You can’t fight me, you’re miniature.
Going to McDonalds for a salad is like going to a prostitute for a hug.
People who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who do.
Get your facts first, then you can distort them as you please.
Laugh and the world laughs with you, snore and you sleep alone.
I hope karma slaps you in the face before I do.
You know, it only takes four muscles to just extend your arm and bitchslap the twat.
Congratulations on being an awful bitch who’s completely oblivious to the fact that everyone hates you.
Wine is constant proof that God loves us and loves to see us happy.
My business isn’t your business; so unless you’re my thong, don’t be up my arse.
I may look calm, but in my head I’ve killed you three times already.
I would retaliate against your snotty remark, but since you resemble a garden gnome, I’d say the joke is on you.
I thought I saw your face on my newsfeed but it turns out it was just a picture of a potato.
You want to walk out of my life, there’s the door. Hell, I’ll even hold it open for you.
I don’t do fashion, I am fashion.
Somewhere out there there is a tree, tirelessly producing oxygen so you can breath. I think you owe it an apology.
I’m only single because I’m too sassy for everyone.
Bitch please, have you seen me? I’m a princess.
I think, therefore I’m single.
Life’s too short to bullshit.
If you obey all the rules, you miss all the fun.
When in doubt, freak ‘em out.
I’d rather die my way than live yours.
Weather forecast for tonight: dark.
Two wrongs don’t make a right, but they make a good excuse.
I used to be Snow White, but I drifted.
Between two evils, I always pick the one I never tried before.
Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you fall into an open sewer and die.
I distrust camels, and anyone else who can go a week without a drink.
If you want a guarantee, buy a toaster.
