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â I was gone a lot longer than I thought I would be. â
â Iâm stuck with you, and that means youâre stuck with me. â
â Youâre not as good as Iâd hoped. But youâre better than you know. â
â Yeah, no, that still sounds bad. â
â I think someone is following us. â
â Iâve heard enough. â
â Iâm in. I heard the word illegal. â
â Wait, are my eyes open or closed right now? â
â Hell is real, and it smells like Axe body spray. â
â This magic gin better make us see unicorns that fart rainbows. â
â What is the point of magic if we canât fix real problems? â
â A great way to get what you want is to be so miserable that you donât want it anymore. â
â Every time I talk, I sound batshit. â
â You should be happy. Less competition. â
â You have to mean it for magic to work. â
â Phosphoromancy, bitches! â
â Being a magician has always been about, in part, accruing power. â
â I need you to remind me that magic is real. â
â Magic doesnât come from talent, it comes from pain. â
â Life is raw. Everybody medicates. â
â The idea is you look at the list of ingredients and try to figure out what the spell does. â
â Itâs the universe deep dicking us. Lay back and try to enjoy it. â
â My crown is just as heavy as yours. â
â Poor little magic girl. â
â You donât know me. â
â Hey, how did you â what are you doing here? â
â Why canât anything just be fixed? â
â Why did you bring me back? â
â What do you say? Want to put some pants on and help me save all of magic? â
â You could say please. â
â Hakuna Matata has failed me. â
â I trust you. I need you. â
â If you keep drinking, I will seriously cut a bitch. â
â My loyalty will always be with me. â
â Well⊠I guess I could help. For a price. â
â Is everybody out here really so lifeless? â
â So this is what the patriarchy smells like? Itâs not the freshest. â
â But youâre not alone. Iâm your best bitch, remember? â
â I knew the difference between magic and miracles. One is real and one is a lie with sparkles. â
â Youâre alive. What a lovely surprise. â
â Youâre the volunteer tomato. â