Lingering Songs

behind the cut, because this got long v(^∀^*)

honestly when i got this message my brain was like "uhhhhh" and then just 404 error'd me. "do i have a favorite scene?? have i written it yet??? what happened in my fic?????" because my brain has been just full of baby food lately.

but i think, of the scenes i have written so far, the scene at the end of goblet of fire where snape kills barty crouch is my favorite gkajgjh. now, i do love snape committing murder, but also: he and harriet are in it together, there, and it was one of the lowest moments for the both of them -- snape was in severe pain, yes, but worse was the fact that harriet was in danger and he couldn't do anything about it; harriet has been through the greatest ordeal of her life and is terrified for hermione, but she's also clear-thinking enough to realize that something has happened to snape, and acts on it. but she can't quite evade crouch after everything that's happened, and that moment lets snape overcome the imperius enough to finally seize control of himself. and then he brutally kills a man, which is always fun!

me, about a scene in which everyone is either dead, nearly dying, or completely incapacitated from pain and trauma: i just think it's neat dot meme

thank you! this was fun to try and get my baby food brain to think about c:

aw, thank you! :3

dumbledore is super polarizing (or do most people hate him these days? i'm always reading pro-snape stories and Dumbledore is persona non grata in those akgjaj not sure how he shakes down in other parts of fandom).

to me, characters are either boring or interesting. within these designations, you can have different shades: "aggressively uninterested" or "just don't think about them at all," vs. "their psychology intrigues me" to "i must hereafter shape my identity around my new blorbo" (e.g. snape!)

dumbledore is my "his psychology intrigues me" type. he fascinates me. what the heck is his deal. he lets harry run around doing the most insane things with monsters and bodily harm, lets snape run around doing the most insane things to his students egos; lets the marauders do whatever the heck was going on there; hires a dude wearing voldemort as an accessory, and gilderoy lockheart -- the list is endless. but then! he's genuinely kind to house-elves. he's completely free of werewolf prejudice, and other prejudices besides (apart from the Youthful World Domination phase in which he hated muggles and stuff). he does seem to be genuinely kind and caring. he's also idolized by the narrative, talked up pretty much at every turn.

there's a kind of cognitive dissonance to the guy.

the narrative for six books: omg dumbledore is THE most amazing. the kindest, the most enlightened, the most trustworthy, the one harry trusts without reserve, the one who gives everyone strength, the only one voldemort fears, defeater of grindelwald, also he loves candy! proof he's the best.

the Secret Backstory dropped in the last book: uhm ACTUALLY

the narrative again: NO HE'S STILL THE BEST. ignore harry dying. THE BEST. ALBUS SEVERUS POTTER. SEE?

to be clear, none of this bothers or annoys me. i just don't think of it that way. what i do think is that JKR was trying to finagle something she didn't quite have the subtlety to pull off.

once we get his full backstory, we have a guy who 1) went through a world domination phase with the man he loved 2) accidentally murdered his own sister 3) realized the path he was on would lead to widespread destruction 4) isolated himself from the world because he couldn't be trusted, either with power or with love.

this is my favorite thing about dumbledore: he locks himself up in a tower because he believes, or understands, himself to be an incredible danger to life and liberty. he cannot be trusted. he proves this over and over: first with the safety of his siblings; then the safety of the larger world; and finally, tragically, the safety of harry. he doesn't even trust himself, although he continues to act as if his judgments are without fault or flaw. he tells harry that because his intellect is greater than most people's, his errors tend to be correspondingly huger -- a line that leads harry to believe dumbledore made the wrong judgement about snape, of course, but which is actually about dumbledore's own youth. but the fact that dumbledore turned down an official position of power (minster for magic) and sequestered himself in hogwarts from a young age, that's him not trusting himself, and knowing it, and removing himself from the temptation of widespread influence and public control.

his past wrong judgements become more impactful when we understand he was in love with grindelwald and probably still harbors some tangled knot of feelings. HP is a series about love -- voldemort never understood it, was conceived in violation of it; harry was protected by an act of love from lily, who died for him, and an act of love from snape, who lived for her. harry's patronus, the purest expression of joy that magic is capable of manifesting, is borne of his own love for his father. harry's enduring love for the family he never knew protects him not only from voldemort's touch but from his influence -- he declares he'll never Join the Dark Side because voldemort killed his parents. "you are protected," says dumbledore, "by your ability to love." this was not true for dumbledore.

harry's love purifies his intent and gives him courage. snape's love (again, see his vow, his patronus) turns him off a path of evil to one of self-sacrifice. dumbledore's love, by contrast, killed his sister, destroyed his relationship with his brother, allowed a villain to rise to power. i just think, damn. what must dumbledore feel when he looks at it that way?

i love the inherent destructiveness of loving something monstrous; loving something when you don't want to. there's a notion that we are what we love, or that our love is some reflection of ourselves. if we look at it like that, then dumbledore loving someone evil says a lot about him. but he was frightened by it, so he locked himself away.

he also combines what appears to be a great capacity for compassion with an equal capacity to sacrifice anything necessary in order to achieve a goal he's constructed as worthy.

this makes sense, too: in a way, he sacrificed himself all those years ago -- his plans, his future, his love, because the price was too high. dumbledore in his youth thought that he could Save the World by controlling people. then he realized that control has only ever doomed the world, but he never quite let go of saving the world. when voldemort rises, dumbledore takes a different tack of becoming a private general, or perhaps a military advisor: still largely removed from the thick of war but directing others, who are relieved and grateful to have his plans of attack. he also deeply inspires people, harry being one of the most powerful examples. harry places his absolute trust in dumbledore, believing that this person loves him (which he does) and will always protect him (which he can't) -- and dumbledore betrays this trust by openly acknowledging that, for the freedom of the world, harry needs to die.

it hurts dumbledore to realize that harry has to die in order for the world to be saved; it hurts him so badly he (as i see it) pawns off the truth-telling to snape. he can't look snape in the eye when he tells him; he can't look at anything. he shuts his eyes as if blindness will make it easier.

dumbledore could face the truth, the necessity. he doesn't say "we'll find another way," he says "harry must die." but he couldn't face harry. his desire to save the world once again places him in a position where he has to hurt someone he loves. and he does it. in a way, he keeps playing himself.

i LOVE that.

Mav had to stop playing and then go sit down immediately, not because he was getting tired, but because he had kept watching Rooster one too many times, full of adrenaline, and noticed too late that he was half-hard 😌✨

Hence why he swiftly stepped on the emergency brakes, retreated to the beach chair without looking back and grinned through trying to think of anything that would make his cock obey him.

Lucky for him, suddenly there he was!

Admiral 'Mav's Soft Salvation' Simpson.

🔥= smutty ‼️= read the warnings 😭 = emotional ❣️= fluffy and sweet ✅️ = completed

Toxic Pony by yellow_crayon, explicit, dubcon, false identity, bottom Mav 🔥‼️✅️

The kid staring at him across the bar is young, Hawaiian shirt and blue board shorts, aviators pinned to a thin white undershirt, the V of his crooked collar showing a light smattering of freckles over sun-kissed clavicles. Probably some navy admiral's rebellious kid looking for a good time. Maverick's gone through his fair share of them way back when. This one is at least a decade too young for Maverick's current tastes. That ridiculous old-school mustache he's got going on does nothing to hide the signs of youth in the rest of his body — smooth supple skin and the effortless muscle that Maverick has to work hard to keep at his age.

Sic sine vita vivere, sic sine morte mori by Finistra, explicit, somnophilia, dubcon, bottom Mav‼️🔥✅️

Sexsomnia is a form of sleepwalking where the affected person tries to have sex while asleep. Someone experiencing sexsomnia is completely unconscious and may be dreaming about something completely different while it happens.

When Things Go Awry series by Fopperies, explicit, omegaverse, dubcon, manipulation, mpreg, bottom Bradley ‼️🔥✅️

Bradley can't spend another heat alone with Maverick down the hall. He comes up with a plan.

Bad Decisions series by Exorin, explicit, dubcon, manipulation, somnophilia, bottom Mav ‼️🔥✅️

“Hey Mav, I know it’s late but I was wondering–” he starts, talking at a whisper as he rounds the corner to the living room where Maverick should, in theory, be setting up the pull out couch into a bed for the night - instead he finds the older man already passed out, his leather jacket on the floor, shirt pushed up enough to give a small peak at his toned stomach and pants half-undone; Bradley’s mouth goes dry at the sight and he takes a half step forward.

“Mav?” Bradley tries, wincing at the crack in his voice.

OR: Bradley can't keep his hands off, Mav fails at dealing with the consequences.

The Captain's Lieutenant by writelikeitsgoingoutofstyle, explicit, Dom/sub, bottom Bradley ‼️🔥✅️

Like, the angst of the only choice Mav had being the exact same one with different consequences? Beautiful. The way that the moment Mav finally let go and let Bradley truly fly they both ended up in the snow, together. And then the rules changed again because Mav had let go yet Bradley was still here.

The way they worked as a team because Mav trusted Bradley at his back. And how his earlier choice of making Bradley his wingman firmly sets that trust of Bradley in the hangar with the F-14 in the “I trust you because it’s you” and not “I trust you because you’re the only one here”

The way that Bradley followed Mav to the hangar and trusted Mav to know what he was doing, even if the idea itself was completely erratic.

The way Mav trusted Rooster to unclip the F-14 and the way he didn’t panic when Bradley couldn’t instantly figure out the radio because of the surety in Bradley’s voice when he said “I’ll figure it out”

The way that Bradley trusted Mav enough once he was in the air and away from that really short taxiway - because they didn’t crash and burn in instantly - to give him the go-ahead on “do(ing) some of that crazy pilot shit”

The way Mav trusted Bradley enough to know what he was getting into with the dogfight. The way that Bradley’s trust in him allowed Mav to finally trust himself with a passenger at his back again.

The way that even as Mav pushed Bradley into the snow and Bradley’s answer of “you told me not to think” allowed Mav to know that Bradley had trusted his instincts. The way that Mav had that moment of pride as Bradley shot that helicopter out of the sky (Yes I’m never shutting up about the helicopter)

The way Mav trusted Bradley to tell him when there was smoke in the air. The way that Bradley actually believed that Mav could and would get them home.

The way there was no way for Bradley to say that “there’s no one to mourn you burning in because I’m burning in right alongside you” without it hurting but you clearly hear it anyway. In the silence, in the way that Bradley lets Mav say that last sorry to Goose because Mav tried his best.

The way that Bradley didn’t panic at all when the front wheel came off the plane because they were finally home and Mav was the reason why they were home.

And that hug. The hug that says thank you; you’re welcome; I believe in you and I’m sorry all in the same span of minutes. And yet Mav doesn’t leave it unspoken he actually verbally thanks Bradley for making sure that Mav could bring them home by following. And Bradley’s answer being “it’s what my father would have done”

[Meanwhile]

"mav...why are the wings coming out?" "mav, this is a taxiway, not a runway! and it's a very short taxiway!"

"shit!"

"mav do some of that pilot shit"

"oh shit!"

Like, the angst of the only choice Mav had being the exact same one with different consequences? Beautiful. The way that the moment Mav finally let go and let Bradley truly fly they both ended up in the snow, together. And then the rules changed again because Mav had let go yet Bradley was still here.

The way they worked as a team because Mav trusted Bradley at his back. And how his earlier choice of making Bradley his wingman firmly sets that trust of Bradley in the hangar with the F-14 in the “I trust you because it’s you” and not “I trust you because you’re the only one here”

The way that Bradley followed Mav to the hangar and trusted Mav to know what he was doing, even if the idea itself was completely erratic.

The way Mav trusted Rooster to unclip the F-14 and the way he didn’t panic when Bradley couldn’t instantly figure out the radio because of the surety in Bradley’s voice when he said “I’ll figure it out”

The way that Bradley trusted Mav enough once he was in the air and away from that really short taxiway - because they didn’t crash and burn in instantly - to give him the go-ahead on “do(ing) some of that crazy pilot shit”

The way Mav trusted Bradley enough to know what he was getting into with the dogfight. The way that Bradley’s trust in him allowed Mav to finally trust himself with a passenger at his back again.

The way that even as Mav pushed Bradley into the snow and Bradley’s answer of “you told me not to think” allowed Mav to know that Bradley had trusted his instincts. The way that Mav had that moment of pride as Bradley shot that helicopter out of the sky (Yes I’m never shutting up about the helicopter)

The way Mav trusted Bradley to tell him when there was smoke in the air. The way that Bradley actually believed that Mav could and would get them home.

The way there was no way for Bradley to say that “there’s no one to mourn you burning in because I’m burning in right alongside you” without it hurting but you clearly hear it anyway. In the silence, in the way that Bradley lets Mav say that last sorry to Goose because Mav tried his best.

The way that Bradley didn’t panic at all when the front wheel came off the plane because they were finally home and Mav was the reason why they were home.

And that hug. The hug that says thank you; you’re welcome; I believe in you and I’m sorry all in the same span of minutes. And yet Mav doesn’t leave it unspoken he actually verbally thanks Bradley for making sure that Mav could bring them home by following. And Bradley’s answer being “it’s what my father would have done”