(NO LONGER ACTIVE)

an update since my last update

Things have changed dramatically since the last update I posted.

A week after I posted that update, my life went all to hell in the matter of days.

The person I was seeing fucked me over, cheated and had been cheating on me for a while and it hurt me deeply because I thought he was my person.

I was suicidal for the first time in years and at my lowest point. I struggled for 2 months before making the decision to move out of my hometown and out of the state.

That has been the best decision I’ve ever made.

I’ve been here for 2 months and my life has improved so much since then. I moved in with some friends, got a new job, met new people and I can truly and honestly say this is the happiest I’ve been since I was a little kid. I’m so grateful for the friends I have in my life right now, the new ones and the older ones who were kind enough to let me live with them.

I still plan on going back to college next semester once I get settled down here more, but until then I work full time at my job which I love.

an update!

I like to come back to this blog every now and then and see how the few people who still may check it is doing and just update that I haven’t dropped off the face of the earth.

It’s been about 5-6 months and hoo boy has a lot of things happened since then. A lot of ups and downs and mental struggles the end of 2019 and very beginning of 2020, but things improved significantly mid-January and things have been great since then and I’m hoping for it to stay that way.

Since then, a lot has changed. I always talked about moving and starting school and how much I couldn’t wait to get out of this town

But I like my job, got accepted into a cosmetology program here in my hometown and... I kind of talked about him, but after the hurt and heartbreak I went through in early 2019, I met someone new when I least expected it and he’s been great, more than. We had a few ups and downs due to mental struggles and personal issues but once things for better for the both of us, we grew a lot closer and for the last 2 months has been an absolute dream with him. It doesn’t feel like it’s been two months, but I guess it’s like the saying that time doesn’t really exist when you’re with the right people.

For the first time in my life, especially in the last 3-4 years when I thought I had a plan, I feel like my life might finally be going in the right direction and it’s the happiest I’ve been in a while and I’m grateful for him, my best friend, and the very few people who’s been understanding with me and supported me throughout everything that’s happened.

My life has still continued to be busy, but I just wanted to say that even through all the rough stuff I’ve been there, I am thankful for everything that happened. It helped me grow even more as a person and helped me realize a lot of different things. This has been one of my toughest years I’ve ever had.

I tried to start playing Detroit again a couple weeks ago, as my PlayStation killed itself and I finally was able to get it fixed after losing my playthrough of trying to get to 100%, but man adult life SUCKS!

I work 6 days a week now, and usually get about 50-60 hours a week. I’ve dropped out of college for the moment, as there’s no cosmetology programs close enough by where I could keep my job as well, so it’s just working full time. I also still have my second part time job that I still work at every now and then, and I just don’t have time for anything.

I made a Red Dead Redemption fanblog a couple months back, and I still post here and there but mainly I use it kind of like a journal now, expressing my feelings and what’s currently going on in my life that I don’t really have a lot of people to talk to about in real life, and I hate sounding like a 12 year old who has her first crush and all when I’m a damn adult lmao.

I miss the roleplay and the people I met on this blog, and if they see this, I want them to know that I still think about them a lot!

In case anyone cares, my mental health has improved a lot! I experienced a lot of negative feelings the last few months, as I had mentioned a few times I was talking to someone who pretty much left me at a really bad time and just added onto the negative feelings I was going through, causing me to relapse. But I think everything happens for a reason.

I met someone new shortly after, and although we’ve only been talking for a couple months, it’s going much better than the previous person. This dude actually makes an effort and makes me feel generally appreciated and not like I’m in a relationship where I’m the only one trying. Although we’re just friends right now, he just makes me feel... loved, platonically and maybe more.

Things are looking up, and I like to update about that every now and then because mental health is so important. It’s important to keep yourself in a positive environment with people with are healthy for you to be around and removing yourself from anyone toxic or hurtful for you, even if it doesn’t feel like the right thing to do to them, but for yourself personally.

I hope everyone is still okay and if not, I hope it gets better. I know it will and although I’m not active really anymore, I’m always still a message away.

I’m still alive and well!

A lot has changed since my last life update, but I do check in on this blog every now and then still.

I know I’ve said before, but I’m really happy! It may look fake, but this is one of my very rare real smiles. My anxiety has been pretty low as of late, and I met someone new who treats me well and makes effort on me and as someone who’s not used to that, it’s a nice feeling.

How has everybody been?

Quite a lot has changed since my last few updates and I’ve sadly had a few unfortunate relapses due to some things in my life, but I’ve been in the process of recovering and I’m doing a lot better than I was about a month ago. Healing takes time, always remember that.

Another thing the game has made me miss is just the interaction that I had with a lot of amazing blogs on here, who I miss dearly and due to name changes, some being deleted, etc. I can’t personally tag them all but they know who they are.