advice blog by courtney @askmecourtney - Tumblr Blog

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hey loves, i’m back and better than ever and ready to give advice!!! send me a message send me an ask!!

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askmecourtney

something that took me a long time to realize

if you have something to say, SAY IT. you can’t live your life hiding your feelings from another person. you find a person and you think they are the one. you don’t know if they like you but you want to tell them you like them. whats the worse that can happen? they don’t like you back? i get it, that sucks. but you’ll move on a find someone else. so many times I’ve thought i found the guy, but then found someone just as good or better down the line. i realized that there is no better time in the present when talking to a guy i was so in love with. in the past we flirted and all but i thought it was just a joke. a couple of mouths passed and he got a girlfriend. i was so upset but i didn’t tell him because i wanted him to be happy even if it wasn’t with me. one day we were talking and i said “yeah before you started dating *his gf name* i really hoped it would be me and you together forever” and this boy had the blankest expression on his face then said “court i had no idea you felt that way. i wanted that too but i didn’t know if you did.”

this just goes to show that if one of us wouldve stepped out of our comfort zone, we might be together right now.

don’t be afraid of rejection. rejection just pushes you one step further towards the person who you’re supposed to end up with. tell the person you love that you love them. my life motto is: better to live a life filled with “oh wells” rather then “what ifs”

Hi, My best friend of 7 years always becomes extremely passive aggressive whenever something is upsetting her at home. At first it was okay and I understood that everyone needs space, but now she’s doing it really frequently. She’ll pretend I don’t exist and be horribly snappy towards me one day and the next day she’ll pretend like everything is okay and nothing happened. The thing is she’ll just direct it towards me and nobody else which always makes me think I’ve done something wrong. Advice?x

if she really is your best friend then i assume that yall are very close. just be honest with her. ask her if you did something wrong. tell her that you understand that she's going through a hard time but it hurts you when she takes it out on you. let her know you're there for her and want to help her.

Hi! When I was younger I was a very straight forward person, and that caused me to loose all my friends one by one. So I decided to change, I only say nice things to people even if I don't mean them sometimes, also my personality is kinda lame now so I don't get to have friends at all, I don't know if I'm clear with this. Which one of the two behaviors is the right one? should I keep trying like this? It's been some years I don't have friends... Wish you a nice day/night and thank you a lot!

there is no right behavior besides the one that is your true self. do not change yourself to please others because even though you might make friends from it, it will only hurt you in the end. be yourself and you will find real friends who love you for you. life is too long to go day to day being someone you are not. hope this helps:)

from best friends to lovers to strangers

we were friends— best friends. over time you fell for me hard and told me all the right things. inside i dismissed your feelings and assumed that you were just confused. then it became a chase. i was running and you were trying to catch me. i kept denying the fact that you were so in love. but i was not that nieve. i knew the feelings that you had for me but they scared me. the fact that someone could think the world of me when i thought so little about myself, scared me. so i tried to not think about it. but one day it hit me, all at once. i loved you. but i ended up accepting your feelings but denying mine. i was too broken to admit that someone meant so much to me. i started putting my focus into other things. other ways of healing, other things that took my mind off my demons, other guys. i hurt you the one person i trusted the most, i broke. i loved you more than ive ever loved anyone, but i hurt you more than ive ever hurt anyone. i thought things would go back to normal if i showed you how much you meant to me and how sorry i was. i thought that maybe if you knew how much i was beating myself up for what i did, if you knew i was hurting myself because i felt like i deserved pain as a punishment for the pain i caused you, that maybe just maybe, you could love me again. things were okay for a while. then they weren’t. you couldn’t stop thinking about my stupid decisions. it was too much for you. you tried to act like things were okay, but they weren’t. you shut me out. you stopped caring. and now, I’m left here broken because you are the one for me but you’re also, the one that got away.

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i brought my friend to prom and now im starting to catch feels for him. he has a gf so obviously that cant happen and i dont want to say anything and ruin our friendship. also he took care of me at the after party bc i kind of drank my frustrations and then puked and passed out (not fun) but he stayed with me all night. thats how good he is. im so frustrated idk what to do.

i know its hard but if he has a girlfriend then you should not tell him about your feelings. it’s not fair to him or his girlfriend

askmecourtney

something that took me a long time to realize

if you have something to say, SAY IT. you can’t live your life hiding your feelings from another person. you find a person and you think they are the one. you don’t know if they like you but you want to tell them you like them. whats the worse that can happen? they don’t like you back? i get it, that sucks. but you’ll move on a find someone else. so many times I’ve thought i found the guy, but then found someone just as good or better down the line. i realized that there is no better time in the present when talking to a guy i was so in love with. in the past we flirted and all but i thought it was just a joke. a couple of mouths passed and he got a girlfriend. i was so upset but i didn’t tell him because i wanted him to be happy even if it wasn’t with me. one day we were talking and i said “yeah before you started dating *his gf name* i really hoped it would be me and you together forever” and this boy had the blankest expression on his face then said “court i had no idea you felt that way. i wanted that too but i didn’t know if you did.”

this just goes to show that if one of us wouldve stepped out of our comfort zone, we might be together right now.

don’t be afraid of rejection. rejection just pushes you one step further towards the person who you’re supposed to end up with. tell the person you love that you love them. my life motto is: better to live a life filled with “oh wells” rather then “what ifs”

Heyy, me and this guy have been dating for like 2 months but talking for like 4. Last week he worked alot so we didn't get to talk much because he was very tired. But now we our back on a normal schedule and hes acting different. Hes kinda quiet and not really there. When I asked what's wrong he said nothing. This is my first relationship in a while and I'm REALLY into him, but I don't want to waste my time. What should I do?

ugh i feel your pain, its the worst i know! theres really nothing else you can do besides be straightforward. maybe ask him if he wants to come over or y'all do to get something to eat and just tell him that you notice that he's been asking different. tell him that your worried about him and want him to know that you're there for him if he needs to talk. don't make it seem like you're insecure about him losing feelings or something because if thats not the case, it might annoy him. hope that helps! good luck!

My exboyfriend broke up with me about 3 weeks ago after us dating for 8 months. His reason was that he couldn’t do it anymore, he wanted to focus on school his family and hang out more with his friends and also that he wasn’t happy with himself. Everyday since I’ve tried talking to him but he just puts no effort in or doesn’t want to talk to me, ive also asked so many times for us to hang out but he would always make excuses. I really want him to come back but I’m not sure on what I should do

I know how you feel and its very normal for you to want him back in your life. But you have to put yourself in his shoes. Im sure he still really likes you because it doesnt sound like he broke up with you because he lost feelings. Therefore, he's most likely trying to get over you, thats how guys are. They kind ghost you and thats their way of pushing their feelings for you to the side. I know it really sucks but it’s just the way things have to happen sometimes!

hi i think i have a problem. over spring break i hooked up with this guy from another state and now he’s all i can think about. we hold no communication with each other and i feel like i should have moved on bc it was such a casual hookup but i cant?? i know i have a bit of an obsessive personality but this seems a bit extreme. what do i do??

You need to just be happy with the memory and the experience. You're gonna feel that type of feeling again but its not going to be with him. don't be upset because you can't do it again or be in contact with him because that will just drive you crazy. Like I said, be happy with the experience!!

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hi! so i have this friend, that i’ve been friends with for about a year. we talk literally all the time and i’d consider him one of my closest friends. anyways, one night he got drunk, and i was on the phone with him (as usual) and he said he loves me. and i think he said he was in love with me? i think i love him too, but he lives in a different country and i won’t be able to visit until october. he also doesn’t like to talk about what he says when he’s drunk. what should i do?

Go to him and tell him that although you know that he doesnt like to talk about what he says when he's drunk, y'all have to talk about this. Tell him what he said and just be straight forward and ask him if he meant it. If you feel comfortable enough, tell him you feel the same way and want to know if it was the alcohol talking or if he really feels that way.

(I'm not sure that this sent the first time) Hi Courtney!! So I like this guy, and recently I said fuck it and slid in his DMs. He replied and gave me his snap, and I sent the first one and he sent one back almost instantly, so I sent him another one, and he basically left me on opened/read. I want to try to pursue a relationship with him, but I'm not sure how to approach him now without looking clingy or something. What do I do??

Do y'all have mutual friends? If so, I say try to get a group together to all hang out so you can get to know him better in a comfortable situation. Then hopefully y'all will have chemistry and talking more.

If y'all don't have the same friends, maybe snapchat him again but this time, find a reason. Don't just snapchat him and start and random conversation because that can get kinda boring. Ask him a question or show him something cool you're doing!!

hi courtney, im 19 and im falling in love with this guy from my work.. hes 26 and has an 8 year old but he seems to reciprocate the feelings.. we hang out all the time and of course shit has happend between us but my problem lies in the fact that i have a girlfriend of about a year now.. i love her to bits but I feel like im losing the spark i had with her.. i dont want to hurt or lose her but i want to be with him. please help -E

If you are losing feelings for your girlfriend it is not fair for her to continue going on thinking everything is the same. Honesty is always the best policy. It’s going to be hard, but you have to tell her.

hi courtney, so my guy friend and i recently confessed to one another that we’re attracted to each other. however, he said he doesn’t want a relationship right now (bc of school and work obligations). when we hang out, i want to make out, but do you think that’s healthy to do if we aren’t in a relationship ? any suggestions ?

i’m currently in the same relationship. both of us have feelings but we don't want a relationship at this time. we hook up which is fun, but i don't think its healthy. personally, it makes me want a relationship even though i know we shouldn't right now. it just makes things complicated and you both get different ideas and feelings.

Hi Courtney! So, currently, there's this guy (of course). He just recently got out of a long relationship that was long distance, and is the coolest guy ever. I think I may have been getting 'flirty' signals from him, but he's told everyone time and time again how bad he is with girls and that stuff. Normally, I'd have no problem making the first move, but I love our friendship, and he just got out of a relationship. Any suggestions on how to find out if he's into me? Thank you!!

hey! trust me, i know how difficult it is to find out what guys are thinking. these are some things that ive done:

-straight up say “hey i like you”. if you want to be straight up but not that straight up try saying “hey i have something to tell you and if u don't feel the same way, you have to promise to forget what I'm gonna tell you”. i did this once and after i told him i liked him he said “i guess ill have to remember that:)” which was super cute

- say “omg i had a dream last night that we were dating and i woke up thinking it was true” he might say something cute (hopefully) and if it seems appropriate judging by his response you could say “i was kinda sad when i realized it wasnt true”. i kid you not i actually had a dream like that last night and i told the guy about an hour ago and said i was sad when it wasnt true, and he said hes sad its not true too. so that one works too!

- or if you don't wanna tell him, just flirt and see how he responds. sorry i don't have many suggestions that aren't kinda forward. ive always been a forward person hahah! good luck my friend:)

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i was in a best-friendship for 7 years. the last 3 years have been awful for me - she screwed me over, lied to me, went behind my back, + other abusive things. she‘d blame me for her problems, + i always put up with it. but since september, i’ve come to uni away from her, + have put myself first. but she still can’t see she’s done anything wrong despite me telling her. i’ve distanced myself, cutting off ties with her, but she’s still trying to contact me. am i a bad person for doing this?

no you are not. when people hurt you, it is your right to be able to choose whether you want them in your life. ive done this before and would do the same thing if i were you.

This is going to sound super cliche but I’m basically is love with my best friend. He’s amazing and I have had a crush on him for over two years. The only problem is that I have no idea how he feels about me but I know he doesn’t want to date or anything and neither do I really do how do I stop thinking about him all the time and looking at him and thinking he’s cute even though he’s not and he’s such a dork?

honestly i say tell him. I'm such a “id rather live a life of ‘oh wells’ rather then ‘what ifs’” kind of person. you never know, he might not want a relationship with anyone because he doesnt know you like him. tell him! the worst thing that could happen is that he doesnt feel the same way. it might be a little awkward but if y'all are close enough, y'all will go back to being close. take risks! you never know what might happen:)

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