Ask Ganondorf

Would you care for some homemade pasta salad?

Please

Look elsewhere. I have no time to waste pretending to care for your matters.

I do not understand your realm's need to limit the pride of simply being one's self to a mere month. But then, I am not from your realm.

Have you ever experienced low blood sugar? If not, I can assure you it's not fun. Especially when it happens every few hours. Or in the middle of your sleep :)

I have not experienced this, though I have been told the demon of Diabetes is a lifelong battle.

Infinite food for my starving people or unesessary frivolous escapism...

Do you assume what I always wear is informal?

It is true. I have little use, and even less patience, for the meager canines. I find them utterly lacking in appeal.

In fact, any canine below a foot tall is completely useless in my eyes.

As for my breed of choice, that answer should be well known to any who consider themselves a fanatic of mine.

lately, it seems as if i am living on an endless sea, unable to do much more than drift along the waves on the best of days and tread water on the worst. i want so badly to become a man that you could be proud of, but i'm afraid i haven't been serving you or even myself very well. sometimes, it feels as though all i am here in this world to do is witness it go by. it was not made for someone like me, with a weak body and a fuzzy mind, yet i persist.

forgive me, i have been strangely weepy tonight. i think i am merely exhausted; i even fell asleep in the middle of writing this. in any case, thank you for allowing me to speak, and i hope that the next time i enter your halls, i have better news to share than my continued existence.

All serve their purpose in this realm, be them a great King or scrawny Guay. Do not pit your own achievements against the achievements of others, for we all have our own battles to wage.

Whether you are soaring, sailing, drifting or treading, remember that you are still making progress. While it is never wise to dwell upon your past, it may offer aid to look back upon it and see how far you have come.

if ten million fireflies

lit up the world as you fell asleep

If I required rest and was met with the ignition of such a sight, I would indeed not believe what I witnessed.

I come to you with a request for advice. I trust you are knowledgeable in most subjects, as you are well-traveled and well-studied. Knowing this, I would like to humbly ask your opinion— how does one become courageous? I myself am a coward in some regards and I wish to be less fearful. How would you go about it? What must I do?

You are a coward because your sense of self-preservation is more important than your goals. You have only to find that which matters more to you than your life.

May I... boop the snoot...?

To destroy my foes, witness them diminish before my might, and to relish in the cries of those they were to defend.

But that being said let me introduce you to my two familiars.

Behold My Lord, Luna and Cricket. You'd probably mildly tolerate Luna, who looks more like a tear in reality than a black lop, she's practically a void. She's the type of rabbit who sits in a chair and judgmentally stares at everyone who dares approach. I imagine she'd approve of you. She headbutts anyone who tries to pick her up. I'm sure you can relate.

The lopsided eared idiot however is Cricket. Aptly named as that's all you can hear between his ears. He has all the grace of a mute Hylian in a pottery shop. He probably has more braincels than the potassium deficient Yiga clan, but that bar is so low a Hinox is doing a limbo under it in The Depths.

I have already banned him from entering your domain but he has an actual addiction to bananas. I could set him on the Yiga clan if it would amuse you and make up for our former minor disagreement.

I do not mind feisty beasts, for I admire their tenacity and disregard for their foes' size. If the void would attempt to bash me with its head by simple lifting it, then I would likely do so often.