∞ The Bouquet System ∞

if he's getting treatment, cool. idm or care. i do want him out of my life for what he said about me to you, but i'm not okay with how your ableism to him passed over to me.

i was, by medical definition, not in my right mind. but you're surprised that i had no meds when my old provider just fucking disappeared? during CHRISTMAS? TO WHICH YOU KNEW ABOUT??? christ almighty.

if you think that an apology is going to smooth things over and that i'll forgive you after what you did to not only me, but to ishmael, to yan, to hong lu, to sancho, to ryoshu, and my son in the stardust system, ares, then you have some serious self reflection to do.

i trusted you so much. i had the hard conversations with you because i respected you. i made SURE that you were sure and not compromising for my sake. i told you that i did not want to be worshipped, and i did not want to be below you. i truly did want to have you in my future. but damn, you really just loved the idea of me rather than me. if you really had to walk on eggshells around me, it was because you couldn't talk to me. i can't fix issues that i don't know about.

you forcefully feminized and using my body dysmorphia against me. i had to coddle you whenever i deleted my nudes because of my issues. god forbid i have issues with my body, right?

not only would you forcefully insert sexual remarks against the boundaries of my inner-system relationships you continued to ignore them in cases with sancho and hong lu, both who had to emphasize in their bios that they are asexual/on the ace spectrum so that you didn't make sexual comments about or to them. and this was AFTER we told you to stop flirting with other members that you weren't dating. twice.

i have proof of everyone in that place's shitty twitter fandom mindset of "witch hunt this person because i don't like them" or "witch hunt this person cus they did something i didn't like" when you poked the bear. sure, i'm a dick. i can admit that i am a dick. but when i go to apologize and you tell people that i used to love that i didn't want to?

i KNOW you forced them to cut me off. RB and H texted me at the same time. H knew about me wanting to apologize. word for word, during psychosis i may add, "the only think i know i can't do rn is have her know i'm sorry, but i feel like i can't be 'truly sorry' unless i'm no longer angry about how mistreated i feel" and don't even get me fucking started on the Stardust System.

now with them, how vile of you and your echo chamber to threaten them with cutting them out after saying they were fine with keeping contact with them. AH YES LET'S THREATEN TO CUT OFF A GRIEVING SYSTEM'S SUPPORT SYSTEM BECAUSE YOUR ISSUES ARE MORE IMPORTANT THAN SOMEONE'S LEGAL GUARDIAN PASSING AWAY! how wonderful! how proud you must be to force them to cut me off! you know, a system i have known for years! the system who has spent years of their life wishing to fix things between us and i couldn't due to other people. the system that velours has very intricate history with. the system that grieved me like i had died. the system that had paranoia episodes around the time i had my breakup with j-name. the system i had dreams about reconnecting with and vice versa even YEARS after our initial split 6 fucking years ago.

the stardust system. the one that has avalon's twin brother, MY BIOLOGICAL CHILD ARES. not to mention i have more than just HIM in that system considering there's also eleos. you'd know about my family if you had your head out of your ass.

and i'm extremely worried for them because while i was stressing about apologizing to you and hoping that things would just cool down and that i'd finally get something from this bullshit medical system we're in, i actually cared. i tried to comfort them too. but you just couldn't stand that someone hurt your widdle feewings. so sure. let's focus on our break up instead of the ACTIVELY SUICIDAL PERSON.

because i was unable to seek treatment, which i told people about, you abandoned me like a toy that lost its value. because of my bpd, which i only told you about because i trusted you, you used it against me you ableist piece of shit. i was at my worst. i was asking for help. i wanted the people i loved to support me. and yet i was forced to bottle it up for your sake. but yes, i'm the villain because i reinforced my boundaries aggressively. you couldn't frame it in a way that didn't put you at fault, so you made my former loved ones cut me off because your ego is more important than admitting you were wrong.

you're a coward. you're not as bad as j-name, as bad as k-name (to which i admit i mishandled), or as bad as the exes i've never mentioned. you're in a camp of your own for what you did to us. don't bother sending your guard dogs after me because i've done this before.