if only I were a candle in the dark

This is why trans identified people get mad when you say things like "what's wrong with just being a non gender conforming woman?" or "what's wrong with just being an effeminate man?" They need to believe that they have become a different person because they need that hit of disassociation. It's also why they rely on sexist stereotypes so heavily, they need to believe that the opposite sex are basically a different species. If they admit that their sources of gender euphoria are just things that a person of their birth sex could do anyway without changing their identity, then they are admitting that they are still just themselves. It's also why they get so irrationally angry at "misgendering", no other marginalised group loses their cool this much at not having their identity recognised. No other group goes out of their way to police language the way the trans community does. But when you misgender a trans person, you are doing the equivalent of giving a shot of narcan to an opiod addict. You are bringing them back down to Earth and reminding them that they are still themselves. No wonder they fight so hard to not let people do this.

This also explains the escalating nature of trans identity. Addiction by its very nature tends to escalate. You get accustomed to your current state of addiction, and it no longer gives the same high it once did, so you need to intensify it. You might just start out cutting your hair short and wearing a binder and that might satisfy you in the short term. But sooner or later that's not enough, soon you will need hormones, then top surgery, then facial masculinization surgery and then eventually bottom surgery. Then the many revisions of those surgeries. But you're chasing a dragon, you're never going to catch it. You can't satisfy an addict, it's just not possible. No matter how much they have, they will always want a little bit more.

The closing of Alcatraz, 1963