Astronews

Well ya heard it here first folks, being dead is kinda mid!

GOD DAMmmiiit

W-Woah, Hey now- be careful with those-

Mortal? Yes very, very mortal, please do not kill the squishy human-

Uhh, yes? I would assume everyone does?

Huh… w-well they’re annoying anyways, you wouldn’t want them in the first place, hahaha…..

UHHH- I W-W-WOULD PREFER IF YOU DIDNT TAKE MINE-

I have spare organs and nowhere to store them if the astronaut who doesn't have a news show for some reason doesn't get you any.

Ah, fellow astronaut. How are you doing? *They shoved a microphone at his helmet*

Oh- uh- I’m… fine? *He tilted his head slightly* Who are you?-

I am *All that was heard was static.* And you're... Tom, you said? So! Are you stranded? What planet are you from? WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED TO EARTH and have you seen something with enough power to destroy a planet? Recharging the planetary destruction cannon for if one of them is violent isn't exactly easy. And that probably still won't be enough for the worst of them.

Yeah, uh, apparently Earth is gone. Have you met them yet by the way?

…I’m just gonna…. Yeah just gonna process that later- also who’s them?

The living planets and moons and shit of course.

………w h a t

Have you met them or not?

Uh- N-No? I… I’m more confused than anything-

Oh. Well, anyways, every celestial object is alive. Fun fact I was extremely wanted on Earth by every police force JUST because I accidentally destroyed a portion of a large nation and started world war 3

oh you can sit inside the ship. Just don't touch the news equipment. Or any big red, blue, green, purple, white, black, orange, or multicolored buttons

No no, I’m fine- just- y’know… war crimes aren’t really my… style?

I said it was an accident. Okay anyways we have to retake that the microphone didn't pick up a damn thing you said.

…I’m gonna go insane here aren’t I?

Nah. I've been here for atleast a month and I'm fine.

Ah, fellow astronaut. How are you doing? *They shoved a microphone at his helmet*

Oh- uh- I’m… fine? *He tilted his head slightly* Who are you?-

I am *All that was heard was static.* And you're... Tom, you said? So! Are you stranded? What planet are you from? WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED TO EARTH and have you seen something with enough power to destroy a planet? Recharging the planetary destruction cannon for if one of them is violent isn't exactly easy. And that probably still won't be enough for the worst of them.

Yeah, uh, apparently Earth is gone. Have you met them yet by the way?

…I’m just gonna…. Yeah just gonna process that later- also who’s them?

The living planets and moons and shit of course.

………w h a t

Have you met them or not?

Uh- N-No? I… I’m more confused than anything-

Oh. Well, anyways, every celestial object is alive. Fun fact I was extremely wanted on Earth by every police force JUST because I accidentally destroyed a portion of a large nation and started world war 3

oh you can sit inside the ship. Just don't touch the news equipment. Or any big red, blue, green, purple, white, black, orange, or multicolored buttons

No no, I’m fine- just- y’know… war crimes aren’t really my… style?

I said it was an accident. Okay anyways we have to retake that the microphone didn't pick up a damn thing you said.

Ah, fellow astronaut. How are you doing? *They shoved a microphone at his helmet*

Oh- uh- I’m… fine? *He tilted his head slightly* Who are you?-

I am *All that was heard was static.* And you're... Tom, you said? So! Are you stranded? What planet are you from? WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED TO EARTH and have you seen something with enough power to destroy a planet? Recharging the planetary destruction cannon for if one of them is violent isn't exactly easy. And that probably still won't be enough for the worst of them.

Yeah, uh, apparently Earth is gone. Have you met them yet by the way?

…I’m just gonna…. Yeah just gonna process that later- also who’s them?

The living planets and moons and shit of course.

………w h a t

Have you met them or not?

Uh- N-No? I… I’m more confused than anything-

Oh. Well, anyways, every celestial object is alive. Fun fact I was extremely wanted on Earth by every police force JUST because I accidentally destroyed a portion of a large nation and started world war 3

oh you can sit inside the ship. Just don't touch the news equipment. Or any big red, blue, green, purple, white, black, orange, or multicolored buttons

Ah, fellow astronaut. How are you doing? *They shoved a microphone at his helmet*

Oh- uh- I’m… fine? *He tilted his head slightly* Who are you?-

I am *All that was heard was static.* And you're... Tom, you said? So! Are you stranded? What planet are you from? WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED TO EARTH and have you seen something with enough power to destroy a planet? Recharging the planetary destruction cannon for if one of them is violent isn't exactly easy. And that probably still won't be enough for the worst of them.

Yeah, uh, apparently Earth is gone. Have you met them yet by the way?

…I’m just gonna…. Yeah just gonna process that later- also who’s them?

The living planets and moons and shit of course.

………w h a t

Have you met them or not?

Uh- N-No? I… I’m more confused than anything-

Oh. Well, anyways, every celestial object is alive. Fun fact I was extremely wanted on Earth by every police force JUST because I accidentally destroyed a portion of a large nation and started world war 3

Ah, fellow astronaut. How are you doing? *They shoved a microphone at his helmet*

Oh- uh- I’m… fine? *He tilted his head slightly* Who are you?-

I am *All that was heard was static.* And you're... Tom, you said? So! Are you stranded? What planet are you from? WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED TO EARTH and have you seen something with enough power to destroy a planet? Recharging the planetary destruction cannon for if one of them is violent isn't exactly easy. And that probably still won't be enough for the worst of them.

Yeah, uh, apparently Earth is gone. Have you met them yet by the way?

…I’m just gonna…. Yeah just gonna process that later- also who’s them?

The living planets and moons and shit of course.

………w h a t

Have you met them or not?

Ah, fellow astronaut. How are you doing? *They shoved a microphone at his helmet*

Oh- uh- I’m… fine? *He tilted his head slightly* Who are you?-

I am *All that was heard was static.* And you're... Tom, you said? So! Are you stranded? What planet are you from? WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED TO EARTH and have you seen something with enough power to destroy a planet? Recharging the planetary destruction cannon for if one of them is violent isn't exactly easy. And that probably still won't be enough for the worst of them.

Yeah, uh, apparently Earth is gone. Have you met them yet by the way?

…I’m just gonna…. Yeah just gonna process that later- also who’s them?

The living planets and moons and shit of course.

Ah, fellow astronaut. How are you doing? *They shoved a microphone at his helmet*

Oh- uh- I’m… fine? *He tilted his head slightly* Who are you?-

I am *All that was heard was static.* And you're... Tom, you said? So! Are you stranded? What planet are you from? WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED TO EARTH and have you seen something with enough power to destroy a planet? Recharging the planetary destruction cannon for if one of them is violent isn't exactly easy. And that probably still won't be enough for the worst of them.

Yeah, uh, apparently Earth is gone. Have you met them yet by the way?

Ah, fellow astronaut. How are you doing? *They shoved a microphone at his helmet*

Oh- uh- I’m… fine? *He tilted his head slightly* Who are you?-

I am *All that was heard was static.* And you're... Tom, you said? So! Are you stranded? What planet are you from? WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED TO EARTH and have you seen something with enough power to destroy a planet? Recharging the planetary destruction cannon for if one of them is violent isn't exactly easy. And that probably still won't be enough for the worst of them.

Ah, fellow astronaut. How are you doing? *They shoved a microphone at his helmet*

For. The. News.

cmon. Pleeeeaaaase?

Please, inform me of where this 'G' is located.