you know i'm in love with an uptown girl.

Because unfortunately my father chose to move here without telling me so when I came back from Paris when I was 16, I had to go to school here. And unfortunately again, Dalton is actually a pretty prestigious university.

And now you're the captain of a pretty prestigious glee club. Doesn't feel like Shitsville to me, but to each their own.

Yeah, he doesn’t need to know that. And honestly, neither do my parents. They’re not insane like him but I wasn’t allowed to listen to music with drums in it til I was fourteen.

Any drums? Not even a snare in the odd percussion-filled classical piece? Rough.

A brief defrosting is better than a slow and dreary freeze. I'd take a short reprieve any day over staying in Shitsville, Ohio in 30 degree weather.

And yet you chose to go to college in Shitsville, Ohio... why?

The snow in Ohio is completely inhumane. I can't wait to get my exams over with so I can spend my winter break tanning on a beach in the tropics. I don't know how anyone else is coping, but I've had my fireplace turned on since October.

And just think - you escape when the cold is just beginning and get to come back to months of relentless, torturous winter. Enjoy your brief respite.

Knock yourself out, but he'll just call you a minion of the antichrist and say you're probably a spy from Deep Pharma.

Unfortunately I am a minion of the antichrist. Some might say you are too. We're in a punk rock band.

who. madison mccarth & nick duval @askwarblernick when. friday, november 22nd. 7pm where. breadstix

...I think you're actually onto something. There will always be part of me who longs to befriend a lion, but I'd slay the tent down daily on the unicycle.

My sister says there's a cheer squad that's incorporated shooting cheerleaders out of cannons into their routine, so that one does seem to be a career path with a few options. Unicycling feels more practical, though.

Don’t tell him that or he’ll make you subscribe to his email list and you cannot unsubscribe. Trust me, I’ve tried like 4 times.

Sign me up and I'll start to poke holes in his arguments for you. I think it could be fun. A hobby.

Apparently Denver Airport's the headquarters of the Illuminati or has connections to Area 51 or something, honestly I wasn't listening closely enough. Eventually, you lose all semblance of reality when that man starts talking.

I hope he conducts a thorough investigation. The people demand the truth.

The problem is....I really had my heart set on the whole beard thing. I guess I could also get into lion timing, as a backup.

I was pretty sure the lion thing was a no-go these days, so I googled to confirm. Sorry to crush your dreams, but could I interest you in a fulfilling career as a unicyclist instead? It's that, juggling, or getting shot out of a cannon.

Thanksgiving remains the most mediocre holiday. Not that I don't love any opportunity to give thanks and praise to my Jesus, but other than that it's literally just excessive food and family, both of which we get at Christmas in a month anyways, but with presents as a consolation. I hope everyone's trips home didn't suck, though I'm sure y'all had to deal with your own versions of my Uncle Steve spending an hour detailing how Denver Airport has a tunnel through the earth that leads to North Korea. Who says you don't learn anything new from your politically questionable family members?

...why the Denver Airport? If you're politically questionable and going to go full conspiracy theorist, why not somewhere in Washington DC? Or did he not have time to get to that in his hour long lecture?

JEFF: Oh come on, you know this is always a judgement free zone!