Ask Larry Johnson

It's a gloomy, sticky day in the rural town of Nockfell. In a rotting apartment building, Larry and his mother Lisa spend their days in the humid basement unit. After abandoning their old house, Lisa rents their apartment for free with her maintenance job, and Larry loses himself in weed and art. They're doing their best to make the most of every day, but something's not right with the town, and a bad feeling creeps and spreads into the bones like mold...

Welcome to the blog.

I was very worried about how he would turn out before he was born. We have grown a lot closer in my adulthood, but I had a strained relationship with my parents growing up and it took us a few tries to heal that. They insisted I wasn’t ready to be a mother because they didn’t like my ex-husband. My ex was not kind to the two of us when he was around, either. At some points in those early years, I felt totally alone.

And yet my little Lar-bear would always be cheesin’ away and asking me one million questions about everything! I can’t tell you how many times he’s made me smile when I felt like nothing could possibly be right with the world, or lovable in myself. If I could’ve made a child this perfect, someone who tries so hard to make others happy, and works so hard even if nobody sees his effort- maybe I’m a lot more badass than I gave myself credit for.

I guess I’d say one of my favorite memories of Larry as a child was being Mamá. I cherish the memory of when he was small enough to fit inside my arms.

When I look at him lately, there is something behind his eyes that gives me a chill. When I talk to him, he doesn’t have much to say. If he hears me, that is. He’s growing distant, and spends barely any time outside of his room.

At times he looks at me like he doesn’t even recognize me. Hollow. I hate to admit feeling this way, but sometimes when he enters the room he brings a feeling so miserable that it makes me physically sick.

School just got out for the summer, but we all graduated. Everything is different.

We never have to go to Nockfell High again, but now besides the apartment we don’t have any common places that force us to hang out. Everyone has their own shit going on, and I almost feel like I’m fading into the background. I’m telling everyone I’m going to go to art school at NCC like my mom suggested, but I’m just so tired, it’s not really my decision, I’m just going with what my mom thinks is best. It’s easier than admitting that I feel like I’ll tear my hair out handful by handful before I’ll be able to handle even MORE school.

Todd and Neil are moving in together. I’m happy for them dude, believe me- and they’ll have some extra bedrooms in the house they’re renting in case we all want to be roommates, which is nice of them and all- but it’s scary to watch Todd leaving Addison Apartments. Todd has been an apartment kid here longer than even I was, and even though this place sucks, it’s almost like… He’s abandoning us? I don’t know. It’s cool to see Neil more, but it’s because him and Todd are spending nearly all their time together at this point.

We all went to the same pizza place we’ve been going to all high school on the last day of school, but most of the conversation was just about how many options Todd and Neil have for college and how great it’ll be to move out of oldy moldy Addison. We got our usual order, but the garlic knots weren’t as garlicky, and the cheesy bread wasn’t as cheesy. I could barely get through my double pepperoni. It makes me nervous when things change.

We haven’t seen much of Ash in general. She says her parents are “pretty intense” about her future and Mr. Campbell is going on a lot of business trips, so she has to stay home a lot and watch her brother a lot. She changes something about her appearance every time we see her, and she’s talking about breaking into her college fund just to buy a motorbike and ride far away from Nockfell.

She makes our group’s whole dynamic work, and without her and Todd, it’s mostly just been Sal and I hanging out.

But i’ve been worried about him.

He got rejected from this college out of state he REALLY wanted to get accepted to. We even had this argument about whether or not they’d even consider an application from Nockfell, where I said they’d probably just throw it out, and well… The fact I was right was actually really awkward.

I totally understand why he wants an escape route from this town as soon as possible. But it’s also like, this is my home, you know? I might be miserable here, but I have so little money, and my mom hasn’t had her usual summer remission, so I’ve been doing more work around the apartment just so we don’t have to plan dinners with the weekly food bank box. I love her so much, which is why it’s stressing me out so much to be working for Mr. Addison… We’re trapped here, and Mr. Addison keeps telling me that there’s no reason that the mold should be this bad if the weather is drying up. He never leaves his room, so he won’t listen to me when I tell him that the weather hasn’t dried up at all, it’s just getting hotter. We practically have mushrooms growing in the bathroom and he’s like, “oh, well, have you tried MicroBad?”

I guess I should be happy that Sal’s being forced to stay in Nockfell with me. But Im not happy watching my friend group drift apart with all this fuckin’ school and apartment stuff. And I’m not happy that my depression and negativity is tainting everything around me. Nothing quite works like it should, and every time I try to reach further towards my friends, the farther we drift. And the stress of all of it has been triggering Sal’s psychosis, which is stressing him out even more because he keeps worrying about “totally losing it” and “accidentally hurting someone” and “losing everybody.” Which stresses ME out, but why would I add that to his plate?

So even though I feel like my organs are rotting me from the inside out, even though those voices I hear from time to time are getting louder… Even though the cult isn’t going away, and I can tell that they’re planning something… I can’t talk about it to anybody.

Because who knows what will happen if I bother everyone with MY feelings? It just makes everything worse.

*gives head pats bc ur amazing and doing great*

I dont get it

Im sorry

But you know something, honey?

There’s this mold I’ve seen around Addison that’s a bitch to get rid of… I’ve gone through so much bleach it’s not even funny. I gave this entire building a good scrub last spring and thought that was the end of it. No! I haven’t had a break from feeling sooo sick. All of a sudden I’m barely able to clean one bathroom without coughing up a lung from all the bleach I have to use.

It’s absolutely worse in the basement. I’m not that confused, since we’re underground. You know? But I’m always able to find the sneaky little mold spores or leak or roach nest and give my immune system a chance to stabilize.

But somehow I can barely breathe in my own house when I can’t even find the source of why it’s so bad.

I can’t believe i’m saying this, but…