Favorite television seasons of 2018:

1. Sharp Objects (HBO) - flawless thru and thru, Amy Adams is a goddess, I could go on for ages truthfully

2. The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel (Amazon) - technically have 1 episode left but this season was so beautifully shot, the production design was literally perfect and it was very very funny. Rachel Brosnahan continues to SHINE

3. Better Call Saul (AMC) - glad I got caught up this year, there’s a very unique, distinct style to this show that in theory should be boring but in practice is pretty much genius

4. Kidding (Showtime) - really wacky and really dark. made me think a lot, also really enjoyed the short episodes. every single tv show and movie is too goddamn long these days

5. The Haunting of Hill House (Netflix) - very strong show with a lackluster finale, I still loved it a lot. the right amount of scary with well thought out character backstory

Top 10 films of 2018:

1. Tully (dir. Jason Reitman) 2. Annihilation (dir. Alex Garland) 3. Eighth Grade (dir. Bo Burnham) 4. Paddington 2 (dir. Paul King) 5. Mid90s (dir. Jonah Hill) 6. The Favourite (dir. Yorgos Lanthimos) 7. Hereditary (dir. Ari Aster) 8. Spider-Man: Into the Spider-verse (dir. Bob Persichetti, Peter Ramsey, Rodney Rothman) 9. Game Night (dir. John Francis Daley, Jonathan M. Goldstein) 10. Overlord (dir. Julius Avery)

Special mention to Black Panther and Infinity War; both of those almost made the list. If ur wondering why Paddington 2 is on here it‘s because technically it came out in 2018 in the U.S. so it COUNTS. 

I am able to better manage my anxiety disorder when I stick to a pattern of living that I am comfortable with. Period. But then I start to get itchy thinking about how I should be working harder to go outside of this comfort zone, to eliminate my anxiety in high stress situations, but truthfully I don’t believe there is a cure for anxiety. I believe it can be managed. That’s what I am focused on doing. Getting caught up in curing myself is what leads me to feel ashamed of the progress I’ve made, because my progress does not reflect the ideal vision of success that others may have had for me. That bothers me.

It’s not something I can easily explain. I no longer feel as insecure as I once felt, but I am guarded. I don’t give myself over easily anymore. The world is not owed every part of me. Social media can easily distort our self-perception with that of others. There is no reason for people who are no longer in my life to have intimate knowledge about me. I am intimate with those whom I trust. Everyone else’s expectations simply do not matter and shouldn’t concern me. They mostly don’t, but sometimes I panic and give in.