She said Iâve always been a daydreamer
That sheâd have to pull me out of one multiple times a day,
That iâd always try to share them to the class.
But even though it was a  disruption,
Sheâd often times allow it.
Weekly, she says, Iâd try to convince her to have class outside.
She wouldnât usually allow it,
but a few times that year,
we spent science class in the soccer field.
âLearningâ about the clouds.
Really, we just pointed out the pictures we saw.
She wasnât supposed to encourage this,
But she loved seeing the creativity in our eyes.
She used chances like this to get us to draw it out on a page.
âWriteâ sheâd say,
âDraw, paint, sew,
make a game, collage, cartoon, mosaicâ
âYouâve always told the best stories, Lelah.
Your ideas are brilliant.
You struggle to get it all on a page,
And to slow down,
You sometimes confuse your reader,
by switching verb tense too muchâ She tells me
One day in calss, Marissa asked,
âMrs? What is heartbreak?â
We were given an answer, Iâm sure,
but not one memorable enough to recall.
So for Marissa, and for that wonderful teacher of mine, and for every third grader who needs to learn this,
here is heartbreak:
Heartbreak is feeling your chest being ripped in two,
sucking in as much nicotine as you can
in hopes it stitches your heart back together.
Even though you know,
all its going to do is ruin your lungs.
Youâll just end up with two ruined organs
instead of one.
But you donât care.
You have to try.
Heartbreak is oversleeping,
ditching class,
and cutting in the girls room.
If youâve had heartbreak before,
you know how to do it so it be seen.
If you havenât,
youâre probably going to get caught.
But its fine.
Because you canât see anything going correctly
ever again.
You arenât foolish enough to believe,
youâll ever be the same again.
Heartbreak is becoming a new person.
Some become a procrastinators,
artists,
alcoholics,
daydreamers,
bullies,
poets.
Heartbreak hurts more than your heart.
It leads to depression,
anxiety disorders,
ana
mia
bri
sophie
ellie
cat
sue
whatever nickname youâve given your illness.
The nicknames, you see,
they make it sound less scary.
More of a family,
than a complication of reasons nobody talks to you anymore.
Heartbreak steals your appetite.
You canât eat when youâre so full of misery.
You donât want to eat.
You feel like you donât deserve it.
Not until you start to get over them,
and that can take days,
weeks,
months.
Heartbreak sometimes heals you.
Healing through damage,
ridiculous, i know.
But its likeâŠ
re-breaking a bone,
so you can set it properly.
To heal correctly this time.
I hope you all heal correctly this time.
I hope you all defeat your addictions,
overcome your darkest desires,
and i hope you abandon your secret family.
I hope none of you ever yell at a child for daydreaming,
I hope you encourage that child to be an artist.
I hope you explain to them that art isnât just
writing, drawing, painting, and sewing.
I hope you explain to every one of them,
sometimes art is healing through pain.