Cumfest 2023

Jesus I’m crying now I didn’t realize how much unresolved trauma I still have from my time at the cult. I made friends w so many of those guys, and any time someone left the program early or relapsed after they left you suddenly weren’t allowed to talk about them anymore. To the point my dad would actually get in trouble if anybody at the camp reported they heard me, a child, talking about or asking about someone I was supposed to. People I looked up to and considered friends would just be gone one day and I wasn’t allowed to ask about it. Until they died, and then suddenly it their death was a tool used to beat me and everyone else over the head with. This is what happens when you leave the camp, this is what happens when you don’t follow our teachings. Those deaths were never treated with sorrow or mourning they were only ever a tool. I’d go to church on a Sunday morning and a friend who disappeared a month ago’s death would be the topic of the service that day, about why their way was the only way and any deviation would inevitably lead to a death like my friend’s

Welp looks like my nights ruined :/ I was so excited to talk to her but she just made it such a hostile and uncomfortable environment and even when I told her I was feeling that way she just kept being hostile at every decision I made and now I feel like I’m gonna cry :( I went from being really excited to feeling like shit so quickly

It’s so hard to act normal when I feel like I’ve got a huge hole in my chest but I know she’s going through it too and probably needs me to be a friend rn

She’s so distant these days I went from thinking maybe I had a chance to fix things to feeling like it’s absolutely hopeless

This was going to be a peach post but it’s maybe too stupid so it’s going here, but there is no better feeling than being drunk, having Elon musk levels of k in your system, a beer in 1 pocket, soju in the other, being at one of the biggest fighting game tournaments in the world, and looking at your bois and saying “I’ll catch up with you”