Sickstuck

For years I’d read a small sickfic at least once a day. It helped me wind down after my stress at school. I wish Homestuck didn’t have so many flashing lights, though. I’m doing everything I can to not get diagnosed with epilepsy despite my seizures because I wouldn’t be able to take my painkillers if I were diagnosed.

A few months after starting the blog, I started throwing up. Multiple times a day. I barfed cosplaying as Dave more times than I can count. My muscle spasms got worse and I considered quitting art for a while but my also chronically ill boyfriend gave me the expertise that I couldn’t quit and wait. I needed to adapt my style. So, I drew when I was the least shaky, and someone asked me if I did writing requests. My followers gave me a whole new interest. I had attempted nanowrimo and some fanfiction before but had a lot to learn. Quickly my fans noticed how I wrote vomiting. I got attention that gave me a new confidence and I vented out what had been expelled from my lips. I do also love a good cold in whump to not have to worry about the sickie. People more focused in sneezes started paying attention to me. I got a request that I spell out the sneezes. I didn’t know what that meant. I asked if that mean like,

“AAAH CHOO!” and then wrote a few more like that and decided, okay, I’ll do a cute little one, even though I’d never thought about it before.

“hkksh,” and someone who really took me under her wing exploring hurt/comfort told me the sneeze fetish vultures were circling me. I started doing this at 17 and dropping out of school so I spent my ‘college years’ experimenting. I drew tentacle bulges and my stories were kinky in nature as I figured out what I liked and took out trauma. I’m not nauseas like I was, but it should come and go throughout my life. While I barely use tumblr anymore, I sometimes like to go and read the last fic I did that was liked in the activity. I often just look, though, because a lot of my old stories are so real they make me nauseous. I do enjoy drawing liquid, though, so I’m not going to quit sketching bodily fluids.

I was going to KU med twice a week and my doctor immediately got treatment in motion when I grew a tumor there. It quickly grew to a size so large they had to take it out and I was told it was going to change my life and I needed it out NOW. I talked with the surgeon on the subject of hearing that other people with similar neurological problems have to take special precautions operating so I wouldn’t create a new chronic pain area and lose mobility. The surgeon didn’t prescribe me the anti-convulsants I needed and told me confidently it wouldn’t be an issue.

Since then, doctors have told me that she was cocky, which was a good thing in a surgeon, but she had probably never heard of my problems and assumed things would be fine.

My problems were much bigger than cancer. I was in unbearable pain and couldn’t sit up fully without passing out. My arms and feet shook constantly for 3 years. After I was released, I struggled to walk to the bathroom without passing out, and my legs barely budged no matter how hard I pushed. My parents thought this was just hesitation from pain and my dad knew of Terezi and got me a dragon cane that helped. He also got me a device called the “car cane” that you stuck into the place the door grabs and use it as a handle. While he was showing it to me the first time, he said,

“Car cane…car cane…What am I saying that sounds like that?”

Karkat.

Then he suggested I paint it his colors (my dad’s color blind) and I told him it was pretty much the right colors. I’ll put picture at the end of this for if anyone thinks it could help them.

After a few months, my parents learned that I really could not force my arms or legs to move at will. I’d been struggling with mobility all my life and sometimes I still forget they still understand more than most now. Crying in pain every day as a child and not getting any sympathy really messed me up.

One of my best friends started taking care of me and we found a mutual like in sick episodes in anime and fortunately realized right before Yuri on Ice that we were both into it so we worked together in our YOI fics. If you ever read any funny sickfics for that series, I will toot my own horn and say it was by us under a character I’d made for myself, crippledboyfriend. We were just trying to make each other laugh and had so much fun.

I started dating someone long-distance who needed his car fixed. I wanted to be more mobile to join his family. The only thing I could think could help me because I exhausted so many options was to go back to neurofeedback therapy that made me crazy. I lost more mobility and could barely feed myself so I lost a ton of weight and was just bored out of my mind in front of the TV.

I learned how to focus on my other senses instead of pain, and as I slowly started getting better with massages, I grew to love food and gained weight. I got physical therapy that I try to practice every day. I can play easy video games like Animal Crossing, Pokemon and Stardew Valley in short bursts. I’m starting to type and write on paper. I have original work I’ll share a pdf of if anyone wants to take the time to tell me what they think of it. I made wonderful friends in the fandom and still talk to one of my readers nearly every day. If you remember me or are even a new fan I’d love to talk. In this story I strung together my own dream bubbles around events and made alternate realities, teasing in things like quotes from other parts of Homestuck as it goes farther and farther away from the original timeline. You don’t have to read them in order if one chapter stands out to you more than the others! I rated it mature to be safe because sex bis mentioned towards the end and there’s some non-sexual but intimate caretaking in that last chapter. Nothing I haven’t done before. I’ll try to update on the 12th because my birthday is 12/12. I should have everything out before 4/13 so you could save this to read it all then if you want. Love you ^_^