Dark Cave. Asparagus. Lots of it. Enough Said.

He didn't have to impress her, of course. She was already charmed and knew all of the stories he told whether it was from her own personal interest or simply because he'd told her a hundred times already. But she didn't interrupt him to say she'd heard it all before, she loved hearing him speak. The tone of his voice, the passion he held, it made even the most redundant tales enthralling. Besides, the fact he was still falling head over heels to entertain her was flattering. Here he was, a young, handsome upstart, founder of a prominent research facility, strutting like a peacock just for her.

Oh, he was smitten. She wasn't just another face behind a typewriter, no she was different. She was smart and confident and held an enthusiasm for the company to rival his own. She was a capable woman and he could go far with her.

With a final puff of smoke, he stamped the butt of his cigarette into an ashtray. "You know, some new studies are saying these things can kill you. Not me. Men like me live forever. Stick with me, doll, and so will you. We'll fly so high the world won't touch us."

First order of business: I'm not dead. Stop believing whatever nonsense those morons at Black Mesa have been telling you.

Second order of business: Since the GLaDOS project is still in the works and you idiots can't seem to handle basic science without constant supervision, I'm making a comeback. But, because Greg and I are going to be busy cleaning up the mess that's gone on around here while I've been away, I'm only taking questions now. Don't have all day to chit-chat with you anymore.

Lastly, you may have noticed the URL change. I wanted to just go short and sweet with ask-dark-cave, but some impostor has taken that one. Not even using it! It's just... sitting there! One of the test subjects suggested "ask-fart-breath" and he'll now be testing orbital physics for... *pages flipping*

What'd I decide on, Greg?

...Right, the rest of his natural life.

So! Short version: I'm back, this is only an ask blog now, stop screwing off and make some progress!

Cave Johnson