Astrology shit posts

(I’m a lawful evil sun, lawful neutral moon and chaotic neutral rising)

Aries ♈️ “You’re like scrappy doo but sexier”

Taurus ♉️ “You’ve never seen shrek, you’re a cat.”

Gemini ♊️ “Hunched over like a poptropica character Bc I’m in so much pain”

Cancer ♋️ “ Wtf does ice cube have to do with the WNBA”

Leo ♌️ “Desperate measures calls for desperate times”

Virgo ♍️ “I really have 90’s mom Christmas movie boobs”

Libra ♎️ *drives with emergency brakes on*

Scorpio ♏️ “I have slut clothes under my sweater”

Sagittarius ♐️ “Fair warning my apartment looks like a Hilton in the 90’s”

Capricorn ♑️ “listen we all make mistakes sometimes we accidentally traumatize our very loose acquaintances”

Aquarius ♒️ “Pee is 90% urine”

Scorpio + Sagittarius

Libra + Pisces

Aries + Gemini

Virgo + Cancer

Capricorn + taurus

Aries ♈️: Sending nudes bc I’m bored, And then immediately going to bed without responding

Taurus ♉️: Cold hard Kohl’s cash

Gemini ♊️: I can’t even do math, if I could do math I probably wouldn’t have to work this much

Cancer ♋️ : *asks for maiden name* says “madam name”

Leo ♌️: Being a slut Is my 4th income

Virgo ♍️: you can hear running water I’m cleaning the garbage disposal I don’t hate the environment

Libra ♎️: I think I could have pulled Gene Kelly

Scorpio ♏️: I need a lighter and melatonin, then we can go

Sagittarius ♐️: your body is a war criminal for that damn

Capricorn ♑️: Was that you driving through the wizard of oz tornado

Aquarius ♒️: God gives his longest shifts to his sleepiest soldiers