Ask The Squad!

I am (not) whole

Day 3!!

“  We were young, but budding, Hanzo had invited me to the dojo late one night and offered me an imported cigarette. He must have gotten them from father. I don’t think he had picked up the habit because I hadn’t ever seen him smoke after that. We sat close and talked for a while, but mostly sat in shared silence. He hadn’t really wanted to talk, I could tell, but every time I had looked to him, he seemed as if he had been on the verge of saying something; he seemed as if he needed something but I couldn’t figure out what. Even when I asked him if he was okay he would just nod his head and dismiss my worry.

I must have moved closer to him first, I remember the warmth we shared as our legs pressed to each other. He had been trembling then, even though it had been a particularly warm evening. I told him plain and clear – ‘tell me what you need, I will help you.’ I put my hand onto his, and he held it back, pulling it closer to him as if it belonged to him. I don’t know what came over me except for the years of suppressed emotion we both tried to pretend wasn’t there.

Our faces were lingering close, I had still been waiting for an answer, but he would barely look me in the eye. Then, he had been leaning closer before I realized it, lips meeting mine hesitantly and awkwardly; so unsure of themselves. It had been a myriad of emotions rushing through me, one of the most sublime feelings in the world however. I felt like I had been getting an answer I had been seeking for years, even if it had only lasted a moment.