She is messy, but she's kind

Athena had realised that she didn’t have things under control, she knew that but she was trying. She’d be ok, she had to be ok in the end, but trying to remind herself of that was proving to be near impossible. She had felt like she was walking the line and that anything could tip her over. Logically she knew it was everything building up that was getting to her. But emotionally it was harder to not focus it all in one way. Something she knew she had to work on.

All of which would have been fine, only now it felt like she had been hit by a ton of bricks. Everything she had known had just been tossed out of the window. She had imagined a million different outcomes when she had been in the basement. Imagined everything with what she had thought could have happened. That was until she had run into her biological brother. She hadn’t given them a second thought, and now suddenly he was here, and telling her that their mother had raised him. The woman who had abandoned her... how was she meant to process this?

She was trying not to think about it. She’d gone into The Corner, least there, she could pretend she was reading a book whilst drinking coffee. Instead she knew her emotions getting to her, and she had lost focus. Feeling a shadow come over her, she realised she had lost focus and needed to actually try and be a normal member of society. “Sorry... not in your way am I?”

“ well i’d say that’s a shame, but it your choice, and i’m not one to push a woman when she says no. ” in fact, hathor had several scars on her knuckles from bar brawls where she’d decked a man for not taking a damn hint. “ now, i don’t mean to be pushy, but something tells me this problem might be the kinda problem where you just need to talk it out with someone impartial. sometimes, when you get all caught up in your head, you might miss a glaringly obvious solution. ”

                 PARKER offered a gentle smile, having realised that staring at a stranger in the street would be a little more than unnerving, “No, honestly, I’m sorry.” He began, shaking his head, “As stupid as it sounds, you just– you look a lot like my mom.” Parker added, shoulders shrugging softly. He flipped his wallet open as she handed it back, showing a photo stuck in there of his parents and himself that previous Christmas, “I swear, I’m not just bein’ weird staring,” He finished, a light laugh escaping his lips, “But thank you. I can still barely find my way around this town, never mind adding losing my wallet to that list.”

Mia laughed softly at how the dog got his name. “It suits him.” She mused, tickling the dog behind his ears. “Hi Bailey!” She spoke in the type of voice that you only spoke to dogs or maybe small children in. “Aren’t you just the cutest? Yes you are…yes you are.” It was almost as if she had forgotten that the dogs owner was standing just a few feet away as she gushed over the most adorable pup she had seen in a while. 

                      KENZIE dropped down onto the couch facing Thea, coffee cup held gently in her hand as she listened to her words. “Cameron Reynolds, right? He’s back in town?” She asked, more out of curiosity than anything else. She knew he and Thea had been together as teenagers, before her disappearance, but she supposed that Athena was coming back into a world where everything was completely different to what she had known before. It would be an adjustment period - and she could admit she’d be in the same boat. “It’s not selfish,” Kenzie began, shaking her head softly, “You’re allowed to be angry about it, having feelings doesn’t make you selfish. Does he know about what happened?”

               PARKER, as much as he hated to admit it, was still getting used to finding his way around Edens Town. It still seemed to be the case that he was getting lost more often than not - he knew his way from his apartment to the diner, then to the bar and back to his apartment. Past that, he was fucked. He’d been in a hurry to get back home when a voice broke his concentration and he turned quickly, almost having to do a double take at the woman stood before him. It took him a few moments of staring before he realised she was holding his wallet out and he shook his head, offering a small apology, “–Sorry, you just– you look a lot like someone I know,” He murmured, managing a gentle smile. He reached out for the wallet, “I– Thank you.”

Mia was suddenly brought to her senses when she noticed a dog suddenly appear before her. “Hey pup!” She greeted the dog, petting it gently. She wouldn’t usually pet a dog without permission, but it seemed friendly enough and it had ran to her. “Don’t worry about it. He’s adorable, all is forgiven. “What’s his name?” She asked, still fussing the dog.

“ I was just gonna ask if i could borrow your phone- but i think you, sweet thing, need a drink. ” hathor brought her hand down from in front of the woman’s face.  it was almost worrying, how blank the woman had gone before hathor had managed to snap her out of it, but it was a disappointingly familiar look that she’d seen many times in the faces of people dealing with intense emotional distress. “ you okay, sugar? ”

                MACKENZIE couldn’t help but be concerned, offering a reassuring smile as she gestured Thea to follow her into the living room, disappearing briefly to return with two cups of coffee. “I get the whole… Claustrophobic feeling of people fussin’ over you,” She began, nodding softly. It hadn’t been quite the same circumstance, she knew the feeling. “But when someone says they don’t know if they’re okay, it usually means they’re not. Do you wanna talk about it?”

I’m not going to stand here and lie by saying I don’t still love you.

What. What? What? Anything else that was said was forgotten or gone unheard when Athena spoke that sentence. It was a one-liner that dissolved all the anger in him and filled him with something else. Once again, what she revealed to him was not fair in the slightest way. While everything inside him wanted to scream at that statement, Cameron miraculously kept a level head and Athena continued speaking as if she hadn’t just admitted what she had. It left him indubitably more confused now than he already had been. All he could do was keep reminding himself that this would be for the best even if it was a hard decision to make so hastily now. 

All Cameron could do was shake his head. 

“Yeah, uh, I’ll stop by tomorrow around noon. If that’s okay with you.” He stilled remembered where her parents lived. It was also clear that he had fallen into a state of shock, of at least some sort. He caught the end of her discourse and looked back to her. His hands were folded together and this thumbs were twirling around each other like tiny dancers. For someone who had experienced most of the horrors that war would offer and for someone prepared to face them, he had been blindsided. The blind spot being Athena and the shock factor that seemed to be delivered any time that she came around.

He wanted to curse the universe for having taken away ten beautiful years from the two of them, years that they would never be able to get back no matter how hard she or him wished for a miracle. “You’re not being greedy.” He spoke, his voice finally strong even when he felt so weak and shaken. “I want those things too but we can’t force them.” The universe didn’t abide by man’s laws. He couldn’t tell her that he loved her because he wasn’t sure. His heart loved the woman she was when they eloped. Whatever she was now, he would have to find out. If he could, if it was even possible to.

Perhaps that had been the wrong way to admit that. But what else was she meant to do? There wasn’t going to be any big reveal like in the films, this was something completely different. Wasn’t it better to just admit it, and avoid any misunderstandings? He’d been honest with her, and the least she could do now was to be honest with him. Then what? She’d sign the papers, and all of it would be over. Just like all her other dreams about her life. But that was self-pity, and she would save that until she was alone. She couldn’t start crying about it, that wouldn’t be fair.

She nodded, “noon’s fine” and she was dreading it already. She wanted to beg him not to go through with this, to at least give them a chance. This was all so fast, and confusing. But it would be selfish. Wouldn’t it be better for him to be free, find someone who would actually make him happy when it was evident she had spent the last decade hurting him? And besides, begging him would break her own rules. She wanted to be loved, but not because they felt forced to. That would be worse then not being loved. It was just another thing to let go of, she could cry about her shattered heart later. 

Cameron wasn’t sure what he expected her reaction to be on the news, but it wasn’t what it was. He wasn’t expecting the crushing sense of doom that came with the closure of a chapter in life, but he needed to appreciate Athena’s understanding. Her quick acceptance was proof enough that whatever they once had was lost throughout the past decade. He felt an unexpected and foul feeling inside, right where his heart should be, at the realization that this whole mess would be done. People probably didn’t even remember that they were married hastily right after high school. 

He looked at how the wind carried her hair and was reminded that he wouldn’t ever be the one to tame it by tucking it behind her hair again. Cameron gave a nod as she continued because this was exactly what he had wanted. They weren’t going to give themselves another shot, they weren’t going to try to rekindle anything that was once between them because their lives had become too messy and the nightmares their either of them experienced wouldn’t heal because they had reunited. Life wasn’t a fairytale and he was well aware of that.

Still, it was a bitter taste. 

“I don’t know what I want, Athena.” He confessed finally. “I just know that I can’t do this right now.” He couldn’t pretend like nothing had happened to him or to her, he couldn’t be in an insta-relationship when he had proven himself to be the type of criminal and despicable man that she would absolutely despise. “I’m sorry that all of that happened to you and I’m sorry that I can’t be someone who’s there for you through it all, but know that I wish you the best.” He brought in his lip and bit down on it. “I can stop by your place tomorrow with the papers for you to sign.” It hadn’t occurred to him until now to ask, so he did. “What do you want?” Tell me the truth. Even if I don’t deserve it.

Strange. Over a year, and no one had really asked her that before. They seemed to assume that because she was now free, she had everything that she ever wanted. Who was she to reach out and say that actually that wasn’t the case, and that there was still things she wanted. It just sounded selfish, and besides, she didn’t know how people would react to it. Something she now hated about herself, always so scared of people’s reactions, and most of the time they were completely reasonable. 

“Do what? Talk?” and even then, that was more then she had been brave enough to do to begin with. She wished she had been stronger originally, but she had just ended up hiding almost. Scared of... well, this. She didn’t know how to feel about this, but she knew that whilst her life had stood still, no one else’s had. “I also don’t believe I’m the only one here whose been through something... you don’t need to tell me, but your eyes” and just something about the way he acted. 

If anything at all, Cameron was tired. It wasn’t from the long flight home that had been over thirty hours of travel or even from unpacking and meeting with family either. It was from a decade worth of anxiety, worry, concern, fear, stress, and all of the other synonyms and alike feelings out there that had crept inside despite his best efforts to keep life occurrences at bay. He sat there with a woman he never thought he would see again at his side. Someone who had once been the love of his life and the person that also ruined that potential for him forever.

He heard her talk about her first kiss but it didn’t register in his head because he already knew everything that there was to the Athena that he knew so long ago. He had already relieved every moment they had spent together over and over again for years, every story she told him and every memory both the good and the nasty. So when she spoke, it wasn’t any knew information and he knew that the guy’s name had been Ryder. He remembered snorting when he heard it.

His attention was finally drawn to her when she laughed. Cameron looked at her with a confused expression that was cleared up as she continued to talk. He needed to hear that validation of his feelings, he really did. “We’re both really different people now, Athena.” His eyes searched hers, those wide big blue eyes that had stolen his entire heart. “I don’t know who you are anymore and you don’t know me. All I know is that this past decade did happen and I don’t know if we need to start on a blank slate or just move on or what.” His heart was hurting again. “I filed for divorce, a few days after I saw you at the church.” He thought he needed it, to move on. Cameron didn’t know if he wanted to or if he should but he knew that he needed to not feel tied to someone who he hadn’t seen in so long. “I meant to stop by and let you know, but it never seemed like a good time.”

And there it was. The words she knew eventually would come, but she had been scared to hear. Of course their decision back then had been crazy, but she had always believed that they would get to at least try and have a life together and some control over what happened within their relationship. Instead, she had been pulled out of her own life, and there was nothing she could do to change it. Other then get a time machine, but so far there was no joy there. She was just left with what she was dealt, and nothing she could do would change that.

Part of her wanted to scream, beg for this not to be happening. But how would that be fair? For ten years he had thought she had run out on him. Why would he want to keep that marriage intact? Whatever the truth, she had to try and be logical about this, and really, how could she ask him to stay in a marriage? Wasn’t he right anyway, both of them had changed, ten years was a long time. Would all be easier if she wasn’t still in love in with him. But that was for her to deal with.