoping we could be together in a real relationship. I now accept that people change, relationships change, I am willing to strive to grow together, walk our paths together separately, give time and distance, and most of all, COMPROMISE.

Try this -

Sit in one place or when you are walking alone, or just having a break from all the hustles and bustles of life, say something you are grateful for.

Example:

I'm happy and grateful for myself, that I choose to live everyday.

I'm happy and grateful that I get to eat delicious food 3x a day.

I'm happy and grateful that I'm surrounded by amazing people and friends who like taking care of me and like to have fun with me.

I'm happy and thankful that I have my ex girlfriend as my friend, now love resides in me. (This is good, less hate means more love)

I'm happy and thankful that I am doing the job that I love and have always loved, I am so blessed.

I'm happy and grateful that I love myself!

When you say these things to yourself, you will feel some light or warmth coming through your chest. Like something is being lifted up off you. A burden is being dissolved into thin air.

It's an amazing feeling to have. I do this thrice or four times a day now, and it helps lift up my mood.

At first, it would feel like lying to yourself. But try those things that you actually believe. And it will be real for you the whole time.