That Still Small Voice

In instances like this I would usually suggest... yes I would normally recommend therapy. Technically I am a branch of the psychiatric unit of the Storybrooke Hospital, so I was an active consultant on many cases in the hospital. I believe I am the only non-inpatient therapist/psychologist in town, partially due to Mr.Gold’s dislike of mental health professionals I suspect, though I may be wrong.

Now, theoretically, someone in my position could choose to voluntarily commit themselves to the Hospital’s inpatient facilities. This wouldn’t work in my case for several reasons. The person who cleared me as a mental health professional was Dr. Whale. Now normally with any case like this, I am usually the expert that does patient interviews, but they refused to let me do that. Now there are other mental health professionals that work at the hospital, however they can not treat me because I have seen all of them in some capacity. Additionally, ignoring the fact that there are no mental health professionals that can see me, being inpatient would require me to be voluntarily committed for... a length of time that would not be good for my more dependent patients to be without our sessions.

Now will I need therapy? Well, you see if I say no I would be setting a bad example for my clients, now wouldn’t I? Regardless this point is moot until we have the capacity to travel out side of Storybrooke.

Though! Like I always tell people who can’t come to therapy for whatever reason, workbooks and walks go a long ways! The former is one that I have been taking steps towards, and the latter is.. one that I’m working towards. Maybe I’ll get a walking buddy.

I’m feeling okay, a bit jumpy from all of the umm..unpleasantness. However I was able to be discharged from the hospital fairly quickly, and I am just so happy to be free from the ship. I just never have good experiences with ships 😅.

Thank you for asking! How are you?

Oh, well I dont think its really fair to compare the two, dont you think? I think in Storybrooke there is a knee-jerk reaction to completely demonize magic, a quite reasonable reaction born from repeated negative exposure from it, an experience I can talk quite personally on. However in this world science definitely has its shortcomings and gaps in knowledge. I would say science works in a far more predictable manner due to basic laws of physics. Is that an acceptable answer?

“Well whatever the relationship was I think it was good he was there for you. Even if you don’t think he was your friend or whatever, he at least came into your life at a time when you most needed someone. Life kinda has a funny way of doing that. It happened when I met Snow.” She recalled with a soft smile. All of the life they were both talking about seemed so long ago. And maybe it was for both of them since it was practically many lifetimes away. They had been through a lot since then and had become different people. But at the end of the day Ruby knew that they had gone through what they had gone through to become the people they were today and she was fine with that. 

“What do you mean you fold to your morals when it comes to yourself? Archie, you’re the best guy I know. Your smart and funny and just have this way with words that’s inspiring. I can’t really explain it but you have really become like my moral compass. I look to you for guidance as so many others do too. Really it’s not hard for me to reciprocate love for you. You inspire me to be better and I couldn’t ask for anything else in a partner.” She somehow moved a little closer towards him. It was just her natural instincts kicking in. Her need to yet again be close to the man and cuddle him. It was how she showed she cared about someone after all - physical touch.

She reached over and grabbed his hand, thinking back on the time they had met. A small blush came to her face then. “You really knew you loved me all the way back then? That’s a long time.” She teased with a smile. There were tears in her eyes. No one had ever loved her like that and for that long. “All I’ve ever wanted was someone who was honest and in return accepted me for who I am. You fought alongside the wolf and apparently loved me either way. No one’s done that…. everyone who’s met the wolf has always wanted me to hide her away or pretend she doesn’t exist - until she’s convenient for them. But not you. Never you. And if I can’t love you the same way… then I’d be the one unworthy of your love. You don’t ever have to think otherwise. I love you as you are Archie, whatever that may mean. Please don’t change if you’d think that it will impress me or “earn me” or any else of that nonsense, okay?”

“I’m glad Snow and you had each other, and continue to be close. She’s a good friend.” He couldn’t imagine what might have happened if she had to go through what she went through alone. Heck, he knew from personal experience what that was like. “I really appreciate that. I think being a moral compass is what I love to do most in the world. I’m glad you think I’m a partner worthy of you, that’s what I hope for most in the world.”

He looked to her as she verbally worked through what he was saying. Though Archie appreciated the positive affirmations of Ruby’s love and her opinion of him, he saw she wasn’t quite getting it. He didn’t blame her, Ruby had always been someone who was exactly how she presented herself, the only thing not immediately apparent about her was her alter ego. Archie on the other hand was someone who desperately strived to be like that, but felt like he was an inherently subversive person, as if he somehow inherited that from his parents. Archie gently squeezed her hand smiling sweetly at her. Blushing deeper at her teasing. “You are beautiful inside and out Red, how could anyone not immediately fall in love with you? You are always the woman I love, no matter how sharp your teeth may be.” He brought her hand up to his mouth to give her hand a quick kiss.

“I know I’m not explaining myself well enough. It’s not an issue of trying to be something I’m not. It’s.... if someone came to me with the issues I have in a professional sense I would tell them to do the opposite of what I’m doing. For the past week I have been treating myself as if I’m my own patient. And I have... issues..” Archie let’s go of Ruby’s hand in favor of rubbing his eyes and fussing with his hair. “What I’m trying to say is I am not actively changing myself to be with you, but I am so afraid of rejection with every bit of my being, having this conversation is the most stressful thing.” He took a breath and cleared his throat. “Okay here it is. Here it is. I am sick. Something is wrong with me. Ever since the first curse everything about me has been wrong. I lost my cricket form. And since then magic has been affecting me horribly. I get panic attacks at work when I’m alone and I can’t hear crickets. I’m sorry I haven’t told you this, I did, not because I was afraid you wouldn’t understand and reject me and we would have to break up....

Ruby listened in fascination as Archie told her more and more about the childhood that he had. Archie never liked to talk about his childhood and Ruby understood. It sometimes was hard for herself to talk about her mother - or lack thereof. It was just something that Ruby never pushed about. She figured anything she needed to know, Archie would tell her and anything else? Well it was in the past and not relevant to their lives now. After all they both had been through so much since the days of their youth.

She continued to lay out the food as Archie talked. A lot of the time Ruby always had something to say. She found that she could interrupt people at times and dominate the conversation. But now wasn’t one of those times. She just wanted to listen and soak up everything that Archie was saying. It had been too long since she had heard his voice and she was glad to hear whatever he had to say. 

When his story was over she sat back and placed her hands on her knees. She ached to touch him but decided to wait until she saw where this conversation was headed. “You never told me that you two knew one another before. But that makes sense considering your friendship now and who Robin is as a person. I’m glad you had someone back then who told you not to steal.” She smiled softly. A part of her was glad that she wouldn’t be meeting his parents anytime soon. She would have more than a few words to say to them and would also have to stop her wolf from lashing out on them. But that was the past and she just wanted to focus on Archie in the present.

Archie flashed her a brief smile and looked down at his hands in his lap. “Well, no one knows, other than probably Regina, I made him swear not to tell anyone. I am glad I have been able to build a new friendship with him. I’ll admit it was less of a friendship back then, and more of Robin being very kind towards a lonely, awkward kid in their early 20’s, and me following him around for a week straight in awe of him.” His cheeks flushed deep red at the tame admission. Archie thought of Robin now strictly as a good close friend, but he would be lying if he denied young Jiminy to have had a mildly childish crush on the thief.

“I think the blue fairy hoped that empowering me to be the embodiment of a conscience would give me the courage to stand on my own. It did, to an extent. In situations that concern others I do my best to maintain my morals, however I am still quick to fold when it comes to myself.” Archie took a pause to survey the food Ruby brought. He was always impressed by the level of her meal prep, it of course was part of her job, but that didnt detract from his awe. Reaching forward he grabbed a bottle of pink lemonade and poured himself a glass.

Ruby had been worried about her lover throughout the duration of the storm. She figured it had to be the magical nature of the storm that had caused the little episode in the woods - one that neither had actually talked about. She gave him space and time to work it out for himself before she’d broach it. But with the New Year’s Ball coming and everyone being there, watching the two of them, their friends were going to know something was wrong if they weren’t their usual happy selves. And while she didn’t mind telling everyone, it wasn’t her news to share with anyone, especially if Archie didn’t want to tell. She would have talked to Mal about it, but it seemed like Mal was busy - probably helping to stop the magic of the storm herself - and really Ruby didn’t even know exactly what was wrong anyways.

She had been surprised that he agreed to a picnic together. But she was glad for it either way. It would give them the chance to bring in the New Year’s first, just the two of them. And maybe they could talk about everything too - but Ruby wouldn’t push Archie. She took his hand and sat down while smiling, looking over at Archie. She couldn’t wait to cuddle by the lake with the man she loved. “Thank you for this by the way. I know it’s an unusual way to celebrate the New Year but I just wanted to do... something just the two of us before the craziness of tonight,”

Archie looked over to the love of his life, and his heart swelled with affection. He smiled back at Ruby “Of course, it was a good idea.” His soft voice felt foreign since being out of use for most of the past week. He looked back out towards the lake not able to look at Ruby for this next part. He could hear her shuffling the picnic supplies, the nausea in his stomach quickly chased any possible appetite he had. Before he could lose his courage, he started talking, figuring he would find the words along the way.

“Did you know I used to know Robin? Rather I knew him before, back in the Enchanted Forest? When I was back with my parents we used to run into him nearly every Spring when we visited the Thawing Festival in the Sherwood Forest. He was one of the only people my parents had no issue with me socializing with. I figure, they hoped that his skill and determination as a thief would rub off on me. They wanted- no, required me to be a thief. That’s how they raised me, that’s what their love was contingent upon. Whereas, I loved them unconditionally, I loved them so much. They were my whole world, I would do anything for them. So... I was a thief, for most of my human life, I became a very skilled thief at that. I also was a less skilled performer, but you already knew that from the instruments around the house..

It took a while for Archie to come back to himself. He had felt out of sorts since the original curse broke all those years ago. Originally he thought it was just how the curse reconstructed his human form, leaving a bit too much cricket for him to feel at peace. However this last storm had confirmed a worry he had for a while. The magic and chaos of the storm must have heightened whatever magical side effect he was currently under. After Ruby managed to get him back to the house Archie had spent several days drifting in and out of sleep. Now that the storm has passed he was physically healthy again, however he couldn’t help be forlorn. The part of himself that is missing, that pain he can feel sharper than ever, and the guilt that was brought along with it stung sharper than ever. He feels himself drifting often, knowing of the inevitable talk.

Ruby somehow managed to keep driving onehanded the whole way home. She didn’t dare to move her hand. She didn’t want to make it seem like she had abandoned him or wasn’t there for him like she promised she would be right before getting into the car. Though she had no real indication that he had even heard her. He barely had said anything to her when she got there besides her name and other things that didn’t make sense. But it didn’t matter, she’d still be there in anyway she could until Archie pulled through this.

She pulled into their driveway and relief spread through her. At least they were home. Now the next challenge: getting Archie inside. She had considered to call one of the guys if only so they may help her lift him, but she figured she’d carry him as her wolf if that’s what it came down too. But she first hoped that she could just simply convince him to come with her once again. She took off her seat belt and fully faced the man beside her. She lightly stroked his hair, “Hey Archie? We’re home now. We’re safe. Pongo’s gonna need us. I’m gonna need you. But I’m good staying here in the car with you until you’re ready.”

He was moving. He was in a car. His car. He was in his car and it was warm, but he was cold. He was cold and had to find something. Something important... Someone. He had to find his love, where were they? In his partial awareness he belatedly registered a spot where warmth was emanating from his leg.

The car stopped. The warmth was gone. He missed it's presence. Someone was in the car with them. He knew they wanted his attention. He didn't want to do anything of the sort, he was cold and tired. He turned his head away. A hand on his cheek stopped him from turning away again. A light brushing through his hair roused his attention. He slowly opened his eyes and was faced with his love. He listened the best he could to what Ruby said. It didn't matter. He found Ruby.

more that Ruby watched him, the more worried she got. It hurt her that she couldn’t do more for him. That she was basically leaving him to his own devices while she just stood there helpless and unsure. After the storm she was going to enroll in some psych classes or maybe she could look into finding one online since she had no idea when this storm was going to pass.

Right the storm. She needed to stop getting lost in her own mind. She wasn’t going to help either of them by just doing nothing. Quickly she snapped out of her mood and shut the door. She ran to the other side of the car, not wanting to leave Archie alone too much. She was scared of what might happen to him. She got buckled and started the car, turning the heat up as much as she could. She then reached to hold his hand and when that failed she settled on resting a hand on his thigh, a reminder that she was still there for him. “Hang in there Archie. I promise we’re going to be okay.” She wasn’t even sure if he could hear her, but it was all she could think to do.

He had curled up shivering. On hand on his neck, one against his chest. He was tired, but wouldn't let himself fall asleep until they were both safe. He hated this, he didn't really know what this was. Archie could feel the car start to move as trees snapped in the distance. A comforting hand stayed on his leg the entire ride. The sensation from it was a bit overwhelming, but he didn't dare move from it. Periodically he could feel the car slowly accelerate and decelerate as Ruby carefully drove.

Ruby let him take all of the time he needed to come to. She wished she knew how to help him. Wish that she could take whatever dark thoughts were plaguing his mind from him. Because at least he’d know how to help her if the situation was reversed. So instead she let him take all the time he needed and she just hoped that they would get out of the storm quickly before it got worse. She just had this really bad feeling that it was about to get worse. But if it did get worse, she would have to shift and carry him back home, which she knew wouldn’t be ideal but just what she’d have to do.

 She took the keys from him and stood at his side. She was patient and wanted to see if he’d get into the car on his own. She did hate that he was the only psychologist around here though, because if not she would have called them for help. But instead she was just focusing on getting them home. The mental stuff would have to wait. She licked her lips and looked over at Archie. “You still with me babe?” She cooed softly to not startle him.

Where was he? His hand was resting against smooth metal, but he could have sworn it was resting against wood just a second ago. He couldn't move. He could see his hands were no longer restrained by rope.. no that wasn't right. They hadn't been restrained by rope, perhaps magic? That didn't seem accurate either. Did.. did he still have his heart? The thought struck him cold. The hand scratchinh his neck quickly found his pulse point, he was relieved to feel his heartbeat thrumming below it. Where was he? He felt cold metal below his hand. He couldn't bring himself to move, 'to have an action occur, the initial energy must exceed the activation energy' the thought was a fragment. A memory of an Intro to Chemistry class he took at Stanford.. or was it a false memory? He couldn't bring himself to move. Where was he? A soft voice halted the circular thoughts. 'Ruby.' A catalyst.

She gave his hand a squeeze and reached over to cup his jaw. “Hey. Look at me. I’m safe and so are you. Well we’re safe for now but we probably need to get out of this storm soon before we freeze.” She offered another soft smile as she paused to make sure he was listening. “I don’t have my car here anyway so I can drive yours. Do you have your keys? And can you stand? I’m not sure if I can pick you up right now.” She could if she turned back into her wolf, but she was exhausted from running and being in the cold and wanted to save her energy in case she needed it. 

As Ruby cupped Archie's cheek he flitted his eyes to hers holding her gaze for a few moments and then continued on. He worried at the trees that stood looming in the distance, creaking under the storms assault. Belatedly realizing Ruby was speaking he regained eye contact as she mentioned they needed to leave. They were in danger, he was an observer of armed conflict long enough to feel it as second nature. There was tension in the air, something was about to break loose.

Ruby could feel the magic all around her, especially in her wolf form. She always seemed to be able to feel magic and she both loved and hated it. She figured because somewhere down the line her ancestors had probably used magic to become one with the wolf. Though that was something she didn’t usually like to think about. Especially not now as she grew worried over Archie and how she had found him. She could feel her teeth chattering and knew that neither of them should be out here much longer.

She crouched down next to him so he could see her better. She tried her best to hide her worry and fear for the man with a soft smile. “Hey. It’s me. What’s going on babe? Why are you out here?” She reached for his hand to try and comfort him and to help show him that she was really there for him in the flesh. That she really had managed to find him. Now she just had to work on getting them both home.

Fog seemed to thicken over his mind as the tingling of the air heightened. Archie paused for a second, doubting her existence. It could be a dream or hallucination, he could also be cursed again. His hand continued to scratch at his neck. It felt as if he's only existed here, everything before might merely have been planted memories. Something was wrong, his presence was wrong, he was missing information. Archie was confused and couldn't clear the fog. The glasses on his face were half fogged, and his lips tinged blue. Looking at Ruby weighing whether she was real, he decided he didn't care.

Ruby ran through town as quickly as she could. She knew that people might be freaked out to see her large wolf tear through town, but she’d send them all some coupons for Granny’s and she’d apologize later. But for now, her boyfriend was missing and the storm was only getting worse. She didn’t have the time to drive around looking for him and risk getting stuck somewhere herself. So the wolf was really the only option and she hoped those around her would forgive her this decision.

She tried to think of where Archie could be. She made it to the diner in almost no time at all. Her coat was soaked and she’d love nothing more than to just curl up before the fire. But she had to find Archie first, that was all she could focus on. She would hate if something happened to him all because he had gone looking for her in the storm. 

She got a faint whiff of his familiar scent and decided to follow it throughout town, towards the forest. She sprinted as fast as she could and knew that once the adrenaline wore off she’d be very sore. But so long as her and Archie were safe and sound in their home, it would all be worth it. When she found Archie’s car, she quickly shifted and started to approach him. She just hoped that he was okay. 

“Archie?” she called out softly when she was close by.

Archie had never been in a hurricane before, the closest to inclement weather he had experience was when he nearly drowned. He was a cricket at the time, but he distinctly remembered being unable to fly because of the winds, and being dragged under the angry waves. Convinced he would drown. He was sure this storm was going to be far worse than this. He had to get out of the storm, he could feel a tingling in the air that he mistook for the precipitant of lightning, and not magic.

Ruby arrived home probably about five minutes or so after Archie had left. She saw the note once she had opened the door. Ruby put all of her belongings down. She wanted to check in with Pongo, knowing that the dog was probably freaking out because of the storm. But she knew that Archie wouldn’t have just left Pongo to his own devices and that the dog was probably fine.

But if Pongo was locked away somewhere and Archie was no where to be found, it meant that he had gone back into the storm! She thought about just staying inside and waiting for Archie to return. But then her mind started to play tricks on her. And she started to think of all the different ways he could get hurt or how something bad may happen to him. Hell, the last time he’d gone to help Robin, he had ended up getting hurt. And what if Isabella wasn’t around to save him this time? Ruby paced for a minute or two before deciding she couldn’t just sit around and wait. She wrote her own message that she was going out to find him and then tore off her cloak and shifted into her wolf - the wolf would keep her warm and it would be stronger against the raging winds of the storm.

The first place Archie thought to check was her work. He drove downtown slowly, it was deserted, but it had started to rain and he didn't want to challenge the brakes anymore than necessary. Driving past the diner he failed to see Ruby's car out front. Archie didn't bother knocking on the door, he doubted Granny would hear over the noise of the wind kicking up, even with her keen hearing. The only other place he could think of was the woods, but he doubted she would go there without reason. Regardless decided to check just in case.

As the minutes passed by and Ruby was nowhere to be found he could feel anxiety clawing at his throat. The rain beat down against his windshield, he had convinced himself something bad must have happened, and it was his fault. 'I should have gone with her to help out. What if she got caught in the storm and crashed. Heck, it might not even be related to the storm, something else could have happened, I made her coffee this morning, I could have poisoned her by accident.'

Ruby had known the storm was coming for the past few days. Her wolf was always on edge when a storm was near and this time was no different. But what was different about this time was the fact that she had a partner, someone who was waiting for her to come home each day. In the old days when a storm would come, she’d simply just shift and try to out run it. Then she’d find some cave and stay as the wolf until the stormed passed. She wouldn’t dare do that to Archie - at least not without telling him first. 

Instead she had forgotten to charge her phone the night before and had planned to charge it while she secured the diner and the inn and it’s many windows - why did it have so many windows? Maybe her and Granny should get weather proof windows once the stormed had passed so that Ruby wouldn’t have to do all of this work at the next storm - but maybe that would be something she’d have to budget for after this storm was done and she knew all of her friends were safe. 

With the last window finally secured she realized how late she was and she cursed herself. Archie was probably anxious and worried about her. She just hoped she could get home in time before he did something stupid - like go out and look for her.

As soon as 10 minutes passed Archie tries one last ditch effort to get in contact with Ruby. Grabbing his phone he quickly dials the Inns phone, and let out a huff of annoyance and abruptly ended the call. The land line must have been taken out by the storm, which meant it was here and Ruby was caught in it. He quickly strode inside, confident Pongo would follow behind. Grabbing a water dish and kibble bowl, as well as a doggy bed, he made his way to the center of first floor. In the middle of the house there was a bathroom with no windows, in there he set up Pongo's supplies. Knelt down in front of Pongo he pet him reassuringly as the dog nervously paced. "It's okay bud, I'll be back soon, you just stay here in case Ruby beats me home."

Archie closed Pongo in the bathroom, knowing that will be the safest place for him while he was gone. Rushing to the door grabbing his keys on the way. He tore a page out of his notebook, and quickly wrote a note just in case Ruby came home in the interim. He wasted no more time and left.

Archie was on edge. He stood on the porch, the wind whipping around him as he leaned forward against the banister watching the dark clouds. He could hear Pongo whimpering from the doorway, scared at the oncoming storm, but unwilling to leave his guardian. "It's okay Pongo, just the wind." He briefly turned to address his dog, quickly turning around to watch the road.