Dreamland's Pink Protector

I’ve been fighting with myself on what I should be doing and all that. A large part of me keeps saying “you’re a college graduate now, which means all your work HAS to be professional and blah blah blah. You don’t have time for all that silly immature stuff! Yada yada yada.” Sadly that has included this blog. Trust me, I’m fully aware of how dumb and wrong it is, but I’ve just been struggling so much to fight it. To add to that, my perfectionism loves to drag things out and stoke that flame a bit more. I always think “perfect isn’t possible, but you can still be close,” which, again, I’m aware is a load of Bull. I’m not the best at trusting myself or what I think is best. I’ve always been a people-pleaser and it’s lead to a bad mentality of “everything needs to satisfy THEIR needs.” I’ve been going to a therapist, talking to people I trust, and asking for advice on various forums and all have said the same thing: “you don’t have to make everything professional,” “you HAVE the time to do what YOU want to do,” and “nothing HAS to be perfect.” And I believe them. It’s just that when I try to repeat that to MYSELF, it’s like it goes unnoticed. I always been like that and I resent that part of myself a lot. I feel like I’M the only one saying these things to myself and making myself believe everyone else is too. But they AREN’T. It ticks me off and I’m just so tired of it, but I can’t fight back that well. I’m building too many expectations on myself and I’ve only realized I trapped myself and can’t get out on my own. But I still love art and the ideas I’ve been exploring. I’ve been steadily trying to fight against it, but I still feel limited to things outside of this blog. But I WANT to come back. I just don’t know how. I know a lot of people probably don’t pay attention to me anymore because I’ve been gone for so long and I’ve probably disappointed some fans that really like my work. Trust me, I’m disappointed with myself too sometimes. I don’t know why I need to make things so elaborate and complex. I wish I could go back in time and tell younger me to stop trying to be perfect. There was a time when I wasn’t so obsessive over being perfect and I wish I could go back to that. I don’t want to always have a purpose in mind for things. If anyone could help me, even if just a little bit, even just offering some support of any kind, I’d be happy. At this moment I just feel kind of...alone. Like I need some kind of “permission” to do Kirby stuff again and can’t get it from anyone. It’s not right. I’M not right...sorry for the deep stuff. I just needed to say all this.

And don’t worry, I still have ZERO plans to abandon this blog. I still have passion for it, it’s just a matter of fighting myself to reach it.

Edit: something I forgot to add is that I have more reason to return due to advice I got from several people on Reddit. They suggested that in addition to working on more projects rather than spending tons of time on one, I should work on things that exist to make ME happy. Heck with “it’s ALWAYS gotta be PROFESSIONAL.” It’s my life and I can take it at my own pace. Kirby always makes me happy and coming back to this blog is something I want more than anything. But I’m overthinking my comeback plan when I should make it simple. I suck at comics so learning to make them is holding me back a bit. I’m thinking of just doing something simple like a diary or some images. I want to progress this blog’s canon more since it’s been so long. That’s what I’ve been struggling on.

Also, I’m still trying to boost my motivation to do things. I’ve been doing digital work again so hopefully I can build myself back to making occasional posts. I’m also trying to work towards animating for real.

I just wanted to say that because that’s what I’m dealing with right now and it’s a bit frustrating. I’ve been trying to take it slow, figure things out, calm myself down, and encourage myself to do something. This is why I’ve been gone a while in addition to work and handling everything going on now. If anyone has any advice, please let me know. I’ve been fighting this part of me for YEARS and I can’t seem to fight it.

((So apparently this blog turned 7 a few days ago and weirdly enough, my personal blog KipsyQ turned 2 the day after.  I didn’t even realize I started the blog the day after this one’s birthday.  Just thought I’d share that.

On Thursday, I and many other employees were put on temporary unemployment for 30 days, more or less due to new state restrictions on restaurants.  Before you say or ask anything, I am perfectly fine.  I take this as an opportunity to rest and do things I’ve been too busy to do lately.  One thing I know about myself is that in times of panic, focusing on positive things is the best option for me to stay calm.  The thing I like to keep in mind is that although things seem bad at the moment, the world is already making great progress towards overcoming this disaster.  

((Merry Christmas and happy holidays everybody! I’ve been so busy lately with work and life that I couldn’t do anything special for today. But I found time during work to draw this little festive marshmallow.

((An alternate universe where NME took over Popstar and Kirby never accomplished his goal.

This was an Inktober drawing I did for Amino that I was very proud of.  It even got featured on the Amino I’m on.  So I thought about showing it here just to give you guys a little something to tie you all over.

The challenge is to draw in ONLY ink, including markers.  That’s why the shading is a bunch of lines.  I still enjoy the challenge though!

((It’s weird saying this, but I’m a big fan of watermelon candy, mostly Sour Patch Watermelons.  It’s funny because Kirby loves watermelons in the anime and I only now just realized that connection we have.  Other than that, I like Snickers, M&Ms, and Crunch bars, but only when I’m actually in the mood for chocolate.

((Thought I’d bring this up but I got an Amino.  My reason for getting one is honestly a complete accident.  I needed an account to talk to someone on a message board and ended up posting there.  Now I see the appeal.

The poll will be located further down the page under the journal.  And if you’re interested in seeing my other work, feel free to follow me there!

((I wanted to take a minute to talk about the character sketches.  I’m so happy about the feedback.  A lot of people have really enjoyed them and it reminded me that I just love to draw and share what I do just for fun.  It’s so encouraging to see my first attempts at drawing a character I’ve never done before get so much good attention.  They’ve also helped me be more confident about how I want the post’s story to be and as that has expanded, I’ve added to the list of characters I want to draw.

The list includes: Meta Knight, Escargoon, Rick, Coo, Kine, Tiff, and Tuff.  I’m trying to keep this post’s cast limited as it’s already pretty big with Kirby, the other Dreamcrossers, Dedede, and Dark Matter also being involved.  I try not to go too big as I have difficulties seeing big projects get finished.  Fortunately, character sketches have kind of helped a lot in that area.