Poisonous Primadonna

“Yeah, actually. I was in a really bad accident a few years ago. I got caught in a house fire and had a bunch of flaming debris fall on top of me. There were burns across roughly 70% of my body and I was bedridden for a few months. I had to re-learn how to walk, speak, eat, and breathe after I got all my plugs pulled out. 

“Some loser came in the other day missing a hand, arm stump was all wrapped up in a towel n’shit--freak karting accident. We take him back, expecting to just tie his wrist off and send him on his way with a bunch’a pain meds. Turns out, he wanted us to reattach his hand for him. 

We ask him if he brought the hand with him and he pulls out a brown lunch bag and opens it up. Dumps out a mess of fingers n’muscle onto our table and expects us to turn that mangled meatball back into a hand n’sew it back onto his arm. I was tryin so fuckin hard not to laugh, I started tearing up--there was MUSTARD on one of his fingers, he just picked that shit up in a brown bag and thought that was a fine way to keep it on the way to the ER.

Obviously we did it, we put his hand back on, but I’m pretty damn sure that shit’s gonna turn black n’fall off due to infection. There’s only so much someone can do for a hand THAT messed up.