Feminist as Fuck

I love all the possible implications from: “Mama is trans and wasn’t out back then”, “Mama successfully committed feminist voter fraud”, to “Mama just fucking voted and the people running her local ballot box knew what was fucking good for them and stayed out of her way”. 

Fun little trick I learned in therapy: validation. When someone is upset, don’t try to fix the problem, point out the cause, or tell them it could be worse. Just validate their emotions. Be like, ‘shit yeah man, that sucks. I’m sorry you’re going through that. I’m here for you.’ That’s literally all you have to do to make them feel better. Thank you and goodnight.

As a neurodivergent person, giving this reaction can feel insufficient, so this reassurance that it’s normal is validating as well.

My partner and I are both ND and we both have the urge to fix things when the other starts complaining. We’ve worked it out now where we’ll ask, when one of us starts complaining, “Are you looking to vent or do you want solutions?” then whichever it is, we offer that. It’s really useful because sometimes the one who is upset doesn’t even know what it is we want until we’re asked that question. Awareness of what we NEED to feel better is a really good place to start. 

[image description: two drawings of Aubrey, a woman with light brown skin and freckles. Her dark hair has a streak of red in it and it’s short, flipped over to the one side and shaved on the other. On the left, she’s standing with one arm extended behind her, casting a small flame. With her other hand, she’s setting a playing card on fire in the air in front of her. She’s wearing a black tank, red shorts, tall dark boots and a translucent black lacy coat. On the right, she’s drawn from the waist up and is holding a large white rabbit in her arms. She’s gazing at him happily as he touches her cheek with one paw.]