you were blood on snow. my december breath.

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“xiao.”

his name flows within the breeze that moves around the two of you. the night sky is covered with specs of orange as the busy streets of liyue somehow get even busier. he hears the laughter of children, the murmurs of a crowd, and the fires that kindle the lanterns that are being raised by many hands.

a long time ago, xiao considered such festivities a waste of time and resources. despite the fact that rex lapis honors lantern rite as the rest of the adepti do, xiao believed it was a foolish act that served no purpose for his time. he spent nights like this among the darkness that loomed at the corners of the glowing hearth that was liyue harbor, opting to use his hands through bloodying his spear. he cut down beasts that sought to ravage the joy emanating from the harbor below. he let his feet bounce across the winds, running as far away as possible from the glow of merriment.

a long time ago, he believed if his presence reached even the slightest touch from that innocent bubble, it would burst; his karmic debt would taint every single person. his sin would spread over mortals, corrupting them just as he’s corrupting himself.

and yet.

you happened.

it’s been a couple of years now since you stood your ground and opened his eyes. years that should have seemed like a blink of an eye for someone like him - immortal.

he has witnessed so many events: from happiness to sorrow. he knows of the warmth born from companionship and family. he knows of the anguish caused from the separation and seeing life crushed within a palm of one’s hand. and yet, meeting you and acknowledging the steps to moving forward from it all, has impacted him in ways he can’t even fathom nor begin to put into words.

so when you look up at him, with his arms wrapped around your torso and your head on his lap, waiting for him to acknowledge you’ve spoken; he feels his chest constrict by the sudden affection he’s feeling.

“yes?”

you smile, and it takes his breath away.

your eyes are shining and he can’t help but think they’re so much brighter than the lanterns that float around you. your hands fiddle with your skirts and xiao grabs them, knowing they get cold quickly. his warm palm envelops yours and you sigh, pressing your face against his stomach.

the sight of it rushes heat down his body, and his heart clenches looking at you who appears so safe and relaxed with him.

“i can hear your thoughts leaving from liyue and heading straight to nod krai,” you giggle, letting go of his hand and reaching up to press your thumb against his furrowed eyebrows, rubbing circles until his expression relaxes. you blink at him, curious, “tell me what you’re thinking.”

you make talking about emotions so easy. once upon a time, he would’ve already brushed you off, structuring his walls between the both of you and left. now, he finds himself saying, “i believe i’ve never felt like this towards anyone else before.”

you gaze at him, smiling. waiting.

“it’s just that - ” he starts, pondering about the words. he tries to put the expanding safety he feels when he’s with you, the rush that goes through his body when he sees you smile at him the way you’re doing now, or even the way you drive him to try to do irrational things like put his lips on your skin, just because he wants to.

the patient look on your face makes him want to smother you with the joy from liyue harbor, but instead of them making you happy, it’s him instead.

“it’s just that, i don’t think i’ll ever love anyone, the way i love you,” xiao mutters. his words are soft like the way his fingers are skimming over your shoulders, and you find yourself holding your breath. you find yourself touching his cheek, your hand guiding xiao’s face until you can feel his warm breath on your nose, your cheeks, your lips.

his golden eyes trace the planes of your face, and you let him, until he looks down on your lips, catches your eyes, as if asking, “may i?”

you don’t reply. you loop your hands around his neck and catch his lips with yours, and xiao thinks, oh you’ve ruined everyone else for him.

his hands press themselves on your cheek, his fingers tangling in your hair as his lips move against yours like the waves that crash against the shores of liyue, rough upon impact, a drowning for the little pebbles of sand that sway with the waves as it retreats, but tender and sweet all the same.

when you break apart to breathe, xiao lets himself have you - this state of you that no one else gets to see but him: lips tender and bitten, your breathing ragged.