little tree

Nico stopped existing. All that mattered anymore was his action; what he’d done, what had happened because of it.

Aspen on the ground. Aspen on the ground. Holland’s knees now on the ground. Nico faded out; everything else, faded out. Like the night on the roof, her breaths coming quick, Aspen between her legs – but this was not that moment.

That might have been the beginning. Maybe the middle. And this was the end. Their book of love would be short.

She grasped for Aspen’s hand, holding it tightly, squeezing and not caring how hard she squeezed. “Aspen, I’m right here, I’m here, tree girl, I’m right here. Don’t die. Fuck. Don’t die.”

.

Holland was there, the familiar face she’d come to adore more than anything she had known in her entire life; she had never known anyone who was the same as her. Holland, Holland, Holland, her Holland. 

Their hands fit together so perfectly; it felt like it was a curse. It felt like it was all Aspen’s fault for pursuing this, pursuing something that had been doomed from the start – quick to love and quick to trust a total stranger.

But Holland wasn’t a stranger. They saved birds, they had bled for each other. What kind of stranger would do that? 

“I’m okay,” Aspen lied between a sharp breath. Her heart was fluttering hard in her chest, anxiety beginning to bleed out the same way the blood was falling from her ribcage. Her hand tightened as best as she could around Holland’s and her eyes began to well with tears. This isn’t how she wanted to go. They weren’t even supposed to be here. They were supposed to be long gone. If they had just run when they were fucking supposed to she wouldn’t be clinging to Holland like she was her last tether to this planet. 

“Don’t let go of my hand, I don’t wanna be alone,” Aspen begged, as the tears finally poured over, her eyes scanned down to their interlocked hands. A cough left her lips and she choked on her breath. This wasn’t fair – this wasn’t fair! She couldn’t protect Holland if she died.

Her body shook, either with a sob or because she was getting so cold. Why was it so cold? Aspen’s free-hand, clumsily, sloppily sought out Holland’s cheek cupping it as best as she could, trying to take in every last part of Holland’s face, if it was the last thing she could memorize, it would be. “Love you,” She managed through a slur, like it was most important thing would ever say. 

If there was an afterlife, she was going to remember Holland. If there was an afterlife, she’d wait for Holland to join her there. 

nico-wylin·:

They really were made for each other. Another excuse. Another lie. Anything and everything except taking responsibility for their actions. Or accepting that there were more than just the two of them sucking in air. 

In that moment, he couldn’t remember the training room, or Aspen’s little siblings. Or even the tesserae stacked against the both of them. All he knew was that he’d never hear Kit’s voice ever again, and she was reason. Her hand, her axe. 

“Your wrong,” he said. “I was going for you, Aspen. Now come on.” He gripped the sword in two hands. “Own your shit.”

He didn’t hesitate then. He moved fast and quick, aiming a swing at their joined hands, trying to separate them. 

@hollandwestbrook·

Fact: a knife is nothing against a sword.

Fact: Holland had to try anyway.

Facts, assembled: she hadn’t eaten anything significant in days. She hadn’t treated her leg wound, which was now spreading infection through her body. She hadn’t slept more than an hour or two at a time in days. She was not at her best. She was not ready to fight.

(Facts, uncertain: maybe, maybe part of her, wanted to still turn this around. To still manage to pull forgiveness from Nico’s lungs. To stop him from hurting Aspen, to get him to tell her she had done nothing wrong.)

The knife was poised in her hand, and as Nico swung the sword, she rushed forward, aiming to stab him instead, to stop him. Not to kill him, not necessarily; but she had to protect Aspen, who had just been acting under her orders.

Her hand pulled from Aspen’s, her calculations all wrong, she lunged towards where Nico had just been, but he was already gone, and she, stumbling forward on a bad leg.

@aspensawyer·

Have you ever played that game, ‘Anywhere But Here’? Aspen was, in that moment, as maladaptive as it was she thought of every possible timeline and place where she could’ve been separate from what was happening to her; maybe she could be on a beach somewhere or she could’ve met Holland in a world where the Hunger Games weren’t happening. Or the Games were but they hadn’t been reaped, hadn’t been chosen and they had met by some other happenstance instead of the one where only one of them could live.

Aspen’s hand slipped from Holland’s, and she froze. This was  Like a gentle fawn being mowed down by a poacher back home, Aspen froze, keeping right in Nico’s path, unable to just will her legs to move because she was lost in her daydream, thinking of how unfair it was that she was dying here and now. She thought she heard her own voice begging, pleading with Nico – something along the lines of “Please don’t, please,” and “You don’t have - you don’t have to - Nico.”

The cries from her lips were cut short as she fell silent, the only sound she could hear over the heartbeat in her ears was the splitting of skin and bone.

The pain of the sword wasn’t what she expected – rapidly switching between hot, cold, slow, and fast. She stumbled backward onto the ground, hand clutched to her ribcage, just over where the blow had struck, air falling from her lips in hurried stops and starts. She knew she was hurt but all she could contextualize for herself was that she was scared – she was scared of being alone even though Holland was a few short feet away. Her head fell to the side, desperately seeking out the other girl, attempting to call out to Holland, unsure if the words were even falling past her lips.

nico-wylin·:·

Fight. Do it for him.

The sword was heavy in his hand, but as he drew closer to the false sun it glinted like starlight. Like the stars that were out when he’d first kissed Kit. The taste of wine and cheese in their mouths. He should have seen the sky as he died. The moon. The sunset. Not the underbelly of some cursed city. Not the mutts masquerading as girls, who spun them up in webs. He’d thought himself a master of pretend, but oh to sit at their feet and learn these secrets.

The river washed away the dirt and blood, but not the anger. It was a fire in his gut now, screaming at him. He’d seen them make for this area, clocked them even through the haze of terror and grief. Finding them took work, though, and time passed. One hour or two it didn’t matter. He wouldn’t stop until this was done.

He found them among the trees, their eyes clear as they turned their faces toward him. Hard to play when you’ve been taken for surprise. Aspen spoke and he shook his head, done with their words.

“Don’t! Don’t play with me anymore.” His voice was sharper than the sword in his hand. He used it to point at her. “To borrow a phrase from your girl right there ’I’m just doing what has to be done.’”

@hollandwestbrook·

Fuck. It was Nico. The worst person for it to be; even Thetis, she would prefer. There was so much bad blood – so much literal blood – between her and Nico, and she swallowed it, thick as it slid down her throat, standing up and facing him. The knife was in her hand, but she saw immediately that it was no match for his weapon. The axe, still with Kit. They were outmatched. But he was outnumbered.

She thought for a moment maybe he’d listen to reason, and she raised her hands. Not necessarily a surrender, but a request to pause. To breathe. “Nico, this does not have to be done,” she said. But she had no argument. She was only halfway holding onto sanity. But seeing Kit felled like a tree, it had made it clear that this, too, could happen to Aspen.

Aspen. The only thing keeping her sane.

Aspen, whose hand she’d spent this whole time holding. Without that hand in hers, how could she remember where she was? Who she was?

That she was not this person?

@aspensawyer·

Like when she was first Reaped, Aspen wanted to run, she wanted to hide; that’d keep them safe right? Running had been their modus operandi before, so why wouldn’t it work now? Couldn’t they keep out running the Games, break out of the arena and live? 

Nico would follow and Holland couldn’t run and in any good consciousness, Aspen wouldn’t leave her behind, even when Holland had almost encouraged her to be selfish:

‘If something happens to me, you try to win, If something happens to you, I try to win‘

‘I’m thinking that we’re tributes, Aspen,’

‘In the Bloodbath? No, no, you should just run.’

‘You need to keep– going, even if I fall!’

She wasn’t running this time though. She couldn’t, not when it was knife versus sword, their axe long gone. Love was maybe clouding her judgement or maybe her moral compass was but on either side of this, she wasn’t going to let Holland die, even if that meant sticking to her side. Maybe they’d be able to overpower Nico. Maybe it’d be easier to kill him now that she had killed Kit – wipe some of the blood off of Holland’s hands and onto her own. Her hand blindly clung to Holland’s, scar pressed to scar, oath pressed to oath. 

“It was an accident,” Aspen stammered, trying to verbally defend herself, “You were going to do something to Holland – I didn’t mean to actually hit anyone.”

“I’m not a pussy,” Honey grumbled, almost irriated at the insinuation that she’d be bothered by something so utterly inevitable. Though, no matter how much she expected it, she had to clench her jaw when Aspen dabbed at the wound. “Shit,” she forced out. “That stings like a motherfucker.”

“Didn’t say you were,” Aspen retorted, with a snort of a laugh as she ignored Honey’s complaints. The work of tidying the other tribute up was done and she freed a bandaid from its packaging and carefully pressed it to the cut on her face. “Does that feel any better?” Aspen asked, lips tugging into a brief friendly smile.

“You want to cross–” She was cut off as Aspen, in fact, started to cross the bridge. But a quick glance behind her showed that it might be their only option. The fucking one-eyed giant was still following them, and its steps were heavy. It could crush her so easily. So she shoved the canteen into her bag, tightened her grip on the rope, and started after Aspen.

Each step was less certain than the last, and the bridge swung precariously. Fire jumped up at them from beneath and she couldn’t breathe, just like when they’ve been aboveground and the ash had choked her. Now, though, it was fear choking her.

Aspen almost fell and her blood turned to ice as she struggled to catch her balance. With the lava and fire spitting up at the pair, it felt like this was likely their shared last second.  She managed to fall forward slightly, wrapping her hand disgracefully around the rope on either side of the bridge, the fibers digging harder into the cuts on her hand than she would’ve cared for. 

Finally, she made her way to the other side, half collapsing onto the ground as she touched more solid ground. Her legs shook under her body and she shouted toward Holland, trying to encourage her as much as possible or to distract her from the fucking cyclops chasing them; Aspen had to be the one with the level head, “You can do it! I’m right here!”

“Why the fuck–” She was panting as they ran away from the giant, trying to avoid tripping and falling over the uneven ground. “–did they go for so many–” She leapt over a river of lava. “–fucking monsters!” Her foot landed in a crack in the earth, the foot at the end of her bad leg, and she cried out as she fell forward onto the ground, putting her hands out to break her fall.

“Yeah, if we die I’m blaming you for this for the rest of the afterlife, and I can hold a grudge really well,” Holland said, joking right back. She smiled when she spotted what Aspen was looking at. “Oh, fuck yes,” she said, taking the one that she was handed. It sloshed as she did so and her knees could have buckled with the relief she felt. She uncapped it and drank deeply; it felt good to soothe her dry, scratched throat.

And that good feeling lasted a moment, until she heard – and felt – a heavy footstep behind them. Too heavy for a tribute. And then a grunt. Her eyes widened, she whipped around, and saw… a giant fucking monster, lumbering towards them. “Fuck,” she breathed, her eyes connecting then with Aspen’s. Run or fight?

.

“I wouldn’t have it any other way,” Aspen spoke, a giant grin spreading across her face, “Listen, I’ll just have to bug you back for the rest of our afterlives.” Maybe things would be okay, after all the fact that they had made it this long and they were still able to be together? It was almost a testament to the oath they had taken; the only commitment they could both settle on. Aspen followed suit after gazing at Holland for just a moment, truly trying to take in the other tribute, wanting to memorize all the details of the other girl while she still could. Aspen broke her own trance and chugged at a canteen, only breaking the seal when she had to breathe. 

Her eyes narrowed as she listened, turning her attention to look behind Holland – it couldn’t be that bad, right?

“Oh, fuck.”

Her feet froze where they stood and she grasped for the axe she had set down moments before. Aspen’s eyes caught Holland’s and she understood what they needed to do – there was no way they were taking down this giant, not like this. Her free hand reached for Holland’s and she broke into a sprint. 

hollandwestbrook​:

kit-rowe​:

Kit looked to Holland who was on the ground and then to Aspen who had her axe out. What had happened? These were his allies, his friends. These were people he could trust, but the energy that filled group felt off, felt worrying. Maybe Slate was right after all.

“No, you stay back” he urged, shrugging Nico off his shoulder so that he would stumble backwards, out of Aspen’s line of sight. “Aspen– put the axe down, come on” he pleaded, holding his empty hands out, but walking towards her, trying to get close enough so that maybe she could see his face, his eyes, closer so that she could recognise he wasn’t here to hurt her. “Holland” he called behind her. “Tell Aspen we’re not here to fight, tell her to put the axe down”

@hollandwestbrook​

Holland saw the axe raise, higher than the flowers that grew, these strange flowers the likes of which she’d never seen before. Aspen – the person who said she was Aspen – hadn’t recognized them, either. “You are here to fight!” she cried back, thinking that it must be Nico speaking to her. “You don’t fucking trust me anymore, we’re not fucking allies, and this is the end!” Her knife had fallen from her grip, she was so disoriented, this fucking ghost-woman still somehow sinking her claws into Holland’s mind, even though she had gone. She had done bad things. A lot of bad things. And Nico wanted to punish her for those bad things. “Aspen, he can’t be fucking trusted!” Could anyone? “Get away from them!”

@nico-wylin​

“Put it down now!” He was screaming now, his voice rising high over the meadow. Broken. Scared. There was something wrong with the both of them, though and he new reason was out of their reach. Knew in his gut that Aspen wouldn’t listen to him, not when Holland was spouting venom. They’d been allies for one day and enemies ever since. He’d sworn an oath the other day and he would hold to that promise.

One heartbeat, then two, and he didn’t wait for a third. He moved quickly to yank at the back of Kit’s toga, and force him backward. To run toward Aspen with his knife in hand. His father’s voice was in his head again. You’ll be cursed for this. You won’t ever be forgiven.

@aspensawyer​

A voice that didn’t feel like it belonged to Holland resonated behind her, but the words felt like something Holland would say, so her arms moved on the instinct of trust, Holland’s words ricocheting around her brain. They couldn’t be trusted, they’d suffer the consequences. 

The axe began to swing downward, maybe it’d be a show of strength, just enough to scare them off – she wouldn’t have to hit anyone if they just backed off. But that man had butt in, and pulled Kit, and pushed closer to her. This gave her a grave miscalculation of speed and distance, making a wider sweep than she had intended, losing control of her targeting, flying off toward Kit. The axe clattered from her hands and she stumbled backward at Nico’s approach, she didn’t mean to, she was just trying to get them to back off. To leave her and Holland alone. 

@kit-rowe​

“Yeah, fuck that weird dude,” she said. “I feel like they really were thinking out of the box, like, what if it was a goat but also a lion and also a bird and it breathed fire?” She shuddered. “At least we’re away from that.” She followed Aspen’s gaze towards the cave and nodded. “Yeah, sounds good to me. Could be a trap, but everything is probably a trap.”

“They literally made a whole-ass mountain explode, of course it’s a trap,” Aspen said dryly, voice thick. If they walked into a trap, at least they wouldn’t die of thirst. She marched them closer to the cave, adjusting her grip on the axe, a pit forming in her stomach as they approached. 

“If we die, I’m sorry,” Aspen joked, trying to keep it light. She was beginning to feel a little slap-happy. She was definitely exhausted, and she was willing to be risky – things she would’ve avoided done day one, she now gladly ran into the face of danger. Her eyes scanned the outskirts of the cave, it was littered with a few items that looked useful – a shield – tunic – canteens. She froze, there were a few of them, and at least one of the likely had water, and she could’ve cried out in relief. “Hol, check it,” Aspen said, setting the axe on the ground as she picked up two canteens and presented them toward her partner.

Holland nodded. “Yes. I – yeah, that’s not the best option, the best option is we both don’t have to fuckin’ be here, but I’d rather have you do it nice and quick than get crushed by rubble, which was an option a few hours ago.”

.

“Same here,” Aspen agreed, lips tugging up into a little smile. It felt grotesque to smile about this, but it was more of a comfort knowing that they were on the same playing-field so it made it less horrifying at the end of the day. “Do you wanna keep moving? I think it’s probably bad to stay in the same place for too long.”

They hadn’t lingered long by the lava pits and the scorched earth. Movement seemed as essential to life as breathing right now and they’d made their way across the bridges and into the meadow. He’d gathered the dulled fruits they’d passed, tying them into his toga for them to share later.

Even in this land he’d grasped Kit’s hand tightly, pulling them forward quickly past the ghostly women. One caught his eye briefly and drew him deep into a memory of his father’s last fever. The sound of moaning that he’d tried to keep from his brother. The winter outside shaking the doors. He’d put his head down and hurried forward and the thoughts disappated like smoke in wind.

They’d rested only when they’d come to a river. “I’ll be back before you can blink. Nature calls.” He’d kissed Kit. Sweet. Quick. Felt the weight of it in his gut. The love that he was afraid to name. He’d wandered off only a few yards when another tribute ran directly into his side and knocked him off his feet.

“Holland?” He stumbled up from the ground, careful with his left shoulder. There was a knife in her hand and he pulled his own, smaller knife, out from his belt. She looked pale and thin and nearly unrecognizable from the girl he’d shared a floor with. A threat. His pulse pounded in his ears and without much thought, he dove for her knife arm, trying to restrain her.

@aspensawyer​

Trying to keep her bearings was getting harder – she knew Holland was Holland but the moment she began to sprint she wasn’t so sure. Her face wasn’t anything like Holland’s – she hadn’t sounded like Holland either but she knew she had to protect her, she had promised. “Wait, Holland!” Aspen urged as she tried to run after her, the jog felt futile when she caught the sight of another person in front of Holland, “Watch out!”

She was struggling to recall who they were – obviously another tribute and they had known Holland’s name. They grappled and the figure she had decided was Holland was in danger. A pang of anxiety ran through her chest and she pumped her legs harder, moving to ram her shoulder into the mysterious figure as hard as she could. “Get your fucking hands off of her,” Aspen shouted, voice thick with fear. This couldn’t be it. This wasn’t how they were going out.

“You talking about a suicide pact?” she asked, raising her eyebrows. But that was the world they were in; a suicide pact would make sense, might even be a comfort at this point. An easy death from someone she trusted.

“Only if we have to,” Aspen backpedaled instantly, not wanting to sound like it was her first choice. “But if it’s like, the whole fuckin’ world is exploding again or we’re trapped and that’s like the only thing we can do...” She shrugged as she finished speaking. She didn’t want to die, she figured Holland wouldn’t want to die either, but given the options, she was leaning toward it. “I still don’t want to hurt you and I don't wanna die, but if anything happens to us it might be better than getting torn apart by like some monster.” 

“Fuck, I hope it’s nicer,” Holland said. “Let’s agree, if we both have to die, we’re gonna do it together, and we’re gonna go to the same place. Same afterlife. Then we can take our time, get to really know each other.” Guilt tightened her stomach; she knew that it was partially her fault that they were here now, that her refusal to run that night after killing Francis had led them to this moment.