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“A close friend or romantic partner with whom one has a unique deep connection based on mutual understanding and acceptance”
——— ——— ——— ——— ———
It had been some time since Kenma had met Kuroo. He was only seven years old when his mother told him a boy around his age had moved in next door.
“Why don’t you take Kuroo chan up to your room Kenma, I’m sure playing your games with someone would be more fun”.
Kenma's mom said. Her gentle smile contrasted Kenma's nervous stare greatly. He hid behind his mom, his little hand gripping her pant leg as if it was a shield to protect him from the boy with weird hair. who was also doing the same behind his dad.
“Go on Tetsuro” the man who stood at the doorway said, giving a light nudge to the boy towards Kenma.
It was an awkward position Kenma was in. His room had always been his safe place, his little den that he could escape to when reality got too loud for him.
too arrogant,
too much.
He wasn’t fond of his place of comfort being disturbed by an outsider whom his parents would assume would get along with him. Oftentimes, Kenma had always avoided other people. His body would always tense — like a cat whose tail sticks up when intimidated — his mind racing with thoughts he couldn’t even comprehend as it just felt like gibberish blabbers made to make him feel small. He didn’t like having other people’s attention on him. He didn’t want to see or deal with their negative perspective of him.
However, Kenma’s anxiety wasn’t the only thing leading to him always keeping to himself. He just never saw the point of connecting with others. He would always dismiss his parents whenever they expressed their worries about his constant loneliness and shutting himself in his room all day, burying his face in his phone or console whenever he could. Kenma believes that keeping to himself is the only way to protect his wellbeing.
Everyone has opinions and biases towards others, so why should he hurt or change himself to fit into their biases?
So here Kenma was now, standing awkwardly in his room with Kuroo. He stared at the male, observing how his fists were clenched, his shoulders stiff as his eyes frantically scanned his room and would sometimes meet his gaze.
Despite his want to go and tell his mom that he didn’t want to play with the new kid, he just stayed quiet. He didn’t want to cause trouble for his parents or Kuroo's father as they were all laughing and talking downstairs.
Kenma looked to the side and sighed, his hand shakily grabbed the controller sitting on his bed and faced kuroo, his head lowered as he finally spoke
“Wanna play virtua fighter..?”
——— ——— ——— ——— ———
“Something on your mind Kenma?” Kuroo had spoked, looking down at the boy who was sitting on the gym floor, lost in deep thought as he was taking a break from today's practice.
Kenma only sighed, bothered that this was his fifth time reminicising the past when he and Kuroo had first met. Kuroo was already a third year in high school while he was a second year. Its been ten years since they met, since they introduced their love of their hobbies to each other, since kuroo had taught kenma volleyball, since Kuroo had unlocked something deep in Kenma without even knowing what it was himself.
“Here, I haven’t seen you drink any water since practice started, you really need to take better care of yourself” Kuroo llightly scolded, handing a water bottle to the boy
“Stop treating me like a child…” Kenma’s voice was a bit rough, he didn’t like when Kuroo always lectured him about taking care of himself. in fact, he found it annoyingly hypocrtitical since Kuroo barely takes care of himself when it came to volleyball. always throwing his body around just to avoid the ball hitting the ground, Kuroo always played as if he can easily replace a body part if he ever broke one.
Though, with one glance into Kuroo's eyes as he accepted the bottle from his reaching arm, Kenma felt that same twisting stomach feeling. where he felt nauseous and hot just seeing Kuroo. He wasn’t sure why or when this started happening, but he knew it had to be from how long him and Kuroo had been together.
“You know Kenma…” Kuroo’s voice turned soft, his lips curling in a fond smile as he took a seat beside him. He rested his back against the wall, his arm almost touching Kenma’s as he continued,
“I graduate soon, so I’ve been worrying about your safety…” his voice was uncharacteristically filled with concern.
Kenma kept his gaze lowered to the ground, his eyes wide with surprise from Kuroo's sudden words. He knew why Kuroo was worried about him and his safety. his head replaying the memories of where kuroo had to pull his backpack to stop him from walking into a pole or into oncoming traffic since he was always busy on his psp, or when he would have to confiscate his phone just to get him to eat lunch. Kenma knew he would’ve been long dead if Kuroo wasn’t there basically being his caretaker.
Despite it all, Kenma only scoffed.
“I can take care of myself… I'm not all that hopeless as you think i am”
His voice was harsh, but he couldn’t help it. He knew Kuroo had always been there to care for him and that he would continue caring for him no matter what. And sometimes…
Kenma would purposely put himself into those situations.
He would purposely neglect himself into danger
Just to have more of Kuroo’s attention and care.
He wasn’t sure why he always craved it
But of course Kenma would bring it up out loud.
——— ——— ——— ——— ———
“Hey~~ Kuroo!” an older males voice called out.
As Kuroo was running to the park along with the other neighborhood kids, he quickly stopped, turning back to the source of the voice
“Why don’t you bring Kenma along to play soccer every so often?” Kenma’s dad asked, his smile was a bit shakey as his son had shut himself in his room for weeks instead of playing outside and enjoying his summer break with the other kids.
Little Kuroo only stood there, his hand under his chin thinking.
“I don’t think kenma would want to “ Kuroo spoke, looking up at the older man.
Kenma froze around the corner, hiding himslf from the front door as he heard kuroo and his father speaking.
“I really understand the feeling of not wanting to go or do something, and I think Kenma feels that way too when it comes to playing outside. If I thought Kenma would want to go play soccer with us, I would have definitely taken him though, but… I think he’s alright doing the things he likes already, and thats video games.”
As Kenma listened in on the two’s interaction, it was like something sparked in his chest. His stomach tied into knots as he couldn’t help but feel flushed at how Kuroo spoke matter of factly to his dad.
Kenma only leaned against the wall, his lips curling up a little as his dad didn’t pressure Kuroo to drag him outside.
It was like Kuroo was the first person to care enough to really understand him.
…
“Kenma~~” Kuroo’s mouth was right in Kenma’s ear, his warm breathing sending sensitive shivers along Kenma’s earlobe.
“Jeez, you’ve been spacing out a lot more now… you were staring at your screen for so long that you died. I’ve never seen you so distracted to the point of losing a level” Kuroo said, crossing his arms and furrowing brows. his concern for Kenma only grew more everyday.
Kenma snapped out of another one of his reminiscing episodes. His heartbeat increased as goosebumps formed all over his body from the way Kuroo’s breath tickled his ear.
“I'm just tired…” he lied, bring his psp higher to his face to hid the light dust of pink that was spreading.
“Ehh…? Practice was cut short though…” Kuroo mumbled, not thinking too much of Kenma’s reasoning as he just assumed he slept later for his games again.
Kuroo only stared out of the train window, taking in the sight of the sun slowly setting and the sky turning from its dull blue to a warm orange and red view. He enjoyed getting to see the sun actually setting today since most days, it would already be dark out when their afterschool practice was finished.
“Oh, I just remembered something” Kuroo said, slightly jumping in the seat of the train as he slightly turned to Kenma who looked up from his game to see what had gotten his friend all excited.
“A girl confessed to me during lunch, when I was heading to your class” Kuroo said, a smug smirk plastered on his face as that event had increased his ego by a lot.
Kenma only stared the boy, his face voided of any emotion. Though, the way his fingers unconsciuosly gripped his psp to the point of his knuckles turning white said other things.
He knew his friend was popular with girls of all years, hell even old grannies couldn’t help but be flustered when Kuroo would help them carry things in public. But each time Kuroo had told him a girl confessed to him or when kuroo actually does manage to get girlfriend, Kenma’s body shuts down immediately. Not in the phyisical way like when he’s tired from volleyball, but in a way that numbs him like a robot.
“Did you accept her feelings..?” Kenma asked coldly, trying to hide his worries and disgust..
“No…” Kuroo's voice was small as his cockiness just seconds ago was quickly switched around
“She’s just not my type i guess”.
The pole in Kenma's throat that was mixing his insides slowed down as Kuroo said he rejected the girl. His eyes perked up, glancing to kuroo before going back to his psp.
“So what is your type..?”
No matter how hard Kenma had tried to sound careless, his cold walls of ice slowly melted each day him and Kuroo had vulnerable talks like this.
“Heh… well of course someone who loves volleyball as much as me !”
Kuroo's smile was bright, almost as if a dim light was emitting off of him. Revealing the smaller details on his face like the faint acne from his constant sweating or the faded scar on his chin from a cat that scratched him years ago.
Kenma could only swallow on air, rehydrating the dryness of his throat with his saliva as Kuroo continued,
“Oh! maybe smart, or well… I guess airheads are also cute - but but but, they also have to like science."
As the bed-headed male continued on, Kenma felt a weird sort of relief. Almost as if a sudden wave had washed over his worries when Kuroo continued listing on things that Kenma already is or can easily achieve.
“I also love girls with long hair” Kuroo finished, grinning from ear to ear.
Kenma only furrowed his eyebrows. His chest racing along with an urge to throw up. Kenma’s thumbs were tremnling over the buttons of his psp as ‘you died’ was displayed on the screen. the same two words that he had been recently seeing too many times.
“I see…”
The two boys soon reached their stop. Kenma shoved his psp back into his pocket and before he could put on his back pack, Kuroo grabbed it. He slung it over one shoulder and started heading out of the train, with Kenma following behind.
The walk down their neighborhood was quiet. The only sounds filling the slow night breeze were the delicate footsteps hitting the concrete floor. For once Kenma had walked home without a screen in sight.
His eyes were glued to the back of Kuroo. His bag still dangling off his shoulder while Kuroo’s own bag hung on his other.
Kenma had felt a small barrier, a fence slowly being built and getting inbetween the tether that kept him and Kuroo tied together.
——— ——— ——— ——— ———
“Aghhhh ! That’s the fourth time already! how are you so good?!” Kuroo groaned, his fingers clawing into the red controller kenma had given him to play super smash bros together.
“It's because you always spam the same move… You can’t beat me if you keep making Kirby use his hammer, it's a slow move” Kenma muttered out, his lips smirking as he beat Kuroo’s character out of the platform yet again.
The raven-haired boy clicked his tongue, sitting himself against the bed to lock in,
“I’m not leaving until I pummel your stupid stubby Meta Knight”.
Kuroo’s childish competitive side came into view. The corners of his lips curled up, his face filled with the same determination he gets when he’s fired up in a volleyball match.
Kenma’s smirk softened. He took a quick glimpse at his friend’s sudden burst of focus. The way his body was leaned forward, almost uncomfortable looking, his fingers tapping even quicker as he finally tried out different combo moves.
A fond smile found its way onto Kenma's face. It’s been a while since their last hangout where they would just stay in and play videos games all day. If he had remembered correctly, it was probably during middle school.
Ever since the day Kuroo discovered volleyball, he would obnoxiously barge into his room, volleyball in hand with stars for eyes.
…
“Kenma! lets play volleyball!”
“Mmghhhhhh…”
“What, what? you hungry? I got some shrimp crackers from your mom, you want some?”
Kenma only grumpled into his pillow. His body splayed on the bed in sorrow as the tv displayed ‘the end’ with a knight and its horse looking into the distant mountains.
Kuroo was amused at the sight of Kenma more sluggish then usual.
‘He has been playing that game for a while… It must’ve been his favorite…’
"Neh Kenma, lets go to the plaza! We can find a new game for you to buy”
Kenma’s ears perked up, his body getting up in an instant as his grieving face was soon wiped into content.
Kenma never liked going out, especially when it involved physcial activity like playing volleyball with Kuroo. But it was rare for Kuroo to suggest something other than playing or watching volleyball, and the fact that he brought up buying a new game, since he had just finished his favorite one, Kenma just couldn’t resist.
“Really..?” Kenma’s voice was hesitant, he assumed Kuroo was just trying to lure him out of the house to play instead.
“Of course! You always play volleyball with me, so I want to do what you want to do! Plus, that was your favorite game right? I get that feeling when something I love ends so soon, so I want to make you feel better”. Kuroo’s voice was understanding and bright. He placed his volleyball on the ground, right besides kenma’s bed as he turned to the door.
“Come on! let’s go !” he said, walking out of Kenma’s room and down the stairs.
Kenma sat still on his bed. His eyes wide as he stared at the doorway where Kuroo was just standing at before heading out. Normally Kenma would just nod and follow behind him, but with the way Kuroo expressed his understanding of his feelings about finihsing a game, his cheeks only warmed up. A light dust of pink forming without even realizing it.
…
“Aha! Finally! I beat that Meta Knight, you’re just an emo Kirby blehhhhh !” Kuroo shamelessly mocked at the tv screen, it was hard to believe he was a third year in high school. Let alone a volleyball captain.
“Hm? Kenma?” Kuroo turned to the boy, wondering why he was extra quiet today, especially when they were doing something he would usually have snarky remarks on or mutter his strategies out.
Kenma was spaced out again, his breathing a little faster and his body warming up from thinking about the past again. He wasn’t even sure when his thoughts took over him. One moment he was beating Kuroo with a spamming combo move, then the next moment he was ground-pounded into the void by Kirby.
“That was just luck…” he composed himself. Shifting his legs so that they were spread straight on to the floor instead of criss-crossed like earlier.
Kuroo only sighed, it was painfully obvious to him that Kenma was daydreaming again. He knew the boy wouldn’t tell him why, but still…
“Kenma-“
“You’re going to bring up you graduating soon and lecture me again… I don’t want to hear it”
Kuroos eyes widened. While he was true about that, he still continued with what he was going to say.
“Its just been happening a lot more Kenma… You’re not being yourself…” his fingers traced the joystick, moving it in circles. He straightened his back and slightly turned to face Kenma straight on.
“I know you can take care of yourself Kenma., I don’t mean to treat you like a child, but why..? Why can’t you tell me whats wrong?” Kuroo's voice was laced with something more than concern. You could hear the hurt that he was trying to hide. His brows creased together, clearly confused why his childhood bestfriend with whom he had spent years by his side caring for him was becoming more and more distant.
Kenma only scoffed, his eyes glued to the tv screen as he was picking a different character to play as.
‘Understanding…’
‘Connection…’
‘Why can’t i tell him anything..?’
“Hello? Kenmaaaa, don't give me the silent treatment…” kuroo whined. He looked at the tv to see what kenma was more focused on and saw him choose to play as Minecraft Steve.
‘He loves volleyball…’
‘Girls with long hair…’
“Kenma, youre going to break your controller” kuroo spoke up, his voice getting lower as he saw the way Kenma's fingers were clenching tightly.
‘He bothered to understand how i feel’
‘He didn’t abandon me for someone who can match his energy’
‘He still worries about me…'
‘Worries about what would happen… once he graduates’
Kenma thought back to the fence he noticed that day
The gaps between the planks of wood upgraded to tight metal wires
and soon.. the tether won’t fit.
“Oi Kenma…”
“Kuro, go home”
——— ——— ——— ——— ———
“ We are the blood of the team. We keep flowing, providing oxygen, so that the 'brain' can function normally ”
…
the next morning, Kuroo was waiting outside of Kenma's house, ready to head to school together like usual.
He awkwardly shifted his feet, his hand brushed through his messy locks as he looked at the time on his phone.
‘Is he still sleeping…?’ Kuroo thought.
His mind replayed a memory from last year where Kenma had stayed up all night playing a game that recently came out. Kenma had been looking forward to that game for a while, so it was no surprise he finished it in one night before collapsing and sleeping through all of his alarms.
Kuroo stifled a laugh from that fond memory, loving the moments where he could take care of Kenma with the little things like waking him up or helping him get ready.
Time continued passing, the latest train they could take was about to arrive so Kuroo decided to ring the doorbell.
“Oh? Kuroo-chan? Don’t you have school?” Kenma’s mom answered, her voice laced with confusion as to why her son’s friend was still here despite it almost being time for class.
“Yes I do… Is Kenma still sleeping?”
Kenma’s mom’s lips pressed together, her brows knitted in a perplexed face at Kuroo’s question.
“He had left ages ago sweetie. I was a bit surprised he left a lot earlier than usual, I assumed you wanted to get more practice done with him before school”.
Kuroo’s eyes widened at her answer. His mouth hung slightly agape in an awkward smile.
“Ah… I wish he had at least told me…”
He forced a small chuckle out, his hand scratching the back of his head as he tried his best to hide the pained look on his face.
“Well… I should rush now huh... Thank you auntie!”
Kuroo sped walked to the train station, thankfully making it in time for his train.
He sat by the window, his eyes out of focus as he couldn’t help but wonder…
‘Kenma hates waking up early…’
…
Over the next few months, Kuroo couldn’t help but feel a vast distance between him and the boy he grew up with.
It was after school volleyball practice and everyone was exhausted. as Coach Nekomata had told the team to take a short ten minute break, Kuroo headed over to the water table. he took endless gulps, rehydrating himself as it was extra hot in the gym as usual.
“Hm..?” Kuroo hummed, noticing Kenma sitting on the floor against the wall and immediately pulling out his phone.
With a sly smile, Kuroo headed towards Kenma, not before grabbing an extra water bottle from the table.
“Neh neh Kenma~” he chirped.
“You gotta drink some water, can’t have you getting dehydrated during practice again”.
Kuroo waved the plastic water bottle in front of Kenma's face, but to his surprise, Kenma did not react or acknowledge him in the slightest.
“Eh?”
Kenma was always quiet and dismissive when it came to Kuroo lightly scolding him like a mom would to their child who couldn’t take care of themselves. However, even when Kenma would rather continue playing his games then listen to Kuroo, he would still nod or at least acknowledge his existence by doing small things like accepting the bottle he was handing to him.
“…”
But this time… His muteness felt cold… Almost like he was ignoring him.
Kuroo peaked over just a little bit, taking a small glance at Kenma's screen as it displayed the same game he had been playing for months now.
"Sorry… You’re probably focused on beating that boss...”
Kuroo turned around slowly, hoping to see if Kenma’s eyes would even flick towards him for at least a second…
But to no surprise, it didn’t.
“Lets walk home together after practice… It’s been a while…”
With those final words, Kuroo walked away to join the other team members who were chatting loudly at the other side of the gym. Their laughs echoing all throughout the building, completely different from kenma’s side.
…
With the soft click of the gym doors, Kuroo pulled the key out of the lock. Swinging it on his finger as he turned around to start heading towards the school gates with the team.
His eyes scanned the group that walked ahead of him, looking for his pudding-haired friend as he wanted to walk home with like like he had said earlier.
“Oi! Kenma! Wait up!” he called out, his eyes locking onto the slouching boy as he immediately exited the school, turning in the completely opposite direction of the station.
The volleyball team glanced at Kuroo, their heads tilted in confusion as Kenma and Kuroo had always walked to and from school all the time, especially since they were neighbors. But this wasn’t the first time they had noticed Kenma successfully escape their group in such a rush, heading any direction that wasn’t towards the train station.
Actually… they noticed Kenma’s avoidance of Kuroo numerous of times already. They assumed Kenma was just tired or had a bad day, but seeing it happen constatnly over the span of a few months concerned them. They knew it wasn’t their business in their personal lives, but they couldn’t help but ask kuroo what was wrong between him and Kenma. Kuroo could only shrug his shoulders with a sigh, completely unknowing himself.
Feeling tired of Kenma running away from him, Kuroo decided to follow him. His grip on his bag tighetened, he said his goodbyes to the team before jogging quietly. Trying not to get caught as he finally saw Kenma in the distance.
His face was buried into his psp as usual. clearly not paying attention to the road or path in front of him.
Kuroo's jaw tigthened, he want to call for Kenma again, to remind him that he needs to stop focusing on his game more than his safety. But, to figure out where Kenma goes to escape him, he kept quiet.
With anxiously clenched fists around his bag strap, Kuroo’s grip sooned soften, seeing Kenma take a seat on a bench at a random park.
It was 7:44pm, clearly too late to be hanging out at a sketchy park as there could be crazy people looking for danger.
From a distance, Kuroo could only watch as Kenma seemed a lot more relaxed being here compared to when he was around him.
His jaw tightened, his knuckles turning an ashy white as he didn’t even realize his hold on his backpack strap was getting a lot harder.
His best friend ignored him all of practice for months…
Ignored his offers of walking home together for months…
Just to sit in the dark at a park…
Alone
“I see…”
was all that left Kuroo's mouth as he turned around, heading to the train station by himself yet again…
Ever since that day...
The circulation between the two that had developed ever since childhood, one that was once smooth, effortless... turned ragged and tense. and soon…
The brain couldn’t function normally.
——— ——— ——— ——— ———
Graduation came by a lot faster than Kenma had thought. Ever since he started his second year and Kuroo start his third year, he dreaded the thought of Kuroo leaving him. The idea of having to head to school or deal with volleyball alone wasn’t something he wanted.
But after months of not talking to Kuroo, Kenma didn’t know what to feel now that the time has finally come…
He thought that after today, there would be no more constant texts, no more lecturing, no more company… but it was no different than how it had been the past few months.
Kenma stood by the gym, along with the other volleyball members. they all gathered up, wanting to wish their third years good luck on their studies and careers that they decided on for their adulthood.
However, Kenma distanced himself from everyone…
He wasn’t even sure why he even stayed back with his peers in the first place. He could’ve simply headed home. No need to see the cries of his friends, hearing their pointless blessings, he could’ve just headed home and played his games.
But yet…
A part of kenma wanted closure…
Kuroo, along with Yaku and Kai could be seen in the distance. their grins spread across their face as they saw their friends who looked like they were about to break down in tears.
A part of Kenma wanted to see Kuroo one last time…
His eyes glanced up from his psp, immediately meeting Kuroo's.
The taps of his fingers unconsciously stopped, freezing above the little buttons as his character died yet again.
Kuroo’s hazel eyes widened as it met Kenma’s golden eyes. the air felt suffocating for Kenma as he couldn’t peel his gaze away. He wanted to say something... anything... to break down the metal barricade he built between them.
Kuroo was baffled to see the boy still here with the rest of the team. He felt… bitter, annoyed that he even bothered to still show his face despite ignoring him for so long.
Kenma’s lips could only quiver.
The way his best friend’s eyes narrowed, the way his teeth gritted as he turned his head away from him. Kuroo's expression immediately lit up as he faced the rest of the team that were in front of Kenma.
“Hehe, think you guys can survive without your senpai’s?” his voice smug as he teased his friends like usual.
Laughter erupted among the group as they crowded Kuroo and the other third years. Their chatter was so loud and yet, everything felt muffled.
Kenma’s shoulders were stiff, he felt out of place as he didn’t bother to join the rest of the boys.
‘He hates me now…’
‘What did I expect… I ignored and avoided him like a plague and yet…’
Without another word, Kenma turned away.
His head hung low,
The school gates could be seen, and one last time, Kenma turned around. His eyes filled with longing as he saw the boy… the boy he grew up with since childhood… the boy who cared for him all these years… smiling with everyone but him.
‘Maybe in another life…
I would be your type…’
——— ——— ——— ——— ———
a/n: sorry this is the most i have ever written and im too lazy to proofread it again {•̴͈ ˔̇ •̴͈}
i also genuinely hate capitalizing letters but it's too much to change them back to lowercase T-T
⋆☃︎‧❆₊⋆ wintertime - kozume kenma x reader ( christmas special )
----
the air had always felt different around wintertime
colder. cleaner.
i sat alongside the gym walls with my legs pulled close. hugging myself desperately for some warmth as the sound of sneakers squeaking against the floors echoed across the building.
the boys were on their last round of practice, yelling at each other to not let the ball drop as if it were an actual tournament.
not yamamoto though...
" COME ONNN ! " he yelled, his voice being louder than everyone else's.
----
yamamoto and i had been friends since elementary school. as the two of us stuck together throughout the years, i met many other people along the way – though it was mainly his volleyball friends.
the day yamamoto had taken me to watch his practice, i had met a few famililar faces i had seen in my classes – fukunaga and...
kenma.
' he's... kind of weird...'
was my first impression of him.
though the fact that he was also a fellow gamer had always kept me interested in him. as someone who grew up as an only child, video games were my only form of entertainment and fun, so it stuck with me basically all my life. i've seen kenma play some games i play, so i thought he could be someone i can finally talk about my interests to and maybe get tips from.
however, i realized it might be impossible to speak to him as he always kept his head hung low, eyes glued to either his phone or psp. i do the exact same thing so i can't judge, but... he literally becomes one with his screen.
on our walks home after his volleyball practice, yamamoto would always rant to me saying how " that kenma guy doesn't have guts " or things like " he puts more effort in his video games than our actual volleyball games ". i would always block his voice out as i didn't enjoy his bad-mouthing of someone who hasn't done anything wrong, but there was one thing that he had said that stuck out to me.
" you know... he kind of reminds me of you "
----
as practice continued, i pulled out my psp. just something to occupy myself as watching them play started to get boring – and to distract myself from the cold. but no matter how hard i tried engulfing myself in the virtual world. my eyes would trail back above the screen and stick onto the long-haired boy yamamoto always talked about.
' he doesn't look like he's not putting effort... he just looks tired... ' i thought to myself, remembering the time he said kenma was a lazy player.
the more i watched kenma, the more wrong yamamoto's words seemed. his movements were sharp – almost like everything was based off instincts and reflexes. i couldn't help but focus much more on the way his eyes scanned his whole surroundings, quickly darting in all directions. it kind of made me wonder if that was how my eyes looked when playing a rhythm game.
----
" alright, start cleaning up ! " coach nekomata yelled, clapping his hand on the clipboard to get the boys attention.
as the members began taking the net down and gathering the scattered balls, i noticed kenma had dropped to the ground. his back arched and face flat on the cold floor, completely out of breath.
"jeez kenma, if you're this exhausted from practice how are you going to handle our actual tournaments". a tall, messy-haired boy said with a grin.
i watched the interaction between the two. recalling the time i found out that they were also childhood friends. kuroo... i thought back trying to remember if that was his name.
"shut up..." kenma replied back, finally opening his eyes to see the source of the annoying voice.
and
as if mother-like instincts had been awakened
kuroo bent down, getting all up in the long-haired boys face. his pointer finger and thumb forced his eye to stay open as he inspected it. practically treating kenma like he was some freak experiment.
"my god kenma, your eyes are so red." he said, doing the same and looking at the other eye.
' hm ? ' i hummed to myself, taking a better look at kenmas eyes and now noticing that he was right.
my stomach twisted slightly. i knew that look. the burning sensation after finally completing a hard level. the neck strain that followed.
"i noticed they were a bit pink earlier, but i hadn't realized they were this red... you really need to calm it down with the games" the bed-headed boy scolded. now getting up with a hand on his hip, scolding the still exhausted boy like a mom.
"it's not my fault screens can't get any darker..." he sighed, annoyed that he now has to deal with his friends usual scolding.
a small smile crept up on my lips as it was funny how relatable that problem was to me too.
'hehe... he's kind of interesting...'
i felt my body warm up slightly. even with the freezing air of winter creating shivers all over my body, constantly seeing kenma at volleyball practice, seeing him always on his psp, taking glances at him in class, and always hearing yamamoto rant about him had slowly made me develop a small interest in him. as i fell lost in my train of thought, my noisy self was soon caught red-handed as kenma turned my way.
!!!
i immediately turned away, trying to play it off as if i was just looking around – though it was not believable at all.
" we're going to head to the convenience store when we finish up. wanna tag along ? " yamamoto thankfully chimed in.
i gave a small nod. placing my psp back safely in my bag as i stood up, waiting for them to finish cleaning up.
----
i followed behind the volleyball group, letting yamamoto spend time with his friends in the front as they headed to the nearby convenience store. as i watched the backs of the many boys, i couldn't help but feel like a random npc following a main group of fighters.
" jeez kenma, do you really need to be on your psp while walking too? just let your eyes rest already " yaku, a short-haired – and short boy – spoke .
' they really care about him that much huh..? ' i muttered to myself. seeing the petite boy scold kenma gave me flashbacks to when my mom would scold me for always being on my phone.
" hey guys look, they set up christmas decorations already... i didn't even realize christmas was so soon ! " yamamoto suddenly spoke. his eyes sparkled like a child as he admired the colorful lights. the rest of us took in the view. enjoying the homey feeling the convenience store now had. a warm hue radiated from the lights, giving a nice cozy energy as we entered the store.
" christmas huh... " my eyes wandered back to kenma. his gaze finally peeled off his psp and taking in the sight of the lights. the sight was innocent – as if it was like looking at a kitten who was staring into the distant land. that certain warm feeling from earlier came back as i couldn't bring myself to look away from this view of kenma.
' why is he... so interesting..? '
----
after a long snack run, i had finally made it home. my body was swallowed whole by the warm comfort of my bedsheets. my eyes trailed to my desk, my pc screen shining a bright light – almost bright enough to dimly light up the whole bedroom.
" if only you could get any darker... " i muttered at my pc bitterly, as if it could understand what i was saying.
my eyes lowered, now doom-scrolling the deep depths of the internet on my phone. post after post, i soon came across an ad that had caught my full attention.
" blue light glasses ? "
i stared at the screen longer than i needed to. a picture of kenma randomly popped up in my mind, snapping me out of whatever my eyes were lost in. i remember trying those glasses out before, and they didn't fix everything ... but they still helped me. at least with the brightness...
" hmmmm... "
* added to cart *
----
before i realized it, the last day of school before winter break had arrived. my hands slightly trembled as i held the little christmas themed bag. i walked besides yamamoto, heading to the gym for his usual afterschool practice.
" who's gift is that for ? or did someone give you that ? " yamamoto asked. an eyebrow raised as he side-eyed the bag clenched in my hands.
i jumped at the sudden confrontation, my grip became tighter as i thought,
' do i tell him it's for kenma ? will he think it's weird i'm giving a gift to someone i barely talk to ..? '
yamamoto sensed my hesitation. his eyes lowered, seeing the way my fingers fidgeted with the little bow holding the bag closed and the way a faint blush dusted my cheeks.
" ahhh... i see " he cooed. a small smirk plastered on his face as he turned back forward, opening the gym door for the both of us.
" well, good luck " yamamoto smiled – as if he figured out what the gift was about. he soon headed towards the rest of the team, leaving me sitting on a nearby bench to wait until they're done.
----
" alright ! i'm going to cut it short today since its the last day before break ! clean up ! " coach had yelled, immediately gathering his stuff to head home and let the boys handle closing.
my eyes peeled away from my psp, now watching the boys clean up as i waited for yamamoto. i noticed kuroo head over to him, waving his hand to get his attention.
" neh, we're all going to head out for a little christmas dinner after cleaning up. does your little friend want to join ? " he said with wiggling eyebrows.
my ears perked up. ' little friend..? does he mean me ?'
yamamoto noticed me looking. after a short period of eye contact, i saw his eyes dart towards kenma – who was busy chasing a rolling ball. he looked back at me, a cocky grin on his face – almost teasing like – as he gave kuroo a nod.
" no way he knows... " i muttered embarrassingly to myself.
so here i am.
cramped in between musky, sweaty boys in a small barbecue shack. the two small grills in the table blew its smoke right into my face as the volleyball teams loud chatter filled my ears.
' this was way too overstimulating... '
my hands clenched on the gift that sat on my lap -
hard.
' all i had to do was give kenma the bag... so why am i here..? '
everything was getting too much. my shoulders squished between yamamoto and fukunaga. my legs clamped together as these boys were rudely manspreading. my eyes unable to focus anywhere besides kenma – who was now leaving his seat for some reason – and the gift in my lap that was now becoming wrinkled from the constant shoving around.
my thoughts were being overshadowed, my vision blurring as social gatherings like this were never my thing.
' why didn't i just hand it to him after practice ? '
' why did i come to a dinner with a team i am not even a part of ? '
' the gift is all wrinkled and ugly now, i can't give it to him like this... '
without thinking, i stood up. yamamoto and fukunaga the first to notice as everyone else quieted down a bit.
" i-i'll be right back... my mom is calling me ... " i lied. scooting my way out of the cramped table we all sat on.
----
" come on come on come on... " i grumbled to myself. desperately digging into my bag in hopes i had some tape to fix the small tears on my gift.
" the corners have holes too... how the hell did that even happen..? "
my frustration was getting the better of me. the gift that was so nicely bagged for kenma, now looked like it was crumpled up. the corners of the bag had small holes, the bottom was dirty from constantly setting it down, the strings of the bag close to breaking off, despite the bag being relatively light.
my stress was soon interrupted as a familiar tune of a game i used to play had rung throughout the freezing dark sidewalk.
" that sounds like... monster hunter - "
as i turned to the nostalgic music, my eyes locked onto kenmas golden hues. he sat beside the restaurant wall, right on the side as he was slightly hidden around the corner. kenma's lower half of his face buried in the warmth of the collar of his hoodie as a light gust of warm smoke flew out into the night breeze. he looked surprised – shocked that i knew what game he was playing based off of just one soundtrack.
" o-oh... s-sorry i-i just came out here for fresh air... and recognized that track haha... " i sheepishly laughed. a bit embarrassed as i didn't realize kenma was out here the whole time.
' i hope he didn't see the gift... ' i thought worriedly to myself. my eyes gazing back down to the beaten up christmas bag that sat on the floor.
kenma seemed to notice my sudden shift in mood, seeing the bag with my school supplies scattered around it.
" i didn't know you played monster hunter... " he replied softly. his eyes lowering again as he stared back at the gift with curious eyes.
" did... something happen to your gift..? " his voice was gentle. monotone, but still had a hint of genuineness.
my eyes widened, scared at how much kenma was staring at the gift i hadn't given him yet.
" oh ! n-no no its fine... i hope... " i replied – a bit sadly as i looked down. my figure shrinking as i felt disappointed in myself for not being able to take better care of the gift or give it to him sooner.
an awkward moment of silence passed before i decided to speak up
" i-it was supposed to be for someone but... i guess i waited too long and it... it ended up getting wrecked and crumpled a bit... now... i don't know if i should still give it or... repackage it and wait after break to give it ". i rambled, a little out of breath as i hadn't spoken this much all day – especially to someone other than loud-mouthed yamamoto.
a light breeze of wind flew by, the night silence continued along with the muffled chatter of people in the small restaurant – i swear it was probably just the volleyball team being loud as usual.
" i don't think you should wait after winter break... " kenma's voice slowly trailed out. my eyes looked back at him, my body warming up despite the chilly wind that kept blowing by.
" i mean... it won't be as special if you wait until after christmas ". his eyes looked away, almost like he was flustered about something.
" also... just because the wrapping is ruined, it doesn't change the thought you put into the gift you got them... "
his voice was gentle, soothing – contrasting the intense battle music of his game that softly played out loud. my chest became tight, the feeling of properly talking to kenma for the first time was all too new to me.
"you really think that..? " my eyes sparkled with hope laced in my voice.
' if that's what kenma thinks then...
maybe...
just maybe... '
kenma nodded, going back onto his psp to unpause his game until my voice trembled out yet again
" i-i... this... this is for you !" i blurted out. now clutching onto the gift – its string now barely hanging on by a thread.
" huh..? " he hummed. completely taken aback at my sudden words and the bag practically being shoved in his face as i stood beside him.
my head hung low, as if praying to the gods above that kenma would accept my gift. my eyes clenched shut as i felt the strings of the bag slowly pull away from my grasp.
" you were freaking out... over a gift for me..? " he said, his quiet voice was barely louder than a whisper as he pulled out the two boxes from inside.
i peeked up, my heart racing with adrenaline as i watched the way kenma's eyes widened. although he kept his usual emotionless expression, there was a small hint of tenderness in his face.
my lips quivered, body tensing up as i forced the words i've been waiting all day to say.
" i overheard about how your eyes get red from how bright your screen is... i-i get that problem too ! s-so i thought... " my voice was shaky as i pointed to one of the boxes in kenma's hand.
" t-those are blue light glasses... t-they help reduce some eye strain for me... so i thought maybe it could help you... " i noticed kenma still looking at the two contents from the gift. his neutral reaction calmed me down as i glanced at the second box – a lot smaller compared to the blue light glasses box – he was deeply reading.
" ah... those are just eye drops... just for when you get so concentrated... and forget to blink " i said. holding in a small laugh as i thought back to all the times i'd gotten so absorbed in a level, only to deal with irritated, burning eyes afterwards.
...
kenma was silent. his slender fingers traced against the boxes as he turned them around again and again – getting a real good look at the contents.
" pfft- hahaha " he softly chuckled, bringing his hand up to his mouth to quiet his unusual self down.
i watched the sight in awe. the way his long strands of hair blocked his face, hiding what was probably the most holiest sight i wouldn't have been able to handle.
as kenma's faint laughter died down, he looked at me. catching my staring eyes and shameless blushing face.
" thanks... i'll try them out tonight... "
his smile was pure, his voice relaxing to my ears – fully calming my beating heart as he placed the two boxes back into the bag.
" kenma ! are you out here- oh. you're here too " yamamoto interrupted. his head stuck out of the restaurant door as he turned to see the two of us popping out from the side.
we both jumped at his sudden presence – as if we were caught doing something bad, when in fact we really weren't.
yamamoto's eyebrow raised, suspicious of his two friends weird closeness and kenma holding the gift bag i've been clutching onto all day.
" heh... figures... merry christmas i guess " he grinned. heading back inside while whistling a teasing tune and leaving me and kenma outside in the dimly lit sidewalk. i slowly turned to kenma, noticing the way his cheeks slowly turned red as he was still staring at the door yamamoto poked out of just minutes earlier.
" heh... merry christmas... " i said with a shy, breathy laugh.
kenma snapped out of his trance, his eyes now locking with mine as the distance between us was suddenly shortened.
the cold air still felt different around wintertime.
but this time, there was a sense of warmth to it.
" merry christmas to you too... "
___________
a bit late for a christmas fanfic, but im happy to finally post this one. i hope you all enjoy it and merry christmas and happy holidays ! ٩(ˊᗜˋ*)و ♡
( i was too lazy to really really proofread it so im sorry for any flaws >^< )
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⪩. .⪨ the two-toned picked me up like a stray - part 2 ִֶ⊹ ࣪ ˖
the next morning arrived as warm beams of light shone out from the little gaps of my window curtains, aiming just perfect enough at my face to annoy me awake.
my phone alarm went off right after, pairing up with the blinding sun giving me no choice but to get up.
" nyeghhhhh " i groaned out, immediately shoving my face back into the pile of plushies on my bed as the memory of yesterday hit me like a truck.
the lost of my only friend.
the rejection that came with it.
and kenma walking in on me at my lowest.
there was no reason for me to show my face at school – especially be in the same class as the boy who had declined my feelings... and the boy who witnessed me falling apart like a child because of it.
" maybe i should stay home... i can tell mom i'm sick... or i can just drop out and go back to being homeschooled... " my voice muffled in the sheets as i started talking to myself.
even though a part of me had the strong urge to quit school and avoid further embarrassing myself, a small part still held on to hope. those years of watching students walk to and from school with their friends outside of my window... the big smile on their faces as they chattered loudly... the way i could hear their cheers whenever their school held events like festivals... all of it just made me wish that one day, i could experience the school life the way they do...
it all gave me hope that maybe, i can find a group to belong in... a puzzle i could fit into.
my fingers unconsciously tightened my plushies as my thoughts scrambled. debating back and forth, whether i should just skip school or own up to my own actions. and through the bickering of my two options, my mind wandered back to what my actions even were. kenma popped up in my mind as his quiet voice echoed in my head.
' i don't think you did anything wrong... '
my body warmed a little as the softness of his voice repeated in my head. his awkward yet gentle demeanor... the way he could've just grabbed whatever he forgot and left, but for some reason stayed... and spoke to me.
i still didn't understand why someone as reserved as kenma bothered to worry about someone like me, but something about it just made me want to see him again – even if i'm too embarrassed to face him.
i slowly got up, my sheets falling gently off of my shoulders as i was too caught up in my thoughts to snap back to reality.
" kozume kenma... " i muttered to myself.
pictures of his face continued to pop up in my mind. my head kept flashing back, each memory i had of him playing over and over. from back in junior high, where he was always quiet and hiding behind his long black hair... to yesterday, when he stood beside me with concern in his eyes and a faint twitch of his brows.
" aghhhhhh ", both of my hands slapped my pink-dusted cheeks.
" get it together..! stop thinking too deep into it! " i scolded myself, rolling all over my bed as i felt a weird giggly feeling bubbled up in my chest from it all.
my heart continued pumping. more of kenma's words crossed my mind, no matter how hard i tried to focus on something else.
' you were... brave enough to make a change to reach what you want... but not everyone gets what they want on the first try, right..? '
even though yesterday was the worst days to ever happen to me at school... i still wanted to go.
original : ᓚ₍⑅^..^₎ kenma x reader !imagine - birthday gift ♡≽(•⩊ •マ≼
----
" no no no no NO ! where is it ?!? " you freaked out, frantically throwing around everything in your line of sight.
your bedsheets and plushies were all over your bedroom floor, along with bags and clothes as you searched every possible hiding place.
two weeks had passed since your birthday and you had already lost the silver cat bracelet kenma had gifted you.
to some people, it shouldn't be that big of a deal since it's not like he's your 'boyfriend' or anything, and it's not like it's a valuable treasure – actually scratch that-
kenma, THEE KENMA – the boy you had been interested in ever since you became the boys volleyball team manager – gave YOU that pretty silver kitty bracelet. he spent his precious time and money – that could have been used on games – on something for YOU, so of course it meant a lot to you
" where did it GO ?!?!? " you groaned out, frustrated to the point of tears forming in your eyes as you tried thinking back to the last time you wore the bracelet.
you wore it everyday, no matter where you went. you could literally be going to the corner store three minutes away, and you would still wear it. that bracelet was basically a goodluck charm and the closest you will ever be to kenma when you weren't at school.
even on the weekends when you had to do your chores, you had worn the bracelet, it was basically part of your signature look now.
" hmmmmm ", you mumbled, trying your best to dig up your memories until a light bulb popped out of your head.
" aha ! maybe it's under the benches in the gym ! "
you gaslit yourself to into being sure that that was where it could be considering you had to take jewelry off during practices.
so with that new hope, you grabbed the bunched-up sheets and threw them back on your bed. lying down on a ball of plushies and blankets, you quickly went to sleep so that the next day would come faster and you could find it soon.
" where is it ? where is it ? WHERE is it ?!?!? " you whisper-shouted to yourself.
through bouncing balls and squeaking shoes, you were currently trying your best to discreetly look under the bleachers. from circling around the different areas of the gym – pretending you were taking a phone call – you were on the verge of tears as one hand gently caressed the emptiness on your wrist. the bracelet you had worn every day was truly gone, and you were close to giving up.
being swallowed up in your thoughts, you didn't hear the light footsteps coming up behind you.
" are you okay..? " a soft voice spoke from behind, causing you to jump.
you quickly blinked your tears away and shakily turned around. your eyes practically popping out of your eyes as you saw the boy you wanted to avoid until you found your bracelet.
" o-oh ! y-yea ! everything's good haha... " you said with a smile. sweat noticeably dripping down your face, basically pointing out your nervousness. with kenma having the brains and eyes of a true observer, he knew something was off and raised a brow.
as you saw the seriousness in his face, you couldn't bring yourself to lie to him. because of this, your true feelings started to spill out. you looked down at the ground, feeling nothing but guilt.
" i... i lost the bracelet... the one you gave me... "
your voice was small, almost too quiet despite everything being able to echo in the gym.
you were scared of what kenma would think or do. you didn't want him to think you didn't care about his gift – or worse, you didn't want him to get angry and hate you.
however, since you were too occupied looking down at the waxy floors of the gym, you couldn't see the rather confused kenma looking at you instead.
" you lost it..? " he asked softly.
no hint of anger or sadness was heard in his voice, but you still couldn't help but worry about what he had to say next.
all you could do was nod and continue to avoid facing kenma.
" but i- "
" im sorry i lost it kozume-san! " you blurted out, accidentally cutting kenma off without realizing it. the only thing on your mind was to make kenma not hate you – though this only blinded you from hearing the truth.
" its okay i ha- "
" it's not okay ! " you cut him off again.
kenma sighed. already giving up trying to speak as he just let you ramble about losing the bracelet he got you. he listened, all while playing with a certain something in his pocket that he could give you right now, but had no chance of doing so.
" i didn't mean to lose it... i just don't know where it went ! " you continued on, still oblivious to kenma's calm nature after hearing your news.
" i promise i do take care of it- i take it everywhere i go ! i love it so much and i just... " your voice started to crack and your balled up fists started to shake.
" i-i'm sorry... you must've spent a lot for it... and i just lost it... "
through glossy eyes, you finally looked up at kenma. ready to face any thoughts and consequences he would have towards you.
you had expected nothing but a tongue click and him walking away, but your eyes were met with him walking closer to you – filling the gap between the two of you until you were mere inches away from him.
" you should stop cutting people off... " kenma sighed as he gently grabbed your trembling hand.
you were dumbfounded at the closeness of him. you watched as one of his hands lightly brushed your wrist and the other balled up, as if there was something inside. you couldn't see what kenma was holding, but you started to feel a small chill around your skin as both of his hands were now wrapping something around your arm. as his hands moved away, you saw the sparkle you thought was gone for good.
" w-what..? " you whispered, quickly looking up at kenma confused.
"heh" he chuckled with a pink-dusted smile – a rare sight for you to take in as you were still a deer in headlights.
" huh..? HUH ?!? "
it was like smoke exploded out of your head like a chimney. your face matched kenma's jersey as your silly brain finally processed the situation you were currently in. kenma's warmth was radiating onto you, his hands – still a bit sweaty from practice – holding onto yours as you were now wearing the bracelet you were stressing out looking for.
kenma couldn't hold it in anymore as he brought up one of his hands to his mouth, trying to hide his continuing laughter at the sudden change in your mood and how you freaked out over nothing.
" i found it at the bench after practice yesterday " he explained.
" i was going to give it back, but you were walking too fast... and i thought i should teach you to be more careful " he teased. wearing a sly smirk that only kuroo could match with.
" y-you... " like a waterfall, tears streamed down your face in pure relief as your bracelet was no longer a lost cause. you felt nothing but pure happiness as kenma helped adjust the bracelet better so that it could snug onto you properly.
" thank you kozume-san ! " you choked out as you wiped your tears with the back of your hand. " i promise i'll be extra EXTRA careful with it from now on " you said, a smile started to form on your lips as you were happy to be reconnected with the two cats that were supposedly you and kenma.
with that, kenma rested a hand on your head. ruffling your distressed locks with a smile.
you were currently walking home with kuroo and some of the other volleyball club members after practice. kenma was out sick that day, so the boys thought it was a good time to talk about kenma's birthday coming up.
you were surprised at how soon his birthday was and panicked as you had very little time to find something for him. it had seemed like your worried expression was noticeable as kuroo slowly leaned into you as the two of you were walking.
"ehhhh? you didn't know your senpai's~ birthday?" kuroo teased. his eyebrows wiggled as he gave you a light elbow nudge.
kuroo, being the observant captain he was, was the only person who knew about your little crush on kenma.
you blushed, refusing to say anything to not give your feelings away to the other members who looked at you, curious as to why kuroo emphasized his question.
as you got home, you started browsing online stores. basically doom scrolling, hoping to come across something your crush might like.
however...
you hit a dead end, every page you visited had nothing.
'aghhhh!! what does he even like?!?' you thought to yourself, completely frustrated.
'i can't get him a game, everyone else is probably getting him one and i don't know what types of games he likes or already has...' you thought in defeat.
days had passed and it was already october 15 – one more day until kenma's birthday...
'i guess i can ask the cooking club if they can teach me how to make an apple pie...' you sighed to yourself as you walked through the town shops on the way home from school. you knew apple pie was kenma's favorite food, but it seemed kind of boring to gift him something his family was probably going to make for him.
'can i even make an apple pie in time..?' you asked yourself.
not feeling like going home and stressing over what gift to get yet, you decided to walk into a random store to window shop.
the shop you walked into was filled with lots of toys and plushies. from flower legos to gigantic sanrio plushies – there was even a huge shelf that stretched to the ceiling, each surface stacked with many blind boxes and blind bags.
'these are kind of tempting...' you said to yourself, feeling an urge to spend an obnoxious amount of money for something as small as a coin.
you scanned throughout the countless amounts of trinkets the shop offered and came across an interesting keychain with a sign by it.
'huh..? 'i... vibrate..?'' you quietly read the little sign next to a small octodog keychain.
you raised an eyebrow as you picked up the octodog, observing the cute little thing,
'huh...'
wondering about the 'vibrate', you pulled the octodog from the clip, winding it and the letting go,
"bzzzzzzzzzzzz"
you watched the octodog start to vibrate. the creature looked like it was seizing as it slowly went up, along with the string rolling back up as well.
'it's kind of cute...' you spoke to yourself as you went to the register.
the next day had passed, it was finally kenma's 17th birthday. you spent the whole day clutching your bag, nervous – but excited – to give your crush his birthday gift. it was stressful looking at how slow the clock was going. like it was teasing you, purposely giving you more time to worry about whether or not kenma would think your gift was weird.
your mind raced with thoughts,
'what if he throws it away..?' 'what if he thinks i am weird for giving him a vibrating keychain? i mean... it is kind of weird- but it is kind of cute too...'
as the bell signaling that it was lunch time rang, you nervously made your way to his classroom on the second-year floor. the door towered over you, making it feel like you were entering a boss lair. the loud slide the door made when you opened it caught kenma's attention as you immediately made eye contact with him sitting at his desk.
you gave him a little wave then slowly made your way to him with his gift behind your back.
"h-happy birthday kenma-senpai..!" you stuttered as you handed your upperclassman a little white box with a red bow on top that sat on the both of your hands.
kenma was taken aback by your sudden gift. you didn't greet him or anything. as soon as you made your way to him, you immediately gave a small bow – mainly to avoid looking at him – and held the tiny gift box in front of him. he noticed the redness slowly painting your face and the way your hands shook. he couldn't help but find it a bit interesting – and kind of cute – at how nervous you were in front of him – and how you knew it was his birthday despite him not mentioning it around you at all.
"thanks..." he said quietly. his hands gently accepted the box from your grip. he analyzed it, the way he can tell you spent a lot of time making sure the ribbon was perfect and even, and how the box was handled with care.
kenma raised a brow as he took out and held up the little octodog by the clip.
'oh no... does he not like keychains..?' you worriedly thought to yourself and peeked to look at his expression.
kenma noticed how the octodog was connected to the clip by a string and pulled down, winding it up and letting go.
"bzzzzzzzzzzzz"
the vibration echoed between the two of you. it sounded way louder in the awkward silence you two were in as he looked confused, while you couldn't help but blush harder in embarrassment – realizing again at how weird the keychain was.
trying to lighten up the awkwardness, you spoke up,
"u-uh... i-i saw it in a store the other day and uhh... thought it was cute- and funny !" you nervously laughed while waving your hands up trying to defend yourself and explain why you got him such a strange gift.
however, your laugh died down as kenma's face stayed neutral – unfazed. you couldn't help but want to run away – run away before kenma could ask things like 'why would you give me this?'. you couldn't even bring yourself to look at him anymore as you didn't want to see what you thought was his 'disapproving expression'.
"pfft-"
your negative thinking was soon cut off by a quiet stifle. you glanced up, noticing a rare smile on kenma's face as he attempted to hold in his laughter.
"this is... interesting" he softly giggled out before pulling down the octodog again and having it vibrate up for a second time.
you smiled, relieved that he didn't think you or the gift was that weird and laughed along with him.
"thanks..." kenma said, looking at you with a small smile, which caused a sense of warmth that you could feel in your chest.
with that...
the rest of lunch was spent with the two of you sharing quiet laughs at the cute little hot dog creature.
--------
bonus:
"what's with this little guy?" kuroo said, laughing as he kept flicking his finger at the octodog hanging off of kenma's backpack.
"he's looking at me funny" he continued, making fun of how derpy it looked.
"leave him alone" kenma sighed out, annoyed that his game is being interrupted by his childhood friend.
he then paused his game to turn his backpack onto his front side, protecting it from the messy-haired captain – which caused the said captain to sigh as he couldn't play with the keychain anymore. as kenma rested his game onto his backpack, the little octodog you gifted him was now in his view and he couldn't help but smile as it made him think of you.
--------
(a/u: sorry for the late birthday fanfic T_T sorry its rushed, i haven't been feeling motivated recently (╥‸╥) )
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ᓚᘏ𑄝 the two-toned picked me up like a stray - part 1 ִֶָ. ..𓂃 ࣪ ִֶָ
after spending the last few months alone, i decided i needed to do something before my high school life would end up the exact same way.
so when the new school year began at Nekoma high, i promised myself that i will try harder.
i will smile more, talk more. i'll stop fidgeting with sleeves of my uniform or freeze up when i speak to someone. i'll stop looking down at the ground when walking infront of others.
if i do all that, then maybe...
maybe i'll find someone who could like me.
things weren't as different as i anticipated it to be. i haven't really made a 'friend' friend, though it was still better than junior high. recently, i have started to receive some 'good morning' greetings from my classmates when i enter class now. it still catches me off guard since i'm not used to it and i don't really talk to my classmates, but it always made my day to be noticed.
but there was one significant difference that gave me hope for my high school life.
it was a boy.
this boy sat besides me during homeroom. he wasn't much of a talker or a popular kid, but he was kind. he lent people his notes, picked up their fallen items, and never seemed to have ill-feelings towards anyone.
i thought that maybe... just maybe we could be friends.
and so i tried.
we chatted a little, from stressing over how much homework we had, to exchanging notes. his voice was so gentle and it was just nice talking to him. as the school year continued, we had gotten a bit closer. we hadn't hung out outside of school yet, but we would spend some lunch breaks talking and would even greet each other in the mornings and after school.
overtime, i had started to develop feelings for him.
it wasn't dramatic, but just the small moments would make my chest tighten. from the way he smiles to his distant eyes, just the way he laughs or talks to me made my chest ache each time i think back to it.
'is this how other girls felt?' i thought to myself. i couldn't help but feel excited at the thought of experiencing high school romance. i recalled back to some of the shoujo manga's i had read. where the female lead was an outcast and the male lead was the most popular student. the two would experience a slow burn and grow up together. where the female lead befriends many of the male leads friends and experience having people there for you.
i thought... maybe if i confessed, something could change. maybe i could change.
so during one lunch break, i built up the little confidence i had gained and shyly asked him,
"i-is it okay... if we talk a bit afterschool..?"
he looked at me a bit surprised at the random request, but nevertheless he agreed.
after school came, and the two of us were slowly putting our things away, just waiting for everyone else to leave the classroom. it felt like time had slowed down as i watched everyone put their books in their bags in slow motion.
when the last remaining students finally left the room, i anxiously stood up. with shaking hands, i faced my crush in front of me who had his head in a slight tilt, curious as to what i wanted to talk about. especially at a specific time like after school in an isolated classroom.
my knuckles were close to turning white as the grip on my bag tightened. my chest felt like it was weighed down with anchors as i took a deep breath.
"i... i like you... i-i loved our small c-chats we had... the time we spent together... so please... a-accept my feelings".
i held my gaze to the ground as the silence that followed my confession was unbearable.
after what felt like an eternity of looking down in shame, i slowly raised my head to look at him.
his face softened, though i can tell he was holding himself from twisting his face in discomfort. the way his lips slightly spread like he was trying to hide his gritted teeth, he started to speak. tone changing into something completely different compared to how he spoke in class.
"im sorry. i don't feel the same way..."
he grabbed his bag from his seat and left soon after.
before he opened the door, he gave one last glance at my frozen figure.
"i don't think i want to spend time with you anymore... i don't want to give you the wrong idea... and you just... made it awkward..." he said bluntly before exiting and leaving me all alone.
and that was it.
the classroom was quiet again — the kind of quiet i thought i had finally escaped from.
i could hear faint footsteps outside of the class – footsteps that i assumed were his walking away.
i sat down at my desk, staring blankly at the pencil-marked wood as my chest tightened. i thought i was used to being alone, so why does now hurt more than ever?
my mind spiraled as everything came crashing down on me. my first year in high school had been going so well. sure i only befriended one person, but my confidence had improved way more compared to junior high. i started walking with my head up high. i greeted some of my classmates and got greeted by them too. i had someone to spend lunch breaks with, to share notes with, i thought i was finally becoming the teenage girl i had always wanted to be.
'was i not enough?' 'am i still weird? off-putting?' 'am i just not pretty enough for people to like me?'
my small self-esteem came crashing down. my body trembled and breathing started to become difficult. i tried to ignore everything but my tears came before i could stop them.
the footsteps outside seemed to be getting louder, but i was too much of a mess to even realize that.
i sat in silence for what felt like hours at my desk. the classroom was filled with nothing but the echoes of my sniffling – until suddenly, the classroom door came sliding open out of nowhere. i jumped, aggressively wiping my eyes and nose with the sleeves of my uniform to hide my vulnerable state. my eyes were for sure going to be very red.
the footsteps came closer and came to an adrupt stop.
i looked up through blurry vision, and there i saw a familiar head of hair that sits in front of me in class — kozume kenma — standing in front of me with, looking up from the console that was in his hands like always. his eyes met mine for a bit until he quickly darted them to the side, awkwardly looking away and his thumb fidgeted with the buttons of his console.
"sorry...i forgot something..."
his voice was quiet, shaky like. it was as if he was scared of me more than me being scared of him after he had walked in on me with tears running down my face. even though i had kozume in my class in junior high and in my class now in high school, we had surprisingly never exchanged words with each other, considering we were both introverts. i think i did try to speak to him one day, but he had ignored me or maybe didn't hear me since he always seemed so focused on his game.
i gave him a slight nod, pretending i wasn't just bawling my eyes out during after hours of school.
as i drowned back into my thoughs of rejection, i could see in my peripheral vision that kozume was leaving. it was then i noticed the light taps of his footsteps stopped and i could see him look over his shoulder at me. his brows furrowed, shoulders tense, obviously uncomfortable.
"are you... okay..?"
his voice, completely different from the expression he was wearing. it was filled with concern.
'is he concerned about me..?' i thought to myself, my chest warming up as i have never had someone worry about me. especially from someone as unexpecting as kozume.
but that warmth started to collapse without me even realizing it.
a few seconds passed as i snapped out of my surprised thoughts and remembered what had happened earlier. my eyes felt heavy just thinking about it. my lips quivered, but i managed to choke out.
"n-not really..." i said, as i couldn't help but wipe the already forming tears in my red eyes again. but the tears didn't stop. my body started trembling, speaking when i didn't even plan on saying anything else.
"a-am i pretty..?" my mouth let out before my brain could even process what i was saying.
kenma's eyes widened at the sudden question. kind of regretting staying as he didn't know how to comfort my wrecked self. my hands gripped the hem of my skirt, my shoulders shaking.
"w-why d-didn't he... like me back..?"
despite my drenched face and puffy eyes, i faced kenma as if he knew the answers. as if he could even fix anything at all.
"i... i changed myself for high school... i forced myself to walk with my head high, to smile and try to talk to others but... i-it's just so hard. i- i'm still not enough to reach the teenage life i wanted..."
my breath hitched, i tried swallowing to ease my fast breathing, but nothing i did could help me. i hated this. why did i have to confess? i should have been grateful someone wanted to be my friend, but i just had to ruin it by telling him i liked him. who even likes someone after a few months of talking? i just wanted to gain friends, to get a boyfriend and to go on after-school adventures just like everyone else.
the room was quiet, i couldn't even tell if kozume was still here. but i couldn't bring myself to look up from my shame.
then –
"i don't think you did anything wrong..." came his small voice.
i looked up, my eyes wide as he was still here.
"you were... brave enough to make a change to reach what you want... but not everyone gets what they want on the first try, right..?" he mumbled. his thumb rubbing against the joystick of his console again.
/ᐠ - ˕ -マ Ⳋ the two-toned picked me up like a stray - prologue જ⁀➴
a kozume kenma fanfic ૮₍｡´ᴖ ˔ ᴖ`｡₎ა
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growing up had been troubling for me
as teenage hormones did their thing, everything felt like it was spiraling — fast.
i grew up being homeschooled in a quiet household. because it was just me, i was never prepared for the outside world. i never had the chance to get to socialize or learn social cues — especially with people my age. everyone in my house just went on with their day in silence. a couple nods, a few clicks, and a lot of cold stares.
but i wanted more.
through the curtains of the windows, i got to see all the students walk home from school. i watched in envy as many of them walked in groups or duos. some laughed loudly, others chatted cheerfully, everyone just seemed to have so much fun — even when all they were doing was walking.
i wanted to laugh with others the way they do. to walk home or maybe stop by the convenience store for a snack like they did. i wanted a crush i could shyly confess to and share a twin popsicle with. to experience my upcoming teenage years like everyone else.
so i begged my parents to let me attend school — and eventually they did.
however...
i don't think transferring in the middle of the third year in junior high was a good start.
everyone already had everything figured out: who they were, who they were going to be friends with, what they were going to do.
everyone had their place. loud, talkative, connected.
they were a complete puzzle, perfectly fitting with one another and spending their young pre-teen years wildly.
but because this was all too new for me, i didn't know what to do. everytime i tried to reach out, it was like my body wasn't wired to speak to people who weren't related to me. whenever i tried to start a conversation or even ask someone a question, my mind froze — shut down — until the other person grew uncomfortable and walked away. sometimes even telling their other friends that i was weird.
though, not everyone was part of a puzzle.
i noticed a boy with almost shoulder-length hair who sat a few seats behind me. he didn't seem to have friends either.
however...
he didn't seem bothered by it compared to me.
in fact, he looked like he preferred being alone, always aborbed in his gaming console. i thought maybe — maybe it would be easier to try and befriend him since, we were alike.
but... he ignored me.
so there i was...
after begging my parents to let me live the life i had been dreaming of, i ended up spending the last few months of junior high alone —
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the room went quiet, only the soft hum of kenma's game console filling the space.
you laid on his bed
hair sprawled all over, clothes bunched up along with the wrinkled bed covers ruined
your tears and snot soaked into his sheets — but you didn't care
with blurry vision, you glared at the silent boy who's golden eyes glowed with a deep brown hue in the dim light. he looked puzzled, his body tense as he was unsure how to respond to your ridiculous question.
you watched the way his adams apple bobbed as he swallowed on nothing but dry air.
"so whats your answer?" you asked kenma — who struggled to maintain eye contact with your distressed figure.
just looking at your 'boyfriend' made your blood boil
'say something' you thought, like he could read your mind and would make him finally answer.
his lips opened and closed as he tried to force words out of his mouth.
"what's your... problem..?" kenma finally said, brows furrowed. his concern came out small and uncertain. obviously the right answer was that he really did love you and that you are his girlfriend, but his words didn't land like that.
he loved you so much and liked your company as well. the whole situation just confused him.
kenma's eyes darted to the side, avoiding your teary-eyed gaze
"why are you acting like i cheated on you..." he mumbled defensively.
your chest tightened — this time with anger.
"what the hell do you mean 'whats my problem!?'" you yelled.
kenma jumped at your change in tone, eyes widened. you were always so calm and patient with him, but this was different.
"whats gotten into you?" he asked — a big mistake that was too late to take back
"I just said whats wrong!" you kept yelling. you were sobbing — choking even — and kenma still sounded like he was thinking about the round he was in.
"do you even listen to me at all? i said all the things you do wrong and you still ask 'whats my problem' or 'whats wrong'!" you continued through harsh cracks of your voice. your throat had gotten dry, raw from crying.
your hands shook. you never liked violence, but with the way kenma was acting and his obliviousness, you just wanted to beat him until he cried. you wanted him to feel the same ache you were feeling — to belittle him the way you felt belittled.
a few minutes of tense silence passed. kenma sat on the floor near you as you were still laying down in the same position you had been in the whole time.
"well answer" you decided to finally speak up "do you really love me?"
kenma sighed, a bit annoyed, "yes. I do love you. now can this stop..?"
"delete your games then" you spat out immediately, demanding him to erase his progress.
"what..?" kenma's eyes widened. he worked since birth to finish all those games, beating so many top scores, preserving his achievements. why would he throw that away just because you felt insecure and doubtful of him?
"the least you can do is delete the games on your phone" you said, giving him an inch of leeway. kenma still hesitated.
"no... im not getting rid of all of my progress just because you're acting like this..."
he only made you angrier. your fists clenched, you hit the bed and kicked your legs like a child throwing a tantrum. his bedsheets were sliding off of his bed, revealing the bare mattress below.
"so you don't love me!? you rather pick the games on your phone than me!? your girlfriend?!" you screamed. you threw anything within reach: from pillows to your earbuds, you even threw your phone at him. unintentionally hitting his stomach.
kenma winced. he had never seen you like this before — never this childish over a small dispute that could have been fixed with some proper talking.
through the pain, he raised his eyes up at you. you were now sitting. tears ran down your face, your eyes twitching, teeth gritted. you clutched his sheets, your fists trembling — ready to lash out if he kept using that condescending tone.
you slammed yourself back down on his bed and pulled his sheets over your face as you started to hyperventilate. you struggled to breath as you couldn't calm yourself — the blanket covering your face only made it harder, but you didn't care. it was like you just wanted to stop breathing. to just die so that you wouldn't have to deal with kenma and his neglectfulness anymore.
as the silence settled in, you slowly started to realize that deleting his games wouldn't even solve anything — but you had to get back at kenma somehow and video games were something he held on to dearly.
so why not ruin it?
kenma remained sitting besides the bed, a little further away now to give you your space.
his silence was heavy, he felt perplexed. he mindlessly just stared at the floor, his mind racing in a fog of questions and uncertainty.
his eyes then trailed to his phone, his thoughts scattered like mist.
he thought back to all of your guys hangouts, guilt tightened around him as he realizes the lack of affection he gives you. he couldn't even remember the last proper conversation he had with you — like how your day was, what you plans were, anything — not since you two first started dating.
his mind snaps back to his phone — it started to become blurry.
as if something else controlled him, he didn't even realize the tears gathering in his eyes or how his breath was hitching. he just continued to watch his hand shakily reach the device. his thumb, as if a slug, slowly hovering, pressing down each game icon — one by one, deleting.
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