i'm the cool aunt

“Why would anyone make a caffeinated IV drip, don’t those kill you way faster than most IVs?” Henrietta replied, laughing at the older woman’s bizarre idea.

"You know what, it probably would but I’m definitely addicted to caffeine and if there’s a way to save time and money in the mornings, I’m gonna take it, y’know.”

Small talk. Rissa could do small talk, she’d been a hairdresser for nearly a decade and that didn’t come without having to be vaguely invested in acquaintances’ lives while their hair set. It wasn’t exactly the relationship that she and Astrid had shared before the whole town got flipped upside down, but it was a start. She wasn’t sure that joking about caffeine shampoo did much to make up for firing the other woman’s niece at an already rough time, but at least she’d talked back to her, a small victory.

“Well it would be nice to see you back at the salon,” She said honestly, and from the small glances she’d taken at the blonde’s hair it would be pretty thankful if Marissa got her hands on it. She nodded, as though she could emphasise - she should be able to, she had a brother in Hayden’s class but it wasn’t as if she was getting much of a look into Aidan’s life in the last six months. “Well the last couple of weeks of senior year is stressful for anybody,” Especially when they’re a murder suspect but that wasn’t really something that Marissa wanted to break up, “Maybe once summer’s here you’ll be able to relax a little. Three kids through high school is quite the feat.”

It only took once glad at Astrid’s split ends for her to agree, she was well overdue a haircut. With everything that had been happening, her own ‘self-care’ had hit the back burner as she scrambled to make sure the kids in her care were okay. And even if the two girls weren’t on the best terms, Marissa had always done a great job and was easily one of the best in the business in their area.

“Have you got any openings early next week?” It was an olive branch, a pathetic one at that, but still. Holding grudges took so much energy and Astrid was already wearing thin, hence the caffeine overdose. “Hey now, don’t give me too much credit, those kids do most of the work, I’m just their adult supervision.” It was easier to avoiding thinking about what she gave for her sister’s children, how much of her life she had given for them, how much time, energy and money had gone into finishing what her sister had started. And Astrid wasn’t resentful in anyway, she loved those kids more than life and she would do anything for them, but it didn’t stop the ordeal from being utterly exhausting. “A vacation would be nice though.”

stopping to get coffee before his first class was habit at that point, and he couldn’t imagine getting through the day without it. coughing as he tried to hold back a chuckle at the words, he shook his head. “if you manage to create a caffeinated iv drip, someone would be grateful enough to gift you a private island. who hasn’t considered selling their soul to the devil for an extra caffeine boost, at some point in their life?”

She pondered the scenario, being gifted an island by a mysterious stranger as a thank you for creating an even more efficient caffeination device, and she smiled. “That’s the kind of appreciation I could get behind, and anyone who gives me my very own island, can have the right to the IV drip anyhow. I just want somewhere I can go, relax, and get my tan on, you know?”

Etta’s face formed a little grin as she nodded in agreement, “I completely understand. I cannot fully function without caffeine.” When she’d gotten sober, she’d switched alcohol for caffeine- apparently, it hadn’t worked as well as she had hoped it would. She held up her own coffee in solidarity, “Even when I try cutting back… nothing!”

“Finally someone who gets it.” Astrid clinked their cups together, a smile resting on her lips. “The second I hit college, I was onto coffee and never looked back. I don’t think I could ever really cut down on the stuff y’know. I just don’t see the point in hurting myself like that.”

“I gave a lecture on the history of drugs and their impact on North American culture last week… I swear I don’t know this stuff for no reason,” Kit assured Astrid, crossing his heart with his free hand. “No need to be threatened, at all. I have my hands full with three kids a husband and a job, where would I find the time to build what would inevitably be a caffeine drug empire with you?” After a pause, he added, “My husband is also a detective, very good at his job, and I am a terrible liar. It would be over before we even started. So I suggest you stick to taking your caffeine the old fashioned way. It is much more delicious this way, anyways. Nobody likes needles.”

She waved off the idea with a chuckle, far more interested in talking about the detective that had been mentioned. So far, Astrid hadn’t been able to find out many details about the case that had the town buzzing, and for her niece’s sake, she wanted to know as much as possible. Especially the parts where her niece was concerned. 

“You know you’re absolutely right. Coffee tastes so much better this way, and IV drip would get in the way of that. Besides, I spent far too much time, energy and money at college to toss it all aside and become a criminal.” She didn’t even want to begin thinking about the crime she could be implicated in, and powered through into her next train of thought before any kind of recognition could show on her face. “Being married to a detective though, now that sounds exciting.”

Things had been a little…well tense seemed like an understatement, between Astrid and Marissa lately. Before the investigation, if she’d seen the other blonde in the street the younger woman would have had no problem wasting twenty minutes chatting about things that had happened since she had seen her for her last haircut. But instead Astrid was in desperate need of a session at the salon and Marissa was biting her lip as she tried to work out how this had to be approached. She stood by her decision to let Hayden go, she’d always seemed like a nice girl and Paisley had loved her but she was also a murder suspect. Shiloh was family, and it might have seemed hypocritical but you do for family.

“You know I often think that about those caffeinated shampoos, if I could just get them to sink in a little deeper. Faster hair growth and a coffee buzz? Well, I have a feeling you wouldn’t be seeing me around Crestview anymore,” The laugh was awkward, a little forced, but she was just hoping that Astrid wasn’t about to shoot her down, “Speaking of, I haven’t seen you around. Guess you must be pretty busy?”

It had been a friendly offhand comment. Not intended to draw into a conversation, but to make sure she didn’t appear outwardly rude. Small talk, the awkward defensive mechanism of someone who didn’t actually want to say anything. Before the incident that potentially involved her niece, Astrid would have even called Marissa a friend but since firing Hayden, well, Astrid was always going to side with her family. It didn’t matter if she could empathise with the other party. Astrid’s loyalty laid with her family, every single time.

“A caffeinated IV drip?” Kit repeated, taking a sip of his team “where is the fun in that?” Though, given the state of many of his students during exam season, he did think that would make quite a good amount of money. “It would probably work very well, though I question how safe that would be… I mean, look at what happened with heroin and other drugs? Like caffiene, they were super addictive even before you introduce it intravenously… though I realize that I may be a touch off topic. Sorry.” And he took another sip of his tea.

Astrid eyed him, sizing up him and his words, before returning her attention to her coffee

“You’ve clearly given this way more thought that I have. I was just spit-balling but you,” She paused for dramatic effect. “You’ve put some serious thought into this, and I’d probably feel threatened if these weren’t all really good points.” It was all in good humour really, IV drips weren’t Astrid’s area of expertise, and she had no intention of ever following through on the idea. “I like the way you think. Very thoughtful. If you’re ever interested in taking this business venture to the next level, I’d be open to having someone else come on board.”

Hayden was sitting at the kitchen counter with her laptop open in front of her. She was about three-quarters of the way through a history paper that was due later in the week and simultaneously eating half a Twinkie when her aunt piped up from the other side of the surface. She looked over the top of her screen, eyeing the coffee cup in Astrid’s hand. She’d be inclined to join her and have a coffee herself if she hadn’t already snuck a contraband can of Monster into the school in her gym bag that afternoon to get her through volleyball practice with all the vigor of a Russian Olympic gymnast.

“You know how people put vodka-soaked tampons in their asses to get weird drunk or whatever?” she actually had no idea how that worked but she’d totally seen it on Buzzfeed or something, “You should invent a coffee butt plug or something like that. People hate needles,” she advised, believing herself to be spouting the utmost wisdom. “-but since it’s my idea I get at least fifty percent of the profits, I’m copywriting- parenting- trademark, whatever,” she wasn’t sure which was the correct legal term. Sure, she was learning a lot about the law by being a person of interest in a homicide case but sadly it didn’t cover any intellectual property terms.

The very idea of putting vodka soaked tampons anywhere had Astrid crinkling her nose in disgust. She wondered briefly if she should be concerned that Hayden knew of such a thing, but then again with the internet being such a huge wealth of information, nothing should really surprise her when it came out of her niece’s mouth. It was good to see her doing homework though, often Astrid wondering if she was doing enough to be a good parent to her sister’s children. It gave her once less thing to worry about when she saw them taking the initiative. 

“Does that even work?” She pondered, not really wanting an answer but curiosity would always get the better of her. Coffee loaded butt plugs sounded even worse, and she had to stifle a snorting chuckling, lest she make a mess of her coffee. “I’m going to pretend that you didn’t just mention butt plugs, but you can still reap the benefits. Fifty fifty seems a little steep though, especially considering you’ll get a portion in my will anyway. You can have a twenty percent cut, purely for being an ideas contributor.”

“I’m telling you, if I ever manage to create a caffeinated IV drip, the money I save on coffee will pay off my practice and give me a down payment on my very own island.”