mentally somewhere else

i want to pull on my tongue until i unravel my belly. i keep writing the same four things and none of them are going to make my mom happy.

it turns out you can believe all you want, babygirl. the contamination is gonna spill out of you in a soft, shiny glow. no matter how much you print it backwards, it’s still your name. stand up under the weight of it and suffer, prophet. carry that golden mantle. carry that catskull in your body and burn your body on the shipmast.

carry yourself , reeking, to your own bedside. take the helm of your hollow jaw and rip yourself asunder, skin to sinew and back again.

i can’t eat. i can’t look god in the eye. i can’t sleep. i can’t stop shaking. i can’t believe. i can’t find it. i usually can find it, but i can’t find it, and i no longer feel like looking. i can’t find it! i can’t find it! do you remember what i saw? can you tell me what it was shaped like? can you describe the scene of the accident. can you pretend nobody was crying.

i can’t find it. i can’t find it. i can’t see.