a pretty stranger at brunch: a series
(London, Spring 2021)

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@atidnan
a pretty stranger at brunch: a series
(London, Spring 2021)

Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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a pretty stranger at brunch: a series
(London, Spring 2021)
a pretty stranger at brunch: a series
(London, Spring 2021)
hive mind
I listened to Tirzah and Coby Sey sing this live a couple of days ago and it’s been stuck in my head since. A lovely coincidence that this now doubles the butterfly-presence on my page.
But do we? Do we see things through?
I’ve been calling myself out recently, for seeing everything in dichotomies. Even people, and their personalities. And people are the furthest thing from dichotomies aren’t they? No one is purely good or evil. There is an enormous grey area of “acceptable”, where people are allowed to just ~exist~ without falling foul of societal expectations. So why are my own expectations set to the most unattainable standards? The moment the people I hold in highest regard make a tiny slip-up, express the slightest difference in opinion to the one I would have expected them to hold, I start questioning. Their morals. My judgement. Our relationship.
Given times we Sing different tunes
I was reminded by a wiser confidante that differences are natural, and healthy. Sometimes even imagined. Do we really disagree on the fundamental issues? Perhaps it’s my anxious mind that pushes me to shoehorn people into neat, opposite boxes - a coping mechanism to easily understand, creating a “who-to-trust” manual for myself, and carefully avoiding having to delve into the complexity of human nature for fear of not making it out to the other side unharmed.
To one by one Two by two
It hasn’t helped that the world appears to be becoming more and more polarised, a trend that has been enabled and reinforced by social media. You either fall into one camp or another - "woke” or bigot. Compassionate or selfish. Discriminated or discriminating. Instead of taking an informed view on each issue, you start being led by groupthink. Of course this is completely inevitable with a lot of issues, especially when lives are at stake, but it can lead to you alienating yourself from some of the people you love most - because they were led down a different track on one or two of the more ancillary issues (I had to refrain from calling it the “wrong track” just there). I have fallen victim to this many, many times in the last year. Even now, I find myself at odds with the beliefs I am trying to protect and the thought of drifting apart from people dear to me.
Tethering like Like hive minds do
But I have to grow comfortable with accepting and embracing the “outliers” so-to-speak on others’ graphs, and my own. I am hardly perfect, and there is so much space for me to grow and learn. Maybe that can mean that I wouldn’t have to fall over myself to so desperately please, placate and pander? I am allowed to have a grey area to ~exist~ too. To fall short. To learn. To accept and be accepted. To ~coexist~ even.
f/f
The mind seeks familiarity while the heart craves foreignness. We are in equal parts soothed and unsettled by remaining within our comfort zone, and stepping out of it becomes an increasingly necessary but increasingly tedious task. There comes a crucial juncture where you feel you must step into somewhat of an unknown abyss or find yourself starting to resent the familiarity of your surroundings. This is where I find myself now.
--
Goyohan naye sigan soge
I was immediately taken with Oh Hyuk's voice on Nabi. His barely there, soft, undulating croons, coupled with the unfamiliar sounds of the Korean words he was singing made for a winning combination to my ears.
Meolli miumman boyeoyo
I adored the way he half-rolled his 'l's, semi-stressed his 'm's and dragged his "ah"s. I loved the way the words seemed to go on for much longer than you'd expect.
Areumdaeumeun eodi itna
I looked up the romanised lyrics, and realised there were even more syllables secretly wedged in between the sounds we actually hear.
Lago malhan ideuleun da eodi itna
I dove further into the English translation, and the meaning behind the words was as moody and romantic as they sound.
In the silent time of mine All I see in the distance is hatred
The foreign became a little more familiar.
Did I enjoy the song a little less?
--
Priya Ragu finally comes on stage at Rough Trade East, but her mic isn't working. She is (I assume) belting out my favourite song of hers, Kamali, but all we see are her lips moving, and all we hear are her band and the "pm ts, pm ts" reggaeton beat of the backing track. She's urging the audience to sing the words. My own knowledge of it is patchy (I tried to do some last minute memorising in the days leading up to the gig, but one's brain only retains so much under pressure), and there's a general air of uncertainty in the crowd. Not ideal for Priya. But when the primarily Tamil chorus comes on, I'm ready for it (my brain came through!), everyone's ready for it, and we're singing the words loud and proud.
Kamali, kamali Nee odu naan vaaren vellu nee En kaiyil ellaame sollu nee Nee sonnal un vaazhkai vellum di
Cue tabla beat. Thakutu thakutu tha!
The sheer familiarity of the words, and being in the exclusive "know" amongst non-Tamil speakers in the audience, was intoxicating. Here, my enjoyment of the track is derived especially from knowing and loving the language it was being sung in, understanding the cultural background of why a 9-year-old female skater in India is its protagonist, and being personally familiar with the concept of filial piety it preaches. And just. Damn it feels good to sing in Tamil.
--
In the overall battle of the foreign vs. the familiar, which wins?
Surely the immense inertia I feel in even venturing out of my tried-and-tested-but-getting-pretty-boring "Liked" songs on Spotify, even with playlists of totally new tracks curated completely for my taste by Spotify's, frankly freakishly good, AI algorithm available to me and refreshed every week, is testament to the fact that the familiar always wins out?
I made a "latest discoveries" playlist to get myself out of this precise rut of stale, cowardly familiarity. I pushed myself to venture further and further out of my listening comfort zone, and ended up with valuable finds like the entire discographies of Oh Hyuk and Japanese alt-rock band OGRE YOU ASSHOLE. The risk and effort definitely paid off.
Now, my ponderings turn to my life outside of just music (which admittedly is a large part of it anyway). Will I be courageous enough to step out of the rut I have dug myself into in other, arguably more imperative, aspects of my existence? I hope so.

Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
Free to watch • No registration required • HD streaming
(Sardinia, Spring 2019)
the moon through the great equatorial telescope @ the royal observatory in greenwich
(London, Winter 2019)
Orto Botanico di Cagliari (Cagliari Botanical Garden)
(Sardinia, Spring 2019)
(Sardinia, Spring 2019)
(Sardinia, Spring 2019)

Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
Free to watch • No registration required • HD streaming
wild flowers near chia beach
(Sardinia, Spring 2019)
(Sardinia, Spring 2019)
(London, Winter 2019)
streets of tokyo
(Tokyo, Spring 2020)
arashiyama bamboo forest
(Kyoto, Spring 2020)

Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
Free to watch • No registration required • HD streaming
rain-drenched streets of tokyo
(Tokyo, Spring 2020)
koi fish in the ritsurin garden
(Takamatsu, Spring 2020)