The Rest Is Confetti

Norwegian is among the funniest languages to know because it utterly ruins John Carpenter's "The Thing."

I don't want to name any names, and I don't know who did what, but someone threw out a whole bunch of test kits. Two of my other coworkers, F and B1, started really getting sick and had to leave. Someone fucked with the equipment, mine included. B2, my other coworker, just decided to work from home for now but it's radio silence, he won't talk to anyone.

Last time I went to work, I had to come back in through the backdoor because they wouldn't let me in the front, saying I probably caught something while outside. But I've been so cautious! I know I didn't catch anything, I know I'm still myself, I just want to get this done with and move on with my job! What am i supposed to do, work from home?

This is where I might be the Asshole: I got fed up and just demanded that everyone gets themselves tested in front of everyone else. So I grabbed a bunch of leftover tests, herded everyone in the lobby, and locked the doors. I tested myself in front of everyone, and I am negative, and should be free to move in and out. But the others, especially my boss P, is saying I am being extreme, I am threatening people, the tests are unreliable, I shouldn't have tied them to the couch etc.

So I've been wondering. Am I really the Asshole for wanting to find out who is still human and who is actually the Thing?

The Characters Of Carpenter