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@ask-the-red-heavy
I am Heavy Weapons Guy...
And this is Heavy's "blog".
Heavy does not mind people asking him questions. English is not very good, shame on me, Heavy is still learning.
Be free to ask Heavy questions. Do not be annoying like little baby Scout. Do not ask to touch Sasha. That is all.
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*follows the anon doing the 6 7 hand gesture*
"What is the matter with you all!? Heavy is starting to get concerned."
*still doing the 6 7 hand gesture*
:T
"What. Is this some sign language? Heavy needs translation, is shame on Heavy."
Hey heavy look!
*doing the 6 7 hand gesture*
"Heavy... is confused. What are you showing me?"
How do you feel if a new BLU merc comes in?... you know, like uh... *looks abd points at @blu-sergeant *
Him?
The Heavy snarls.
"Stay away from team. Will not let your rockets touch RED base again."
"The anon just dragged me here... also I'm not the same as the BLU Soldier, I'm just his co-worker."
"Hm. I see. But you are still from BLU team. Still makes us natural enemies, nyet?"
"Good point."
He sighs.
"Since Heavy is good mood, will give you opportunity to talk to me. Do not even think of pulling stupid stunt and attack any of us. I am armed, and will yell for Pyro to burn you to crisp if little sergeant boy tries to assault Heavy."
"Really...? Huh, well... that's nice of you, I don't mess with REDs outside of battle unless they mess with me first. But I don't have anything to talk about right now, I have to take care of my son."
"You have son?... Hm. Sounds like Heavy is not only one working in shoddy mercenary job to provide for family."
"He's an amputee... car crashed into him by accident and his left leg's gone. I've been meaning to get him a prosthetic leg but he doesn't want me to get him one... guess he's fine being like this."
"Oh... Heavy is sorry for little boy, and for you. It must be hard for both of you to live life like this.
Your team has Medic, no? He is less competent than ours, but Heavy thinks that they at least have similar skills. Could he not help your son in this matter? Heavy is just asking."
"My son hates that doctor... he generally doesn't like medical stuff anyway. So why bother?"
"I... see."
In the Heavy's opinion, if he were the son, he's rather go overcome his fear of hospitals and syringes to get his leg fixed. But his empathetic side tells him not to tell that, as people have different experiences.
"My dearest sister Zhanna lost her arm while fighting evil people with Soldier. Heavy was very worried, but in the end, she is stronger than ever. Is fine if let son be, as long as he is okay with it."
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Hi!
*hold your arm with both of my freezing hand sucking up your warmth*
"Oof!"
The Heavy swats your hand gently.
"Sorry. Is defense mechanism. Heavy thought you are enemy team... Next time, tell Heavy before sneaking up on me, da?"
How do you feel if a new BLU merc comes in?... you know, like uh... *looks abd points at @blu-sergeant *
Him?
The Heavy snarls.
"Stay away from team. Will not let your rockets touch RED base again."
"The anon just dragged me here... also I'm not the same as the BLU Soldier, I'm just his co-worker."
"Hm. I see. But you are still from BLU team. Still makes us natural enemies, nyet?"
"Good point."
He sighs.
"Since Heavy is good mood, will give you opportunity to talk to me. Do not even think of pulling stupid stunt and attack any of us. I am armed, and will yell for Pyro to burn you to crisp if little sergeant boy tries to assault Heavy."
"Really...? Huh, well... that's nice of you, I don't mess with REDs outside of battle unless they mess with me first. But I don't have anything to talk about right now, I have to take care of my son."
"You have son?... Hm. Sounds like Heavy is not only one working in shoddy mercenary job to provide for family."
"He's an amputee... car crashed into him by accident and his left leg's gone. I've been meaning to get him a prosthetic leg but he doesn't want me to get him one... guess he's fine being like this."
"Oh... Heavy is sorry for little boy, and for you. It must be hard for both of you to live life like this.
Your team has Medic, no? He is less competent than ours, but Heavy thinks that they at least have similar skills. Could he not help your son in this matter? Heavy is just asking."
🫂
"Ah, is little mystery man asking for hug from Heavy?
Come here, baby!"
How do you feel if a new BLU merc comes in?... you know, like uh... *looks abd points at @blu-sergeant *
Him?
The Heavy snarls.
"Stay away from team. Will not let your rockets touch RED base again."
"The anon just dragged me here... also I'm not the same as the BLU Soldier, I'm just his co-worker."
"Hm. I see. But you are still from BLU team. Still makes us natural enemies, nyet?"
"Good point."
He sighs.
"Since Heavy is good mood, will give you opportunity to talk to me. Do not even think of pulling stupid stunt and attack any of us. I am armed, and will yell for Pyro to burn you to crisp if little sergeant boy tries to assault Heavy."
"Really...? Huh, well... that's nice of you, I don't mess with REDs outside of battle unless they mess with me first. But I don't have anything to talk about right now, I have to take care of my son."
"You have son?... Hm. Sounds like Heavy is not only one working in shoddy mercenary job to provide for family."
Misha mein liebe, do you want to help me make some cookies?
(He holds up a cookbook from 1941) I want to try out this new recipe I found, they're made with ammonia! Isn't that interesting?
- Always yours, Medic.
"Ammonia?"
Misha replied in slight skepticism. Ammonia is no joke. It shouldn't come in contact with skin, let alone being consumed. As long as he trusts his beloved Medic, a part of him would rather study the cookbook instead of actually bake them. However...
"Mmm, sure. Is interesting."
Who wouldn't resist the Doctor's charm?
(he's smilies with slightly mischievous before calming his expression and saying in a matter of fact way.) oh, don't worry, Mein Schatz, the ammonia Cookies are made out of Ammonium carbonate which is safe to eat just a little unusual and it's more common name is Baker's pneumonia it helps the cookies rise!
(after reassuring his partner he asks.) now would you like to make it to me or not? -forever yours, Herbert Ludwig
"Baker's pneumonia... is funny name! Is it not disease of the lungs?"
He rubs the back of his neck a little.
"Misha is a little confused, but would love to spend time with Doktor and make little cookies."
Doing something domestic with his partner is something he has been looking forward to ever since. (He doesn't like to admit it, but secretly, this big guy is a hopeless romantic.)
(he puts his head in his hands laying out a heavy sigh before saying underneath his breath.) ah Ficken..! I meant to say ammonia not pneumonia.. I swear my brain is all messy sometimes!
(he puts on a straight face as then he straightens his posture and hands Mikhail an apron before putting one on himself and tying a beautiful little bow in the back the tightness of the apron: accentuating his waist. before picking up some Baker's ammonia. After picking it up he asks with a smile.) shall we get started then? -your dearest, Herbert Ludwig
"Da! Will start baking procedure... after Misha washes his hands."
Smudges of red and black are visible on his palms.
"I... do not think would be nice to have blood and gunpowder on cookies. Unless cookies are for Pyro. Hm. What does Pyro even eat?"
{author's note: I accidentally hit reblog now and had a mini heart attack.} (He chuckles a bit before looking up at his partner and smiling only slightly as he then said.) Even though I do like the taste of your blood, Mischa, I think that would be preferable for the rest of the team. And as for your question about pyro I believe they eat the soles of the Damned or something like that.
(he turns back to look at the kitchen which they walked into only moments before and grabbed a large bowl out of a cabinet as well as a whisk from an Upper drawer, and after he grabbed said items he asked Mikhail.) oh by the way Mishka, could you grab the supplies from the fridge after you wash your hands of course: we need the butter, the eggs, and some of the milk, In Ordnung? And I'll grab the flower and the baking soda and the rest of it. - yours truly, Herbert Ludwig.
Before the Doctor even mentioned about it, Misha has already begun washing his hands at the sink. Sure, the mercenaries were deemed more unhygienic than the average person, but the Heavy still keeps his good habits taught by his mother. He cleans himself more often, although the stench of sweat still lingers after he showers. After all, the heat in New Mexico is a bit hard for the Siberian big bear to handle.
"Yes, of course," he said whilst drying his hands clean with a nearby small towel, hanging delicately next to the sink. As the loyal man he is, he grabbed the said items the Doctor had cited. He'd still remember the time he resisted the Doctor from his experiments. The thought of it made him smile a bit -- I mean, look how he has become now.
"Does Doktor require vanilla extract as well? Heavy still has tiny bottle stored in shelf."
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How do you feel if a new BLU merc comes in?... you know, like uh... *looks abd points at @blu-sergeant *
Him?
The Heavy snarls.
"Stay away from team. Will not let your rockets touch RED base again."
"The anon just dragged me here... also I'm not the same as the BLU Soldier, I'm just his co-worker."
"Hm. I see. But you are still from BLU team. Still makes us natural enemies, nyet?"
"Good point."
He sighs.
"Since Heavy is good mood, will give you opportunity to talk to me. Do not even think of pulling stupid stunt and attack any of us. I am armed, and will yell for Pyro to burn you to crisp if little sergeant boy tries to assault Heavy."
How do you feel if a new BLU merc comes in?... you know, like uh... *looks abd points at @blu-sergeant *
Him?
The Heavy snarls.
"Stay away from team. Will not let your rockets touch RED base again."
"The anon just dragged me here... also I'm not the same as the BLU Soldier, I'm just his co-worker."
"Hm. I see. But you are still from BLU team. Still makes us natural enemies, nyet?"
what would you do if you were a wizard
"Same things I do every day. Heavy does not need itty bitty magic to be strong man."
Dont you get creeped out by Medics experiments like, random example, the TFC Heavy giving birth to a literal baby baboon??!??
"I used to, yes. Especially when Heavy was first recruited by Miss Pauling to become new mercenary in RED Team.
I was very reluctant of being experimented on by him in first place. Heavy even fought him just to escape being operated on in early days.
But gradually, we became friends. I gave in, and decided to see outcome of experiments.
Now, Heavy is stronger than ever, all thanks to Doktor. Heh.
Still, I do get weirded out by his newer experiments. Like what you said, other Heavy being impregnated. But Heavy needs to get used to it one way or another."
*shoe squeak* *shoe squeak* *shoots basketball* *misses*
The Heavy groans a bit and runs his palm down his face. It seems the noises you have been making has annoyed him a tad.
He slowly comes up to pick the ball up, walks to the hoop and places it inside casually, like fruit vendors placing apples gently into their baskets. This man doesn't even need to shoot, nor jump, as he is menacingly big enough to reach the hoops.
"There. Heavy scores goal for you."
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ive seen you rock peoples shit with your fists, you got any like training with those or is it pure strength behind those swings of terror
"Da. There is training. Lots and lots of training.
Heavy's strength does not come from skies, although Mama always said I was born naturally big.
When I was little boy, I had to go to training camp. Is not easy, and no jokes and playing is allowed. We train every day, from hunting to foraging, and all requires physical strength.
Now, Heavy does work outs every day. And sometimes, occasional brawls with teammates helps me get stronger -- although I try not to make Scout end up in respawn machine accidentally again. He is stubborn boy, thinking he can beat me that time."
seems your life includes a lot of cleaning sasha!
how often you gotta pull her apart to fix something on the inside?
or do you even gotta do a thing like that, with how well you keep her maintained?
The Heavy sighs.
"Is embarrassing... as Heavy does not know how to maintain Sasha properly, or is fearful that I will accidentally break her in process.
So Heavy is careful as he can be in using her, and taking care of her. Is why I clean her every day to prevent dirt building up.
Of course, every year, I take Sasha to Engineer to see if there are any injuries on her, and then Engineer does the work. Although Heavy does not trust anyone to repair gun, Engineer is someone I trust most at very least."
